01
People can't go through life alone, most of them have to go through the hurdle of marriage in their lives.
And marriage is not just as simple as being in love, couples have to **** with a lot of crises to face, when you are facing a crisis, the first thought should not be to escape, but to bravely work together to overcome.
The reality of marriage, the triviality of life, the entanglement of affection will easily break the marriage of all the beautiful fantasy.
So to achieve a good marriage, you need to go deeper into each other's growth history, listen to each other's life story, understand each other's value ordering, and even understand the family behind the person you love before marriage.
Because the influence of family of origin on everyone is often unavoidable, especially when it comes to emotional marriage.
Family contains the complexity of each person's emotions and is the deepest imprint of each person's heart. The family of origin does not completely determine a person's life, but the new family that many people form in adulthood is a replica of the family of origin, or a modified version of it.
Xiaoyan and her husband Binzi have been married for four years, and initially, for some reason, they couldn't have a child even if they tried, and as they watched xiaoyan's age increase a little bit, both families were very anxious.
Xiaoyan's mother-in-law had also said: look at who who who's family, with a big belly to do the wedding, that's the scenery, you're a few years, go to the hospital on what is wrong did not find out?
The hospital xiaoyan all run broken legs, each time the answer is: no problem, adjust the mind. And Bin Zi has been to the hospital once and then refused to go to the examination, the doctor gave Bin Zi prescribed some drugs, said to improve the quality of sperm.
Xiaoyan went home and told her mother-in-law, who said: or you go check again, sperm millions, there are two bad no big deal, can not give birth to a child mainly in the woman.
02
After years of pouring Chinese medicine, xiaoyan gave up, but still told her mother-in-law that she insisted on taking Chinese medicine. Until more than three years after the wedding, xiao Yan pregnant.
After the birth of the child, the whole family was overjoyed, and Xiaoyan thought she could finally stop begging.
The child was born to Xiaoyan's mother, who said it was a bad time for Xiaoyan to have a child, as the farm was busy. Unfortunately, Xiaoyan's mother had only been here for less than a month when Xiaoyan's father went to fetch something from a high place and fell off a ladder.
The mother-in-law had no choice but to take over the care of Xiaoyan. The first time I saw her, I was in the middle of a long journey, and I was in the middle of a long journey," she said. The mother-in-law was also very attentive, and she delivered the soup on time to xiaoyan," she said.
But the good times didn't last long, as soon as xiaoyan's month was over, her mother-in-law left the house. Every day, she would go downstairs to the park to hang out, or go to the small park nearby to watch the square dance.
These days lasted less than a week, and my father-in-law came from his hometown to see his grandson. The two old men's daily routine is to tease their grandchildren and skate around.
The man likes to smoke, and Xiaoyan has told her husband a few times, but the results are not good. At first, he slammed the door and went out to smoke, and then he sat on the sofa and disliked Binzi: I was younger than I am now, and I smoked even more, but you're not in good health, and now you can still teach your old man a lesson.
Binzi work, breakfast xiaoyan bread milk on the solution. The same offered to the in-laws, the in-laws said they are not accustomed to eating, to drink porridge. Xiaoyan put the bread and milk on the table, did not care about the rest, and finally the in-laws boiled their own porridge.
At noon, Xiaoyan would make a big pot of food and fix it along with dinner. My mother-in-law would help out from time to time, and then go to the bedroom to take a nap with the kids.
The days went on like this, outwardly calm, but the family atmosphere was not good, and a little bit of mutual resentment condensed in the air.
03
This day fell on a weekend, and Binzi was resting at home. At noon, Xiaoyan put the baby to bed in the bedroom, while her mother-in-law's family ate melon seeds and watched TV in the living room.
Xiaoyan in the bedroom vaguely heard Binzi said to go to make lunch, the mother-in-law blocked: "married daughter-in-law still want you to cook, then marry her why?"
Bin Zi said: "She just got out of the month not long, this child to be not easy, the age of the body to recover slowly."
"Who is she blaming for her slow recovery? It's not because she's incapable. Have a child is not so delicate, I was born after you did not leave the month to go to the crop field to your father, your grandfather to send food to go, you know this back and forth how far the road, I can do, why can't she ......"
Later I do not know how Bin Zi replied, but ultimately it is again back to the couch and sat down.
Xiaoyan heart cold, coaxed the child, ordered a takeaway and went to bed as well. Not a moment later, the mother-in-law came and knocked lightly on the door, letting xiao Yan out to cook.
Coincidentally, there was also a knock on the door from outside, and the takeout was delivered. Binzi called to his mother-in-law, "Mom, xiaoyan ordered takeout, come over and eat."
Mother-in-law said as she walked away: a good reason to order what takeout, the family is idle at home, will not live ...... But when the family to a takeout, they are dumbfounded.
Xiaoyan gently picked up the takeaway and said: "I only ordered my own copy, I was busy coaxing the child, this time no one to cook, I thought you guys are not hungry, don't want to eat lunch it."
Results Bin Zi a black face, questioned xiao Yan what it means. Xiao Yan back: said to come to take care of me, take care of the children, you ask yourself, mom and dad to come these days are busy with what.
04
Later, the in-laws went back to their hometown, and xiaoyan decided to take care of the child alone. Things seemed to be resolved, but the rift in the marriage between Xiaoyan and Binzi was hard to erase.
When Xiaoyan's mother-in-law returned home, she couldn't figure out why the old rules didn't work when she was young.
To say that xiaoyan's mother-in-law is evil, not quite. She's just used to passing down habits from one generation to the next, a mark left on her by her family.
There are also many mothers-in-law who complain that they have to suffer when they are daughters-in-law, and no one helps them; and when they finally make it out as mothers-in-law, they still have to suffer and look at their daughters-in-law in the eye.
And the daughter-in-law will mostly think: "Times are different, I have a job to earn money, why or why not take all the responsibility of childcare and household chores. You are helping your son, not me.
Is there no way to reconcile this? Yes, there is. But each family needs to slowly figure it out and integrate it on their own. After all, there are hundreds of states in millions of families, so it's not advisable to be rigid, it's just for you.
But there is one thing that is common: thinking differently. It's just four words. It's easy to say, but it's too hard to do.