2........
3One time I was at a restaurant with my friend. We were sitting there waiting for the waiter to serve us our food. After a while a beggar with a bowl came up to my friend and touched him gently behind his back and imagined that he wanted money. Even friends are chatting with even thought it was the waiter served rice, did not turn back to the beggar's hands to take the rice bowl over to the front of a put. We were all flabbergasted there the beggar was crying (killed him also thought this also someone grabbed the rice bowl) ~ ~ ~
4 college when I met a buddy on campus, a beautiful woman, love at first sight, every day on the soul. One day at noon when he and I went out to eat, that beauty is passing by, my buddy immediately pulled me close behind, see that beauty into a side of the museum, so we also sat in. I advised my buddy: "are senior, hold on tight which ~" so he mustered up the courage to go up to the front, hold red face asked: "classmates what is your name?" The beauty looked at my buddy flabbergasted: "My name is Beef Noodle." My buddy was dumbfounded, and I laughed beside him!
5The child asked his mom, "Why do you call Mr. Chiang 'ancestor'?" Mom said, "Because 'forefathers' is the name given to dead people."
The child said, "And isn't it called 'fresh milk' for a dead grandmother?"
6One of the brothers who used to be in the dormitory suddenly sat up at 4 a.m. and yelled, "Get up, you're late for class!" Then immediately two of them got up and got dressed. At that time, I was playing pc.
7 one night after eating my most hated bitter melon said out: "XXX (even the mother's name) your girl and then give me to do the bitter melon you give me to die .....". At that time may roar very big it, sleep in another cabinet mom heard, the next morning she angrily put even after some interrogation ...... I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to get out of this. ...... It can be said that the hanging beating ......
8 a classmate, go horseback riding during the day, the night is still excited, and then fell asleep, we play cards, after a while, the man said: driving! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. Giddyup! I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup !!!!!
9 A classmate likes to smoke while he is pooping, and once he just came out of the toilet, he said loudly to us: "Ah~~Pulling a cigarette and smoking shit is really cool ``" Wildly dizzy
10 Previously, when I went back to the dormitory, I always asked in the first sentence: "Is there anyone looking for the phone to hit me..."
11 Once and my roommate had a fight with me, he could not beat me, and scolded "You are my grandpa!
11Once, I was in a fight with my roommate, and he couldn't beat me, so he scolded me, "You're my grandfather's son!" The whole room was quiet for a second and then laughed maniacally!
12 even when I was a child once ate something bad stomach, the next day to the teacher to write a sick note: "Teacher, I ate something bad yesterday, the stomach is not comfortable, the morning up on the diarrhea under the vomit." Chill ah, I do not know what teachers think
13 once with a cousin at home for dinner, accidentally poured soup, Kleenex are used up, cousin busy shouting "quickly, quickly, go to the toilet paper to get the toilet
14 the same table something fell to the ground, bend down to pick up 偶用脚踩之，不料踩中其手 其大怒："Dare step on my foot!
14The same table dropped something on the floor and I bent down to pick it up.
15 on high school, classroom discipline chaos, the teacher in a fit of rage grabbed XXX, said: XXX, you give me to stand on the wall to go! ~~~~~~~~~~ the whole class chilled ~~~
16 once foreign teachers in the large classroom lectures SHOW Mandarin, would have liked to give him face, praised him Mandarin speak really standard, but exported into your standard language speak really common, cold, people are laughing at me.
17 and MM in the sale of soybean milk before the stall, I shouted: "boss, want a soybean milk". MM storm laughed.
18 Even the high school language teacher said in class: you are dead cat meets blind rat results. The whole classroom burst into laughter!
19 on the third grade when a classmate's birthday night to invite us to dinner I went home and my mother said: "Mom, today my classmates get married night to invite me to dinner! "
20 restaurant in the huge number of people, I shouted: boss, to a pepper without seasoning 。。。。 The waiter also repeated loudly: table 11, add a no seasoning chili!!!!
21Me: That's our physics teacher.
Classmates: teaching what a?
Me: Chemistry....
22 mom went out to play mahjong before, said to me: "you put all the clothes in the refrigerator, pick up the dishes inside the washing machine g ~~~~~
23 one day I ground MM went out to buy things! Suddenly saw a crow flying through the sky quacking! So from her mouth crashed out a sentence: "Oops this frog flying really low!
