Pony nodded shyly and left the motherland with a bag on his back.
I can't trace back to Ma Xiao's four-year love affair with her boyfriend in college, but I know it's great that they can be practical in college for four years.
After two years in different places, Pony studied in America and her boyfriend worked in China. After time difference, time and space, time polishing, contradiction, misunderstanding and lonely friction, she finally insisted on meeting. When Pony returned to Beijing, he couldn't wait to hold him and his face was full of tears.
Acacia for two years, finally meet again.
Finally hand in hand, no longer have distant thoughts.
However, a month later, the two broke up.
I think, you and I both have the same question, shouldn't it be that lovers get married, shouldn't it be bittersweet? number
Because most of the stories of "All's well that ends well" and "Fly with me" only appear in literature and film and television works, there is another role in reality that should be a supporting role, but it is playing the leading role. Its name is parents.
Not in fairy tales, not in love stories. They were supposed to be green leaves, but in China, they turned into red flowers.
And this kind of participation can always turn one thing into another.
Pony's parents asked the man's parents to buy a house in Beijing to pay the down payment. When the man's family was poor, he asked the woman's parents if they could pay half of it and pay it back later.
At first, the woman accepted, but on the eve of the wedding, the woman's mother suddenly went back on her word, thinking that the family had spent 1 million to send her daughter abroad, and it was not appropriate for me to pay half of the down payment for marriage now. Is all the money at home wasted?
Obviously, the mother began to think like a businessman and put her daughter on the other side of the business.
After thinking about it, I called the man's parents, probably because of the excessive way of speaking, which directly angered the man's parents. I didn't expect the pony to eat at the man's house, and the man's parents actually took it out on the pony.
Obviously, this transfer of anger is very unreasonable.
Pony's boyfriend was also surprised and scared by the sudden attack. He stood there without even speaking for his girlfriend.
The girl was wronged and ran home crying. When mother saw this, she flew into a rage, picked up the phone and called the boy again. The boy told his parents that they thought that the difficulty again and again was to dislike their poverty, and their emotions broke out again. ...
In this way, the two sides were locked in a fight and could not communicate at all.
This emotion broke out for a year, and Pony and her boyfriend finally broke up. After breaking up, Pony cried all night, and boys often secretly sent messages to her, but both parents opposed it and couldn't progress to the next step, so they kept hanging on and didn't know what to do to save each other's feelings.
She told me it was the seven-year itch, but I refused. If both parents participate in the first year, it will itch in the first year.
She said, isn't it good for parents to intervene?
I said, participation is necessary, but don't forget that feelings are a matter for two people, not for others, or even for parents. Everyone can only be a supporting role. You can't be a director just because you are a parent. You are the director of your own life.
Over the years, I have seen that all couples who have a good relationship have more or less a sense of "putting righteousness above family". In fact, many conflicts between boyfriends and girlfriends born after 1980s and 1990s are not from material things, but from the pressure exerted by parents of both sides.
I asked Pony, have you ever thought about buying a house since you came back from America?
Pony said, yes, but I also thought about it, even if I can't afford it. After all, as long as there is him, it is home, and renting a house is also living.
I asked, but did you find that as soon as parents intervened, things deteriorated immediately, beautiful feelings became cold reality, and spiritual matching became economic matching. Today, is that what you want?
She shook her head. I can feel her pain, the pain of being unable to tear my heart out. She said that she hated her parents. I don't think that boy hates his parents.
Liu Zhenyun thinks in One Word Worth Ten Thousand Sentences: China people are good at turning one thing into another, then into a third thing, and then making a mess.
Love itself is a matter for two people. Parents get involved too much, and everything goes bad, from one thing to another: they love each other very much and become cautious; Want to get married early, suddenly encountered many difficulties; It could have let nature take its course and become difficult.
Just like a pony, when things ferment, it becomes a contradiction between her mother and that family. Pony's mother told her: if you associate with this poor family again, we will sever the relationship between mother and daughter.
I think, when her mother said this, to what extent did she think from her daughter's point of view and to what extent did she think about her daughter's happiness? I thought of this step. Her own face and economic cost are above everything else.
I told pony, what does your mother want you to find? After all, they also think you should get married.
She said, I don't know, but I was afraid that when I had to get married, she introduced me to one casually and said, get married quickly, just pick one, and it's almost enough.
I once said: many parents don't know what their children want, and even, many times, I think some parents don't want their children to be happy at all.
This seemingly serious statement is well-founded in China today.
