At every stage of a child's development, there are characteristics of psychological development. Adolescents have a lot of developmental tasks to accomplish, and parents should learn to understand them so that they can live in harmony with their adolescent children. If the child to adolescence, the need for autonomy, be respected, will be valued peer relationships ...... but parents if all do not understand, or with the treatment of three or four years old, or seven or eight years old dolls attitude towards adolescent children, then the child will be you out of the psychological problems.
In addition, puberty is the last hurdle before adulthood, so in the psychological development will be "retrogression", all the problems are outbursts, in order to get repaired. If in the pre-adolescent growth, the parents highly controlled, the child's emotional expression of repression is not real, parents and children have no emotional links, then to adolescence, the child will be these previous psychological problems outbreak, this is the previous bad cause of parental upbringing, the knot into the adolescent child's "bad fruit", in fact, is also the The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
So, after all, the problem of children is always the problem of family and parents.
The main thing is that they are prone to low self-esteem, closure and depression. Adolescent children are prone to fantasize, compare, and rebel. To timely psychological counseling, let him go out more outdoor sports, actively participate in school activities, and let him communicate with his classmates.
From your description, it looks like the child has a mental illness, self-injurious behavior, and a short temper. In fact, this is directly related to the interaction between the parents and the child.
If the child often says things like he wants to kill people to scare the parents. Then stabbing a knife into the arm and stabbing it so hard to scare parents in this way is not too costly. Imagine under what circumstances you would stab yourself twice in the arm?
As the child gets older, he encounters more and more difficulties and mental confusion. At the same time the child also needs parents to give him space. More than anything else, he needs respect and understanding. If the parents do not realize this, and insist on requiring the child to do things the way the parents do, he will feel no respect, no understanding, no trust. Thus, instinctively there will be a kind of resistance. When the psychology of long-term repression, the power of this resistance will become stronger and stronger. It will show temper tantrums, and even make excessive behavior. So I suggest to this parent friend, don't expect to use any method to change your child. Instead, learn to respect your child, understand your child, and help your child by learning on your own. Let your child feel the help of his parents when he is most confused and in trouble. The child's problems will also be solved.
In my "nlp wisdom parents" class, there was once a participant, she is the child's mother. At that time, his daughter was in her second year of junior high school. In her own words, she hated his daughter, and likewise her daughter hated her. The relationship between mother and daughter was very cold, and her daughter had self-injurious behavior, with scars on her wrists. The child's mother attended my training and on the 3rd day of the program, the child's relationship with her improved significantly and on her birthday, she wrote her a letter wishing her a happy birthday. After that, the relationship between mother and daughter got better and better, and they even talked about everything. Now the girl has gone to college.
Manage the relationship with your child well, stand behind your child to support and understand and help your child, and your problem may be solved.
My subcognition of the general conditioning of children, starting at an early age, the family environment, the parents' character approach will affect the children's changes in the growth, family harmony, parents' personality and temperament attitude, such as my son-in-law, often give me to criticize his, he gave birth to two sons, the older one is 12 years old, the youngest is 3 years old in kindergarten, the youngest is more elfin, the speech characteristics of the expression of the ability to be very strong, intelligent and rare, more than 1 year old, I have time to take him home to play square dance. time, take him home to play square dance to show him dancing he followed the learning, to the street where there are many people and stores playing music called him to jump, began to be a little afraid, after a few times back and forth, to the place where there is music he automatically jumped by himself, very listen to the live, kindergarten, he took the initiative to call the teacher to give him to the door to stand in line to say hello. The older son is also I help him with, learning has been very smart, this year on the first year, learning decline, why?
This year, my time to bring their own grandchildren, went to Dongguan, this month went home to renovate the house, carefully observed, may be related to my daughter, son-in-law, small often buy toys for him, what to buy what, before I took him into the supermarket, toy store, only to show him that he made a fuss I have used no money, and so on a little bit of pouring back or other words, the support away from him to obey, this time back to him to pull into the supermarket! I want to get them used to it, the two are very painful small, and the big in addition to nagging, scolding, less love and care, especially when eating, nagging rice broken criticized him scolded him, one is praised spoiled, a harsh criticism of the impact of his learning has to do with the relationship between me in the eyes of the last night, he was again in the dinner nagging, after eating a full meal, I criticized them, "you are a little biased, to put some time to care about the big, to put some time to care about the big. To put some time to care about the big one, do not nag at mealtime, to be happy to encourage him to eat more, to educate and so eat full of waiting, because a pleasing, a stern, the big one will be very sad, affecting him to have a jealousy mentality, the child's education can not be spoilt favoritism, to receive the system for the children to buy toys, the purpose of guiding them to grow up happily," I was with the communication of the way to happy to say that they were at home before we often eat the same, a I found that their education methods are not right, I have to say that they, especially when eating, nagging the child is most useless, affecting his appetite.
I rambled on about these I don't know if there is any inspiration for the owner. I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but I'm sure it's a good idea.
Depression, teenagers are prone to emotional depression or instability, or even mania, anxiety, because teenagers have less experience, easy to encounter problems such as nervousness and anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anorexia, adjustment disorders, such as the inability to adapt to the new classmates and the school, serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia.