If parents in old age, in front of their children to become careful, no matter what kind of reason caused by such parents always have self-awareness: their time to use people.
In fact, I have seen a kind of parents, they do not exist from the heart of this careful. Even in their old age, even if they can't take care of themselves, they still have a strong attitude. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this, but I'm sure you're going to be able to get a good deal on this. They put on the airs of superior parents. The only idea they instill in their children from childhood is that I gave birth to you and you have to be filial to me. And they are constantly asking their children for something in return.
No matter what the relationship is, human feelings are mutual. If you use rational concepts to enforce sensibility, I'm afraid the warmth will be much lower.
This kind of parents to ask for the purpose of parents, if they meet is filial children, will also be treated well, but in filial piety at the same time, will only let the children's heart day by day cool. The children of such parents are undoubtedly sad. If they are met with unfilial children and grandchildren, the consequences may not dare to envision.
Self-aware and careful parents are also treated differently depending on the character of their children.
As the saying goes: "Parents are kind and children are filial. It is better to let affection connect parents and children. May all the children in the world be treated well, and may all the old people in the world have something to live for.
Let the affection overflow in every space where parents and children are together. Children do not have to let their parents become cautious because of old age, and parents do not have to be careful in exchange for children filial piety.
My family has a neighbor upstairs, the man surnamed Ma, before retirement is a car driver. The first time I saw this, I was able to get a good look at it, and I was able to get a good look at it.
Master Ma's grandson was brought up by their old couple. As long as the daughter-in-law of the pony to discipline the child, the grandson will come to the grandfather here to complain. So in the middle of the night we often hear the master of the horse stood on his own balcony towards the son's window to open scolding: "you two couples really shameless ......". The son in law did not dare to say anything.
As long as you hear the son of the horse crying upstairs, within a few minutes, the master of the horse curses will cut through the night sky.
Once I saw two people in the hallway supporting the crying companion of Master Ma. Later I realized that the old woman beat her daughter-in-law, and as a result, she was so angry that she was sent back.
This is already ten years ago, when Master Ma was more than 60 years old.
Last month, Master Ma asked his son to withdraw his pension. There were more than ten thousand dollars in the card. He asked his son to withdraw five thousand. Xiao Ma went to the ATM to withdraw, the results of the card was swallowed. Xiao Ma contacted the bank, the bank staff let him go to withdraw in a few days. Xiao Ma got the card, took five thousand dollars, the result of the card only a few dollars left.
Master Ma felt wrong, took five thousand, should still be left more than five thousand right ah. He did not dare to ask his son to find an old friend to go to the bank to ask. They went to the bank to ask, they also want the parties to come together, he had no choice but to give his son the hard way about it. The first time I saw this, I was able to get the ball rolling, and I was able to get the ball rolling, and I was able to get the ball rolling.
Previously at every turn, he scolded his son's horse master, and now he is careful in front of his son. Why? Old, everything depends on the son, can only look at the son's face. This is the sadness of the elderly.
This, I know very well!
My mother used to be a teacher, no matter where, in which side, are very strong!
I have an older sister and a younger brother. In the sixties, when sons were rare in every household, I was five years older than my brother, and he basically grew up on my back! It seemed inexcusable!
But my sister never had to do any housework, and her most important task was to go to school! By my strong mom, the only favorites! The whole family's chores almost fell on me alone! Not only did I have to take care of the household chores, but I was often beaten and scolded to the point of starvation! Although I also received a normal education graduated 18 years old to join the workforce, married at the age of twenty, gave birth to a daughter, less than twenty-two years old divorced and went to work abroad! But I met the best good man in my life my husband. He spoiled me into a queen and let me live a life of clothing and food!
I mention my unfortunate childhood, really do not want to be good to my mother again! But my husband often enlightened me: "People, what is the most valuable? It is life! Since she gave you the most precious life, she is the greatest person! We should just honor her!" So, although we are separated from our mother, but sometimes go back to visit her, buy her her favorite things, give her her favorite money!
