three goes to a restaurant. After eating, dad pays while mom says to the waiter, "Can I pack the leftovers to take home for the dog?" "Of course you can, please." The son next to her asks, "Do we really need a dog in our house?"
II. I dreamt that I had a fight with my boyfriend, and he slammed the door and left without answering the phone, and I couldn't get in touch with him in a hurry. So I opened Taobao and kept shopping. A steady stream of credit card spending text messages finally helped me summon him back.
Three. Just now in the train station self-service ticket, listening to the back of a gold necklace wearing uncle said: "What is the use of studying, college students still have to work for me." I listened to a slight smile, after picking up the ticket to change the language of the ticket machine to English.
4. Since I got married years ago, my mom has never nagged me again. In addition to watching TV dramas every day is to dance in the square, look obviously better than before too much, this is what people often say, "married daughter-in-law, prosperous mother" it!
Five. The day of the haze out must not forget to wear a mask, otherwise the body will be seriously harmed. I know this very well, I went out today and forgot to wear a mask, the result on the road was recognized by the debtor beat up!
Six. Colleagues have a pair of twin daughters, called Dabao and Xiaobao, Xiaobao is better behaved always be bullied by Dabao ...... One day colleagues to the two daughters to explain what is meant by caring, to give them an example, if the sister of Dabao fell, the younger sister should do what ah? Xiao Bao did not hesitate to answer: "hurry to run over to step on two feet, or she up I can not beat her."
VII. Just saw a dog pooping on the street. A friend of mine said: give me a hundred dollars I dare to lick. I immediately gave him a hundred dollars, the results of this goods really licked ...... that hundred dollars.
8. Cigarettes are gone. You can point another one, the wine is not there, you can re-pour a cup, the game is lost, you can re-open a game, the girlfriend is not there, you can always smoke and drink and play the game, it's so good!
9. Today at work. A colleague's face is not good, so he asked me: do you believe in ghosts ah, I have been feeling the neck by an invisible force choking gasping, is not haunted by ghosts! I took a look: you inside the sweater to wear the opposite ......
Ten. Today, after eating a meal suddenly stomach ache, classmates called together to go shopping, I said: "Do not go, I think I'm a little nauseous." Classmates: "Yes? I have long felt you disgusting!"
Eleven. In the past, the doctor would be happy to say to the pregnant woman, "Congratulations on your pregnancy." Now the doctor will say, "You're pregnant, do you want the baby or not!" That's how times have changed!
XII. I've been practicing yoga for the past two days, and I've strained my leg, and I'm walking with a limp. Today, on the way home from work, I met two handsome men selling products, one of them wanted to come up to me to recommend, the other handsome man pulled him back. I was a little confused, and then continued to walk, I heard the handsome man said: disabled people we do not cheat!
Thirteen. Why sleep can beauty? Because if you sleep a lot, you get fat, and your skin is held up and has a tightness to it.
XIV. Husband traveled to his wife text message: "sleep?" "Sleep!" "Wife you really naughty." "Your wife really sleep!" "Who are you, believe it or not I now go over and kill you!" "I'm her mom!"
Fifteen. Recently began to lose weight, get up in the morning to weigh
1
32.
7 pounds, and then confident to go to the bathroom to open the big, after weighing
1
33 pounds. At this point next to the son: Dad, how do I feel you are going to eat shit, not to shit. I ......
Sixteen. Advise all friends to like their own people, refusal, to be dry, let her roll, do not think of keeping a spare tire. Just like me, if she hadn't blacklisted all my contacts, I probably wouldn't be dead now.
17. What are men most afraid of? The first thing I'd like to do is to get a good look at what I'm talking about! What are women most afraid of? I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but I'm afraid of everything except men!
Eighteen. There is a 100 yuan on the ground, my son wanted to pick up, I educated: "not your things can not be." The son said: "I picked up not on my?" I actually speechless!
19. Go to a neighborhood to find a friend, a little lost, went up to ask a small child: "Little beauty, know so-and-so building is which one?" Little girl happy to the side of the little boy said: "Look, someone shouted me beautiful, you still say I ugly?" The little boy looked at me, "Of course she called you beautiful, because she's uglier than you." I ......
Two
Ten. And my wife to go to the grave, due to go in too much of a hurry, arrived and found that there is no bring meditation money, so I asked my wife to go to buy! I sat there alone to smoke, then came a couple! They asked me, "What are you doing sitting here alone? I didn't even think about it and replied: I'm waiting for my wife to give me money! The man was so scared that he ran away.
21. Today in the company responsible for recruitment. Came to the couple to apply for employment, the two said they wanted to do security and cleaning, I was busy with the information to let them fill out, and so they fill out I was dumbfounded, the man said that at home are he hygiene, so I want to do the cleaning, the woman's courage and strength, I want to do security!
Twenty-two. Usually I have been accompanied by my son to make up math, today something temporary to let my daughter-in-law accompanied him to go. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the best out of this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to get the best out of this, and I'm going to be able to get the best out of this. He fell asleep in class. Me: Something came up today. Isn't my daughter-in-law here? Teacher: Your daughter-in-law snores louder than your son! I ......
23.Xiaoming play cell phone in class. The class teacher saw it outside the window and sent a text message to him, saying: Why are you playing with your cell phone in class? Xiao Ming returned: Who are you? The class teacher said again: look out the window! Xiaoming looked out the window and returned: thanks for reminding, a moment to talk, the class teacher looked out the window!
Twenty-four. Married on behalf of single friends anxious, divorced on the feeling that other people's happiness are all illusion, have a child on the feeling that do not have children are selfish, the first work on the feeling that graduate school is a waste of life, do freelance work on the perception that the working class sells their souls.