Yes, we broke up 3 times, and the last time I did hold him back, but I soon gave up on myself.
Because I love him and can't bear to see him, and I hate him for not cherishing me and wanting to make him regret it, and I'm getting more and more resentful every day;
Because I can't bear to see myself and my feelings in such a completely different light.
It is said that "how much love, how much hurt."
How many people just can't let go of that initial pleasure of mutual attraction, and dragged their exes to death. In fact, we have all forgotten that time passes easily and never returns, and the past can only be recalled.
The first two love is real, now the emotional crisis is also real. The first thing you need to do is to get rid of all the stuff that you have to do to get rid of the stuff.
My ex and I sort of fell in love at first sight, he was a classmate of my classmates, brought to hang out together at a party. We both felt that the other was a male/female version of ourselves, with no barriers to communication and full understanding. I'm not sure if I've ever seen a woman with a high level of skin tone, but I'm sure I've seen a woman with a high level of skin tone, and I've seen a woman with a high level of skin tone, and I've seen a woman with a high level of skin tone.
From recognition to together, only used a week's time, after that we fell into that kind of moment to get tired of together hot love. How hot was it? Without living together, he traveled across town every morning to pick me up for work, dropping me off at the office and then going to work himself.
The first breakup was due to his sudden coldness.
From one day when he said he overslept and didn't come to pick me up from work, everything went wrong. He only occasionally to pick me up from work, see me also do not have the kind of starry eyes; something to call, will not hold the video does not let go; the weekend he just and I asked out for dinner, and then went to play the game with friends ......
I began to repeatedly ask him
Why are you like this?
He said what's wrong with me?
I said you're not treating me well anymore,
he said no, don't think too much.
This similar conversation was repeated 4-5 times, I was getting hysterical and pulling him not to leave, on a street corner late at night, he said I am cold and want to go home, I said make it clear before you leave! He looked at me helplessly and didn't leave.
The last time or say do not understand, I said well then I think too much, you since you do not like me, break up well.
He said you are really inexplicable, can not stand you, then break up.
I went home and cried all night. Think I'm too torn, make him angry, or not to break up. Cried and called and said I no longer pestered to ask you, I do not want to break up. He also painfully agreed.
After that I began to be careful in front of him, no longer wantonly laugh, no longer dare to ask whereabouts. When he spoke, I listened with a smile, and when he didn't, I stayed silent.
I also want to express myself, want to share the interesting things around him, want to let him help counsel work things.
But I either couldn't speak clearly in the period, or I just wanted to say something.
Because no matter what I say or do, I think, "Does he like it? What if he doesn't like it when I do it?"
The second breakup was brought up by him, and he said that he felt very tired and that he never felt the same way again.
In fact, I was tired too.
But in any case I can not let go, I do not listen to the end of the words on the way out, said you let me think about it and then talk to you, hasty escape.
In the evening I went to the bar we frequented to get drunk and called my best friend imploring her to ask him to pick me up.
He came to pick me up and I hugged him and cried and said I don't want to break up with you.
Crying, I fell asleep and woke up to see him around. I didn't smile at all.
I am keeping him, but he may not love me anymore, just pity me.
After this, he moved in with me. I think he still wants to try again too.
I am happy, but also worried. I'm happy, but I'm also worried. That's what they say in palace dramas: "When you're in favor, you're worried about getting out of favor, and when you're out of favor, you're worried.
Every day after work, if he is at home, I will be around him. He is not at home, I will do nothing to laze around; he took me out to play I went out to accompany him, he did not take me I do not look for friends to party ......
In fact, he is not trembling with fear, afraid that the words said heavy, I turned around and silently tears.
Even I don't know what I'm holding on to.
Finally, she showed up. I turned over his cell phone late at night, and I could feel how happy he was in the chat logs, how much he was like that guy at the beginning. And the light in that girl's eyes stung me y.
That kind of light is supposed to be self-confidence, ego and self-love.
The third time, he broke up with me again, he said I now feel for you, as if for a friend who has known for many years, but is not familiar, very vague.
I calmly nodded my head and said ok, break up.
I suddenly felt like I hated him, hated him for making me this way, hated him for not cherishing me, hated him for not being able to love me as much as I loved him.
I told my best friend to tell him that I have a baby. My girlfriends said you can actually go to such lengths for him now? What's the point of getting him back with that excuse?
