Simple funny stand-up comedy segments (popular)
1. When you go to college, sometimes the cafeteria meal really do not want to eat, go to the school outside the food street to go shopping, there are roast duck, roast chicken and other kinds of good food, gluttony, so appetite, then back to the school canteen to buy two buns and half a portion of the food to eat.
2. Once, Xiaoming went to the nude beach tour with his mom and dad. Xiaoming asked in disbelief: Dad why their JJ is bigger than yours? Dad was embarrassed and said: because they are rich ah? Then dad went to buy a drink. When he came back, his mom disappeared, so he asked Ming: where did she go? Xiao Ming said: an uncle just came and saw mom and then she got richer and richer and richer and richer. Then mom went with him
3. Today with my daughter napping when the courier called me, I was afraid to wake up the baby on the low voice said, who are you ah, the results of the courier also lowered the voice said I courier ah I'm downstairs, you come down to get it, I told him to go away to let him come up, he lowered his voice and I said, good ah good ah, why do you make so mysterious ah?
4. This child got up late for the college entrance exam
5. Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu coincidentally thought of fire attack plan to break Cao Cao's water army, but Zhou Yu was unable to plan because of the raging west wind at a loss. Kong Ming shook his fan lightly and said with a slight smile, "Don't worry, Gong Jin. Kong Ming shook his fan and said with a slight smile, "Don't worry, Gong Jin, I've been watching the sky at night and there will be an east wind in three days. Zhou Yu changed his color and shouted: ? Take down Zhuge with me! My lord has long had a clear order, strictly prohibit the diplomatic personnel of all countries to engage in and identity does not match the weather monitoring data release services!
6. A man found his wife cheating on the sniper to monitor. The sniper asked where you want to hit them? The man said: hit the adulterer has to life root, and my wife nagging all day long, just smash her mouth. The sniper said: I charge 5,000 dollars per bullet. One day the adulterer fruit to. The sniper aimed for half an hour finally shot a shot, and then stood up and patted the body of the ash on the man said: I help you save 5000 dollars!
7. There is a pedestrian in the stretcher hanging a teapot, the teapot suddenly fell to the ground and broken, but he did not look back to continue to walk forward. Other people saw the busy shouting, ? Hey, the teapot is broken! The man replied indifferently: "Since it's broken, what's the point of looking back? Since it is broken, what is the use of looking back? The crowd was furious, surrounded by a beating. As they did so, they scolded him, "What's the use of looking back if it's broken? Throwing garbage anywhere, what the hell are you still pretending to be cool?
8. Elementary school students essay "entanglement", the full text as follows: I broke up with the paragraph Wujie, and now waiting for Zhong Qiujie, but in fact, I like Fang Shujia, so I want to Fang Shujia. But her sister, Fang Hanjia, is even more beautiful and I like her more. But my heart has always loved Bu Shangxue the most, how I want to be with her forever~~~and of course her sister Bu Shangban.
9. Now the price of goods shed are expensive, buy a small bicycle ride even if, but Superman also when ah! But riding up a little pitiful.
10. If Darryl really traveled from modern times, then her first time to see the fourth master was almost knocked off this paragraph, Darryl's normal reaction should be: ah, Wu Qilong!
11. Ultraman, don't cry, the little monster will always always be there for you. If you are not in a good mood, just hit me.
12. The teacher said to Xiao Ming: ? Milk is the meaning of small, such as milk pig is a small pig, please make a sentence with the word milk.? Xiaoming:? My family is very poor, can only live 40 square meters of breast.? Teacher Halo: ? This one doesn't work. Change it. Xiaoming: ? I have to jump over a cleavage in front of my house every day to go to school.? Teacher swoons: ? No, another one. Xiaoming:? Teacher, I can't think of anything else, break my nipples!
13. iPhone world three people: authority, sources, do not want to disclose the name of the insiders. Android world three things: the emperor of the machine bully, top configuration, will soon be listed. The cottage world three highlights: N card N band, ultra-long standby, Phoenix Legend?
14. This is all one person acting! The first time I saw the movie, I saw the movie, I saw the movie, I saw the movie, I saw the movie, I saw the movie. He can't memorize it.
15. A boy wrote to his daughter-in-law's house rules, very domineering, enough love ! Daughter-in-law, you listen well, this is my family rules, you must obey.
16. Some people say, ten years to repair Wang Xiaobie, a hundred years to repair Ko Jingteng, a thousand years to repair Li Daren. Your him, where is it?
17. When I pay my cell phone bill, I realize that my words are worth so much.
18. If you still miss someone, p his photo into black and white, buy a photo frame frame up, put it in your bag, think of him when you take out to see, and then tell yourself he died 。。。。。。
19. Our traffic is used up by these four things. If you are too then turn it!!!!
20. original I am so good: I am higher than Guo Jingming, than Bolt white, than small Shenyang Man, than Guo Degang handsome, than Liu Huan neck long, than Gong Hanlin sturdy, than Liu Xiang acne less than Zeng brother singing In tune, than Jay Chou spit words clearly, than Brad Pitt Chinese say good? Seeing that you are better than so many celebrities, you can't help but feel full of pride? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
Simple funny stand-up comedy segments (classic)
1. Double 12, not chopping hands, chopping feet to go!
2. Just after the double 11, and double 12, the loser daughter-in-law spend money like water. At the end of the year, I wanted to buy a Porsche to treat myself, and now it's a million dollars short, how to do?
3. double 12, good weather, shoot outside
4. double 11 buy play, early December go out and play, double 12 buy. Inventory is gone, the small treasury is gone. Thief sad.
5. Sleepy don't want to, really want to fire with the big moms double 12 ah.
6. Look at the favorite things are snatched to the shelves is also enough. Double 11 double 12 please leave me far away.
7. Double 12 Alipay activities, the street is full of people. Do not get together too bad ~ following the settlement of lunch, and then successfully swept a round of Laiyifen.
