Yupei was 36 when Fatma was born.
Fatma was adorable and made up for all the thoughts Yupei had of her son.
Yupei had a son before, born with her ex-husband - in her first marriage, Yupei was too young to look at people and found a domineering family. The former mother-in-law every day to pick her up with the angry daughter-in-law like, the former husband not only mom treasure, but also cheating. Yupei really can't take it anymore, so she went to court to sue for divorce.
Unfortunately, the son's custody was not earned.
Since then, Yupei heart is like a piece of less - ex-husband's family did not allow her to see the child, she went to the kindergarten to see, that the family will make trouble to the kindergarten; go to the elementary school to see, people will be scolded to the elementary school, and finally, to make even the teachers do not dare to ask Yupei to see the child.
After a long time, Yupei herself felt tired, and couldn't do it anymore.
She met Xu Tao at this time.
Xu Tao, like her, is also divorced, his wife cheated on him and ran off with his son and money.
Xu Tao is an elementary school teacher, a stable job, people are also simple. The two just met, Yupei brought Xu Tao home to let his parents see, the old man satisfied with a lot of money, said more money does not matter, the man looked at the thick, surely can not bully you.
Married, Yupei thirty-five, Xu Tao thirty-seven.
Yu Pei feels that after all these years of wandering around, her heart finally has something to fall back on, especially in the second year, she gave birth to Fatma - a big fat daughter of 8.5 pounds.
With her daughter, Yupei's heart has finally been soothed.
Fatma seldom cried, was born white, giggled at the sight of people, and even happy.
It is also considered to be the oldest child in the world, plus both of them were hurt in their previous marriages, so they are both rare to Fatma.
Both sides of the former child can not see, but also quiet, the side worried about those remarried family conflicts, they do not have.
Only, together for a long time, Yupei found Xu Tao has a problem, is to love to drink two mouth.
The good thing is that Xu Tao does not beat his wife when he drinks too much, and he does not go crazy, but at most he is confused and talks nonsense, and his mouth seems to have no door, and he is usually a bit of a wimpy model, which is like a double.
See more, Yupei inevitably upset, but every time after sobering up, Xu Tao and apologized, and bowed, to her more than usual, so that Yupei also gradually lost his temper.
Yu Pei asked Xu Tao how he got addicted to alcohol.
Xu Tao explained, he was not addicted to alcohol, is after the divorce, depressed, only to drink, over time, the addiction to alcohol. This rhetoric, actually let Yupei more than a few heartache.
However, by the time the in-laws came to help with the kids, Yupei finally realized where Xu Tao's love of drinking came from.
In the beginning, it was first the mother-in-law who came to help with the children.
The mother-in-law was very diligent, not only helping to look after the children, but also taking care of almost all the housework. Yupei is also a generous person, and she is always courteous to her mother-in-law, so the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have lived together for a long time, but there is no conflict.
But Yupei realized that her mother-in-law also had a habit of drinking a little.
Perhaps because she was afraid of Yupei's jokes, she never drank at the dinner table. She waited until the family had gone to bed at night before she went to the kitchen and secretly poured a small glass of wine.
This secret was discovered when Yupei got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. At that time, the kitchen light was on, and Yupei was surprised to see that her mother-in-law could not put down the bottle of wine in her hand in time, so she had to turn her head and smile at her: "Why, I love to fall asleep at night, so I drink half a glass of wine, and then I can fall asleep after relieving my fatigue." Yupei smiled and did not say anything.
After a long time, Yupei realized that her mother-in-law could not sleep almost "every night".
Of course, for the sake of the old man's face, she pretended not to see it.
The mother-in-law has been looking after the children for a long time, and her father-in-law has been coming over to stay for a while. The father-in-law is also a good old man, see the jade pendant on the smile and nod, to the granddaughter is also good, buy toys, buy snacks, not at all heartache.
Only one thing is not good, Yupei found that the eunuch is also a whole two mouths. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
On a regular basis, as soon as the meal time, as long as the mother-in-law cooked something delicious, the father-in-law will be set out the bottle of wine, pouring to his wife and son, full of red face, inviting: "Come on, come on, all drink some!"