He moved back in.
Looking at each other, neither of us knew how to proceed.
For the last time, I was the one who said break up.
All along, I have been y trying to get him back, but only to let him know how y and how madly I want to get him back, but did not ask him, he needs me how, the only result will only be to push him further and further away.
Later, I had a boyfriend, read a lot of books, walked a lot of places;
Later, I finally understand how to love. Looking back at that tired love, originally, can have a good result.
It turns out that every time I try to get back is a humble attempt to stay, never thinking about how a real intimate relationship should be.
The first breakup is the burnout period after the passion subsides, then young, do not know that men and women in love have no brain, only by the hormone domination, when the hormone return to normal value, the person also calm down, not so crazy obsession. Men return faster.
The foundation of such a relationship would have been good, and as long as we went with the flow and found our own way of communicating, it wasn't hard to transition from passion to intimacy.
However, because we can't afford to make up, but none of us want to, how to communicate, how to get along, how to be more intimate; I didn't go to understand what he really needs, and he has no way of knowing why I can't always let go; no one open up, no one take the initiative to expose themselves, not to work towards a more intimate direction, the second and third breakups, the inevitable end.
The three deep cuts of eager and eager to get back, taught me a few things:
One, the deeper the cuts, the more boundaries
Couples are intimate with each other, but this intimacy is also boundaries. Even if it is the other half, ta to you, but also "others". Your existence is the premise and foundation of your love, and if you throw away your sense of self, completely want to become subordinate to ta, then ta and you together what is the point?
Self-love leads to love. The most simple truth is unbreakable.
Water overflows when it's full, and if a person doesn't have enough reserves of love, and can't even love himself, then what is the ability to love people? If you are uncertain about your own worthiness to be loved, how can anyone else come to love you without hesitation?
I shouldn't have been distracted by everything after I met him, everything centered on him, changing my work and life plans at will; I was in a trance for those two years, only remembering all kinds of things related to him, and I didn't make the slightest progress in my career. Even the songs I listened to were his favorites,
I left him a last paragraph message saying, "I'm sorry to have ruined the initial good impression I made on you."
In an attempt to get back, in and out was me, neurotic was me, and he saw the most unbelievable side of me.
Didn't I want to go back to the good old days when I wanted to get back so y?
It's a pity that I forgot that he fell in love with the one who only had himself in his heart, the sunny and confident me!
So when you go out of your way to get back, stop and think about it, he loved, was originally how you, you changed, or he changed.
Two, the essence of love is fusion
Many couples, like me and him, good for a but do not understand at all. A year after the breakup of his circle of friends, he wrote an article of his own, is the hot spot of some of the ideas, honestly that moment I think I have never known him.
Turning in
Love is the ****ing vibration of the spirit.
When love goes through the first stage of mutual attraction, it is natural for both parties to go into each other's spiritual world to find a soul mate who is compatible with each other. However, this is, after all, the collision of two originally lonely worlds, from the family of origin to the huge differences in upbringing, often let us in some key nodes stuck, can not do the interoperability.
How to achieve spiritual integration? He understands you and you understand him, deciphering each other's codes. This requires adequate communication and patience.
Just as I did in the beginning, if I can be brave enough to say what I need, feel and expect. Tell him, "I'm a bit uncomfortable with your sudden change in attitude, let's think about why it's happening"; if I can create opportunities to tell him what I'm embarrassed to reveal, he'll respond to me as well.
Self-exposure is a psychologically effective means of enhancing relationships.
The exposure here is not about doing everything in front of the other person, but about being willing to tell the other person what is deep in your heart and mind, and this feeling of being trusted and having a secret with you will bring you closer to each other.
The process of integration requires repeated efforts, experience constant misunderstanding, these are just cognitive bias brought about by the natural results, do not need to panic and discouragement, as long as the love of your heart is firm enough, but also patient enough, these will eventually crack.
Three, the perfect feelings = supply and demand balance
You y want to restore ta. Then you want ta feel your love of deep thought, or want ta also y want to restore your former?
I think you'd have to go with the latter.
It's a shame I didn't understand, I thought he would have wanted to go back to the old days as much as I did.
Why is it that you can't wait to break up with me when we were so in love in the first place and I wanted to get back so badly? I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person, and I'm not a good person.
