One day, three ghosts met God while shopping! They told God that they had all died horrible deaths and wished they could be allowed to go to heaven! God was helpless and said that there are too many occupants in heaven right now and it's full. But now there is still one spot left! Go ahead, you guys, see who died the worst and let them go to heaven. So the first ghost began to speak: I was a cleaner in my life, and I worked very hard, from morning till night! One day, I was cleaning the glass outside a building, the kind of dangerous work that hangs outside at high altitude, on the 30th floor or so. Suddenly, my foot slipped and I lost my footing and fell! I thought, "Oh, no! I'm going to die! But my survival instinct made me grab unconsciously, and luckily, I grabbed a balcony railing, on the 13th floor. I thought, I'm saved! So I thought I'd climb up after I got my strength back. Suddenly, someone swiped my hand and I fell down again! I thought, "This is the end of me. However, my fate was not to be taken for granted, as a tent caught me at the bottom, and I was glad that I must have been virtuous in my past life! I thought I'd go down after I got my strength back. Who knows, a refrigerator fell down from above and smashed me to death! The second ghost said: I was a clerk in my previous life. Everything was fine. I had a wife who was very pretty and had a great body, but she was a bit of a watery head. I had a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered, I saw my wife's hair scattered and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I searched all over the house, the kitchen and the toilet, but I couldn't find anything. To the balcony, I found two hands picketed on the railing, I thought: adulterer you are dead! So I rolled up his hands. I thought, "13th floor, let's see if you won't die. As a result, when I took a look, he didn't die, he was caught by the tent! I was anxious, so I searched all over the house. I went into the kitchen and found the refrigerator big enough, so I threw it down. It finally smashed him to death! I was so happy I laughed out loud. Who knows, I laughed so hard that I had a heart attack and died of laughter . The third ghost said: I was a punk in my life, but I didn't do anything bad! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out, and had just finished my business when her husband suddenly came back! I had to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen too, and the toilet too, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it. I just don't understand how her husband knew I was in the fridge, he actually threw the fridge down from the 13th floor, and I just fell to my death with the fridge!
Mulan Poem
Ki ki re ki, Mulan flies an airplane, what kind of airplane? Boeing 747!
What do you think of the girl? What do you remember? I have no money to buy an airplane. Last night, I saw a posting from the army that said we need to use bombers, and there are twelve planes, but I can't afford to buy them. I don't have the money, Mulan doesn't have the money. I'm willing to buy steel and build airplanes from now on.
Buying drawings in the east, screws in the west, glass in the south, and tin in the north, I'm sure you'll find a lot more than I can afford. When I left the hangar, I went to the barracks, and I didn't hear my parents calling me, but I heard the general shouting, "Ha-ha-ha. The first time I've seen this, I've seen it in my life.
The airplane is a great success, and it's a great success. The heat is coming from the wings and the sun is shining through the glass. The general is scared to death, and the hero's soul has flown away. The first time I've ever seen an airplane, I've never seen it again.
The plane hit the Emperor, and the Emperor fell sick. The man was in bed, and he was in bed. The Khan asks what he wants, Mulan does not want to go to jail; he wants to fly to his hometown in a 747.
Mother and father heard that their daughter had come and raised a machine gun; sister heard that her sister had come and raised a pistol in the house; little brother heard that his sister had come and sharpened his sword against the mentally retarded. Open my cabin door, enter my airplane, take off my war robe, put on my flight suit, load more grenades, set up machine guns. I'll plant a bomb, and my friends and family will be shocked: I've been away for twelve years, but I didn't know Mulan had gone mad.
Lunatic feet on the ground, nerd eyes closed, two people walking side by side, who can say I'm not normal
. In high school, the whole school must wear uniforms, there is a repeat student never wear. The teacher in charge of this area is squatting at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw this student did not wear a school uniform, and asked why he did not wear. This student was furious, said: my mother is not dead, why do I have to wear mourning clothes?
2. An art teacher is a little famous, a newspaper has a larger report, and photos, so in class boast: "Recently there are always students and I said, teacher you really good, on the newspaper also published a photo ......" a student: "A missing person's notice?" Since then the art teacher refused the student to art class.
3. Language class, the teacher called up a sleepy students to answer questions, the students confused what can not say. The teacher said helplessly: "You will not ah? Will not also squeak ah!" The student: "Zee." The teacher sweated.
4. High school will soon be the time of the examination, one day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name above, let us answer the local minerals below. Said a lot of places, the teacher suddenly asked: "Jiangnan produce what?" The whole class of boys answered in unison: "Jiangnan produces beautiful women!"
5. In junior high school, a biology teacher talked about the ecology of the African grasslands, no one in the class listened to the speech, then angry, said: "You all look at me! You do not look at me, how to know what the African wildcat looks like ah!"
6. In a high math class, the teacher asked my brother, "Calculus is a very useful subject, learning calculus, our goal is?" The dude was deserting, so without thinking he said loudly, "No cavities!" The class burst out laughing.
