I'm going to KFC tomorrow. I'm so nervous! Is it expensive or not? How can I act like I eat it all the time? Can I stretch my legs? Can I smoke? Is there a restroom inside? What if I'm too nervous to go to the restroom? A meal for two won't cost thousands of dollars, will it? Can I pack a bag if I can't finish it? What can I order to make me look respectable? The menu won't be in English, right? I'm so nervous, can you please help me?
2. The teacher said: the final exam is coming soon, early love should not quarrel, so as not to affect the mood. If you are not in love, don't confess, so as not to be rejected and affect your mood. In fact, you want to fall in love no problem, but you have to be careful, you must find a responsible, you say that those who see the teacher on the hand to throw away, to come to what use.
3.
In China there is one of the most ferocious people named live and let live, because we often see or hear: live and let live killed, live and let live forced to die, live and let live and let live and let live; live and let live and let live in a hurry to die ...... in China there is one of the most pitiful people named live and let live, because we also often see or hear : live to be killed, live to be rushed to death, live to be forced to death, live to be angry ......
4. Do you know why the sea is blue? Answer: Because there are fish. Why is it blue if there are fish? Because fish spit bubbles! Why are fish blue when they spit out bubbles? Because the fish spit bubbles with the sound "Blue Blue Blue.
5. An old man's dog died, and the old man packed the dog for shipment to his hometown for burial. But when he checked in, the people at the airport didn't know it was dead, and when he got off the plane, he found out it was dead and freaked out. Thought the dog consignment dead. So they sent someone to the neighborhood dog an identical one. Then the old man opened his luggage and found the dog alive. So the old man gave a scare to death!
6. Once upon a time there was a monk and a butcher was a good friend. The monk had to get up every morning to recite the sutra, and the butcher had to get up every morning to kill pigs. They agreed to wake each other up in the morning. Years later, the monk and the butcher died. Butcher went to heaven, while the monk went to hell.Why? Because the butcher every day to do good deeds, called the monk up to recite the scriptures, on the contrary, the monk every day to call the butcher up to kill ......
7. If the clothes of the sales clerk contemptuous said: this clothing is very expensive, do not do not touch. Not afraid, you answer her and say: as if you are rich? You have money will not come out.
8. A person asked a question, "If you go to the bungee fall to half of the rope broken, if you can only shout two words you will shout what?" A lot of replies, most of them back to the "traitors", "mom", "I cao" and so on, and see a big brother back to the post I was completely shocked! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this, but I'm sure I'll be able to get a good deal on this!
9.
There is a person called really nagging, married a wife called to you tube, gave birth to a son called trouble. One day Trouble disappeared! The couple went to report it. Asked the father: May I ask this man what is your name? The father said, "What a nag. He was very angry, and then he asked his mom what her name was. Mom said: None of your business. He was very angry and said: What are you doing? The couple said: looking for trouble!
10. The latest thunder words - 1. dreams are used to destroy; 2. bitchy are wishful thinking; 3. what are in the price, only the people more and more cheap; 4. sweet talk to hear more will get diabetes; 5. everyone's life is a grandpa, and loaded with grandchildren; 6. if my life is a movie, you're the one that popped up; 7. women and men! There are only two ways to have a conversation, either lying down or standing up.
11. A male student at the university, living with his girlfriend outside, soon his girlfriend became pregnant. The male student panicked and asked for help from his family. The family was so angry that they simply ignored him. Father's Day, the male students think this is a good opportunity, so immediately write to his father: "Happy Father's Day". Less than 5 minutes, his father returned two words: "Happy with you."
12. The table changed his name to "your father before he died" and added our homeroom teacher. The classroom teacher's often prompted: your father dying request to add you as a friend. Your father invited you to play car racing before he died. Your father has gifted you a show before he died. Your father stole your food before he died. Your dad reported you before he died. Your dad retweeted your tweets before he died. The fiercest: your dad left you a message before he died.
13. The mother-in-law tested the three son-in-laws. First invited the eldest son-in-law to take a walk, crossing the bridge suddenly jumped off, the eldest son-in-law jumped into the water to save, mother-in-law presented him with an Alto. The mother-in-law and as the law, the test of the second son-in-law, was also saved, the second son-in-law injured was presented with a Charade. She then tried the third son-in-law, the third son-in-law does not know how to swim to save, mother-in-law drowned. The next day, his father-in-law gave him a Mercedes Benz!
