"Why did you come to Beijing?"
"I don't know, I hold my breath in my heart. Maybe for the ideal."
"So your ideal, is it okay now?"
"Good and bad. It seems to be wandering; should I exile it?"
......
Conversations like this happen every day. Stories like this are never new.
For many years, the call of "fleeing from the north to the south" has been rising and falling, but unchanged, the import and export of these big cities, still people come and go, some people with the excitement of the first time to come and panic, hoping that the city to give an answer to the ideal. Some people are sad or relieved, gradually leaving, the ideal word is no longer said in the mouth, personal sadness and happiness and the city is not connected.
More than 100 years ago, the ideal is sublime, is a spark, can start a prairie fire, can save the survival; 30 years ago, the ideal is romantic, is the flower of thought, uplifting, washing the soul; more than 10 years ago, the ideal is the key words in the TV, sometimes moving, sometimes reduced to a SHOW; Nowadays, the ideal is a shame to say out. Talking about ideals, it seems pretentious; do not talk about it, it seems to have no feelings. Excessive pursuit of ideals, seem screwed; did not realize the ideal, but also seem incapable of ......
Ideal, is to continue to let it wander? Or will it be exiled?
A while ago, I saw the artist Wang Chunshuai shooting black bridge - a piece of ruins. It was the starting point of many people's ideals, now gray, but still glowing with the initial expectation and light.
In Wang Chunshuai's memory, Black Bridge is a utopia on the edge, and an ideal place to build art. When he first began to love photography, he decided to come to Beijing. Heiqiao was the first place that accepted him. The rent here was cheap enough, 400 yuan a month, 10 yuan for electricity, 10 yuan for internet, and no money for water. The price level is very high in Beijing, but there is such a place, Wang Chunshuai surprise.
Here is also enough not alone, there are all walks of life: waiters, construction workers, couriers, delivery, takeaway, beauty salon ...... most people are also the first time in Beijing, young and fearless. There are all kinds of dishes here, Henan chow mein, Chongqing small noodles, northeastern restaurants ...... In the summer, some people dance in the square, some people eat crayfish on the side of the road and talk loudly, and some people hide in the tavern and cry secretly. This is the ideal first stop, where everyone can exist, and everyone is grateful ...... but the place is soon torn down, waiting for a new house to be built.
Figure Once upon a time, Black Bridge was taken by Wang Chunshuai
In fact, for most art practitioners like Wang Chunshuai, they have long been accustomed to this "nomadic" state. From the Yuanmingyuan Painters' Village to Songzhuang, from Heibiao to Caochangdi ......, a place is suddenly demolished, and a place quietly rises up, these art practitioners are constantly migrating to the edge of the city, just to find a cheaper place with relatively relaxed policies, to continue their "utopia! "They continue their utopia. Someone said, "They are still like a circle, like a beautiful giant balloon hanging in the mid-air of Beijing City, detached from the northern drift, not belonging to Beijing, barely able to border with the international community, but at the end of the day, always avoiding to give the impression of a hanging."
Yes, their ideals are also like a beautiful balloon, "high above", but can not grasp the hands of the line, lose the "right to control" of life, the ideal of the place of wobbling, the ideal of the heart will be followed by hesitation.
Photo: Black Bridge after demolition by Wang Chunshuai
Some people may ask, "Do you have to come to Beijing to do art? I remember a friend, Xiao K, before he came to Beijing, a doctor who studied the art market told him, "If you insert small red flags on the map, the rest of the country is just a scattering of stars, while Beijing is a vast expanse of small red flags, which means that the center of the art market is in Beijing."
Hearing this, the fire in K's heart burns really hard to endure, because in his place, learning art, a little better to go to be a teacher of art, and most of them open the supermarket, do maintenance ...... life in a nutshell, get by. Little K is not satisfied, know that the learning can not be reduced to a dream ah. So, he picked up his bag, put a little money, and came to Beijing without hesitation. He is convinced that this is a noble profession, but he can't tell you why.
Photo by Wang Chunshuai
However, after six years of coming to Beijing, the pious heart of the original doubt, not to mention the external "art place" in the wandering, their "work" is also wandering. "The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what I'm talking about.
Little K once has been in a company to the position of vice president, interviewed a lot of people. These interviewees, there is no lack of some forty or fifty years old, practicing twenty or thirty years, they are no lack of high moments, and all kinds of big names have cooperated, did some beautiful exhibitions, but ultimately still have to introduce themselves in front of this young man, hoping to continue to have a job, small K heart, very worried about their own when they get to that age is also theirs, even if it is a strong pursuit of art and how to ...... His fears came true, the company was on the verge of collapse, and he went on the road to find the next job, the "ideal place" to continue to wander.
Photo by Wang Chunshuai
These artists are not the only ones wandering in the "ideal place". Sometimes they even feel lucky that they are with a group of like-minded people. But those more lonely to Beijing, people from all walks of life, most of them live into an island. If you want to live better, you have to go to Tiantongyuan, Tongzhou, Yanjiao, Tangjialing, Shigezhuang, Picun, all those "distant places", at the cost of more than two or three hours of commuting time every day. If you want to have a shorter commute, then the company moved where you move, the price is high rent, always do a little moving man ......
Last week's excursion, I met a 26-year-old girl, she lives in Tongzhou. She said on one side that it was quiet there, and the rent of just over 1,000 a month satisfied the small world she wanted. She also consoled herself with the fact that with a 2-hour commute, she could memorize her vocabulary and read e-books on the way. But when she had to rush to the subway every morning, looking at the "huge" crowd, the psychological defense instantly collapsed, this morning is not late on the good.
