Parents and those close relatives who care about us and love us always think that they know their children very well and know what kind they need and what kind of partners they like, but in fact, they are looking for the other half for their children according to their own preferences, in other words, what they think their children like. But in reality, when children become adults, their communication with their parents and relatives begins to be programmed, which means that they are superficially close, live together, and seem to see each other often, but they seldom communicate effectively. What is said is the simple communication of daily life, there is depth, touch the soul of the kind of thought communication, and parents and relatives, it seems difficult to reach.
First of all, there is a generation gap between the two generations, different values, different views on many things, as the saying goes, "words don't talk to each other", communication is prone to contradictions, and can't talk to each other. Therefore, it is difficult for young people to open their hearts to these elders, and they will not talk to them about their real thoughts. Because they do not understand, and may even interfere with their own lives. Therefore, parents and elders for children, always wishful thinking, with their own ideas to figure out. The same applies to emotional matters. And this kind of speculation is often inconsistent with the child's true thoughts and actual needs.
Maybe you'll say that the parents were young, so how could they be completely unaware of their children's views on relationships? But the truth is that it's just so screwed up. Often, parents will feel that when they were young, in the relationship on some detours, stepped on some pit, do not want their children to fall into. Precisely because he was young over those wrong ideas, to help the child in time to correct, so he is likely to follow his current age on the relationship of the thinking, think to find a kind of person more suitable for marriage, more suitable for life, to hard to their children, but also hope that the children completely accept their own emotional values.
The most typical example is An Jie, who married Jiang Defu, a "mud legged" man, in the hit drama "Parents' Love". Despite the fact that she had always felt reluctant to marry when she was young, and had a lot of grievances about marriage, she still chose to follow her husband's standards when she was looking for a blind date for her eldest daughter, Jiang Yafei. That simple and promising Meng Tianzhu, naturally, was favored by An Jie, who was bent on recruiting him as his son-in-law. Unfortunately, Jiang Yafei did not like Meng Tianzhu. She disliked the fact that Meng Tianzhu couldn't even speak Mandarin well, and often said "I" as "Hungry", giving him an interesting nickname "Hungry Director".
Anjie has never been young? He was a capitalist young lady married to a farmer Jiang Defu, how much the beginning of the awkwardness, aggravation, have you forgotten? But when choosing a son-in-law why not stand in his daughter's point of view, using his own youthful romantic, idealized to help his daughter find a blind date? It is not because of this marriage, he is a vested interest, standing in the perspective of a middle-aged woman, or such a man is reliable, the future life is more stable, but also more likely to be happy. The fact is that the man in the middle of his life is more stable and more likely to be happy in the future. What is the little romance in his youth?
And then again, young people are more personalized and independent, do not want their privacy to be known by these elders, especially do not want their parents and elders relatives again like treating the child, on their own too much attention. Especially for the emotional aspect, it is likely that the mouth is not the heart, to reveal to them is not their real status and real ideas.
For example, children who have always been single, may be because they like a certain person love but can not, and other people are always unable to reach the heart of this ideal standard. So the false position, has been in order to find what the heart wants and search, or simply not willing to settle, simply single. However, they tell their parents that they are single because they are too busy at work and their circle of life is too narrow to recognize the opposite sex. Then parents navigate the wrong direction, you do not have time to find, then I will help you find. In this way, the direction of the search is inevitably the opposite.
Lastly, I think a lot of young people for their parents or elder relatives introduced to their own blind date, natural resistance and negative attitude, that they simply do not understand their own, hard to plug over this kind of blind date, purely for the sake of looking for an object to look for an object, do not pay attention to their own, do not respect their own, and then to find it is not likely to be any suitable person. With this kind of emotion to go on a blind date, the natural success rate will also be greatly reduced.
Here, I would like to say to young people, parents and elderly relatives, to arrange for their own blind date this matter, do not have to feel stressed, more should not be and is not suitable for this dispute with them, you first of all want to be sure that they love you, the starting point is good, if you want to get rid of this "arranged", do not want to put their own If you want to get rid of this kind of "arranged", and do not want to put their precious vacation in these boring blind date, then you should communicate more with the elders. Even if they can't understand, they can still talk about their own needs in terms of emotions.
Tell them that as they grow older, people's values and emotional concepts change, and take your parents back to some of the ideas you had when you were younger, and whether they're different from what you have now. For example, take the opportunity to watch TV dramas. Talking about the characters in the drama, in fact, in the hidden name of their own hearts. For their own emotional aspects of what arrangements, ideas, to parents and elders relatives briefly penetrate the wind, so that they do not have to blindly guess or mess up again.
I would also like to take this opportunity to talk to parents and elders relatives, for young people's marriage, care a little bit on it, there is no need to make a big deal. For young people, especially the emotional side of things, too much attention will cause them unnecessary pressure, accidentally counterproductive.
There are many ways to be happy, and the one that suits you is the best, especially for you at the moment. Every age group has different needs, emotionally as well.
For example, a young man who is knowledgeable and pursues life, in his teenage years he may like to have the same ideals, agreeable pursuits, and the same temperament of a knowledgeable woman as a companion, and together they have the **** same language and **** same dreams. But in his old age, poetry and songs, romantic idealized talk, **** the same life goals, etc., these things may not be so important. A laboring woman who knows what's hot and cold, who can serve soup and water, and who waits on her own food and living, may be more appealing than those women who are ten-fingered and seek independence and self-possession.
You see, the same person, at different times need different, for the choice of spouse will have so different changes, we do not always stand in their own point of view to consider for others. Use the name of love to bind others, even if he is your child.