14. On the airplane, a father and daughter. Father 30, daughter 6 to 7 years old. The stewardess is very beautiful, the father could not help but look at her a few times, the daughter: "What do you see, do you think it is interesting? Do you think it's funny that you do this when my mom is not around?" Father stifled face red: "Quickly eat, cut the crap, or not bring you out in the future!" The daughter muttered: "They say that the daughter is the father's lover in a previous life, I don't understand, how did I see you in a previous life?
16. Tourists enter a temple. Monk: Donate money to charity, as much as you want. Guest: I don't have any money, next time. Monk: all right, we can here. Visitor: Sorry, I don't have my card with me. Monk: We can loan, monthly interest rate of only 3%. Hak: Sorry, nothing to pledge. Monk: ...then...please, fill out this organ donation form...
17. The art teacher asked the student, "Why did you turn in a blank paper?" The student said, "I drew it! I drew a cow eating grass." The teacher asked, "What about the grass?" He said, "It was eaten by the cow." The teacher asks, "What about the cow?" He said, "Finished eating the grass and left."
18.At the door of a family's house, a salesman deadpanned, "I'm sure there must be something you can use, like brushes, spoons, pencils, kitchen knives, washbasins ......" The housewife replied with great boredom: "No, I have everything." Finally, the salesman pulled out a small printed cardboard sign and said, "Well, you'll always need one of these in your house!" When the housewife looked at it, it said, "No knocking on the door to sell!"
19.After putting his son to bed, Dad went back to his bedroom to get ready for bed. &uot; Dad! &uot; the son called out. &uot;Can you get me a glass of water? &uot; &uot; You just drank it! Go to bed, I've turned off the lights! &uot; 5 minutes later... &uot; Dad! I'm thirsty. Can't you get me a cup? &uot; "Didn't I just say that! I'll beat you up if you scream again!" Another five minutes passed... "Dad!" "What's wrong again?" "Make sure you bring a glass of water when you come over to beat me up."
20.Graduated from college and interned at a... Under the guidance of the physician to do a small operation, the heart while recalling the operation of some of the precautions, while bowing his head out of the operating room. At this time, the family gathered around to ask the situation, the brain do not know how to pump, remembered the TV often staged episodes, so opened his mouth and said, "We have done our best ......" at once the family members of a variety of cries, and then I was disciplined.
The first day of school When I first enrolled in school, the class introduced themselves. A male student walked up to the podium: "My name is You Yong, from, I love to play chess!" Said went down, the next is a girl, the woman shyly walked up to the podium, apprehensively introduced themselves: "I ...... my name is Xia Qi...I like to swim...
Party, someone introduced me to a new friend, saying he had become a millionaire by speculating in stocks. Wow! Awesome! Admire admire! I sat next to him and quietly asked him to teach me the secret. He said to me with a wooden face, "Actually there is no secret ...... I turned out to be a millionaire."
Dad worked in the glass factory, work have to wear gloves. One day after the night shift, he took a cab home. When the car passed through a suburban grove, the cool wind came, Dad felt a little cold, so he took out his gloves and put them on. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked in alarm, "Dude, what are you doing?" "Oh, it's a habit, I wear gloves before every job, so I don't cut myself and leave marks." The driver was green ......
The Tang Monk chased away Wukong and then encountered a demon, he had to read the tight band incantation to call Wukong back to save his life, and soon there was a voice in the air: Sorry, the user you are calling is not in the service area, please wait and try again.
It is said that when you say "Actually..." to a person, then there is a long pause, and then you talk to them. And then there's a long pause, and then you tell her, "Never mind, it's nothing."... This person will be entangled in the night, a hundred tries ~
Saw the news of the death sentence of the drug Jiaxin, the boss said to the staff: see? Pharmaceutical Jiaxin (to get a raise) in the end are no good results!
Junior high school games relay run, the teacher repeatedly instructed the athletes, handing over the baton must be steady, steady, steady, and then steady, so the game, they,really ...... kissed.