The first time is the first time, now is the present.
When did it start, ta's idea you don't understand, ta's feelings you don't understand, ta want you can't get it?
The crisis of intimacy, in the final analysis, is nothing more than, one person wants, another person can not give.
The cat has to cuddle with another cat in the winter. When people come into the world, they look for their other half, and they enter into an intimate alliance to get understanding, support, comfort, or money and resources from each other.
Once you've got nothing to offer, no needs can be met, and even negative values such as anxiety and drag are attached, you'll want to run away for a long time.
If you y want to get back, why don't you analyze it from this perspective?
What did you give to each other when you were first together?
Afterward, what were TA's needs?
For example, I, in the beginning, I gave to my ex-boyfriend love the best look - I, bring, called the pleasure of love. That's all he needed.
Then when we did get together, he needed a strong and stable intimate relationship (even though he may not have realized it himself), he needed my understanding, support, mental comfort, along with independence, and supposedly the constant attraction I maintained for him.
All of these, however, I did not provide.
I thought he needed my presence just fine. In whatever way, sad face or walking corpse.
Remember the world-famous short story "The Gift of the Magi"?
A poor couple, encountering a holiday wants to give each other a gift. Because of their deep love, they give everything they have. The man sells his heirloom gold watch to buy his wife an expensive comb;
The woman sells her hair to buy her husband a platinum watch bracelet ......
This is a classic case of "what you give me is not what I want".
Love each other, but trying in the wrong direction.
This kind of misalignment of needs, in the long run, both sides will feel unfulfilled. Or feel tired of maintaining the relationship, or resentment, will inevitably lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
It is true that you need to be sincere, but it is more important to go in the right direction. People have themselves first, and only then have the ability to understand others and provide for their needs. The tangled torment that comes from working toward integration over and over again in an intimate relationship is all a necessary part of love, and these are pains as well as blessings. May we all become that person with light in our eyes and love in our hearts, treating ourselves gently, and then fusing with that like-minded partner to find the meaning of life.
Psychological test: test your probability of getting back together after a breakup
After a breakup, have you ever wondered how likely it is that two people will still get back together? This set of test questions to help you test the probability of getting back together after a breakup, come and try it
1, now your cell phone is still stored in the contact information of the former?
Yes, 5 points
No, all deleted 0 points
2, what is the reason for your breakup?
Objective reasons, the family does not agree 1 points
Long-distance relationship, there is no future 2 points
TA think I have a very bad temper, our personalities do not fit 3 points
there is a third party intervened in our feelings 0 points
We quarreled and no one is willing to bow down, broke up in a rage 5 points
I think that the TA has a very bad temper, always complaining, was dumped by TA. Always complaining, was TA dumped 6 points
3, the following four statements, if you have to choose one you agree with the most, which one would you choose
A person loves another person, should love all of TA, regardless of the advantages or disadvantages, otherwise it can not be called true love, at best, is like 2 points
Effects, although it is you love me, but the matter of the other side of the love is also can be controlled, as long as you can meet each other's psychological needs, love can be guided 4 points
The strong melon is not sweet, if TA does not want to get back together, I respect the idea of TA 1 points
The world of feelings is never equal, want to get back to the one who will inevitably have to not begrudge their own pay 6 points
4, in the expression of a thing, you more important
Speaking to the other party to feel a strong impression 1 point
Speaking out the words of the people around you feel comfortable 6 points
Speaking out the words of the ultimate goal 4 points
5, you think that their own emotional basic characteristics
Emotional serious, often can not control their own temper 0 points
Self-suppressing ability, the surface calm, but the inner emotional ups and downs, once the frustration is very difficult to calm down 2 points
Everything is a cloud, not easy to anger, friends are praised for their good temper 6 points
Affective not dragged on the mud, more direct, but only once the stability is not easy to get agitated and angry 3 points
6, ever salvage the ex?
Retrieved, but was rejected, did not continue to retrieve 4 points
No, do not know what the other heart, do not dare to open 2 points
Retrieved several times, the other is very exclusionary, black, do not want to see me 0 points
Tried to open the mouth, but the other thought we are not suitable, I hope that I will find happiness 6 points
Retrieved, but the other is not suitable, I hope that I will find happiness, and the other is not suitable for the other.