2. I spent 80,000 yuan to buy a Western Zhou ceramic pot, yesterday to & lt; treasure & gt; column for identification, the expert said seriously: "Which is the Western Zhou? This is last week!
3. Son: "Mother, today I failed the math test" mother: "Why ah, what questions." Son: "The teacher asked me 2 * 3 =? I said 6." Mother: "That's right, and then what?" Son: "Then the teacher asked me 3*2=?" Mother: "It's the same fucking thing!" Son: "That's what I said...
4. A prisoner was executed by firing squad, the bullet was produced by "so-and-so county", the quality was not good, the first shot was not released, and then the second shot was fired... The third shot ...... At this point, the prisoner cried out: "You strangle me, too scary!"
5. The father told his son a story: "Uncle called Xiaoyang to cut firewood, did not expect Xiaoyang to uncle's favorite peach tree to cut down, uncle saw very angry but did not scold him, do you know why?" The son replied: "Probably because Xiaoyang still holding the axe. So do not dare to scold him
6. The doctor asked the patient how the fracture, A: I think there is sand in the shoes, I hold the poles to shake shoes, I shake ah shake ...... A man thought I was electrocuted, so he copied a wooden stick and gave me two sticks.
7. A judge squinted, one day trial of A B C three suspects,
The judge said to A: "Is something you stole"
B replied: "No"
The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you."
C said, "I didn't say anything either."
8. The last bus
Night, the last bus, a white woman sitting in the last row.
The driver looked in the rearview mirror, the woman is gone, shocked!
The driver looked in the rearview mirror and saw that the woman was gone.
Continue to drive and look in the rearview mirror, the woman is not there again, the emergency brake and turn back, the woman is there again.
Keep driving and look in the rearview mirror again!
Hasty braking, the woman slowly walking hair disheveled face is full of blood with a low voice said:
"I have an enemy with you ah? As soon as you tie your shoelaces you brake sharply, as soon as you tie your shoelaces you brake sharply."
9. Know your roots and know your own people
A group of professors were asked to board an airplane.
After being seated, they were told that the airplane was designed by their students.
As a result, the professors got out of the plane.
Only one professor sat there motionless.
When he was asked why he didn't get off quickly, he said, "Don't worry, this plane won't even fly."
10.Teachers who care about their students
One day, when the math teacher was leaving class, he said, "Students, the midterm exam is coming soon. In order for everyone to get good grades, last night I went to the bookstore to find a very good tutoring material, a lot of the content on it is the content of the previous years' midterm exams, I recommend ......"
Not yet finished, was interrupted by a male voice: "Don't talk so much Nonsense, make a price!"
11. I did not bring the book
My classmates' school is not very strong, to the end of the period is no one to come to class.
That said, my classmates are still very obedient, there is a class went on.
The result is that the classroom can accommodate 100 people, but he came alone, the teacher saw him so good spirit of learning a moved to say that the students I give you to draw focus on it!
The best part is that my classmate said, "Teacher, I don't have my book."
12. playing food
Cafeteria, student A said to student B:
"New semester new weather ah. The portions of food today are significantly larger than before, and the comments we made are finally being taken seriously."
Student B patted him on the shoulder and said, "Don't think too much about it, the master's hands are a bit raw after two months of vacation."
13. Demonstrate only once
The instructor at the Iraqi suicide bombing training camp said to the new boys entering the camp's training:
"Attention, everyone, I'm only going to demonstrate this thing once!"
14. You can't waste salt cooking
I was hungry last night and went to put down some noodles for dinner.
Waiting for the water to boil, I put salt in and accidentally spilled it on my hand.
Didn't want it to go to waste, brainwashedly put my hand in the pot and swished it around ......
15.I'm all du..!
One day the phone at Ming's house rang, and Ming immediately picked up the phone and said,
"Hello, this is a phone message, please leave a message when you hear the sound of du."
The other end of the phone didn't respond for half a day, and Xiaoming said angrily, "I'm all du, why don't you say something!"
16. can sleep
These days the college entrance examination, as we all know
Just now look at the microblogging there is a god man sent the state is:I wipe, get up late, prepare for the next year to repeat it.
People who can sleep can't be hurt.
17. spit in your face stinky shit
One time and classmates quarrel, he is too noisy, I can not quarrel with him.
In a hurry, I said, "I'll spit in your face."
He looked at me for a few seconds after hearing that, and really didn't argue anymore.
18. What I wish people would say
The priest asked the parishioners, "When you're lying in a coffin, what do you wish people would say?"
One said, "I hope people say I was a family man."
Another said, "I wish people would say I was helpful."
A third said, "I want people to say, 'Look, he seems to be moving!'"
19. The Door You Can't Push
Patient: "Doctor, I've been having the same nightmares lately, what's wrong with me?"
The doctor: "What kind of dreams do you have?"
Patient: "I always dream that I walk up to a door, so I push and push, but I can't push it!"
Doctor: "What's on the door?"
Patient: "There's a 'pull' word ......"
20. good and bad learners
The children who studied well before the exam said "I'm going to the exam!" , the ones who don't study well say "I'm going! The test is over!"
21. Hold my hand
The warden asked the death row inmate who was sitting in the electric chair before his execution, "Do you have any more requests?"
Death row inmate: "I just want you to hold my hand during the execution to make me feel better inside."
After the exam the kids who studied well said "I'm done!" , the ones who didn't study well said "Holy shit! I'm done!"
21. This class is not going to work
At the beginning of the school year after winter break, 80 percent of the students in a second-grade classroom were doing their own thing.
The teacher was furious: "Do what you want! This class is not going to work."
One student calmly raised his hand, "Teacher is it okay if I fire a cannon?"
The teacher blurted out, "Whatever."
The student casually took out a firecracker from his schoolbag and cracked it up in the classroom ......