My mother told me about the past, my grandmother could not read or write at all, and she had seven children at her knees. Due to the "male dominant female", the main job of women in those days was to give birth to and raise the children, farming, housework, and support for the elderly, which was already commonplace for them.
By the time of my mother's time, it was said that "a woman's lack of talent is a virtue", and very few girls studied, and many of my parents' generation dropped out of elementary school to work, and very few attended middle school, so there were too many children in the family, and the family's conditions were limited, so the whole family worked hard to pay for the boy's schooling, no matter how he studied.
But fortunately, my mother graduated from junior high school and went to the factory, and after marriage, I had my brother and I, and now I don't have to be a "full-time wife" like my grandmother. In addition to working to earn money, in her free time she took the driver's license, learned square dance, but also often travel and shoot small videos, life is very exciting.
In our time, it can be said that this is the "golden age" of the independent woman, nine years of compulsory education so that both men and women can receive education, the society is more and more advocating equality between men and women, the status of women has been significantly improved. Women are no longer confined to their families, but instead are striving towards the workplace to realize more of their own value.
But I didn't realize that in today's society, there are still people living in the past.
I'm about to celebrate my 31st birthday, but I feel like my life is a mess, and I don't know how much longer I'm going to have to live like this.
I'm a mom of two, and I didn't get into college, so I had to come out and work. At the age of 22, I met the love that I thought was beautiful and happy, and I didn't understand anything at that time, and I wanted to marry him, and my parents saw that the other side of the family was good, and they agreed to it.
Husband's family conditions are considered wealthy, in-laws have a house, but also have a store, rely on the store rent to support our family. However, the husband is a nibbler, he does not do anything, every day just focus on playing games at home, he said he is an only child, and when the in-laws are old, the property is his, do not have to work.
I was pregnant one year after marriage, listening to my in-laws, resigned at home to wait for the birth of a baby, I did not expect to stay at home for a whole 8 years. This eight-year period, I take care of two daughters every day, but also to wait for the family's diet, cooking, washing dishes, sweeping the floor, busy, but I still feel empty.
I want to go to work, to go outside to contact society, every day at home to drive me crazy.
I want to go to work, go out and meet the society, every day at home is driving me crazy, but never expected, I accidentally got pregnant again, in-laws and husband are strongly urged me to give birth to, they said the first two are daughters, although not patriarchal, but still want to have a boy.
I also want to have children, but I'm really afraid, I have not been working for 8 years, and then really have to be a housewife for the rest of my life.
Mrs. Cat:I have always thought that the era of women as reproductive machines has long passed, but I did not expect that it still exists, a brief analysis of the reader's problem.
The problem1.
In your description, we don't see you as a wife, your husband's love for you; we don't see you as a daughter-in-law, your in-laws see you as a daughter; the only identity that fits is that of a mother, who takes care of it personally every day.
Indeed, your position in the family seems to be important, less you, no one to take care of the child, the son has no life, the family's diet will be disrupted, but the family is not no you can not even say, change a person can be, your position can be replaced at any time.
I have to say, compared to other identities, you are more like a "birth machine" + "nanny" without pay.
2. All of the "accidental pregnancies" are a fluke
There are no accidental pregnancies in the world, except for the ones where you do use contraception but still have an accident. As long as you don't use effective birth control, you're likely to get pregnant.
And you, obviously, have left your body and your destiny in someone else's hands. The fact that you can't make decisions about your own uterus shows that you're not the master of your own life, and you're at the mercy of others.
3. What if the third child is still a daughter?
Before giving birth, no one can predict whether they are pregnant with a boy or a girl, and what if, say, once you find out that the third child is still a daughter? The best state of affairs is of course to accept the reality, then you just have to continue with your life now, but what if the whole family's hopes are dashed?
Possibility one, the whole family voted for you to have another boy until you give birth to a boy, because it has become what they want to get;
Possibility two, although the birth of a child is a man's Y chromosome decision, but some people still think that it is the woman's stomach is not competitive, you are even more in the family without a status, the days will not be good;
Possibility three, you are not a must, in-laws are not a must, the family is not a must.
You are not a mandatory option, and your in-laws' property has nothing to do with you, divorced they find another woman to have a boy, and you, nothing.
Some suggestions1. The value of a woman is not to give birth to a child
Ma Yili once said an impressive quote in "Woman 30+": "The ultimate mission of the egg is not to become a fertilized egg, it can just be an egg. It can be just an egg. Through all these years we have finally realized that the value of women in a society is not to be a mother, we are here to be ourselves, to let that egg be itself, and not to give it too much of a mission."
As Ma said, the mission of an egg is not to be a fertilized egg, and a woman's mission shouldn't be to have children. Women also have their own life, to work, to love beauty, to love life, to enjoy life, not to give birth to children and be a cow.
2. Strong women don't need to look at people's faces
Whether it is a son or a daughter, the woman in the family has no status, and even in the in-laws, son, grandson, granddaughter are their family, only you, since the beginning is an outsider.
The only way for a woman to remain economically independent and mentally independent is to have an economic position and a voice at home. When a woman is strong enough to support herself and her children, she doesn't have to look at other people's faces to live. Otherwise, no matter how many children are born, the essence will not change.
3. If you accept the reality, then adjust the mentality
Nowadays, your value in the family is also reflected in the birth of a child, if you still want to accept the reality, continue to give birth to this child, then, first of all, to do a good job to support the psychological preparation of the three children, the responsibility and obligation you need to bear will also be greater.
The heart is not willing but there is nothing to do, the only thing that can be adjusted can only be the mentality, accept this child, accept your current still living state, this is your own choice, can not regret. Whether it is a boy or a girl, it is recommended not to have another child. After the child goes to school, and then find a way to work.
Conclusion:This society does have a lot of requirements for women, women do not work with children said that people have no value, work to earn less said that people have low value, child care experts said that children are best brought up by their mothers, and now the society of mothers is really difficult to be! The most pathetic thing is that even women look down on women.
I hope that the rest of my life, I can live for myself!
Today's question: Will you choose to have a third child?
Welcome to leave a comment to discuss.
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