-- 1999, October, unrequited love lost--
When I met Liu Xin, I was at a low ebb of pain that I couldn't get out of my head. Liu Xin was a student at the Central Academy of Fine Arts, two years above me. He wrote an advertisement for an assistant who could draw comics. The advertisement was hung in an audio-visual self-selection center in the college district.
And I was in the middle of my infatuation with Song Yongsheng. The advertisement was placed in a video selection center in the college district, and I was in the midst of my infatuation with Song Yongsheng. I'm not a pretty girl, I can only paint pretty girls with a pen. I can only make Song Yongsheng fascinated by the beauty of my pen, not me.
I traveled on the edge of the pain of suffocation. A friend saw an advertisement for Liu Xin and told me to try it, better than wandering around all day like a soul.
I dialed Liu Xin's phone number without any reason. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that.
My roommate came back and asked me, "Did you see Liu Xin?" "See." I nodded, my hand is still drawing. "How is it?" Asked again. I summarized: "Tall, slightly handsome, fourth year of the Academy of Fine Arts, Beijing." After saying that I looked down and drew again. Realized that all the people in the drawing looked like Song Yongsheng-he was smiling, frowning, turning, stopping, the whole entirety of him. Once again, I festered.
At 6:30 the next morning, I had painted the 32 scenes Liu Xin had requested. I need to use this kind of vicious busy to forget Song Yongsheng. 6:35, I ran to the IC phone booth in front of the school, dialed Liu Xin's phone. Liu Xin's lazy voice passed through the microphone, and I told him that I had finished my drawings, 8 of them, 32 scenes. The voice on the other side of the phone was practically a shuffling accent after the shock. He wanted to see it right away. I said okay. It was almost 8:00 when he arrived. He was surprised that I was waiting for him in front of the school, and I said I liked the empty satisfaction of standing and watching strangers of all shapes and sizes walk by. He said, "You're special."
Special? I was stunned. Attempting to fall in love, I guess I am indeed special - miserably. Looking at the painting, he was pleased and said I had an aura he hadn't expected. "Thanks." I nodded.
No one knew I was inspired by an object of lust. I can't explain my feelings for Song Yongsheng. Just because I hurt my foot on that spring trip he volunteered to carry me? Or their own lonely girl heart capricious to find an object to play haphazardly? I do not understand.
-- 1999, December, give me a chance to do my girlfriend --
The second time I saw Liu Xin, is more than a month later.
The second time I saw Liu Xin was more than a month later. It was snowing in Beijing that day, and I was lying on the quilt reading a book when Liu Xin's phone called, and because of the weather, his cell phone was buzzing.
I put on my windbreaker and hat and rushed down; when I got to the playground, I froze. Liu Xin was standing next to a snowman, yes, a snowman. I only know that snowmen are lovely, but I never thought that snowmen can be beautiful - the snowman standing there clearly seems to have long hair, beautiful eyebrows and eyes.
"Do you like it? I wanted to make it as beautiful as you." He laughed. As beautiful as me? I suddenly had an incredible feeling of happiness, and I cried, a bitter mess. Liu Xin didn't say a word, indulging me in crying like this for no reason.
After a while, he said, "Okay, now that you're done crying, you can laugh."
I said, "I'm going to take a picture of the snowman that was made for me.
After the photo came out, the effect was unexpectedly good. I can not wait to call Liu Xin's cell phone. The phone is not answered. The first batch of drawings I have completed, the recent period he did not send me the task. I was a little confused. I went online, opened my e-mail, and found that new e-mails had skyrocketed. I was unprepared when I opened the letter Liu Xin sent me. His signature was Hmily.Hmily?I was wondering when I saw a line that read, "Bingbing, would you be my girlfriend?Give me a chance (冰冰，做我的女朋友好吗？ Give me a chance)."
Want me to be his girlfriend? I thought about this question all night and finally decided to reply - I need someone to love me, I want someone to pamper me, I want someone to ask me if I'm happy, I want someone to carefully hold my hand when I cross the street.
-- 2000, his wish is to make me happy --
Liu Xin came early the next morning, sent three red roses, the beauty of the mesmerizing, and greatly satisfy the small woman's self-pitying vanity.
The days flow like water. As Liu Xin is not from this school and does not come often, few people know he exists. Still there are people chasing me constantly. Song Yongsheng is still outside my life. The burning pain has become numb, I have been able to calmly watch him and his childhood friend from afar without the slightest heartbeat.
On the last night of 1999, Liu Xin took me to Tiananmen Square. I said I wanted to watch the square pigeons fly and see the five-star red flag rise at the moment of the millennium. It was just a thought I had when I was bored, but he really wanted to make me happy.
When the New Year bell rang, I called home. When I heard my mom's voice, I couldn't help but cry, and inexorably, Liu Xin hugged me to his chest. If I have been feeling cold for so long, at that moment, I felt the warmth.
