I had the same thing happen to me once, tell my story, hope it helps.
I rejected a nice girl. Much older than me, pretty, gentle, had a heart as pure as a child's, very talented in the arts.
We got along like buddies back then, ate together, hung out together, and I could say anything I wanted to say without reservation in her presence. She made me feel that conversation itself could be such a pleasant thing.
One night, she was very sick and I took time off work to go over to be with her, and when I got there and found her in bad shape, I rushed to take her to the hospital. We waited on the side of the road for a long time and couldn't get a cab.
She couldn't take it anymore, so she called her friend (most of those friends of hers have a lot of money ......) and asked him to drive to pick her up. I ran back and forth a few streets, how can not find a cab, anxious sweating, the heart is particularly bad.
Then I felt that if I had a car, I would have to go through this. I don't have a car, I can only look at her because of the pain can't stand up barely squatting appearance. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it in a few minutes.
She was burning up and the night was cold, so I held her in my arms and hoped she would feel better. A thought crossed my mind at the time: let's just keep going on with her like this.
But thinking about our future, I hesitated. She politely hinted at it, and I politely rejected it, saying something like I like to be free and uninhibited.
But women in love always give themselves all kinds of expectations and fantasies.
Then again, I can't help myself, I'm afraid that I've really moved on and decided to stay with her. I'm afraid that I'm going to spend her youth and end up being a deserter like a goat. I don't have that confidence, don't have that bottom, and don't love her that ...... much.
One night, she texted that she wanted me, I stared at the text message for a long time, do not know how to reply to her. To put in the usual, a beautiful woman so deep love, I have long been vanity burst, all kinds of stink, all kinds of show off.
But this time, all that was in my heart was guilt and pressure. I spent more than half an hour, back to her a text message, said sorry.