And my sister, her only favorite daughter, unmarried all her life. When I was young, I traveled abroad every year, and when I retired, I was still in my mother and I urged, funded, in Chengdu, a small county side, bought a set of more than two square meters of the house based. The money is almost exhausted! Very short-tempered, at every turn, she lost her temper, she never dared to retort, only to me to complain! My brother has been divorced, re-divorced, remarried a few times in his life, and his life has been in the middle of a bad situation, and he has been angry with her from time to time, which makes her sad!
My father, who has always been very good-tempered and allowed her to make things difficult for her, died of a sudden illness more than a decade ago!
Now, my mother, an old woman in her eighties, has become cautious and cautious in front of everyone! She seems to live in fear every day ......
But in front of her children, the mother who never thought twice about what she said before has learned to watch her words and become cautious, as if she is worried that she will offend these children.
A few days ago, my brother took my mother to the hospital to take a CT scan of both knees, and the results showed that my mother's left knee "joint synovitis and effusion, in addition to the degenerative changes in the joints of both knees.
During this time, my mother said that her knee pain was so severe that she couldn't sleep, and that she had used a lot of medication, both internally and externally, but the results were not good.
In fact, in the past few years in life, although the mother than the same village people are living well, but, her body is a variety of pain.
Often said chest tightness, dizziness, have eaten a lot of drugs are not treating the symptoms. Later, the second brother took his mother to do a full body checkup, and the results showed that his mother's blood sugar was high.
The doctor advised to eat as little sugar and sugary foods as possible. However, probably because she had lived too many hard times in the past, her mother had an obsession with sweets and especially liked eating them.
I don't know what the reason is, but in the past few years, my mother's weight has also gone up very fast, and it seems that every time I see her, she gets a little fatter. The clothes she wears now, with 4 "+" can no longer satisfy her body type.
In fact, we also know that the mother is too lonely, usually can pass the time, in addition to the occasional square dance, is to watch TV series.
A person watching TV alone, often while eating snacks to kill time.
I remember last year's Spring Festival, we agreed to go back, but, because of the epidemic, we did not go back. My mother called to ask: Are you guys not coming back again?
When I heard us say we were not going to go back, my mother was obviously very disappointed and despondent, but she still comforted us and said, "If you can't come back, don't come back, it still has an impact on the epidemic.
I could hear that she was longing for us to go back, but she didn't care what excuses we made, she would always agree with us and never wanted to force us to go back.
Let's say she had knee pain this time, and when she inquired about certain medicines that worked, but because they weren't available in her hometown, she called us and asked us to buy them for her.
On the phone, she seemed to be afraid that we would refuse, so she first explained and listed all the medicines she had heard about, and told us that so-and-so had an effect.
Finally, she asked us if the medicine was expensive, and if it was too expensive, not to buy it.
My mother's paycheck was not as high as a formal retired worker's pension, which is about two thousand five hundred and six per month. Besides, the salary card is also pinched in the hands of the third brother, to the mother's hands should not be a lot of money.
Mother usually has to buy some food, buy some rice, and some human interaction can not be avoided. So, although the mother has a payroll card, but there is no money on hand.
And this time the knee pain, buy a lot of medicine, but also see a lot of prescription, the mother only money are spent.
Last night, my mother called me and talked a lot, and if I hadn't hung up the phone, she probably would have continued to talk, and finally said the main purpose of the difficult.
My mother asked on the phone: "Do you have any money to give me two hundred dollars?
At that moment, I felt very sad, she sent three children to college, but now for two hundred dollars is difficult. I know that she did not want to ask me, in addition to the fact that she knew that my mother-in-law had cancer and we ourselves have been paying off the debt, there is another reason: my mother has a guilty conscience towards me as the eldest daughter.
Because, among our five siblings, my mother sent my elder brother, my second brother, and my youngest sister to college; later, she raised money for my third brother's down payment, and has been repaying the mortgage for my third brother.
Only I, in this family, get the least resources. However, I don't know if it's because of a special bond, but my mother is the only one who doesn't feel so much pressure in front of me.