24 I always make this mistake ...... because I talk a lot
Middle school once read the text, is XX in the corridor wandering, I read into the XX in the corridor lewdness ...... teacher's face is red.
High school when and classmates go out, the school side of a China Everbright Bank, just opened, so the sign is still hanging on the red cloth ...... but that cloth hangs on the word in the word blocked the word ...... I read it as " National Everbright Bank"...... classmates laughed like crazy, a few years I could not lift my head ah!
25One of our dormitory to drink too much to go to pee and then bring out a cold saying: urine drink more, the wine will be particularly more....
26On one occasion, I listened to the radio, it is a shopping guide hotline, there is a call in, the host asked him: "Your name ah? "
He replied, "No, your name is Wang! ~~~~~"
27 buy oranges, boss: a dollar five a catty. Me: too expensive, five dollars for three pounds. Boss: no no no.
28 to the quick reaction granny: the day you sat on the bus, 252 driver's emergency braking, you unsteady center of gravity rushed out, actually asked the driver: "looking for me what is the matter?"
29 To the dear students: Although the instructor I am really busy, but see me in the restroom, please do not say to me: "Instructor, so busy still come to the toilet by yourself ah!"
30 days are very hot, but the school blackout, from the day until 10 p.m. at night, our girls' dormitory is very quiet at night, everyone on the balcony to cool off, the boys' dormitory is very lively, a commotion, the boys seem to have reached some kind of **** knowledge, only to hear the corridor across the street to hear the organized shouts: "incoming calls, incoming calls, we want incoming calls!" About 10 minutes later, the school actually did call, a cheer came from across the street, the dormitory area tends to calm.
When the lights went out at 11:00 p.m., the boys started shouting in unison, "Delay, delay, delay, we want to delay!" because the blackout was too short. The school, which has always been harsh, actually agreed to the group's unreasonable request and unprecedentedly extended the time of the call.
Just as we were about to take a break, something happened that I'll never forget. Perhaps the boys were too excited because their 2 normally impossible requests were actually being fulfilled by the school, so ............. Across the street from the boys' dormitory came a more organized and powerful chant:
"Women .... Women ........ We want women!!!"
31The tiger doesn't send a cat, you think I'm critically ill!
32 My friend asked me about my computer configuration, and I said the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)
33Classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle shop cool to throw his hair: "Boss, 2 two green onions do not want rice noodles!" Finished also added a sentence: "more under the rice noodles ah!" Boss: "。。。。
34, once in the dormitory classmate's mother called over
I used to say "he is not in", but this time I want to say "has gone out! "
The result is: "He has been ... not in"
35, high school when each person issued a badge. Once to check before, the class teacher ran to the classroom shouted, everyone quickly put on the bra up, to check la. The whole place is silent.
36, once my uncle saw my sister-in-law in the application of Dabao, suddenly exclaimed: "your skin is so good, but also with Lancel?"
37, my dormitory a high school classmate called, he said to find who, I said no, and then said thank you
38, before the other people to my aunt's home as a guest, just enter the door. It just so happened that my aunt had to go to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "You sit ha sit ha, I go to the toilet to pour you some tea!"
39, we have a car to work in the morning, because the car is not big, once, a mm on the car did not seat
Sit next to me, a male colleague busy stand up, enthusiastic and she greeted said: "so-and-so, you sit on my butt!" I was laughing maniacally until I got off the bus~!
40, when the university, a student and I argued the issue, a moment in the wind, in the heat of the moment, a slap on the table to get up and yell: you nonsense, I'm not not stupid!
41, a buddy of mine to go on a blind date, back to everyone asked him how, buddy said: this girl really brown. Noon to meal time, 2 people into a beef ramen restaurant, the girl said loudly to the master: Hey, to pull 2 bowls ~ ~ ~ ~ ramen master said: Do you eat? I'm not sure if you're going to eat it, but I'm sure you're going to eat it.
42, when I was a child popsicle ice-cream are generally pushing a bicycle hawking, once, in the house, listening to an aunt shouted: new to the ice-cream, hot. (Estimated aunts used to sell doughnuts)
43 a leadership inspection of the Board of Education intercollegiate exercise, the end of the physical education teacher should have announced the "dismissal", but in the heat of the moment, I forgot the words, held back half a day, shouted: "Retreat!"
44. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan to play, when I climbed the mountain climbed half, and I was tired when I wanted to take a break, I saw a roadside to buy souvenirs of Obasan, and went up to open his mouth to ask: "Wife ........".
45. On the self-study time, everyone is looking at the review, GG said to MM: "I just memorized the words, to help mimeograph." MM do not want to silent, GG begged her, you (touch) silent me, (touch) me! As a result, MM couldn't stand it and shouted, "Teacher, look, I don't want to (touch) mime him, but he wants me to (touch) mime him~~~!
46. One day to go to a classmate's home for dinner, drink a little wine, her father suddenly came in, would have liked to shout uncle, the results said the wrong, said: "Dad, come seat!" ~~ Chill! A large group of students laughed to death
47. My colleague argued with someone, anxious mouth to sentence "You think I eat grown up ah?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating."
48. Primary school a very nasty boys to find me borrow rubber, I do not borrow, he was stalking, after I used all the strength of the wildly roared a "I do not marry (borrow) to you," when the students immediately quieted down,,,,.
49. a ktv, point song, a mm shouted: give me a point a week cut stick "double Jay" ......
50. I spit in your face shit!
51This morning, I went to work to catch the bus, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase after it, shouting:
"Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me!"
Then a passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me, "Goku, just stop chasing."
52 A customer ran into the tailor's store in exasperation and
pointing to the fashions the owner had designed for him said, "I was standing on the corner of the street yawning when two men shoved a letter in my mouth!"
53 An elementary school student was especially nervous about her first school recitation contest, and her teacher encouraged her for a long time, but her palms were still sweaty. Finally, it was her turn. Elementary school students a clenched teeth, a few steps to the center of the stage: teachers, classmates, I recite the title is: red leaves crazy (maple) ...... (Maple Leaf Red)
54 Or an elementary school student, to see the teacher point to read the composition of the classmates, especially envious, always looking forward to the teacher can also let their own read back. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'll be able to.
Someone, read your essay to everyone!
The pupil stood up: "My Teacher". Teacher, how much I resemble your mother ......
55This time it was a song-and-dance troupe of undereducated presenters.
One performance, rushed on stage without proper preparation beforehand. The show went on in sequence. It was her turn to announce the curtain: Audience members, please listen to the calf (solo) flute playing ......
56My family used to plant onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh. My sister came home for New Year's Eve and saw it, and said to my mom with delight: hey! Mom, this thick real onion ...... My mom and I both fell down laughing.
57There is a neighbor I call my great aunt who rides her bicycle to work every day. Early in the morning, ran into her at the door, I smiled and politely said: on the aunt ah, Taiban ...... Bah! ...... I was dying to bite my tongue off.
58 A female classmate, one day to look at the shadow of self-pity, suddenly turned his head to the back of the people said: my chest hair beautiful? The man was startled, and then said: Oh, I was going to ask if my eyebrows are fierce.
59 When I was an elementary school student, I made a resolution in the whole school assembly: we have to learn the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army to cross the snowy mountains and climb the grassland. Since then, I have been deprived of the right to make political speeches for the rest of my life!
60 When I was a child, my father told me that the language book has written Liu Hulan's text, when Liu Hulan took the initiative to the Japanese devils to admit that she is *** to save the life of the whole village, an old man stepped in to save her, the line is: Xiaoxiangzi, you crazy? But in the days of ***, a poor rural child reads aloud: little crazy, you fragrant?
61 high school teacher let my desk read aloud the text, this woman has always been known for reading aloud vividly, that day is also the same holding the textbook in a rhythmic reading:
...... He stood firm at his post in the storm, a steel gun clutched in his hand ...... (Original text)
What we hear .....
...... He held his sentry post in the blizzard, a steel pen clutched in his hand ......
.... There was a silence in the class, the teacher fell down laughing, after which the students fell ....
62 All rise! The national flag is played, and the national anthem is raised...
63 I took my son to feed the ducks. He was chasing the ducks around while spreading breadcrumbs on them, and I was chasing him behind with his apple (he doesn't like it, so I had to wait for the opportunity to slip him a few bites when he was distracted). He kept running and I kept yelling at him: come here, take a bite of the apple and then chase the ducks! Always repeating this line, I finally shouted out loud: come here and have a bite of duck ...... And then very smartly braked the gate.