7. Biology class, the teacher said: "In fact, weasels do not eat chicken, scientists have done an experiment, once a chicken and a weasel locked together, the next day you guess what happened?" A classmate interjected, "The chicken got pregnant?"
8. Senior, geometry teacher is an old lady, love to boast, especially annoying. One day in class, said: "I'm in the city education bureau are very valued, they always ask me to go together to study the problem, every time is a car to send." I inadvertently asked: "three wheels?" As a result, was banned from geometry class for a week from then on.
9. When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman of about fifty) suspected that some of us boys weren't listening, so she yelled, "What are you thinking?" I was dumbfounded, and somehow said, "Thinking of you!" The classroom was silent for a long time, just a pair of horrified eyes looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and cursed, "You're a rascal!" Injustice!
10. In high school, the first labor class, the teacher is an old man, introduced himself and said: "My name is Wu Shushan." I suddenly came to inspiration, immediately picked up: "Northwest look at Chang'an, poor countless mountains." The whole class burst out laughing, the teacher's face green, then I was punished to do heavy work .
★When the pants lose the belt, only know what is called dependence.
★Formatting yourself just to delete you! ?
★There are many ways to destroy a friendship, and one of the most thorough is to borrow money. ? ★The secret to staying young is to have a restless heart. ?★What is romance? It is to send 99 roses to her even though you know she doesn't like you. What is wasteful? It is to send 99 roses to her knowing that she likes you.
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? ★ The rich hold a money field, no money go home to get some money to hold a money field. ?
★ can say the aggression, will not be considered aggression; can snatch the lover, will not be considered lover.
★ The same bottle of drink, convenience store 2 dollars, five-star hotel 60 dollars. The most important thing to remember is that the value of a person depends on where he or she is located. ★Men are most afraid of being said small, women are most afraid of being said old. ★ Seek but can not, give but can not, get but not cherish, this is the greatest sorrow of man. ? ★ When you know me, I do not know you; when you like me, I know you; when you fall in love with me, I like you; when you leave me, I fall in love with you. ? ★Happiness is a comparative level, you have to have something to cushion the bottom to feel it. ★ A sentence "take" is better than ten sentences "I will give you". ? ★The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to comment on the former. ★ The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to criticize the former. ★Some things, know that is wrong, but also to insist, because not willing; some people, know that is love, but also to give up, because there is no end; sometimes, know that there is no road, but still moving forward, because of habit. ★ He was attentive, that is, he just fell in love with you; he was clumsy, that is, he is y in love with you; he was calm, that is, he is tired of you. ?★Once in a while, you have to look back, otherwise you will always be chasing, and do not know what you have lost. ?
★ words before you say out you are the master of words, after you say out you become a slave of words.
★ The earth is a movement, but it's not a movement. ★ The earth is in motion, a person will not always be in an unlucky position.★Man's mission is sacred and firm: one is to defend the motherland! The second is to listen to his woman!
★When we believe that we are already quite important to the world, in fact, the world is just ready to forgive our naivety. ?
★Memories are like water in the palm of your hand, whether you spread out or hold on to it, it will eventually flow cleanly from your fingers drop by drop. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products in the world. ★Not afraid of debt collection is a hero, for fear of debt is really poor. ? ★When I was a child, I felt that my father was not simple, and then I felt that I was not simple, and then I felt that my children were not simple. ? ★ Seek but can not, give but can not, get but not cherish, this is the greatest sorrow of man. ? ★Man and his wife's relationship is even worse, and the relationship with his mother-in-law is also good; woman and her husband's relationship is even better, and the relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor. ? ★People make mistakes, most of them are too much brain when it comes to using true feelings, and too much emotion when it comes to using brain. ★Freedom is not about doing what you want to do, but about being able to do without what you don't want to do.★ Freedom is not about doing what you want to do, it's about being able to do what you don't want to do.
★ The scariest part of life is not not knowing today what tomorrow will be like, but seeing the whole of your life now and not being able to change it. ?
★The depth of trust in a friend is not whether you will laugh at him, but whether you are willing to cry in front of him. ? ★The world does not care about your self-esteem, people look only at your achievements. Never overemphasize self-esteem until you have achieved something. --Bill Gates? ★Only those who can keep secrets can get more secrets. ? ★ Men can't say no, women can't say whatever. ? ★When your tears can not help but flow out of the time, open your eyes, do not blink, you will see the world from clear to fuzzy the whole process ★Life, is used to operate, not to calculate. The feelings, is used to maintain, and not used to test. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots. ★Women divided into marriage and not married two, men divided into voluntary marriage and forced to marry two.★Life as a chess, I would like to pawn, although the action is slow, but who see me will be a step back.
This is the first time I've ever seen a man with a penis.
★Playing stupid this thing, if you do a good job, it's called great wisdom; mute this thing, if you do a good job, it's called deep.