Today the little sister called me on her home to repair the computer, I asked if you want to bring a condom ......... results she snapped to hang up, I did not even have time to say the word: "tools"......
Recently, I found a good way to ventilate and relieve pressure. That is to go to the toilet, after going to the toilet, facial grimace to say: "you give me eat shit you!" And then violently flush the toilet!
The teacher asked the student: life since ancient times, you take the next sentence. The student answered: life since ancient times who has no shit, there is who poop without paper. The teacher was very angry and told the student to stand for punishment. At this time, the teacher saw snow falling outside the window and said regretfully: It snows but doesn't rain, and snow turns into rain when it hits the ground. Why didn't it rain in the first place? The student said, "The teacher doesn't eat shit when he eats, but when he eats, it turns into shit in his stomach. Why didn't you eat shit in the first place? The teacher fainted on the spot.
People send their girlfriends a European bag, I can only send a European resistance. The first thing I can do is to give my girlfriend a L handbag, but I can only give her an A zip-lock bag. I can only send a 40w light bulb when I send my girlfriend a 40w car. I can only give my girlfriend an M6 BMW, but I can only give her an M6 bolt. I can only give my girlfriend a 24K bracelet, but I can only give her a 24K new text file. I can only give my girlfriend a laptop, but I can only give her a laptop cushion.
A mouse was chased by a cat and entered a flower store by mistake. The mouse found no way to escape, hand picked up a bunch of roses as a weapon, for stubborn resistance ...... The cat was stunned, immediately lowered his head, shyly said: dead ghost, too sudden ......
Wukong, you this monkey, thanks to the lack of parents! Otherwise, see how the teacher scolded you! How many times have I fucking told you, but any female demon caught me after, to wait for me to come back to save! Don't be such a smart-ass! You look at the master, every time by your sudden entry into the shock into the flaccid, and then this kind of a few times, the master ...... afraid no longer be able to ferry them, sad ah! Wukong love disciple, look at the teacher's tears swore, the next not to repeat, can good?
China's sixth census office statistics of the most hilarious people's names: Liu production, Lai Yuejing (or a man), Fan Jian, Ji Congliang, Fan Tong, Xia Jianren, Zhu Yi, Qin Shousheng (loss of his parents want to come up with) Pang Guang, Du Qiyan, Wei Shengjin, Jiao Hougen, Shen Jingbing, Du Ziteng. Ranked first: Shi Zhenxiang.
A male comic to his girlfriend: what are you doing? In a dream? Send the dream to me; in laughter? Send me the laugh; crying? Your tears make me sad together. Girlfriend replied: I'm in the poop ......
Three minutes past noon, the blazing sun, the beheading officer ordered: beheading! Suddenly the death row inmates a burst of laughter, the beheading officer asked: Why are you laughing? The death row inmate hesitated for a moment and said: "The experts were right, a smile every day can extend your life by 5 seconds.
The rich can only be called home, you call that home? You're called a snail's nest; rich people can only be called melancholy, you're called melancholy? You call that depression; rich people can only call energy saving, you call energy saving? That's what you call stingy; only rich people can be called plump, is that what you call plump? That's what you call it. Only rich people can call it traveling. You call that wandering; rich people can only be called single, you call that single?
The uncle asked Lori for directions, "How do I get to the Public Security Bureau?" Lori looked at the uncle twice and asked, "Do you want to walk there or take a car?" "You can go by car? Then of course it's a car ride!" So, Little Lori handed the wallet in her arms to the uncle, "You take this that well." After the uncle took the wallet, the little loli immediately shouted: robbery! Ten minutes later, the uncle in the Public Security Bureau escort car, gorgeous left the scene.
Taking off your socks and smelling them yourself is called a diary. The socks were taken off and friends were invited to the house to smell them, that's called a blog. Take off your socks and hang them in front of your house for people passing by to smell, that's called. Take off your socks and hang them in the square to invite everyone to smell them, and then go and smell other people's socks, congratulations, you've been playing microblogging ......
In order to prove that the spider's sense of hearing in the feet, experts did an experiment, first of all, a spider on the experimental table, and then yelled at the spider, the spider scared away! After that, the spider was captured again, and then cut off all the spider's legs, and then yelled at the spider, and the spider really didn't move! So a paper was published proving that spiders hear on their feet.