Over the years, I've seen couples who have a good relationship more or less "destroy their parents". In fact, many of the conflicts between post-80s and post-90s men and women don't stem from material things, but from the pressure exerted by their parents.
I asked Ma, you came back from the United States, have you thought about buying a house?
Small horse said, thought of, but I also thought, even if you can not afford to buy it is okay. After all, as long as there is his place, is home, rent a house is also live.
I asked, but you found it, when the parents intervened, things immediately deteriorated, the beautiful feelings into cold reality, the spirit of the match into the economic door to door, the development of today, is what you want?
She shook her head. I can feel her pain, the pain of being unable to do anything about it. She said she hated her parents. I thought, that boy, how can he not hate his parents.
Liu Zhenyun, in "One Sentence to Top Ten Thousand Sentences," argues that Chinese people are good at turning one thing into another, and then into a third, and then making a mess of it.
Love itself is a two-person thing, and when parents get too involved, everything deteriorates from one thing to another: what was love becomes caution; what was meant to be a quick marriage suddenly becomes difficult; what was meant to be natural becomes difficult.
Just like Xiao Ma, when things festered, it turned into a conflict between her mother and the family. The mother told her, "If you keep hanging out with this unqualified family, we're going to break off our relationship.
I think that when her mother said this, how much was she thinking from her daughter's point of view, and how much was she thinking about her daughter's happiness? I guess by this point, her own face and financial costs have taken precedence over everything else.
I told Ma, what does your mom want you to find? After all, they also think it's time for you to get married.
She said, I don't know, but what I'm afraid of is that when I have to get married, she introduces me to a random one and says, "Hurry up and get married, what's the point of picking blindly, it's more or less the same, right?
I used to say: many parents don't know what their children want, and even, very often, I think some parents don't want their children to be happy at all.
That may seem like a strong statement, but in today's China, it is well founded.
I saw a mom once tell her daughter something like this: no one in this world really loves you except your mom.
These are words from a real mom's mouth. I can imagine where she was coming from when she said that; the first half of the sentence makes sense, and the second half just makes the child defensive about the world. But, after all, mothers get old, after all, they go away, and how do you expect a child who is afraid to love to live in the world, and how do you expect a child who carries barriers all day long to love in the world?
Where is this love, is nakedly kidnapped with love.
It is an indisputable fact that children will eventually leave their parents and go to live with their other half, no matter how far away. Everyone deserves a life of their own, at their own pace.
The best love is when there is distance.
Sometimes, learning to let go is better.
I wrote an article three years ago called "Mom and Dad, why are you interfering with my relationship".
The story was about an aunt who wouldn't let her daughter date her boyfriend of seven years, saying that the boy was incapable. But after I communicated, I found out that it wasn't true, it was just because the aunt couldn't accept the boy.
After I wrote this article, my sister said it was really well written and then forwarded it. As a result, it was seen by my aunt and she was so angry after reading it that she called me and told me that I was a traitor and how could I take my sister's side and scolded me.
I asked my aunt, have you ever thought about what the end result will be if you repress your daughter so much and then introduce her to one boyfriend after another?
Auntie didn't say anything for a long time.
I think she has been able to figure out that it's a losing deal, and that if she keeps interfering as a councilor, the child will hate her, but it's only a matter of time, and what unhappy person would have endless love?
A year later, her daughter got married and the groom, the boy who had been in love for seven years.
I don't know how Auntie accepted him, or what efforts he made, but I understand that it was a long road, and, the parents compromised.
Parents compromise so that their children can be happy; parents decentralize so that their children can be free.
It says in the Bible:
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall become one flesh.
Leaving one's parents and being joined to one's wife is what is necessary for happiness, and eventually a man will grow up and spend his life with another person, a person, not of his parents but of his own choosing.
Parents will always say that their generation is under great pressure, but this generation of children is under even greater pressure, not only from the skyrocketing property prices and the gradually rising cost of living, but also from the requirements of parents. What the children are looking for is not just material things, but happiness itself.
And in many cases, parents' demands and over-involvement often ruin a good relationship.
Like a couple's fight, which is normal in itself, but when it comes to the parents, it immediately turns sour, and both sides start to become more aggressive, and the fight will never end.
My sister-in-law married from Xinjiang to Hubei, and lived with her husband's family, and every time they quarreled, they turned into a group fight to attack my sister-in-law, and over time, my sister-in-law suffered from very serious depression. Once I couldn't stand it, I said to the old man, "Why are you so uneducated?
The old man took a look at me and said, "Why are we so uneducated?
I said, "What kind of education is it for you to follow the quarrel between a couple?
Of course they were not convinced. But I will tell a story about my brother and sister-in-law.
Whenever my brother and sister-in-law had a verbal argument at their house, my brother's parents would definitely take my brother's side and give my sister-in-law a lecture, and then let the two of them go home and argue on their own. I'm sure my sister-in-law's parents have their hearts set on my sister-in-law, but educated parents must have their elbows turned outward and close the door before kissing their children. Moreover, they must not interfere too much in their children's lives. After all, everyone has their own rhythm, not the parties, do not judge, respect and silence are as strong as love.
You love to dance, I love to stay up late at night, each other need to respect each other to leave a distance, in order to get along better, better love.
I am very grateful to my parents, especially my father, in the most should be decentralized when decentralized.
My father was very strict with me when I was young, and my sister and I would get a scolding if we didn't get the top of the class. Slowly, as we grew up, I suddenly realized that they didn't control me anymore, they would only give me advice but not force me to do things I didn't like.
My parents have their own careers and hobbies, and they do call me to ask questions, but they don't interfere too much in my life, they only give advice, they don't go forcing.
Looking at me staying up late, they would say that I have to make up for it the next day; looking at me tired, they would tell me to take more rest; looking at me not exercising, they would remind me to go for a physical examination.
When you are big, you always have to be responsible for yourself, and responsibility and freedom go hand in hand.
I remember once my father talked to my sister about marriage, and he told her, "You can get married whenever you want, I'm not going to rush you, after all, you're older.
I was listening on the side and was very touched, after all, very few parents can do what they say.
Later, I asked my father why he didn't rush her.
Father said, as long as you are happy, all the starting point for parents should be that their children are happy, and their children's happiness can only be decided by them. So, we will support, do not interfere, give you enough freedom, you try to fly just fine.
This is the best love I've ever heard: silently watching you be happy, advising, not interfering, and that's it.