2. Since the broadcast of the flowers and bones, bugs are no longer called bugs, called sugar treasure. Fortune-telling is no longer called fortune-telling, called isomorphic monarch. Neuropathy is not called neuropathy, called obsession. Love is not called love, called life and death robbery. From now on, there is a legitimate reason to lose temper, not called bad temper, called can not control the flood of power in the body!
3. Today, sitting in the bus, heard a woman on the phone sound great, as if it was in the pursuit of an unseen netizen, the woman refused all kinds of, and finally had no choice but to yell at the phone: Big Brother, you let go of me, and you've never seen me, I'm long before the chicken breasts, the back of the pot, the two calves to the nest. Heart disease, whooping cough, polio tuberculosis! What do you think you want from me? I hung up the phone! The car instantly boiled!
4. Every time the home is particularly messy, I will argue with my wife. After arguing especially hard, she will get angry, and then will pack up things ready to go back to her mother's home. At this time I would then get down on my knees and leave her behind, and the house became much tidier.
5. I dyed my hair a deep maroon color, the first day my husband did not find, the second day my husband still did not find the fifth day, my husband finally found, staring at my hair for half a day. I proudly asked: how? Hubby said: it's time to wash your hair, right?
6. Student: Teacher, the word "mouth" plus the word "she" read what? Teacher: what to read. The student was puzzled: teacher, I do not know, so I asked you. The first thing you need to do is to ask for the name of the character. Student: I really don't know what it says. Teacher: You want to know what it reads, but you don't know what it reads, so it reads what it reads. Students ......
7. When I was a child, I saw the advertisement of giving my mother water to wash her feet, and I suddenly thought of being grateful, and then I kowtowed to my mother who was washing clothes outside the bedroom, and I couldn't forget that my mother's face was horrified, and her hands had just washed her clothes and then dropped them to the ground, causing her to wash them again and again, and also scolded me while I washed them.
8. There is a fat man in the class, more than 200 pounds, and I live in a dormitory. One day, watching the movie screen, white knife in, red knife out; I said shot too fake. If the fat man is a knife stabbed in, the white knife in certainly yellow knife out. The fat man asked: why the yellow knife out? At this point, the two goods roommate shouted: stabbed out of the oil ......
9. One day, the same table in class to play with the cell phone, suddenly, the phone rang, the same table to the cell phone quickly threw into my hands, I stood up calmly, looking at me the whole class and said: "Teacher, I played with the cell phone, you put it Smash it!"
10. teacher: wife and lover, which one do you choose? Student: lover. Teacher: Why? Student: lover is more beautiful ah. Teacher: really shallow, a little pursuit of no. Student: Which one will the teacher choose? Teacher: Both.
11. Graduated many years ago, today's Teacher's Day, the teacher I miss you, you worked hard. You teach me the knowledge I have returned to you, you see when the tuition back to me, I'm good to buy an iphone6s!
12. I: "Mom, recently a little tight" mom: "that quickly hang up, save a little bit of phone bill! I: "But we are affectionate number ah! No money!" Mom: "Then save on the electricity bill, charging does not cost money!" Me: "I live in a dormitory, I don't pay the electricity bill, mom!" Mom: "Oh, then save some energy, say more easy to starve" I ......
13. "Son, the vacation how you do not go on a date ah". "No women like me" "Tsk tsk. Looks like you're the one who didn't do enough, what would you be willing to do for a woman if she liked you?" "I would do everything for her" "Mom likes you, would you do the dishes for mom?"
14. Teacher: What's the next line of "A friend in the sea"? Xiaoming: The old king lives next door! Teacher: What's the next line? Xiaoming: green hat long years new! Teacher: What's the next line? Siu Ming: My mom doesn't cook! Teacher: What's the next line? Siu Ming: Who doesn't have a closet to hide people?
15. A buddy is a car rental company, one day at noon to go to his company idle turn, I asked him: "Every day to rent a car to others, have encountered strange guests?" This guy looked at the yard, said: "That person came early in the morning to rent a car, until now has not been backed out."
16. Xiaoming: boss you this set of clothes how much money ah? Boss: 200. xiao Ming: too expensive, 50. boss: 180. xiao Ming: 50. boss: okay! Give you a set. Xiaoming: I don't want it, I'm just practicing bargaining. Boss: Oi - yo! I want to practice chopping.
17. Yesterday, I added a star's fan group, a hard to shoot the group owner's ass, finally gave me an administrator, just now, while everyone is asleep, the whole group of more than four hundred people, are kicked, the heart of the really comfortable ah!
18. A friend asked me to borrow money. My friend: lend me some money, urgent. I: I went home and my wife to discuss. Friend: you are not no wife? I: so no discussion.
19. Dad worked in the glass factory, work have to wear gloves. One day after the night shift, he took a cab home. When the car passed through a small forest in the suburbs, the cool wind came, Dad felt a little cold, so he took out his gloves and put them on. The driver saw it in the rearview mirror and asked in alarm, "Dude, what are you doing?" "Oh, it's a habit, I wear gloves before every job so I don't cut myself and leave marks." The driver was green in the face ......
20.Two friends recently bought a new fish tank, and then the circle of friends all kinds of show him to buy fish. These days suddenly did not move, call and ask him, he told me that: "the day is cold, afraid of the fish freeze to death, bought a hot, want to give the water to add heat, the results fell asleep, woke up and found the fish are cooked."
21.A: my boyfriend has everything, has a car, has a house, has a deposit.B: sighed: my boyfriend also has everything, has a bike, has a rental, has a loan.C: a long sigh: my boyfriend is really everything, even his wife has.
22. Language class, in the review of ancient texts to students, the word "bitch" is ancient and modern different meanings, the ancient meaning of the status of lowly people, today is mostly used to scold people, generally scold women ... so it casually asked, that scolding men with what? The classroom was silent for a moment, only to hear the back row came soulful voice: dead ghosts ~ ~
23.night and friends after drinking, I took a taxi home, just on the cab, the driver asked me: "Young man, you are not drinking?" I was a little surprised: "Yo! Master you have a good enough nose to smell the smell of alcohol on my body?" The driver said, "You get off the roof of my car first!"
24. out to meet the beggar looking for me to ask for money, said a few days without food, I just put the change to buy a steamed bun, see his poor points 2 to him, Nima he even said I sent to eat ah ...... is not he to eat?
25. In class, the teacher issued a question, no students raised their hands to answer, the teacher then said: "No one raised their hands, I just randomly point people. Xiaoming you answer it!" Xiaoming bristled and spat, "Teacher you really God, where will not point where?"