That night, he said a lot about him. It was then that I realized how much heartache his unruly exterior hid. His parents are divorced, and no one wants him. The first time I saw this was when I was a kid, I was living with my grandmother, and my father only provided me with some living expenses. He sold cabbage in junior high school, worked in a dance hall in high school, and has been working to support himself and his elderly grandmother for a long time. He spoke in a flat tone, and I couldn't hear the slightest bit of self-hatred in him. He said that when he first saw me, he was surprised by my beauty, and that I had an air of being outside the world, but my eyes were haggard, and he knew that I was in a state of disillusionment. He said the most impressive thing is that I never mentioned money - I just wanted to find a thing to do to kill the empty, where to think of money - he said that now rarely see the girl who does not care about gain and loss.
I liked the way he exaggerated how his heart pounded when I stood in the snow in my red coat and hat.
The pride that Song Yongsheng destroyed, I am slowly picking up. But my heart is still confused. I am warmed by Liu Xin's love, yet the shadow of Song Yongsheng will still be in my mind.
--May 2000, why now--
From the time he upgraded from an assistant to a girlfriend, Liu Xin did not allow me to stay up late to draw, and only let me finish half of my previous three-day assignment every week. I still have something to do, follow him to do the design, or else rely on his studio. From then on I followed him to learn oil painting. With Liu Xin, life became abundant.
One day in May, Liu Xin sent me back to school, and we said goodbye at the door, as usual. I walked to the dormitory, but saw a long-lost figure. My heart jerked. Song Yongsheng. He turned his head and saw me as well.
"I broke up with her because of you." He spoke with difficulty.
My heart ached. Why?
Song Yongsheng didn't know I already had Liu Xin. He said he always knew how I felt about him, and he's now finally figuring out who he really loves.
He's free. But why now?
Liu Xin's phone called and told me to remember to take my medication at night.
I know that I can not give two people the same dream. Song Yongsheng is an unfinished dream of mine. As a nostalgic little girl who can't give up her childhood dreams, I told myself that I wanted and failed to get, that is destiny, can want and did not want, that is a mistake. Song Yongsheng's appearance is destiny. I'm not willing to own the feelings I once had is a regret.
Song Yongsheng asked me to go out, we have refused, although I did not intend to answer him immediately. My heart is in turmoil.
However, the accident came without consulting me. The subway was crowded that day, and Song Yongsheng and I stood near the door, and I was shaken from time to time by the people who got on the train. The first thing I did was to get a good look at the car, and I was able to get a good look at the car, and I was able to get a good look at the car. Just at this time, the car door opened, someone came up. Four eyes met, it was Liu Xin.
He turned around and got out of the car. Song Yongsheng asked me: "What's wrong with you, your face is suddenly so pale." I said nothing, I want to go back. Along the way, Liu Xin's eyes just now shook in front of me. Beijing is so big, will meet, Liu Xin is rarely take the subway, this, is also the will of God, destined to return to the side of Song Yongsheng?
That night, Liu Xin did not give me a phone call. I owe him an explanation.
-- May 2000, I actually miss so much --
A week, two weeks, Liu Xin did not appear, and no phone call. Even though Song Yongsheng was around, it still felt like something was missing in his life. Liu Xin's silence, let me have a very heavy loss.
Song Yongsheng's girlfriend to go abroad, over and over again to beg Song Yongsheng with her a piece of go. Song Yongsheng asked me to answer him clearly.
Liu Xin remained silent, he did not even want to listen to my explanation.
Until that day, I accidentally read a magazine and realized why Liu Xin used the English name Hmily in his email. He must have read that little story - Hmily means: How much i love you (I how love you)! My heart was suddenly struck with such intensity that the usual details filtered through my mind and I hated myself. Serves him right for ignoring me.
I went to the drawing room. Opened the familiar door, my heart suddenly raced. I thought I would see Liu Xin, but I didn't. What I saw was myself. An oil painting, very large, of me in the snow that day. I can totally believe that only when you love someone very y can you paint so truly. I saw my soul overflowing through his brush. My photos were spilled all over the table, and I realized that on the back of every one of them was written that English word: Hmily. that's when I realized that his love for me was much deeper than I thought, and my feelings for him were much deeper than I thought they were.
Looking at the cigarette butts all over the floor, I was inexplicably heartbroken. I couldn't wait to see him, and the thought drove me crazy.
I kept calling his cell phone. It went on and on into the night with no one listening. I had a fear that I was about to lose him and my heart was truly aching.
The next day I was sick. After a night of being there in just a singlet to hold the phone, I caught an unstoppable cold, despite the May day. I lay weakly, my fever giving me a headache. There was still no word from Liu Xin.
I had the most nerve-wracking day of my life. In the evening, I fell asleep.
The phone seemed to ring, and in a daze I heard my girlfriend talking to someone. The first day and night, Liu Xin has not yet appeared. He did not want me?
Tears were streaming down my face to my ears. I felt a finger wipe the tears away gently, I opened my eyes, it was Liu Xin, he had come.
"Fool, why are you crying alone." Very gentle smile.
Girlfriend must have told him everything. Put his hand close to my face, I choked and said, "Liu Xin, I will never leave you again." I clearly saw that his eyes were equally glittering with tears.
The next day, I replied to Song Yongsheng: "I'm sorry."
-- 2000, July, how I love you --
In July, the college painting competition, Liu Xin won the first prize, the award-winning painting is that I am on the snow. He said he didn't win the first prize because I cried that day, and the image was not good.
The bottom right corner of the winning painting is a small signature: Hmily.
The painting was signed by Liu Xin.