Some people have good reasons to choose to hide their sexual orientation. Maybe you really want to know if your friends are gay, but they may have good reasons to hide it. Even if it's just you and him, forcing them out may put them in danger. For example, there may be a serious homophobia in his family. In this case, after you confirm that he is gay, you may treat him specially inadvertently, or give a hint, which may lead him to come out unexpectedly and appear in front of everyone.
Being interested in men doesn't mean that he is not interested in women. If you want to find out his sexual orientation because you want to date a friend, you must remember that just because he is interested in men is not enough to prove that he is not interested in women. Because of this, it is better to ask him directly, or watch the development of your relationship, rather than guess for yourself.
Even if he is gay, it should not affect your opinion of him. You should also remember that it doesn't matter whether he is gay or not. His sexual orientation should not affect your opinion of him or your relationship with him. Since it's not important, it doesn't matter whether you know it or not. Jumping to conclusions prematurely will only bring problems.
Other people's sexual orientation is someone else's business. After all, the most important thing you should remember is that his sexual orientation is his own business. Just as you don't sit in front of a couple and watch them make out or watch something more private, you don't have to pry into your friends' privacy.
1 See what he says about men. Listen to what friends say about other men. Does he often praise other men for their charm? Will he boast about his favorite male role on TV, or is he a male star who has been popular recently? When it comes to a male athlete or office man, does he hesitate? Such a performance may show that he likes them and not just appreciates them.
For example, he might say, "God, I spent the whole weekend outside playing with Tao Tao. He is very good and comfortable with him. "
Think about how he talks about women. Pay attention to whether he shows a lack of interest in women in his speech, or rarely expresses interest in women. This is also a clue that he may be gay. Usually men are shy and stupid when they talk about the woman they like. If you can't see these phenomena, he may be gay.
For example, if you offer to introduce him, will he be reluctant or uncomfortable?
Pay attention to cover-up, shame or embarrassing behavior. When a person hides his sexual orientation, he often hides a lot of things. Your friend may even have come out, but he didn't tell you, which means he wants to hide the other side of his life. Pay attention to whether they are hiding anything, and feel ashamed or embarrassed about something, which may also explain the problem.
For example, if you invite him out to do something else on the weekend of the gay parade, he says he can't go because of something, which may be a clue.
4 looking for physiological clues. There is a theory that natural homosexuals are related to the hormone levels in their prenatal environment. Hormone levels may be manifested in actual physiology, which is also a clue to preliminarily judge that a man may be gay. See if his gait and figure are feminine and his fingers are slender. These clues may prove that he was exposed to high estrogen levels in the uterus before birth, which had an impact on brain development. But it must be remembered that this is not a 100% error-free clue. There are many other factors that can also cause these physical changes, so don't take these as conclusive evidence.
The ring finger of women is as long as the index finger, while the ring finger of men is slightly longer than the index finger. It is slightly possible that the length of these two fingers of gay men is the same, but there are other factors that will affect the length of fingers. For example, how many brothers does this person have? At this time, this indicator has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
5 Other possibilities should be considered. You should think that all these signs may also point to other possibilities. Your male friend may not be gay, and may belong to other grades on the Kinsey Scale. He may be:
Bisexuality means that he is interested in both men and women.
Asexual, which means he was born without sexual desire.
If you can't figure out why he is indifferent to you, he may just be not interested in you.
1 Don't judge by feminine voice and way of speaking. Although in the gay community, some people will speak in a certain type of voice and way, and your friend's way of speaking is feminine, it is not necessarily a good basis for judgment. Some men just speak softly, or are naturally feminine.
For example, he may be just shy, or someone who grew up like this speaks.
Don't judge by his hobbies. What a boy likes to do is not a good way to judge whether he is gay or not. Everyone likes different things, just like some girls like watching football games, and boys may like things that are usually related to girls or gay groups.
For example, straight men may also like figure skating, dancing and movies.
Don't judge by his favorite audio-visual entertainment. The movies he watches and the music he listens to are not enough to show that he is straight, or is he better than Elton? John and George Takei add up to be more sissy comrades. You must look for clues beyond the song list.
For example, straight men may also like Lady Gaga, musicals and romantic movies.
Don't judge a book by its cover, dress up. People have a stereotype that if a boy is good at dressing up or spends a lot of time doing hair, he must be gay. But recently, male compatriots are paying more and more attention to their looks, which is a common phenomenon, and it is unwise to use it as a basis for judgment.
Don't judge that he is straight just because he is very manly and can't figure out the advantages and disadvantages of a comb.
Don't judge by his friends. Sometimes, when you see a boy who only plays with girls, or his best friend is gay, you guess he may be gay, too. These are not strong evidence. Everyone has different needs for social relations. Maybe he just feels more comfortable with these friends.
1 Need time alone. Arrange a time for two people to talk alone. This is a very personal topic, and you don't want him to be in an awkward position in front of others. You should talk about other absent-minded topics first, and then naturally lead to this aspect and have a frank talk. Be sure to make him feel comfortable, create an atmosphere of trust, and let both sides feel that they can share their deep feelings with each other.
For example, you can talk about family problems, or politics, your worries about the future and so on.
Let him know that you can accept that your friend is gay. Cleverly introduce some topics and let him know that you can accept that your friend is gay and he doesn't need to hide his true self from you. We can talk about another gay friends. If you don't know gay friends, tell me what will happen to you if someone comes out.
For example, you can say, "I really admire people like neil patrick harris. He showed all conservatives that homosexuality actually has many faces as long as prejudice is removed. How happy he is now! I hope that every comrade can live as aboveboard and proud as him. "
Tell me about other friends who came out. You can also talk about other people's coming out experiences. Let him know that you are worried that those negative consequences may also hurt him. This will let him know that you will support him when needed.
You can say, "I was worried about Xiao Zou before she came out. She seems very unhappy and has a low sense of self-identity. Then she came out and everyone stayed away from her. I really don't want to see anyone go through the same thing. "
Give him a chance to tell you himself. Since you set a precedent and let him know that you are a safe and reliable person to talk to, give him time and opportunity to confess to you. He may not confide in you in this conversation, or not for a week. However, if he is really gay, maybe he will confess to you when he feels fit and can trust you completely.
If you want him to tell you, it's important to keep a trusting environment. Don't gossip about anyone, because if you reveal any secrets, he will think that you will reveal his secrets one day.
5 Ask him directly. Of course, if he doesn't say anything, or you don't want to make any guesses based on his behavior, just ask him. It is feasible to cut to the chase. This is the best way to judge whether a person is gay or not, which is much more respectable than sneaking around. This may be awkward, but if a friend trusts you, he will probably tell you the truth.
You can say something like this: "You know that no matter what happens, you will always be my friend. I don't want to make a wild guess, which will lead to misunderstanding between us, so I asked. Are you gay? "
Cut to the chase. As long as it is used properly, many problems can be solved directly.
Thank you for your attention to "Know What"
Don't ask rashly, "Are you gay?" Sounds like you're not thinking about each other.
If he gives a positive answer, don't judge right or wrong. Never.
Don't get to know him just because he is curious about his sexuality. You can only do this if you really care about him and want to be friends with him.
If he doesn't want it to get out, he must have his own reasons. In any case, don't tell anyone unless he allows you to do so.