8. Double 12 welfare, first eat Taiwan Su's steak 50% off, learn the guzheng and then pizza store 50% off as a snack. Early morning milk bar to 40 minus 20, two F said only ate more than 20 did not cheap.
9. double 12 you this grinding little goblin, tired of this king more than three o'clock to sleep at 9 o'clock to get up, tired, eyeballing again is the first place is also quite gratifying.
10. Double 12 red packets, have not had time to grab.
11. double 12 do not panic, anyway, you can not afford to buy.
12. Double 12 is here, I wish you a year of days every day happy, hours and hours of happiness, minutes and minutes of wonderful.
13. The horror of the double 12, couples have gone on a date, leaving only a group of losers in the shopping.
14. The best thing about Jack Ma's classmates is that he seems to be the ugliest man in the world who got rich by eating women's soft rice.
15. Note to married men, on the day of the double twelfth, the first thing to do is to get up and open his wife's Alipay and Internet banking, and then go to work after entering the wrong password three times in a row. Remember. Don't ask me who I am, my name is Lei Feng.
16. Zero hour zero, dozens of high-rise buildings in the neighborhood is still brightly lit, home lights. It was a silent brightness, without the noise of TV and stereo, without the quarrels of couples, only the mouse click click click click. The cell guard room of the master Wang silently watched all this, thinking for a long time, and then lit a cigarette, and finally firmly turned off the cell main electric switch.
17. That night, he saved hundreds of millions of dollars in property losses for the neighborhood owners.
18. I am a very principled person, in the end, I do the principle of only three words, depending on the mood
19. long road of life, will always go a few steps wrong, to know you is also a kind of mistake
20. Once upon a time there was a man, holding a spear and a shield in the street hawking, my spear is the world's sharpest spear, able to pierce any shield. My shield is the strongest shield in the world, and no spear can pierce it. A wise man in the crowd laughed and said to him, ? You say your spear is the sharpest spear and your shield is the sharpest shield, so sell me your spear and your shield together at a discount no.?
Simple funny stand-up comedy segments (Selected)
1. thought class, the teacher said: if God in the sky to let him spread things down, you will let him spread what?A: knowledge, B: money, C: hope. A student immediately stood up and answered: sprinkle B, sprinkle B, the teacher sprinkle B.
2. ? Will you abandon me? Will not? Good moving! Why can't you throw it?
3. Hubby: ? I'll give you a back rub, right? I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. Wife, I'm going to bring you foot washing water! Wife:? No need! Hubby:? Let me do some housework! Wife:? Husband, nothing you do, just like this to me on my knees in the morning?
4. today went to his girlfriend's home to meet the parents, damn found her sister is actually my first girlfriend in junior high school, and her father is our company's unit leader, the most fucking bullshit is that her mother is actually the high school period of the classroom teacher of the stick to beat the lovebirds, I'm fucking and you have a family with the enemy is not it?
5. Dear husband, you can play hard! I'm not going to be able to do that. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. I will push you to the park every day with a wheelchair, let you watch me and other old men dancing square dance, and then push you home at night, encounter downhill, whoosh ~ walk you, whoosh ~ walk you! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it.
6. You ask me why I am so short, I tell you, when I pull my three-meter legs out of the soil, scared you to death.
7. I have served people surnamed Ma all my life: the first Marx changed my mind, the second Ma Yun changed my consumerism, the third Ma Rong subverted my outlook on life, and the fourth mosaic stopped my exploration of human civilization.
8. male: ? I will take care of you for the rest of your life, I have ten dollars willing to give you with nine.? Female:? If you have a hundred thousand? Male:? Then I will give you all the ten dollars!
9. On the subway, the man felt standing opposite the girl is very familiar, so it has been looking at the girl. The girl is very annoying:? You see what? Then the boy said:? I think you and my ex-girlfriend like. The girl was furious: "I am your ex-girlfriend. The girl was angry: "I am your ex-girlfriend!
10. My boyfriend loves me very much, everything will be for my sake. Today for the first time to go to his home, I worry about taking off the high heels will let his parents see that I am too short. I was worried that if I took off my high heels, his parents would see that I was too short for them. I've told them that you can't take off your shoes if you have smelly feet.
11. In fact, sometimes I lose my temper, not I have more temper, because the smile to give more he thinks you are good bully.
12. I am often torn between staying up late to copy homework and going to bed early, and then I chose to stay up late to play with my cell phone.
13. You must have been a plastic bag in your previous life, except for the fact that you can load or load.
14. Say good night to each other, and then stay up late.
15. I can't find you chatting with me, I'll wait, but don't let me catch you posting a comment.
16. There is a kind of person when you are sick, will give you pour hot water so that you take medication on time, and will also be considerate of the water blowing and then handed to you, another kind of person before handing you the water will drink a small mouth, feel not too hot and not too cold before rest assured that you take it to you, in my opinion, these two kinds of people are good for you, only the former is like, the latter is love.
17. When everyone thought I was having a good time, I was just a man walking a difficult road.
18. life is always a dilemma, more persistent, more refused, and ultimately had to learn to accept, from crying to control, to laugh at the treatment, in the end, but it is just a go with the flow, do not think too much, everything will be the past, irritable mood, lonely life, and efforts are useless.
19. When I like you, sorry I look at who is like a love rival.
20. Some people play with the number of browsing but also hide their own 10,000 browsing the big number, some people with a bit of digital vintage number he hid a superb small, some of the things you feel bullish maybe people really did not put in the eye, for example, I am now playing with a bit of digital garbage you really think that I do not have a big number? Yes, I have nothing but single digit numbers.