★In front of the fact, the more developed our imagination, the more unimaginable the consequences.
? ★There are three things that people can't hide: coughing, poverty, and love; the more they try to hide, the more they want to hide. ★ If betrayal is a kind of courage, then acceptance of betrayal requires greater courage. ★If betrayal is a form of courage, it takes more courage to accept it. ★ It does not matter if the head is empty, the key is not to enter the water. ? ★ Do not be afraid of temptation, you resisted it, that you are a good person; resistance failed, that you were once a good person ...... ? ★ camel does not shed tears because it knows the preciousness of water; the girl does not shed tears because she has not yet found someone worth shedding tears. ? ★Lost love, even if you see two straight railroad tracks, you can not help but imagine it as two lines of tears, flowing to the sky. ? ★ Roman Julius Caesar, mighty Europe, Asia and Africa three continents, dying told the attendants said, "Please put my hands outside the coffin, let the world see, great as I Caesar, after death is also two empty hands." ? ★ When a person does not love anyone, he can love anyone around him. ? ★ The so-called love story is when you say something that even you don't believe, but you want the other person to believe. ? ★ A mature person often find that there are fewer and fewer people to blame, because everyone has a hard time. ? ★Leave me don't comfort me, and realize that every stitch will also encounter the pain of piercing. ? ★ It's easy to be fashionable, make your adornments worth more than your intrinsic value and you're fashionable. ? ★ You can make wealth in ways you don't like, and you can cure diseases with medicines you don't believe in, but you can't achieve happiness from people you don't love. ?★The reason women find flowers the most valuable of all gifts is because: men have to get over that shy feeling of walking down the street with flowers in their hands when they give them to women. ?
★ The heaviest topic of conversation between men is about their own women, and the easiest topic of conversation between men is about other people's women. ? ★ Knowledge is a kind of food that makes the seeker feel hungrier the more he eats. ? ★The two people who stand on the top of the mountain and those who stand at the foot of the mountain, though in different positions, are equally small in each other's eyes. ? ★What makes us unhappy are sesquipedalian trifles; we can dodge an elephant, but not a fly. ★ The God of fortune, often just because you look more, think more, more step. ?★The so-called beauty is three points of looks and seven points of dress; the so-called temperament is three points of talent and seven points of pretense; the so-called gentleness is three points of forbearance and seven points of repression.
★ Philosophers are not statutory, when you think about the same thing for more than 5 minutes and 30 seconds, you become a philosopher. ?★Men quit smoking just like women lose weight, there is always tomorrow. ?
★ Love is sometimes very much like the feeling of drunkenness, the mind is clearly sober, but the behavior is just out of control.. "The next sentence of the classmates filled in "Li Bai sleeping fragrant"...
2. "Three Stooges" next sentence he even filled in "The teacher immediately fainted...
3. Tao Yuanming's "don't bow down for five buckets of rice" was boldly written by the student.... "
4. "If you're poor, you'll be alone", and the next student wrote "if you're rich, you'll have many concubines".
5. "The white heron flies in front of Xisai Mountain", and the next sentence is "The turtle crawls by the river in Dongcun"?
6. "If the sky is full of love, the sky is also old", the next sentence "if people have love, die early"?
7. "The wine of grapes and the wine of the night", the next sentence "a lot of money and beautiful women"...
8. "Thinking of the time when I was in a position of gold and steel", the next sentence "I was in a position of gold and steel".
8. "In those days, I was a man of steel and gold", and in the next line, "Today, I am a man of steel and gold"...
9! "If you have friends and relatives in Luoyang," the students said, "please don't tell him"...
10. "If two people are in love for a long time," the students said, "it's time for them to get married.
12. "Hibiscus comes out of clear water", some people write "heroes come out of chaos"...
13. The student wrote "It's like a jug of pot of rice".
14. This one is perfect! "The sun shines on the incense burner purple smoke, Li Bai came to the restroom, Li Feidao a moment, Li Bai into a small eunuch.
A student was caught by the principal going over the wall into the school.
Principal: Why don't you go through the school gate?
Student: Meterspoon, not the usual way.
Principal: How did you get over such a high wall?
Student pointed to his pants: Li Ning, anything is possible.
Principal: What does it feel like to go over the wall?
The student pointed to his shoes: Teppo, the feeling of flying.
The next day the student walked in through the school gate
Principal: Why don't you come in over the wall anymore.
Student: Anta, I choose, I like.
The third day the student came to school in a mixed costume
Principal: You can't wear a mixed costume.
Student: wear whatever you want, Samma Clothing.
Student wears tank top to school on day four
Principal: You can't wear a tank top to school.
Student: man simple is good Love Stirrup Castle clothing.
Principal: I'm going to write you off.
Student: why.
Principal: dynamic, my place to listen to me.
Take your time and read it! It's funny, I hope it helps you Oh