1: Four road idiots from Chengdu met unintentionally, so they decided to tell their own history of road idiots.
a； Speaking of road idiots, you are definitely not as crazy as me. A month ago, I went to the park, but I couldn't find my way home. Finally, I had to call 1 10 to take me home, which made me afraid to go to the park casually now!
b； What are you talking about? A week ago, I went out to walk my dog. I just took a few steps, but when I turned around, I couldn't find my way home. Finally, the dog took me home. I dare not go out now!
c； You two are so childish. I was hungry last night, so I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. After dinner, I can't find my way back to my dormitory. Finally, my wife didn't come back for a long time, so she ran to the kitchen and took me back. Well done, I dare not leave the dormitory casually now!
Ding; Where is Chengdu? Where am I?
2. In a university in China, one day, the teacher asked the following foreign students to talk about their favorite in the form of "I love …".
China students; "Teacher, I love China people."
American students; "Teacher, I love Americans."
British students; "Teacher, I love English people."
Hearing this, the Japanese students thought; "They all love their own people, and I can't fall behind."
So not to be outdone stood up and said; "Teacher, I love Japan, I love Japan, and I love myself."
(The punch line is in the last sentence, mainly because I am cursing with words, hehe, no wonder)
The director of the office received a phone call, saying that it was for people to get the benefits during the Spring Festival. Let who go?
The director looked at Xiao Liu, who was busy writing the work plan, and looked at Xiao Wang sitting next to him. He casually said, "Xiao Liu is busy (rogue) and Xiao Wang (turtle)."
Everyone in the office laughed one after another, but the director didn't know what they were laughing at.
The man wrote a love letter to the woman, which said, "I am a cloud during the day, and I will follow you there when you go there." At night, I am the quiet moonlight, shining into your window and falling asleep with you. "
After reading it, the woman said angrily, "Shit!" ! ? Sex maniac! ? Even if you want to follow me, you still want to sleep with me. This kind of thing is also blatantly written on a small note, trying to rape!
1: On the playground of the company, the eighth squad leader is training new recruits.
Monitor 8: "Comrades! Please rest assured. After three consecutive days of queue training, most of your comrades have performed very well, but a few comrades still can't tell right from left!
Now I want you to answer my two questions. First, what is your hand wiping your ass in the toilet? "
Soldiers in the class: "Right hand!" "
Monitor 8: "What hand is that when you eat?"
Soldiers in the class: "Left hand!"
Eight monitor: "Good! There are people below, turn left on my password! "
After the "Eight" sound, a "very few" comrades took another wrong turn, which attracted the laughter of the whole class. The eighth monitor was angry and asked him to leave the team: "What left hand, what right hand!" "
Very few comrades: "Report to the monitor! The right hand to wipe the ass is the left hand of the rice bowl! "
Class eight ...
2.( 1) My girlfriend asked me: If your mother and I fell into the river at the same time, who would you kill first? !
I said, help my mother!
My girlfriend asked me angrily: You said you would always love me and never change. One question from me and you show your true colors?
I said: ok! Then I'll save you first!
Girlfriend is more angry and says, what? Your mother raised you with great pains. Do you have a conscience? ! ? ! ? you .....
Me: Let's ... learn to swim tomorrow! !
(2) Me: Hey, my mother is not at home today! !
Girlfriend: Well, shall I cook for you?
I said excitedly: Yes! All right!
Girlfriend said: well, wait a minute, I'll do some shopping, and I'll go to your house to cook you a delicious meal later! !
After waiting for about an hour, my girlfriend appeared in my house sweating with a bag of quick-frozen jiaozi. ...
One day I took the high-speed train from Hangzhou to Shanghai, but I stopped for dozens of minutes. Then the conductor came to our carriage to explain the reason.
A passenger saw it and deliberately asked why the train didn't start.
The train explained that there was something wrong with the train. When the passenger saw it, he was very worried and said, what if the car behind you catches up if you don't drive? The passengers in the carriage all laughed! !
4. A person with mental illness came to the hospital to consult a psychologist.
Man: "Doctor! I am so bitter, please help me! "
Doctor: "Don't panic, my friend. Please tell me slowly so that I can analyze and treat you. "
M: "Recently, I dream of The Story Of Diu Sim, Yang Guifei, Li Shishi and other beautiful women every night. They all turn around me neatly! " "
Doctor: "Wow! It's been 2 1 century, and you still have such a beautiful dream. You are really blessed! What's wrong with this? "
Man: "How happy! You know, I dreamed that I was a woman and I was their maid, but the top was flat and the bottom was bulging. They are all making fun of me. Do you think I am in pain? "
Anonymous walked into the bookstore. Ask the salesgirl, "Do you have Autumn by Ba Jin?"
The clerk exclaimed, "Eight catties? Are you kidding? I've lived half my life. I haven't seen a kilo, but I'm still eight kilos ... "
2. "According to Asako Sun of Sixth Street, his favorite TV series" Palace "is going to be prequeled. This time, I focused on the story of a brother in the palace when I was a child. "
"What's that name?" "Youth Palace."
Later, they made a sequel, telling the story of the descendants of the two brothers, named "The Uterus".
3. The leader and his wife visited the pig farm.
The director said: This purebred boar mates twice a day.
The lady touched the leader: Look at him!
In the second lap, the director introduced that this boar can mate four times a day.
The lady glared at the leader: Look at him!
On the third lap, the field chief said that this can mate eight times on the first day.
Mrs. Drizzt leads: Look at others!
The leader asked the field leader: Do you always bring the same sow? A: Different sows are used every time.
The leader said: Look at others!
4. A couple encountered a family financial crisis, and finally, they couldn't stand it. The husband said to his wife, you go to nightclubs at night and try to make some money.
Her husband took her to a nightclub and picked her up at night.
"How much did you earn?" The husband asked.
The wife replied, "I made 100 dollars and 50 cents."
The husband said, "Who else will give fifty cents?"
The woman said, "They all give fifty cents!" "
5.m: Do you have any local products at home?
Woman: Yes.
Man: What?
W: Mix the wine.
Make up for what?
Woman: Pour it into the noodles, and the noodles will get up and stand.
6. Late at night, a drunk walked to the door of a nightclub, and suddenly a pair of disheveled men and women fell downstairs.
He staggered to the door and knocked it down. The drunk pointed to two people on the ground and said, "You dropped your billboard!" " "