Perhaps, in these cities, everyone is an island. Fortunately, these islands are all connected; unfortunately, they understand each other but can't be connected.
When I was young, I read Hamlet's sentence "To be or not to be, that's a question." I only felt that Hamlet was not only a prince of melancholy, but also a prince of hesitation, and I felt ambiguous about his entanglement. Until I became a "northern drift", "to be or not to be" would often linger in my mind, and inevitably became a hesitant and melancholy person.
When young people are confused, they always ask for advice from those who have been there before, hoping that they will not get entangled. But in the face of the "ideal" problem, "the past" will not be like the year to persuade the college entrance examination as lightly, they are also very entangled, not only thirst for young people with clear ideal light to move forward, but also can not bear to see young people take too many detours, and finally will be ideal! They are also torn. Perhaps, they can only leave that ambiguous words, " Ideal, regardless of whether to realize or not, anyway, is to be lost.
Ideal of the heart is indeed clear, it can support you and me from the comfort of the small town to a lonely island, but also allows you and me to feel "existence", "change", "courage", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the", "the" and "the". It can also give you and me the pleasure and pride of "being", "changing" and "being brave".
Just like Wang Chunshuai, he loves photography, and uses it to record what he sees and hears every day, his joys and sorrows. When you are frustrated, there are still people to talk about your ideals with. When you're happy, there are people who are happy for you, and there are people who raise their glasses for you. Two or three years ago, mindlessly shooting those daily "black bridge", two or three years later, these photos have become an exhibition. Ideal, insist on insisting, still very beautiful.
But the ideal heart and the reality is always far away, fight so many years, or can not have a stable place to live in this city; struggle for a long time, will also find that always "people outside the people, outside the mountain", the ideal is not even worth mentioning; more disturbing is that wandering for so many years, the thought of home is more and more The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it.
I remember seeing a passage on the Internet, "This is a city of tens of millions of people, less than a grain of dust like me, there should be someone who cares about ...... if the cheap rental house is still considered a home, it is because of his existence. Unfortunately, even he's gone." Just as this paragraph looked at my mixed feelings, and see just left Beijing, back home, a friend sent a circle, "Open the circle of friends, all about Beijing. Feeling a bit divided."
What about not leaving? Not to leave is, long-term living in a rented house, marriage and children is a problem, parents in the accelerated aging, the heart in the accelerated self-reproach, regret, confusion ...... ideals realized okay, if not, and accustomed to the rhythm of such drifting, and how to be good? Let the ideal of the heart wandering, the original is not only "place" of the drift, more still can not accept the ideal and the reality of the gap.
Ideal, is the heart, continue to wander? Or by the reality, this exile? Why can't I always put down roots?" When a friend told this question to her psychiatrist, the psychiatrist was just careful to say, " Perhaps, it's not the inability to put down roots, but the lack of the ability to do so. "This statement, which made the friend rooted, seems to be the reason.
I remember interviewing an artist who also used to live in Blackbridge and now has a lot of good work. When I asked him, "Why are there so many photos of Blackbridge in your work, is it because you can't get enough of that ideal place? Do you fear this sense of wanderlust?"
For him, who has moved his studio three times in three years, he replied lightly, "Artists should not be afraid of being nomadic, and this kind of change may sometimes break their inertia, which is not a bad thing."
He didn't laugh at the young man's ignorance, or give him so-called life advice, when I told him I was confused about the world. Instead, he opened up about his own confusion, and his own process of digesting it. Interestingly, confusion is replaced by new confusion, which pulls him forward. Yes, even if there is no "ideal", there will still be a lot of confusion in life, and it's the ability to solve problems, or the courage to accept the confusion that is important, which is probably a kind of ability to take root.
In fact, Ideal is about choice, not about fate. The fact that there are choices and there is the ability to bear them is also a kind of ability to take root. Like a friend who thinks she came to Beijing just because she didn't have the ability to overcome her own desires. And there are friends who think they are idealistic maniacs who have come to this place to walk around and make sure they don't miss out. And then there are those who love the glow of the ideal still more than the ideal itself.
This reminds me of the movie "Spring", three small-town literary youth with ideals, three choices, three undertakings. The protagonist Wang Cailings love is the opera to bring her "different" sense, she loves the arts to get rid of mediocrity, but the reality is still teaching her to be an ordinary person; another love of ballet teacher, he is with the arts forever, even to the prison, you can feel the pleasure of the ballet in the foot; and a love of painting, he thinks he can be a good person. Painting youth, he thought he could be "another Van Gogh", must go to the Central Academy of Fine Arts, the results of the test five times did not get in, and ultimately went south to do one of the most realistic people ......
Each with their own choices, and each for the The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you're doing and how you're doing it.
Often, uneasiness is precisely a temptation to test whether you really love your ideal?
There are also many times when the ideal is not a goal, but a way to borrow the ideal, constantly close to the ideal self.
This may be a shame to say that the ideal of the era, ideals are amused, ridiculed, and even trampled. This may be another era of wanting the ideal too much, people silently miss in those white clothes, those ideal flying moment, miss those clear, brave self. There are also those who are struggling, moving forward, settling their ideals in their hearts, becoming their own abilities and beacons.
To say or not to say, to wander or not to wander, we all need ideals.
Or maybe we need to be more honest with ourselves!