Yupei was upset, but it was not easy to say so. After all, the old couple had treated her well, so she couldn't be deprived of this hobby.
With the support of his parents, Xu Tao's addiction to alcohol has become even greater. Originally, he was at most accompanied by things old folks drink a drink, now, even at home often have to get drunk a few times.
Developed later, there are several times, Xu Tao outside after dinner, drunken can not recognize the road home, or Xu Tao's parents riding a broken tricycle along the teeth of the road a little slip, only to find him, pick up home.
How many times, late at night in winter, the old couple dragged their son back on their backs, freezing and chilling.
But they also refused to scold their son, and instead turned their faces to comfort Yupei: "Hey, it's okay, just let him sleep. In our hometown, drinking is like this, if you don't get drunk, people are still not happy!"
Yupei heard this and was so angry that she cried and laughed, but she could not get angry.
After all, although Xu Tao was drunk, he had his in-laws to worry about, and he didn't seem to be in her way.
She only wished in her heart that her father-in-law would hurry up and leave, and when he did, Xu Tao and her mother-in-law would not be able to drink so openly.
02
After having Fatma, Yupei gradually seldom thought about her son, and Fatma became her whole spiritual support.
This year, Fatma was already four years old.
Four-year-old Fatma can sing and dance, memorize hundreds of Tang poems, and occasionally speak English in a milky voice, making her a joy to the whole family.
July, Xu Tao's school summer vacation, Yupei still have to go to work as usual, during the day is Xu Tao and in-laws three together with the child.
This shows the benefits of having more people.
Yu Pei doesn't have to worry about anything - her mother-in-law is responsible for cooking and dancing with Fatma, her father-in-law is responsible for teaching Fatma how to write and recognize words, and Xu Tao is responsible for math and English.
This day at noon, Yupei came back from work, and as usual, her mother-in-law had already prepared the dishes. Because she had to go on a business trip in the afternoon, Yupei hurriedly ate a few bites and went to the bedroom for a lunch break.
Mother-in-law made fried fish and braised pork, and over the good food, the three Xu family members raised their glasses and drank again.
When Yupei got up from her nap at two o'clock, dragging her suitcase, ready to go, the Xu family hadn't finished drinking yet.
When she was leaving, Yupei told Xu Tao, "Don't drink too much, take care of the kids," and envied the happy family atmosphere of the Xu family.
Yupe was in the field, and when he returned to the hotel after talking business, it was already almost midnight. People are so tired that they don't even have the strength to take a shower, but lying in bed, obviously sleepy, but how can't sleep, the left eyelid has been fluttering.
This inexplicable insubstantiality, tortured Yupei touched out his cell phone to call Xu Tao video.
Calling several times, Xu Tao did not answer.
When she managed to get through, Yupei asked urgently, "Where's Fatma?"
Xu Tao said, "What time is it, Fatma went to bed early!"
"Let me see her ah!"
"The child is asleep, and the bedroom is dark, so I can't shoot. I'm going to go wash up, so go to sleep too!"
The phone hung up, let her call again, Xu Tao also do not answer.
The next morning, the unit's official business are finished, a few colleagues proposed to go to the nearby attractions to stroll to go.
Yu Pei was anxious to go home, but not good enough to spoil everyone's fun, only to follow them absent-mindedly shopping.
After two hours of shopping, the male colleagues collected a lot of souvenirs, and the female colleagues bought cheongsams and silk scarves. Yupei saw nothing, just wondering what to buy for her daughter. 4-year-old fat girl has begun to love beauty, all day yelling to lose weight, but also always love to steal smear her lipstick. Finally, Yupei selected two small gifts, pink jump rope and crystal bright princess hair clips. The jump rope was for Fatma to lose weight, and the princess hair clip in order to satisfy her little heart of love for beauty.
Thinking of her daughter's excitement when she saw the gifts, Yupei's heart was sweeter than honey.
Her adorable fat girl yo, if she did not have her, this day there is what taste?
When Yupei returned home, it was already past eight in the evening.
Opening the door, the house was quiet, with only a light on the porch.
At this hour, could it be that the whole family had followed their mother-in-law to the square dance?
The phone's busy sound for a long time, Xu Tao finally picked up, a mouth is actually choked: "wife, I'm sorry for you ......"
