1, sandstorm, Li Bai and Du Fu were drinking in the attic. Li Bai sang poetically: "Breaking the ice and melting the snow in spring is soft, and several ladies-in-waiting make a look back and drink the wine in the air, but the son of heaven does not bow his head." Du Fu clapped his hands and applauded: "Brother Li is still so bold, but it is surging outside. Flying sand and stones, where can the spring breeze be soft? " Li Bai raised his glass and gulped it down. "Dear brother, don't you know that silly brother is good at writing Tibetan quatrains?"
2. "How much is the tofu?" "Two pieces." "Two pieces?" "A piece?" "One piece" and "One piece and two pieces?" "Two dollars", "That's fifty cents a dollar", "Get out ..." → _→
In the car, a pair of middle-aged men and women sat opposite each other, holding hands and talking sweet words, which really made me envy and hate. After getting off the bus, I said to my husband: You see, people are so old and still so sweet. We've only been married for a few years, and you just ignore me, let alone hold hands and say what I want to hear. I envy them! Who knows the husband said: envy? Can't you see they're not family? !
A young couple couldn't wait to undress on their wedding night. When the husband saw his wife's body, he suddenly asked a question: "Hey? Why are there no mosaics? "
5. I just talked in the WeChat classmates that it is not easy to find a job now, so I will talk about my recruitment experience last month. "I kissed a Lao girl and negotiated 1800 yuan. As a result, I ran away after only two days." Damn Microsoft Pinyin ... Now the tone of male students talking to me is envy, jealousy and hatred, while female students talk to me privately and ask about the details of their work these two days. Cha! @ jerrymices
I just got on the train. There is a police dog and a sniffer dog sitting at the security checkpoint of the station. It's small, black-backed, and looks cute. I couldn't help touching the dog's head and holding its paw affectionately. The policeman next to him looked black and said, "Do you know this is an assault on a police officer?" You bit me ~ ~ ~
7. Once, a friend and her boyfriend went to a lawn to have a heart-to-heart talk at night. When talking about crazy love, they went to a circle of small trees and hugged each other and lay down. Who knows that her boyfriend immediately jumped up: Who the fuck doesn't talk about public morality and urinates everywhere …
8. I have a group of qq girls. Yesterday, a sister asked, "I found a phenomenon. The bigger the breast, the whiter the exposed part will feel. Why is this? " A Zi said, "It's like blowing a balloon. The balloon was originally black, and the bigger it blew, the lighter it became. "
9. I came home from the night shift last night and passed an alley, followed by a man secretly. I felt my pants pocket nervously and was relieved. Fortunately, I didn't bring my wallet, and I was robbed at most once, but I was nervous when I thought that I hadn't taken a shower for two days. What if that person doesn't like me?
10, the class teacher took this list tonight to catch up with the love of self-study at night. There is a single woman who has been on the list for more than ten years. When called, she said, "Don't say anything, teacher, just tell me my girlfriend's name!" " ! I really want to see her! Please. The whole class laughed!
1 1, the current weather will instantly see the relationship between the two! ! ! ! Woman: "It's so cold ..." Man: "Give me a hug ..." This is puppy love! ! Woman: "It's so cold ..." Man: "Come on, give your clothes ..." This is love! Woman: "It's so cold ..." Man: "Who told you to wear so little ..." This is marriage! Woman: "..." Man: "... well, I'm worried about what you're wearing! .. "I don't want this TM! ! !
12, Dahui farted in a windbreaker that day, and it stinks. . I immediately blocked my nose with my hand and said, who farted? It stinks. . . At this time, the girl next to him squinted at him: I know you put it there. Just now, your windbreaker moved ...
13, that's terrible. In the morning, I heard the children in the interview department say that the square dance of the old man and the old woman has reached an unprecedented level. Now it costs thousands of dollars to hire a good dance leader (mostly retired men and women from sports schools and athletes)! Because the quality of leading dance directly affects the number and scale of people dancing with it, and indirectly affects the size of the occupied territory. It is said that some headhunting companies have started the business of leading dance teachers ... kneel down! Yin Jiliang
14, the geography teacher asked: What are the four oceans? I replied: happy, beautiful, lazy, lazy. . Class standing up. .
15, in the face of those who are hard-mouthed, you should boldly swear, and if you are angry, you should boldly start work. Life is so short, why should I wronged myself to give you face?
16, the headmaster spoke on the stage, "Money can't buy time, health and knowledge, so learn to cherish it!" At this moment, Xiao Ming suddenly stood up. "Why do you charge us tuition if you can't buy knowledge?"
17, the child went to grandpa's house, and grandpa asked his grandson to kiss his face. After the first kiss, grandpa said no and kissed him. The child kissed for the second time, but grandpa still couldn't speak. The child slapped him hard this time and asked, "Does this reverberate?" Is it ringing? "
18, my mother hit me once when I was a child. After that, she said helplessly and regretfully, "hey, idiot, I hit you and you ran away." If I can't catch up with you, my anger will disappear. Why are you standing there and letting me fight? " Two days later, she tried to hit me again and I ran away. It was also from that day on that I became distrustful of women. @ High cold patients
19, when the wind blows your hair!
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