I have seen a mother once tell her daughter that no one in the world really loves you except her mother.
These are the words of a real mother. I can imagine the starting point of her saying this sentence. The first half of the sentence is quite reasonable, and the second half will only make children wary of the world.
However, the mother will eventually get old and leave. How can you let a child who dare not love live in the world? How can you let a child who wears a barrier all day love in this world?
This is not love, this is naked kidnapping with love.
It is an indisputable fact that children will eventually leave their parents and live with the other half, no matter how far away. Everyone should have their own life, their own rhythm.
Distance is the best love.
Sometimes, learning to let go will have better results.
I wrote an article three years ago called "Mom and Dad, why do you want to interfere with my feelings".
The story is about an aunt who refused to let her daughter associate with her boyfriend who had been talking for seven years, saying that the boy had no quality. But after communication, I found that this is not the case, just because my aunt can't accept that boy.
After I finished writing this article, my sister said it was really good and forwarded it. And my aunt saw it. She was very angry after reading it. She called me and said I was a traitor. How can I stand by my sister and scold me?
I asked my aunt, have you ever thought about what the final result will be if you suppress your daughter so much and then introduce her one by one?
Aunt didn't speak for a long time.
I think she has been able to clearly show that this is a loss-making enterprise. If she interferes blindly as a member of parliament, the children will hate her, but it is only a matter of time. Which unhappy person will have endless love?
A year later, the daughter got married and the groom was a boy who had been in love for seven years.
I don't know how my aunt accepted him, and I don't know what efforts he made, but I understand that this road is very long and my parents compromised.
Parents compromise, children can be happy; Only when parents decentralize can children be free.
The Bible says:
Gen 2:24 Therefore, a man will leave his father and mother and join himself to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Leaving parents and getting a wife is a necessary condition for happiness. People will eventually grow up and spend their lives with another person. This man is not his parents but his own choice.
Parents always say that their generation is under great pressure, but this generation of children is under even greater pressure. Their pressure comes not only from soaring housing prices and rising living costs, but also from parents' demands. What children pursue is not pure material, but happiness itself.
And many times, parents' demands and excessive participation often ruin a good relationship.
Just like a quarrel between husband and wife, it is normal in itself, but once both parents are involved, it will get worse immediately, and both sides will start to intensify, and this battle will not be finished.
My aunt married from Xinjiang to Hubei and lived with her uncle's family. Every time she quarreled, she turned into an uncle and attacked her aunt. Over time, her aunt suffered from severe depression. Once I really couldn't stand it and said to the old man, why are you so uneducated?
When the old man saw me, he became angry and said, how can we be uneducated?
I said, what is your upbringing when a young couple quarrels blindly?
Of course they refused to accept it. But I want to tell a story about my brother and sister-in-law.
My brother is at my sister-in-law's house. Whenever there is an argument with the sister-in-law, the parents of the sister-in-law will stand on the side of their brother and scold the sister-in-law, and then let them go home and quarrel.
I believe my sister-in-law's parents must turn their hearts to my sister-in-law, but educated parents must elbow out and close the door before kissing their children.
Besides, they can't interfere too much in children's lives. After all, everyone has their own rhythm. If he is not a party, don't judge him indiscriminately. Respect, like silence, is deep love.
You love square dancing, and I love staying up late. We need to respect each other and keep our distance, so as to get along better and love each other better.
I am very grateful to my parents, especially my father, for giving up power at the most appropriate time.
My father was very strict with me when I was a child. My sister and I will be scolded if we can't be at the top of the class. Slowly, as we grew up, I suddenly found that they no longer cared about me. They only gave me advice, but they didn't force me to do things I didn't like.
My parents have their own careers and hobbies, and they will call me to ask questions, but they will not interfere too much in my life. They only make suggestions and don't force them.
Watching me stay up late, they will say that they will make up for it the next day; Seeing that I am tired, they will tell me to rest more; Seeing that I don't exercise, they will remind me to have a physical examination.
When you get old, you must always be responsible for yourself. Responsibility and freedom complement each other.
I remember once my father and my sister talked about marriage. He told her that you can get married at any time. I won't rush you. After all, you are old.
I was very moved when I listened. After all, few parents can do what they say.
Later I asked my father why he didn't rush her.
Father said that as long as you are happy, the starting point of all parents should be the happiness of children, and the happiness of children can only be decided by themselves. Therefore, we will support, not interfere, give you enough freedom, and you can fly hard.
This is the best love I have ever heard: silently watching you happy, hinting, not interfering, as simple as that.