Yupei's heart immediately tightened, she lifted her voice and asked:" What's wrong? "
"Fatma ...... Fatma can't be found ......"
Yupei nearly fell to the ground.
How she wished this was a drunken joke by Xu Tao.
"Where are you guys? "
"The police station. "
03
Yupei really can't accept it, how come she went on a trip and came back and Fatma was gone? How could their family of three large living people not be able to watch a four year old child?
In the police station, Yupei met, squatting on the forehead knocked bloody father-in-law, red-eyed Xu Tao and the lost soul of the mother-in-law.
She asked Xu Tao what was going on, Xu Tao hung his head and did not say anything, asked the mother-in-law, the mother-in-law just whimpered.
Half a day, the eunuch raised his head: "It's me, yesterday afternoon, I took Fatma to play downstairs, I ...... if Fatma can't find it back, I don't live ...... "said to the Half, the male choked, and transferred to the face, the head "thud" to the wall hard knock, the snow-white wall left a touch of blood marks.
The jade pendant is still blindfolded, the heart of the mouth of the nest terrifying pain.
An older policeman pulled Yupei outside, carefully explaining to her: "Yesterday afternoon, your father-in-law drank too much, and took his granddaughter to the supermarket in front of the neighborhood to buy things, and after the things were finished, he came back on his own, forgetting the child. The key is, your husband and mother-in-law also drank too much, in the house early are asleep, your father-in-law back, also lay down to sleep, wait until the family want to get up, the child disappeared, it is already evening ......"
Yupe listen to want to kill the heart all have.
What did she instruct when she left?
What made her heart hate even more was that the child was already gone when she called last night, but Xu Tao was so calm to lie to her on the phone!
She hated it!
If she had been told earlier, she could have sent out a search message in the neighborhood owners' group, could have mobilized her local classmates and colleagues to help her look for the first time, and she would have rushed back to ...... the same night perhaps, there is still a ray of hope.
But now, it has been a day and a night, has missed the last moment!
04
The police station sent a large number of police force to search the major stations.
Xu Tao and Jade Pei's colleagues also helped them by distributing flyers and posting revelations.
Yupei posted photos of her daughter and a missing person's message on forums and microblogs every day without stopping.......
Three days passed.
A week passed.
Three months passed.
No news.
Xu Tao smashed all the bottles and glasses in the house, beating his chest and vowing never to drink again.
Watching Xu Tao go crazy, Yupei just wanted to laugh.
She had told him long ago to stop drinking, had he ever listened? For a sip of wine, he could find ten thousand reasons to put her off.
How much anger and tears she had shed over this.
Now he has finally agreed to stop drinking, but at the cost of his daughter's life!
My father-in-law is very sick, lying in bed, not eating or drinking. The mother-in-law was in tears every day and was silent.
Yupei didn't even want to look at the family's face, she hid in the bedroom, closed her eyes, and wanted to be quiet.
She wanted to have even a moment to not think about Fatma.
But Fatma's round face, is stubbornly in front of her shake ah shake ......
stirred her heart raw pain.
The bone-digging, heart-breaking thoughts of her son returned during the divorce.
Only, this longing hurt more.
She just can't see her son for a while, but she knows exactly where he lives, which class he attends in which school, and she's sure that he can't freeze or starve; but her fat girl, she doesn't even know if she's dead or alive.
Sometimes, she even perverted hope, maybe one day the police can notify her, her fat girl has died, was in the traffickers captured on the road smothered to death, and did not suffer too much pain ...... also better than being trafficked by the broken legs, broken arms, along the street begging; than rolling over the sale of those remote mountain villages, suffered all the abuse good ......
People live a life how bitter, especially women.
If her Fatma can go peacefully, without having to suffer from this much heart-breaking and bone-crushing torture like her, it may not be a kind of happiness?
She hated herself for making that trip, and hated herself even more for not being able to polish her eyes every time she looked for a man.
Blame on others.
She only blamed herself for giving Fatma a father who recognized wine but not people. What's even more ridiculous is that for a moment she thought she had picked up a treasure.
If it wasn't for her indulgence with an unknown attitude, could things have gotten to this point?
