01
There are a lot of girls around me who are still single when they are over thirty.
Each girl is in a different situation and has different reasons for being single. They have all faced the pressure of being forced to marry by their seven aunts and uncles, they have all been as busy as bees participating in various forms of blind dates, some have experienced several heartbreaking relationships, and some still have a blank sheet of paper in their relationship world.
Clearwater is my former colleague. She has a pair of Shigaraki's eyes, curved when she smiles and can flash out stars. A gentle, bright smile that can make two intoxicating dimples when she smiles.
She has a good hand at cooking, making carp soup as white and fresh as milk, and boiled pork slices that make people salivate just by listening to the sound of zipping.
Her gentle and obedient appearance, wrapped in a stubborn and rebellious soul, like to conquer, do not like to be conquered.
She is the youngest single girl in my circle of friends, and the one who is most anxious to end her singleness.
She fell in love with a 37-degree man, but at the same time, he was also a "three no's" who didn't take the initiative, didn't reject, and didn't take responsibility.
The worst part is that the man already has a girlfriend. What's worse, the man and his girlfriend are on and off, so she always thinks she has a chance to take advantage of the situation.
After the man broke up with his girlfriend for the N+1st time, and Qing Shui's formal confession was still rejected, she realized that she had been the man's spare tire all along, and it was still the most unlikely kind.
But she couldn't let go.
She's not willing to let the whole thing go up in flames. However, she also knows that he is not the one for her, and she doesn't want to waste her youth in a hopeless wait. It was just that she was a little anxious, not knowing in what way the future would come.
She often asked, "Will I just stay single and never get married?"
Her great-aunt was in her mid-forties when she got married, her aunt was thirty-eight or nineteen when she met her uncle, and both of her parents were over thirty-five when they got married.
The "gene" for marrying too late in life in her family made her fearful and worried about her future, fearing that she wouldn't be able to fight the loneliness as bravely as her family did.
What I want to say is: even if you don't get married for the rest of your life, what's the point? Will one die? Of course people are always going to die, but is life going to be impossible just because you don't get married?
But I can't say such a thing. As a married woman, that kind of talk seems too unsympathetic.
So I told her a few stories.
A few stories of women who had never married in their lives.
The main character in this story is named Jane Austen.
She is supposed to be the person who knows the most about love and marriage in the world. Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park, Emma, Northanger Abbey, and Persuasion, each of which explores the relationships and conflicts between love and marriage.
She is recognized for her wisdom and wit. In fact, she is not only emotionally intelligent, but her face value is not bad either.
The only existing portrait of her was drawn by her sister herself, when she was 35 years old.
In the portrait, she crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking to the right, naturally curly hair, wrapped in a round and full face, bright eyes with a light of wisdom, slightly drooping mouth slightly exposed contempt, as if at any time to people to sneer back. This portrait showed her wisdom and inner struggle in a clear way.
She officially entered the marriage market at the age of 15. Not only did she come from a privileged family background and had a good upbringing, but she was also good at embroidery, played the piano, sang and drew. In addition, is a dancing master. Simply called multi-talented and colorful.
Such a woman, how can there be a lack of men's pursuit?
One summer when she was 20 years old, she met a young stranger at the dating convention of her time, the ball.
He asked her to dance. They danced and danced, gazing at each other without distraction, sitting together without avoiding suspicion.
They danced day and night throughout the summer, doing "the most outrageous and shocking things that could be done".
The Irishman, Tom Lefroy, was about to become a lawyer. But he had no money; he relied on relatives to fund his education and his future career, and could not afford to marry a woman of her modest means.
As soon as that summer was over, he went home and later married a wealthy young lady.
And she, for five minutes, was sad about it, and it all went up in smoke.
Smart as she was, she saw early on the nature of marriage in her own time - profit-oriented. Marriage in those days was like a transaction. There was only one criterion for a good marriage - the ability to bring in money and make a good living for oneself. Her three brothers were the beneficiaries of a "good" marriage.
In those days, while men could support their families through their own professions, women were dependent on their fathers or husbands for money. Without money, there was no freedom. So once a woman reached marriageable age, she had to find herself a "good" husband.
Obviously, Tom was not a good husband for her.
02
Her future "good" husband came soon after.
Harris Beagle, the owner of the luxurious Mineton Manor, asked her to marry him.
She is a guest at Mineton Manor, drinking orange wine with the man's sisters.
The wine comes on and grows slightly intoxicated. The girls began to chase and frolic, running from room to room.
She giggled and pulled the door to her room closed behind the girls and realized he was in the room as well, his back to her.
She said, "Your sister and brother must have had a lot to drink."
He turned to her, looking nervous, and said, "You can pick up your sister, and your mother. Jane, marry me and be mistress of Mineton Hall, will you?"
She said, "Yes."
But the next morning, in the rain, she was gone in her carriage.
She withdrew from the marriage.
In the eyes of women of her age, Harris was indeed a good homecoming. His superior qualifications gave no reason for any woman to refuse.