So, when I heard my mother humbly ask me to give two hundred dollars, I suddenly felt a sense of satisfaction of being needed, in addition to my heartache.
Although I don't have much money on me, every month I keep enough for the three of us to live on, and pay off my debts with the rest. However, I still took five hundred dollars from the living expenses to transfer to her.
When my mother heard me say that I transferred five hundred dollars to her, she was very surprised and very happy, however, still a little worried to ask me: you transferred so much money to me, you do not have to eat?
I said: I do things outside, how will have a few friends, hungry.
Because she is such a character, all the relatives do not have a high opinion of her, including uncles and young aunts. Not to mention the relationship with her grandmother, which can be said to be incompatible.
In fact, as children, we should not say that our parents are not, but if we want to say the truth, we do not like our mother.
When I was a child, because my family was poor and tired of doing farm work, my mother would put these things that she was unable to change, through the way of abuse, all vented on our bodies.
As long as there is a little she does not see eye to eye, she can put us a scolding, and, is to turn over the old accounts, running water type scolding. Even if we break a bowl, in her eyes is a big mistake.
So, we all grew up listening to our mother's scolding.
So we all grew up listening to our mother's scolding. Of course, in addition to being very harsh on us children, our mother was even more rude to our father, and we could hear her counting down on him every three days.
To be honest, the person I admire the most is my father. No matter how my mother scolded him and counted him down, he bore it silently, and often taught us to respect our mother, saying that she took it out on us because she was having a hard time.
I remember one time, I quarreled with my mother and made her cry, so she complained to my father and asked him to control us.
When my father found out, he pulled me out of the room and loudly questioned me about why I was contradicting my own mother, and told me to apologize to my mother, or else he would beat me up.
This was the first time my parents were so angry with me, and until now, I still remember my father scratching my hand painfully.
Since then, I really didn't dare to talk back to my mother in order to avoid being beaten. As we grew up, we learned to understand our mothers, but the shadows we left behind as children kept us from getting close to our mothers.
On the other hand, we are afraid of our father, but we also harbor a feeling that we want to be close to him, but we don't dare to be close to him.
In fact, we also know that our mother is a very hard-working, good mother who knows how to run a household, but she just doesn't know how to express herself and how to love her children.
It can be said that she used a wrong way to treat the people around her, and the same way to treat her children. The result is: after a lifetime of suffering, she lost her life in her mouth and her children.
So, when you see a mother using her paycheck card to pay off the mortgage for her third brother in her old age, the purpose of this is to prove that she is still useful and that her son needs her, and that she will be kicked out by her son.
Because, although the mother has three sons, but the eldest and second son are settled in the provinces, only this third son in their own side.
And the mother is a more traditional old man, even if the money, she does not want to go to the nursing home, she would like to keep her son, watching the grandchildren walk through this life.
So, she put herself very low and humble, and sometimes, she didn't even dare to speak up for fear that she would accidentally offend her son and daughter-in-law.
Now because of her knee pain, her mother is more cautious than ever, and she doesn't even dare to call her brother.
Now, after seeing the change in my mother, this quote: "The greatest sorrow of parents: when they grow old, they become cautious in front of their children" is just like tailor-made for my mother, which is so true.
At the same time, we can see that as children, we are negligent and unfilial to our mothers, and we have caused psychological pressure on our mothers, so that she has become selfless.
The reason why I write out my feelings today is that I hope to cause more people to reflect on it, so that we all **** encouragement, to love your parents!
The reason why parents are careful in front of their children, I think there are several reasons
First, the parents' thinking is outdated, they say things that can not keep up with the trend of the times, and worried about their children to laugh at him, so speak carefully
Often see such a scene, New Year's Eve, where the children talk a lot, and the parents shrink in the corner.
The first is that the children's children are not the only ones who have been in the same boat for a long time, but they are the only ones who have been in the same boat for a long time.