If she hadn't been dead set on saving face, but rather firm on divorce, would it have come to this?
She wanted to preserve a family, but lost her favorite fat girl.
The pink jump rope that she bought for Fatma on her business trip was still hanging quietly on the wall of her bedroom. A gust of wind poured in, and the window opened with a loud clang. The wind blew the jump rope on the wall and made it sway, and the two clear plastic handles that hung down touched each other, making a "clink, clink, clink" sound.... ...
"Hee hee, mommy ......"
"Mommy!"
Out of nowhere, Yupei seemed to see Fatma bouncing in front of her as she tilted up her white, fat, full-moon face and giggled, "Mommy, look! I can jump rope!" "Mommy, let's lose weight together!"
The heart ached so much it couldn't breathe.
With tears in her eyes, Jade Pei wobbled out of bed, walked over to the wall, and took down the pink jump rope that was hanging from it. She wobbly folded back over the bed again, clutched one end of the rope, tied it in a dead knot, and tied it to the iron frame at the end of the bed, then slowly walked around to the other side of the bed, and wrapped the other piece of rope in a dead knot as well, tying it to the iron frame at the end of the bed.
This European-style iron bed, or when she and Xu Tao newly married, went to the furniture store carefully selected.
But five years, where did it go wrong, and how did the day suddenly turn upside down?
When they went to choose the bed five years ago, they probably could not have imagined that it would one day be put to such a strange use.
Yupe half-lay on the bed, picked up the piece of rope that had been draped over the bed, and slipped her around her neck.
The crystal barrette that she hadn't given away was also in her hand.
She held it and closed her eyes, recalling every image of her time with Fatma, as if by doing so, her heart would stop throbbing.
She remembered that when she gave Fatma a bath, Fatma used her wet hands to tickle her; she took Fatma to the park, and Fatma picked wildflowers, pinned them to her hair, and laughed and clapped her hands and said, "My mom is so beautiful"; every night, Fatma always had to touch her breast with her fleshy hands before she could fall asleep. ......
But in this life, she can no longer hear Fatma shouting "mom", can no longer kiss her little round face, and can no longer hold her soft body in her arms ......< /p>
Ah!
They're too much for me!
It hurt too much!
Every day without Fatma hurt.
The pain was beyond what she could bear.
Thinking of Fatma's round face, Yupei slowly lay down, moving her body down a little, down ......
The pink jump rope snagged a little tighter around her neck ......
She was strangled so much that she couldn't breathe, and her eyeballs were about to pop! up.
She thought how hideous she must look at the moment, but inside she felt a release she'd never felt before - her soul was like a drop of ice-cold water that suddenly just boils, then sublimates into the ethereal sky......
05
After cleaning out the broken bottles and glasses, Xu Tao pushed open the bedroom door.
He wanted to kneel down and confess to Yupei, assuring her that in this life, he would do nothing else, and that his only motivation for living in this life would be to search for Fatma. He would keep searching and searching ......
But then he saw Yupei twisting on the bed.
She was in a strange position, like lying down and not. Her body was like a bridge, recoiling upward, her neck strung with a pink jump rope.
He stepped closer to look, and Jade Pei's eyeballs protruded, staring straight at him, like dead fish eyes emitting an icy light.
"Yupe ......!"
That strange hiss sounded horrible, as if it wasn't something a human could make.
Xu Tao turned and ran madly outside, the security door wide open behind him.
The downstairs quickly filled with people, their eyes following a pudgy man.
The man stumbled and ran, shouting, "Go save my wife, save my daughter! I'm guilty, I'm guilty ......!"
The winds of the tide rose, and the clouds sank in black, but they could not stop the people from watching. They stood at the entrance to the building, stretching their necks, eyes full of fear, shaking their heads in surprise, snickering ......
Unfortunately, how many people know? To human greed, Buddha has long been warned: wine and color in people, such as the blade of a knife with honey, if you do not give up, licking, then there is a cut tongue.
The sky is completely dark, the autumn rain is XieDiLiLi fall, cold raindrops on the skin, cold penetrate the bone marrow.
However, no one knew that it was not rain, it was the tears of Buddha's compassion.
(The original title of this story: "Alcoholism"
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