The more I tried to fall asleep, the more I couldn't. I knew my housemates were slowly falling into sleep, and I was still fighting myself until it was almost dawn, when I could drift off a little for so long.
When you have insomnia, you will especially dread the night, even if your energy is already poor. Because you will fear another failure to fall asleep in the presence of darkness.
So much so that later on, remembering this whatever day again, I wondered how on earth I had managed to sustain myself.
No matter how hard it is, if you hold on a little longer, you may be able to get through it
Ten years ago, there was no psychologist in the class committee, and I didn't know or couldn't understand so many terms that denoted psychological or mental states, such as anxiety, such as stress, etc., and I didn't know how to regulate myself for such a situation, let alone know that I could ask for help from the people around me.
It's a good thing that I'm not a psychiatrist.
I thought the cause was all in me. I thought it was my own fault for not being able to concentrate, for not being able to sleep well, and for not being able to think straight.
So it's all just up to you to fix it.
What to do? Hang in there and try to improve.
I used the dumbest way possible to keep myself learning.
If I couldn't read, I copied; if I couldn't sleep at night, I rested more at noon, even if I couldn't sleep, I had to lie in bed; if I was too inefficient, I spent more time, and I couldn't sleep anyway.
This is me in this state! All the ways I can think of to cope at this age, in this environment.
Despite the pain of insomnia nagging at me, I knew that I definitely couldn't lose my studies.
And so, I made it through that semester with grades that met my expectations. After a vacation, the insomnia slowly got better.
It may have been mentally bad enough to break down, but I'm thankful for the person I was at the time, who never gave up on being so hard on myself, and kept on the path of trying.
Don't despair on the tougher days.
Maybe, there is not a very high vision, not enough help, but those who read the voice and put in the effort, or a visible way to reward yourself.
Thanks for the past, cherish every moment in front of you
Perhaps, it is because they have survived the difficult days of insomnia, in the later days of life, despite the occasional bad sleep, but the spirit is no longer so nervous.
"Once the sea is hard to water, in addition to the witch mountain is not cloud."
When I stopped caring so much about insomnia and its negative effects, it stopped haunting me.
When I sleep well, I enjoy the rest that adequate sleep brings me.
When I don't sleep well, I flip through a book, write about my day's achievements and feelings, and then turn off the light and rest when sleep comes.
No matter how good or bad the sleep is, I can face it happily, and I can feel the fulfillment and happiness of life from the time that slips away.