Second, the parents' reflexes have declined, and when the children communicate with him, he is sometimes afraid of not being able to keep up with the pace, but also afraid of the children's anxiety, so he speaks very carefully, and some parents also want to please the children, deliberately say some fashionable words, but the result is rather clumsy
Third, the parents are not very good at their work, and many of the small things they need to be able to help their children, but they do not want to give the child
My mother is, she has a bad stomach and can't eat cold, sometimes give her a good hot meal, maybe we eat all right, she ate more cold, but embarrassed to trouble us to give her to heat again, after eating the stomach is difficult, tell her several times, cold we are not afraid of trouble to give her hot, but just do not want to trouble us.
Fourth, the elderly have the habit of thrift, some of the elderly thrift habits, and now really out of place, afraid of the children to stop, so secretly.
My mother-in-law did it once, she picked up some waste glass, and then put it in the hut, once in the search for something, accidentally cut the aorta by the glass, the blood immediately gushed out, and then rushed to the hospital to rescue, only to be considered safe and sound
Plus there are children who are not very considerate of their parents, and even more so. Do not let parents talk, we say filial piety parents, not only in the economy to let them food and clothing, but also care about considerate them, so that they are in the mood to maintain a comfortable, peaceful old age
The above is my summary of parents in front of their children to be careful of the reasons, dear readers, do you have anything to add?
I don't know what's wrong with me, but my parents really have a sense of caution in front of me. One time I remember going to take my mom and dad to the train station. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on a new one, but I'm sure you'll be able to get a good deal on a new one. At that time, I was busy at work, and went to catch a dinner party, so I left a little late, and when 5:20 when I arrived at my parents' home. When I arrived at my parents' house at 5:20, my father and mother, two old men, were waiting for me by the side of the road for a long time. I told my mother and father that you have been out for so long, it's the dead of winter, the weather is so cold why not wait for me in the house? Father and mother carefully said that this is not afraid of your work is busy, so the roadside waiting for you, you did not call. Listened to the words of parents, I have a burst of acidity in my heart, feel the distance with parents seems to be far away from some, yes, when I was small do not get up, my parents gently beat my buttocks, when I was small naughty mischief trouble parents will beat me a meal. But now my parents and I really respect each other as guests, with me like treating an outsider, I want to say in my heart is mom and dad, although I grew up adult, but I'm still your child, is still the child I. So there is no need to have a kind of fear in your heart. So there is no need to have a fear of troubling your child in your mind for fear of disturbing your child.
I was particularly saddened to see that this phenomenon does exist and abound around, not to mention that those who do not have the income of the elderly, even if there is a retired salary of the parents in the old age of the situation may also occur.
First, let's talk about my grandfather, he retired after the salary of about nearly 20,000 it, in our fourth-tier city is considered good, but every time I go back to my grandmother's home, to see my grandfather to speak have to look at the face of the great-uncle.
A great aunt is an ordinary worker, and there is no work ability, but people are extremely tough, the great uncle has been a weak character, after the marriage is a typical wife and children. Grandma and Grandpa are honest and gentle, and over time the great aunt has become a real king of the family. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and you'll be able to do it all in one place!
The opposite is my grandmother, illiterate one, not to mention the work, a lifetime of farming in the old country, the older they do not do anything, the ground I planted three uncle. She *** have three sons, my father and uncle are counted in their industry leader, but the grandmother as long as see which is not good at every turn to scold, and then disobedient directly on the broom, the three sons do not dare to say anything! The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what to say, but I'd like to say that I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to do!
I feel that the first thing to look at here is the attitude of the son, of course, the daughter-in-law is good, the son even if the old man is not in charge of the house will not fall into that situation. Our country has the proverb of raising children to prevent old age, old age will have a sense of fear in the psyche, for fear that their children abandon them, even if he was once brilliant, then there is a kind of heroes late sadness and helplessness, after all, the heart and then proud of the physical condition has to be compromised.
But where the elderly do not have to look at the face of the children to act, most of the children are filial piety, weekdays can give the elderly respect and love, and let them have enough security. Of course, there are also some old people who have a good income, character is also more dominant, life has not been afraid of anyone! But my grandmother is even better! She is a person who has no money but would rather starve to death if her children are not filial, rather than look down on others.