But as the night wore on, the wine sobered up, and her mind cooled down, she realized she didn't love him and couldn't force herself to live with someone she didn't love.
She had seen too many loveless marriages. The women around her who found "good" husbands by virtue of their beauty were just decorations for the rich, and most of them were not loved by their husbands. They are living a life that is comparable to hard labor.
Because of her decision, her mother complained about her for 15 years, calling her a spoiled child, a selfish young lady who had no regard for her family.
She had struggled, too. After leaving Mineton Hall, she wrote in her diary, "Tell me I made the right choice. Tell me it is right to change my mind. God, please don't let me live to regret the decision I made today."
She knew deep down that a miserable, loveless marriage was more than her psyche could handle, but love alone was not enough. She was not her own Elizabeth, and she could not wait for her own Darcy.
In the end, she was unwilling to sell herself for money.
Later, she had a succession of suitors, but none of them gave her the urge to stay together.
Long-term life, so she knows the importance of economic foundation for marriage, but she is a delicate and sensitive people, practicing true love supremacy.
For a woman like her, marriage is like a gamble, and whether you win or lose depends on luck.
But not in fiction. She can create the perfect gentleman like Darcy, who is both wealthy and y affectionate, and send herself to the heroine for a hope of a life of no regrets in a relationship under her own pen.
Lovers die and money scatters, only dreams are eternal.
So she chose freedom, married herself to the dream of writing, and lived the life she wanted.
She used her own experience to tell us how precious true love is, and she has never regretted making such a choice.
Before she died, she confessed to her sister, "The only thing I regret is that I'm going to die and have nothing to leave you and my mother. The life I'm living now is what I wanted, what God had planned for me. I never thought that I would enjoy this life so much. It has given me far more pleasure than I ever deserved."
The hero of this next story is Xue Tao.
In the northwest corner of Wangjianglou Park in Chengdu, there was a bamboo forest. Deep in the bamboo forest, there is a ring-shaped tombstone with the inscription: Tomb of Xue Hongdu, a female school secretary of the Tang Dynasty.
This is Xue Tao's tomb.
Rumor has it that the epitaph on Xue Tao's tomb was originally inscribed by Duan Wenchang, and that the inscription on the tombstone reads, "Tomb of Xue Tao Hongdu, a female schoolmaster in Xichuan".
An ancient woman, the inscription is not "mother", "the first room", the title is not "a certain door, a certain family", but there is a birth and occupation, the name, name, word are complete. This in history, is unique.
Even Jane Austen's inscription does not mention her identity as a writer.
She was "both beautiful and talented", a woman of both talent and appearance, and at the age of 8, she was able to recite the phrase "the branches welcome the birds of the north and south, and the leaves send the wind to come".
But also because of this great line, a poem into a prophecy, fall into the dust. The fact that they are coming from the north to the south and from the south to the west is a reflection of the woman in the dust.
The Tang and Song Dynasty Kabuki, although not selling their art, but also have to show their faces, forced to smile, and politely entertained the dignitaries, the red sleeve to cover all the tears of sorrow.
An Yiru said that a woman like Xue Tao was better off as a kabuki. Because ordinary men could not match her stunning beauty and talent, and it is difficult to have the heart to tolerate her as a talented woman.
In the land of dust and flowers, her talent was not only not drowned out, but also because of the favor of the literati and the nobleman, came into prominence and stood out.
When Wei Gao, an important minister of the Tang Dynasty, became the governor of Jiannan and Xichuan, she was summoned to come and help.
The order to write a poem on the spot was given to her, and she was so calm that she put pen to paper and wrote a poem called "Visiting the Temple of Mount Wushan":
The messy apes cried as they visited Gao Tang, and the road was scented by the smoke and the grass and the trees.
The color of the mountain could not forget Song Yu, the sound of the water is still crying Xiang Wang.
The rain, the clouds, and the death of Chu are all under the balcony.
How many willows are there in front of the temple, and how many willows are there in front of the temple?
He could not help but secretly admire.
This poem is not like the ordinary women's rhetoric of the brothel thick words and fugue, there is no boudoir lady obsessed with lingering little girl situation, but there is a man's heart of a man, "the work of the absolute sentence, no female voice". And, a small woman, improvised poems will be able to wave, can be seen in its talent.
He immediately moved to pity, let her into the music, as a government servant to live in the Shogunate.
She received a good education from a young age, and her demeanor was generous and elegant, and she often assisted him in handling official documents. He was so impressed by her talent that he once wanted to ask her to be appointed as a school secretary, but although this did not happen, the name of "female school secretary" was spread and became a good story.
03
She became a big hit with the Shogunate, but she was not happy. He and she were like brother and sister, like soulmates, like lovers, but in the end, there was a difference between honor and inferiority, and they were nothing.
She wanted to change the status quo, but was powerless to do so, so she had to change herself. Thus, she was criticized as a "bully" and offended a lot of people.
