Does your child do all the housework at home? Can you get up by yourself? Can you pack your belongings? Can you find your own clothes? If not, it means that you are unqualified as a parent and have deprived your children of opportunities for self-growth and independent learning. This kind of love is cruel love and harms children. If you really love your child, let go immediately and return the things that belong to your child to your child.
So, what are the benefits of returning children’s things to their children?
First of all, we can cultivate children's independence and the ability to take care of themselves. The second is that it can cultivate children's hands-on ability. His hands-on ability also affects his learning ability. Third, it can cultivate children’s gratitude. We often say that if you are not a parent, you will not know the kindness of your parents. If a person does not personally do something or experience something, he will not understand the hardships of his parents. She will take it for granted, and he will feel that this is our business, so Said that we should return the children's things to the children. Some friends may also say, I also want to return it, but it seems to be very difficult and not easy to operate, or they may say that they feel anxious and cannot bear it, or their children are unwilling to do it, so what should I do? Woolen cloth? Then we must also pay attention to methods and skillfully return children's things to their children.
It just so happens that during this time, I myself have been practicing returning children’s things to their children, and I have gained a lot of experience, so I will share this topic with you today.
To return children’s things to their children, we must first do a good job in psychological construction. This psychological construction includes the psychological construction of both parents and children. For parents, we must tell ourselves in our hearts that we must keep calm, keep our mouths shut, and return things to our children at first. The child may not be happy, he may resist, he may complain, or he may not even want to go at first. We can do it, but as long as we persist, this stone will definitely be moved.
When it comes to children’s psychological development, we first explain to him that these things are his own business, what are the benefits of doing it by himself, and also to cultivate his ability to be responsible. For example, how did I do it myself? I was listening to Teacher Bumblebee's lecture that day, and she said that the children's affairs should be returned to the children, so I specially used the lunch time, and then I told the children, "Oh, honey, mommy has to listen to the class and she doesn't have time to listen." Can you listen to it now while you eat? Then they said okay, and then I listened. In fact, they were also listening, and then they heard this paragraph about why we should return the children's things to the children. Then after listening to the class, I said to the children, wow, The teacher has assigned homework and wants to return your affairs to you. Then they agreed, such as waking up, looking for their own clothes, etc.
Now that you have prepared yourself mentally, what should you do next? Take out a piece of paper and list all the things you want to return to your child one by one. Make a list. After you finish the list, discuss with your child what he should do by himself. He must be responsible for his own things. For example, when you get up in the morning, let him get up by himself, buy him an alarm clock, and let him set the alarm clock by himself. If he doesn't get up, we don't call him. We calm down and let him be late. Don't rush him, but we can follow him secretly. The teacher communicates that if he is late, let the teacher criticize him at school and let him remember it. Then after this wave of operations, he can basically get up on his own.
After discussing with the child and returning the child's things to the child, then at this time we let him do it. After discussing with the child again and returning his things to him, we also have to talk with him. Discuss with children that we have something to do ourselves, and let the children understand that we have our own arrangements every day, and we are responsible for our own things every day, then the children will be more willing to do things for themselves psychologically. Take responsibility for things.
Last but not least, during the execution process, we must stay calm, keep our mouth shut, and wait patiently. Stay calm.
What does it mean? That is, no matter how well the children do, we should not be anxious. We must know that doing something well for children is a process, and it is the same for ourselves. For example, we want to learn square dancing, yoga, or even the simplest thing is to go for a run. , we all need to take it step by step. Make progress slowly, don't be anxious, we have to stay calm. Then we must keep our mouths shut, don't nag, don't say, ah, why are you so stupid, why can't you do such a small thing, what do you do, why do you do this and that... . Let’s keep our mouths shut and don’t nag. If we nag too much, it will form an over-limit effect, and the effect will be in the opposite direction.
What is the over-limit effect? Psychology
The over-limit effect refers to a psychological phenomenon in which stimulation is too much, too strong, or lasts too long, causing extreme psychological impatience or rebelliousness. When Mark Twain once listened to a pastor's speech, he initially felt that the pastor's speech was good and planned to donate money; 10 minutes later, the pastor had not finished speaking, so he became impatient and decided to donate only some change; after another 10 minutes, the pastor still Before he finished speaking, he decided not to donate. When the pastor finally finished his speech and began to solicit donations, Mark Twain was so angry that he not only did not donate any money, but also stole 2 yuan from the plate. This phenomenon of rebellious psychology caused by excessive stimulation or action for too long is the "over-limit effect". For children’s education, we must also avoid over-limit effects.
Wait patiently. That is, we must give our children enough patience. If we are not planting flowers and vegetables, even if we are planting trees, it will take ten years, right? It takes ten years to plant trees and a hundred years to cultivate people. We must be patient with our children. We are raising children and we wait for them to grow. We should not be afraid that he will experience twists and turns, fall down, and be frustrated. These are all part of his growth process. Something that must be experienced. We feel bad, but we have to put our heartache in our hearts. His wrestling now will be better than his wrestling in the future, because he is gaining experience when he is wrestling now. Does it hurt? Yes, it's a little painful. But if he grows up one day and enters the society, if he does not experience the small pain now, then he will experience great pain in the future.
Let’s work hard together, practice together, return the children’s things to the children, and help our children become more independent, more responsible, and more grateful.
? [Wujie Academy] Day 283