Not only are they careful, but they're still looking at me. It's a sad topic, but it's true that many parents look like this when they get old.
Some time ago at my parents' place, my mother brought out their newly planted kidney beans, large grains of full, shiny, obviously to coarse into a fine picking.
Said this year's harvest of more than thirty pounds of beans, neighbors have sent, the remaining ten pounds, to me and my brother five pounds each. My brother and I glanced twice, I snapped: "old lady, this stuff all take time to cook, right? You see, we are in such a hurry at work, how can we have time to cook this stuff? Besides, if we were to cook it, we wouldn't cook a little bit, so no one would eat it! I don't want it, you can't eat it, just give it away."
My mom was obviously a little upset and said, "This is a lot of hard work to grow out, take it to taste it!"
My mother was obviously a bit upset and said, "This is a very hard to grow, take a taste. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it. I suddenly saw my father in the eyes to me, suddenly understand what. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on the way to the next level, but I'm sure you'll be able to get a good deal on the way.
Hearing me say this, she seemed to feel a little better.
This is the first time I've ever seen a woman in the world who has been in the world for a long time, and I've never seen her in the world before.
For the sake of the matter of planting, my brother and I did not quarrel with our parents, more than seventy years old, but also every day to wait for those fields, picking water and fertilizer, the family conditions do not need them to work so hard, but they only as a wind on the ears.
Only to the hand holding a bag of kidney beans, I suddenly realized: they went to planting, in order to prove that they are still useful people, rather than sitting at home to eat and wait for the old man. It was proving their worth.
I don't know when they started, they can no longer force me to listen to them and do things I don't like like as they did when I was young, and even their kindness to me has become cautious, for fear of making me unhappy.
Young parents, they are my dependence. The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money from the company. Your mom wants to see an electrocardiogram, go to a big hospital, I heard that you need to make an appointment, can you help to get it?" But also only this time, and then found that parents go to the hospital, never call me again.
Asked my brother privately, he said: "Our father forced me to teach him to use his cell phone to register, and practiced twice to learn, and now it's all about him. Sister, if you have time to take our parents to take more subway rides, more to take two high speed rail it, or next time will not sit!"
Because of this, my father, learned to use a smartphone, and my mother, so far will not. Out of the house, either my father together, or we siblings with out.
I don't know when it started, but the superhuman parents of my childhood, no longer able to do anything, began to rely on me, and became cautious, afraid that I would not be happy.
When my parents were 65 years old, they insisted on living separately from my brother, and my brother was angry for a long time: "This house is not enough for you to live in, why do you want to live separately? The only thing I can say is that I'm not the only one who has a son, so what will the neighbors think of me?"
The parents insisted on living separately. I went to do ideological work, my old man said: "We are the old man's work and rest, eight o'clock at night to sleep, four o'clock in the morning to get up. The young people are sleeping at 11 or 12, getting up at 7 or 8 in the morning, and they are affected by each other. In addition, our diet, we have to eat soft food, they are not accustomed to eat ah. Also, we have our habits, the countryside has developed the habit of not throwing anything away, inevitably the home will be more chaotic, they will be disliked."
I passed the word to my brother, he reflected for a long time, a long sigh, said: "Sister ah, I do not know from when onwards, I also from time to time, I will rush out to say some words of dislike, but I rely on the fact that it is a son, is a family member, speech over the top a little bit, they will not be and I will not take it into account, it turned out to be still hurt them."
"Taught you so many times how you still can not ah!"
"How can you not do such a small thing?"
"How many times have I told you that you don't know how to change?"
These words, there can be also when we were young parents will talk to us, but to their age, as if everything is returned.
The two individuals chose to live alone, probably they also want a small circle, to be able to breathe the air belonging to them.
They are old, but they never forget to love us.
If one day they start to look at their children's faces carefully, they will look at their children's demeanor when they speak, and they become silent when they lose their temper, then please be kind to them.
