After the death of my mother-in-law, my father-in-law found an old partner and declared that he was just living in partnership, no marriage license and no financial involvement.
Later, the father-in-law sold his house, bought a new one, and got a marriage license with his partner, without any discussion or communication with us, his children.
We tweeted to the father-in-law, disapproved of the marriage, had to tie the knot, to do property notarization, real estate certificates to be added to the name of the 2 sons.
As a result, the father-in-law did not reply a word.
This is the gist of a reader's letter to Lian Yue, a columnist I like very much.
At the end of the letter, the woman reader was aggrieved:
Are we asking too much?
Lian Yue's answer is both polite and patient.
Except for the last sentence:
"The word 'excessive' is not enough to express the emotion, I think you are shameless."
In most of the world, a child is an adult once he or she turns 18.
In most countries in the world, a child becomes an adult when he or she reaches 18 years old.
Generally speaking, it is not until a child graduates from university, joins the workforce, buys a house and a car, gets married, and has children that he or she is truly weaned and grows into an independent, free, and responsible adult.
Most normal children, at this time, will be clear about the road under the feet, the shoulders of the burden, the heart of the dream, the light in front of them. They will be separated from their parents, traveling alone, all the way to trial and error, all the way to fight, to experience all that fate has given them, to grow up for themselves, to grow up for their parents.
At this point in time, parents, both loved ones, born you raise you, bloodline connection. They are also friends who watch over each other and grow apart.
They worked for me for half a lifetime, at this time should go to their lives, not disturbed, enjoy their old age.
As a child, it is good to be able to return to filial piety. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
Unfortunately, most of the children in China are not normal, too overbearing, and overbearing and unaware.
In the path of dependence of "you are my old man", in the righteousness of "I am your child", children do not hesitate to deprive their parents of their freedom and destroy their dignity.
Moreover, the children, who are impatient and want what they want, put their own responsibility, their own road, their own sweat, all on the aging parents, so that they are old steeds in the stable, loaded forward, their own waisted whip, complaining to their heart's content:
Look, other people's parents buy their children a matrimonial home ... ...
I go, his parents gave him another car ......
Hug your sister's complaint!
I'm sorry, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this!
This is the real Luther, the family education of the substandard, the school education of the debris, the social education of the waste products, the eagerness to make quick profits, delusion, hate others ten years to walk through the road of their own one step to heaven, hate to shed a drop of sweat in exchange for a spring full of gardens.
Ambition, the heart is higher than the sky, all turned into masturbation, all day long only play the gun.
The heart always think of buying a lottery ticket, won 5 million, and from then on financial freedom, yelling at the boss: old (mother) son quit! But you really insist on buying a lottery ticket every day?
I feel like I'm in the middle of the pack, but I hate that the society is unfair, the circle is solid, and there's no eye of the beholder. But you're sure you're doing your best at every job?
Listening to the speech of successful people, shouting father husband, that moment as if the body, the spirit of trembling, climax frequently. However, you are sure you understand the long suffering and silent perseverance before success?
The idea is always more than action, the difficulty is always more than the way, the process is always more than the result, has been in the choice, has not been able to choose.
So, in the real ability to spell the society, the hand is higher than the eye, life is thinner than the paper, what is not as good as the people, what is not competent.
But, the heart is not willing to never give up.
Why?
The reason is found!
It's the parents! Damn parents, mediocre parents, incompetent parents!
They should be like Jack Ma, let the whole country shout dad, Tmall Taobao I casually buy buy buy buy, Ali travel I casually go go go go, Jack Ma dad earn money, I am responsible for consumption. The first thing I want to do is to make sure that I have the right to be the richest man in the world, and that I'm the richest man in the world.
However, they can neither be rich enough to rival the country, nor can they be rich enough to live a humble and ordinary life.
Other people's children are high starting point, high configuration, my poorly rated parents want no money, no resources, no wonder I am so Low so frustrated!
The reason is finally found! I'm so smart!
What to do?
Complaining, endless complaining.
Squeeze, shamelessly squeeze.
The poor parents are guilty and trembling.
Originally old, has been born gray hair, in your complaints, they do not dare to waist sore dare not leg pain, their arthritis is cured, their high blood pressure disappeared, they are full of blood tanks, redoubled efforts.
Originally half of life, limited energy, under your pressure, they think hard and exhausting, from the parched chest, desperately squeezing out the last milk, they are full of apologies, groveling.
You're dissatisfied, you're resentful, you're whiny, you're in-your-face, you're crotchety, you're bossy, you keep emphasizing that you're starting from too low a base to be competitive, and you're making your parents feel guilty, guilty, guilty.
You're comfortable chewing on the old man, pointing the finger of dissatisfaction, brutally letting your parents fall into the guilt and guilt created by you, living in the dust, fear. You, yourself, enjoy comfort and leisure.
You say one thing, you can wait, parents are inferior, obscene, useless. You shouted your evil words, over and over again, at your aging parents.
What kind of children are you? How can you call yourself an adult?
Don't forget that how you treat your parents will be fed back to your children in the same way.
And when they grow up and do the same to you, it becomes a vicious, perverse, intergenerational inheritance.
When life loses its independence, freedom, and responsibility, and becomes a parasite, it is bound to lack initiative, and is bound to oppress its parents and distort its humanity.
Being independent, free and responsible means that you have to throw off the pacifier of laziness, tear off the diaper of dependence, take off the crotch pants of binding action, be strong, be brave, go forward and face it alone.
You have to have a strong introspection, objective judgment, calm thinking, do not blindly follow, do not red, do not compare, do not follow the wind, you know soberly for whom you live.
Your life is your responsibility.
Everyone is responsible for themselves.
You have your life, and your parents have theirs.
They have their own interests, their own choices, their own freedom, their own space.
They can send out old emoticons in their friends' groups, they can go dancing after dinner, they can experience IOS and Android, they can brush the headlines and play the second shot, and they can make up for the shortcomings brought by the poor life and barrenness of the spirit in their youth.
After all, at that time, in that era, they are also children.
One day, they will be far away, turned into smoke, stored in the square box, not three generations, no one remember.
Death is irreversible, the difference is that when you leave, you are satisfied and relieved, no worries.
These are the first time I've ever seen a woman in the world who has been in the world for a long time.
Whether it is a peaceful death in the sleep, or in the complaint in the fear of dying.
These are not important.
Now, at this moment, if your parents are lying quietly in front of you, breathing stopped, eyes closed.
Come, look at them.
You have three minutes to say nothing.
Just watch.
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