Since she was his favorite, many people bribed her to meet him. In the end is young and uninvolved, she thought as long as it is not raiding the people's money, accept a little is not a big deal. He was so angry that he sent her to Songzhou to work as a camp counselor.
She thought that he would take pity on her, dote on her, and be a harbor for her.
She thought that he would take pity on her, dote on her, and be a harbor for her. But she never thought that once she hit rock bottom, he would not even think about his old love, and would leave her in the cold and bitter land of the border.
Then, she realized that she was just relying on others to have a moment's peace and quiet, and that she had nothing to lose.
Looking at the desolate desert in front of her, she felt despair, and she did not hesitate to lower herself to the level of humiliation, writing "ten away from the poem", comparing herself to dogs, eagles, horses, and other disfavored playthings, so as to ask him for forgiveness.
He finally recalled her and restored her to her former glory.
After this disaster, she has learned to restrain herself. But when he fell ill and died, she was banished to the frontier again, and was fortunate to be rescued by an old friend, who freed her from her joyful status and gained her freedom.
Since then, she has moved to Raccoon Brook, a suburb of Chengdu, and has lived a life of ease and leisure.
Runflower Stream has been a paper-making resort since ancient times. In the Tang Dynasty, people used paper to write poems, which was not only wasteful but also not very beautiful. She collected the skin of wood hibiscus as raw material, blended it with flower juice, dyed the paper red, and made the "Xue Tao paper" which has been famous for centuries.
She was so famous that even though she had already left the music, many literati still came to her. Yuan Zhen, Bai Juyi, Du Mu, Liu Yuxi, etc., known to later generations, were her guests. Among them, Yuan Zhen even developed a love affair with her.
Yuan Zhen, who was suave and talented, fell in love with her at first sight when he entered Sichuan at the age of 31.
Although he was 11 years older than her, the man who wrote "There is no water in the ocean, and there is no cloud on Mount Wu" still made her passionate and mesmerized.
They lived a life of "double perch on the green pool, morning and evening **** fly back". However, the happiness is always too short. Three months later, he was transferred out of Sichuan, and has not been back since.
Smart as she, how could not understand, after all, he was so much bigger, the beauty of the late, and from the dust, his career is not half a point to help, why bother to cry for a thinly veiled person?
Since then, she took off the red dress, put on a robe, away from the world's bustle and clamor, living in the Ginshi building, calmly walked to the end of his life, at the age of 73.
Throughout Xue Tao's life, dislocation, ups and downs, always in the body. Rarely met in the dust in the confidant, round and round, but fell into a wrong person.
She was never short of admirers around her, but she also knew that they were just admirers of her talent, is their leisure time to enjoy the decorations.
Men, like the willow flakes in front of the door, "his family is a merciless thing, a residence in the south and north fly", are all towards the Qin Mucuo Chu's.
This is the first time that I've seen a man who has been in a hurry to get out of the house.
Seeing through this, the heart is naturally light.
The same choice of life-long unmarried women, foreign and a generation of legendary superstar Greta Garbo.
Her face is known as the ultimate face of human evolution, three times nominated for the Oscar for best actress, but in the peak of the career announced the rest of the film, living a life of isolation, until the end of life.
In addition, the "Virgin Queen" Elizabeth I, in order to consolidate the throne and balance the power of various countries, took the initiative to give up marriage, in exchange for the rise of the empire of Great Britain.
The Republic of China's Lv Bicheng, known as "the last female lyricist in the past three centuries," dedicated her life to the feminist movement, advocating "the liberation of women, equal rights for men and women.
And there are also the sweet-singing diva Teresa Teng and the hundred-changing diva Anita Mui.......
Looking at these women, they all have two **** the same characteristics: first, celibacy is their active choice; second, they all have a dream and a cause that can be invested in a lifetime of hard work.
The world likes to use universal values to measure a person's happiness, thinking that women who never marry have strange problems and must end up miserable.
The so-called miserable, after all, is just a "lonely old man".
However, those who choose not to get married for life must be able to endure loneliness and not be afraid of loneliness.
This is a defiance of the world, but also a test of their own strong heart. More likely, they are already complete in themselves and do not need to rely on another person to make their lives complete.
Like in "The Big Bang Theory", Sheldon said: "I've never been able to understand the whole thing about people spending their lives chasing after another human being and ****ing their lives away. Maybe I'm too interesting on my own to need the company of others."
Married or single? Tying the knot for love or tying the knot for marriage?
There are millions of forms of life, but most people are stuck in the same explosive way of living, ignoring the little freshness that blooms in the corner.
Choices are just choices, there is no right or wrong, and it does not matter what the regrets are, if you make a decision, you have to bear the consequences.
Happy? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it.
Life is your own, others' evaluation, just leave it to others!
"END"
Author introduction: Chelsea, Jane book, a moment resident author, the article is scattered in the "reader", "love you", "Italian forest" and other magazines, compiled by "thunder people thunder words thunder over the sky" (supplement), a number of translations were included in the "Italian inspirational museum ﹒ United States volume". This article is published with the authorization of the author.