Be patient, be more caring, give them something to rely on and help them, just like your children.
We have to stay with our parents until the end of our lives.
PS: After writing these few details, tears flowed.
Deeply empathetic. My parents are over 50 years old, and I seem to feel that all of a sudden, my parents have become different from what they used to be, and my heart feels like it's collapsing somewhere, and I have a feeling of emptiness. I can't help but ask myself if I don't care enough about my parents, if I'm not tolerant enough, if I'm too harsh and indifferent to my parents, so that their hearts are like rootless duckweed, drifting in this lonely world.
The price of growth is always very heavy
People are most cruel to those who are close to them, because they are too close, and they often do not see the merits of each other's point and click.
When I was young, my father's love was like a mountain, my mother's love was like the sea, and I took care of us step by step. At that time, the father was a hero in our eyes, omnipotent, and the mother was like a bonfire in the cold winter, warming our life. The parents at that time, straightened the spine, the smile is always often accompanied by the face, the future, the family, we are full of good expectations.
The years are silent, in the veins of the seasons stalking, there is always a force that does not move, the passing of time, old faces, unknowingly, parents have a head full of gray hair, hobbling, words have lost the youthful forcefulness, become softly, even if the parents have quarrels with the two, and the children under the same roof, but also extremely repressed their emotions, for fear of disturbing the peace and quiet of everyone. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
In fact, we all know in our hearts, the more the face of the dearest people, the more likely to show their fierce ugly side of the reckless, because you know they will tolerate you, you just take them as their own bad mood of the trash can, and do not have to be responsible.
I also had a period of time, can not control their own emotions, at every turn on the parents of loud reprimand, full of complaints, after venting is the depth of self-blame, can not pull themselves out. Perhaps everyone has their own character flaws, they also know that it is the soul of the forbidden, dark savage forest, like a self and non-self two twin brothers, there is always one will win, prevailed.
I remember that period of time in the dark time, and after my father argued, we both sat on one side of the table, openly chatting for an afternoon, talking about his life, my father cried, talking about my suffering, I also cried. The only thing I can remember about that afternoon is that the light was dim and a little cold.
After many quarrels, slowly my father became silent, after all, still have to live with us young people, the mundane entanglements let him bend his waist, become less firm, lonely. And I, too, in the penitent self-blame, why people always have to go through something to understand, perhaps some regrets can let us grow faster, just the cost of this growth seems too heavy.
Two tolerance and care is the healing medicineMy parents are a sea of ordinary pair of people, not thinkers, not educators, just their parents in the eyes of the simple children, just their children in the eyes of the ordinary parents, with what they think is the best way to give us the fertile soil for growth, diligently irrigate, give us care, give us warmth, give us a sense of security, is the most reliable back on our way to grow up, we are the most reliable back on the road. The most reliable back on the road to growth.
As the years go by, not only their faces, but also their desolate hearts, like a big tree, through the wind, through the rain, and finally only left withered branches, although no longer leafy, but still stubborn in the world.
They also have a spiritual desire to be cared for by us, and we always ignore this, or do not take it seriously. Parents want to draw closer to our hearts, do not become so separated, do not want to have a ditch between the two generations, and sometimes parents try to fill the ditch, but we are on the edge of the wall, and we drilled into their own corners, alone in sadness and happiness.
Parents actually want to know the true feelings of our hearts, we always report the good news not to report the bad news, the mouth told us a good lie, but the distance between the parents and the distance.
Two generations of people are two generations of people, there are always living habits and three views of life do not match the place, which is the root of all the contradictions. Think about it When we were young, rebellious youth, parents are also the top of our eyes do not understand the weight forward, tolerate all of our youth and ignorance, and they are old, what reason we can not tolerate them?
Parents are careful in front of us, it is really a sad and sad thing, we should let ourselves mature, perhaps we should give them more tolerance and care, kindness and compassion, less indifference and harshness, with a smile and thanksgiving to brighten their hearts, so that they feel the rest of their lives will not be let down, so that we also feel that the future is bright and worthy of expectation!