64 I remember when I was in elementary school, there is a piece of text called waterfalls, the middle of the author turned a mountain to see a waterfall hanging in the mountains, one of my female classmates read aloud is also the voice of the read: turn this mountain, I was stunned, a rag hanging in the mountains. The whole class was stunned.
65 There is also a line from a text taken from a novel by a Russian author that says: "All the houses here belong to the lords (meaning the rich).
As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to the lords. As soon as the words left his mouth, our language teacher asked him suspiciously: where do all the old ladies live?
66The most classic is I once watched Dou Wentao talk about his own just when the host of the embarrassing things, not to mention the opening hug into the curtain ..... The most let me spit is that he said Once hosted a party, calmly went up and said with deep emotion: friends, you have seen the Yellow River? You know it is our mother river~~
After some affectionate introduction of the Yellow River, he said: the following please listen to the "Song of the Yangtze River"
67. Once I drove, sitting next to me, a female colleague suddenly asked: "How do you drive without a condom?"
68. I went home on the weekend, smoked after dinner, and planned to excuse myself to go for a walk. In the door to change shoes, Dad asked me why I go? I said: "to loose a smoke!". I said, "I'm going for a smoke break! The result of the dad from my body searched out a pack of white will, hard K me a meal.
69 on the computer class, a student's machine has a problem, so shouted; "boss, change the machine!"
70 Once I went to McDonald's to buy a sweet bucket, finally it was my turn, I couldn't wait, "Give me two rollers!" . I didn't expect the waitress to say to me loudly; "Two rollers, four dollars!" .
71I ran into a long desired girl out of the bathhouse, want to get close, held back half a day to hold out a sentence: "You bath ah, inside the male more or less ah? ".
72 There is a teacher overnight mahjong, see the blackboard did not wipe, angry: "Today who do Zhuang ah? Blackboard are not wiping!" .
73 was left by the teacher to do his homework, will not do it to copy others, and then went to the office to hand in his homework, saw the teacher and said, "I finished copying!" .
74 A certain gentleman was particularly nervous on the day he took his driver's license test. The examiner gave him a hard time and told him to park on the side of the road where there was a fire hydrant. This gentleman was particularly nervous and said, "Report the fire hydrant, there is an examiner on the side of the road, parking is not allowed!" .
75When Kentucky Chicken just came out with the Power Chicken Popcorn, an old lady ran up to it and told the waitress, "Have a Power Chicken Popcorn." Laugh until you die ~~~~
76In the Internet cafe, a student suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher, help me open the cheaters"
After that, in his honor, we always shouted at the teacher in gym class, "Webmaster! He turns on the cheaters!"
77 buy oranges, the boss: a dollar five a catty. I: too expensive, five dollars for three pounds. Boss: No no no.
78 One day to eat.
"Rice, how my lady has not yet come, come on"
79. Just now I was reading this post while eating cream cake, next to the gg suddenly said, you eat beans like this, can not grow cream.... The cold
80 in the Internet cafe, even the brain thought of the next machine, mouth want to say checkout, so shouted: "boss, checkout (hijacking) machine!"
81. Junior high school cultural evening, grab the question and answer session
Hostess: "Everyone pay attention, do not grab too fast. Wait until I finish to start in the raise your hand"
Then began to read the title, said, "Now open...."
That's when one of the contestants grabbed the answer.
The moderator then said, "This student was a little too eager.
The host said, "This student is a bit too hasty. I'm still holding the 'shi' (shit) in my mouth, so why did you snatch it?"
The whole audience laughed at this:)
82Xi'an called the rice, and when my classmates came back from Xi'an, they went into a restaurant and exclaimed, "Boss, bring me a bowl of rice! " The boss chilled!
83 finished eating, yelled, "Webmaster, check out!"
84. One day, a friend went to KFC, the sales clerk smiled and asked what do you want? My friend said: Give me a Spanish chicken roll!
85 a cultural evening, the host on stage to report: the following please enjoy, Xinjiang song and dance - lift your skull! Creepy ！！！！！
86 math class, the teacher let people give examples of two sides parallel, a lifetime answer: "table", the teacher was just about to say yes, she added: "and drawers ...... table with drawers. " The class laughed
Another person did not hear, asked the person next to him, the person said: "She just said drawers with tables"...... and laughed down a piece