Friend A experienced domestic violence when he was a child, and his mother was hardworking and virtuous, but his father was addicted to gambling, and his parents often quarreled. Once, her mother cooked a table full of delicious food for her friend A, and then she hid in the room. After friend A finished eating, she thanked her mother, only to find her lying on the ground foaming at the mouth. Seeing her like this, young friend A knew that her mother had been poisoned and went to the village to kneel down and beg. My mother was saved, and afterwards I learned that my father gambled away all the money my mother worked so hard to earn for her family, even the title deed of her family. My mother was driven to the brink of collapse and committed suicide by taking poison. After this experience, friend A's psychology left a shadow, and anything related to pesticides and hospitals would make him feel scared and sweaty.
There is also an elder who has passed away now. He was only in his fifties. He was not ill and died suddenly. According to other elders, when he was young, his family was very happy, with a son and a daughter and a virtuous daughter-in-law, but he was a little lazy. The whole family is supported by his daughter-in-law, and the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is particularly bad. She often lost her temper, and one year the harvest was particularly bad. After that, her daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law had a big fight, and then took two children to drink pesticides. At that time, both children were gone, but her daughter-in-law was rescued. Sentenced to death, at that time, my mother-in-law could let go of the death penalty, but she didn't, so there were no three people in a happy family of four. When the elder got this result, his heart should have collapsed at that time, and he finally died suddenly after being lonely for more than 30 years. I think when he left this world, there should be a big shadow in his heart.
Although friend B has a harmonious family and loves his parents, he was often bullied by other students because of his small size when he was a child. The most serious one was that a tall student thought it was fun to bully him. He slapped him on the way after school every day, tortured him for nearly half a month, and was finally stopped by the teacher. Although his classmates who bullied him were severely punished, his heart was strong for those who were physically strong from then on. Tall strangers always have a sense of fear and disgust. Even if the other person is kind, it is difficult for him to escape this resistance. But with the growth of age and the baptism of life, he has no such psychological shadow now.
From the above examples, we know that in fact, the shadows in our hearts can be accompanied by many major changes and injuries from relatives and friends for a lifetime. The psychological shadows of strangers on us are more likely to make us open our hearts and go out. Just like a saying, the deeper we love, the longer we hurt.
Therefore, the way to get out of the shadows is actually very simple, that is, to reach a state of reconciliation with the relatives or friends who hurt you the most. The method is simple and it is really difficult to act, but each of us grows up slowly by overcoming difficulties again and again. We fight for survival every day, but we have been used to fighting for so many years, so they are no longer difficult; Similarly, overcoming psychological shadows also requires this kind of fighting spirit.
If friend A stops imagining his mother as so fragile and helps him get rid of the bad habits that his father still keeps, maybe he won't have any more fears. If this elder could understand his mother's anger at that time, and he was not so weak at that time, maybe his wife would not die, and his next 30 years might be another scenery. Everyone has a big or small shadow in his heart. The best way to get out of the shadow is to face it bravely and overcome it in constant confrontation with it.
We are all teenagers. We are timid, cruel, black and white when judging right and wrong. When we grow up, we find that the world is not black and white, and there are many other forms. What we can do is to constantly hone our minds, reconcile with black-and-white cognition, embrace other different forms of cognition, bravely fight, bid farewell to the past, welcome the future, and become ideal people in our hearts.