What's the difference between men and women?
It's better than the top than the bottom.
Why do men and women get married?
Because men want to know the depth of women, women want to know the length of men.
The male twenty years old is a pug, thirty years old is a wolf dog, forty years old is a mad dog, fifty years old is a mangy dog.
Women are rugby balls at eighteen, lots of people grabbing them, blue balls at twenty, ten or so people grabbing them, ping pong balls at forty, pushing them around, and golf balls at fifty, hitting them a long way out.
Toilet anecdotes
A new toilet somewhere, often people do not need to flush after urinating and defecating. The principal then wrote in front of the toilet door, "Come and flush too, go and flush too, just so the shit water can be clean."
Everyone gets up
A man goes to a psychiatrist and describes the pain he feels because of insomnia. After some deliberation, the doctor advised him to talk to himself while he slept as a hypnotizer, and that would work.
At night, the man did what the doctor said, saying to his toes, "Toes to sleep." And he said, "Sleep on your feet!" "Legs sleep!" Until the eyes, when his wife in transparent pajamas into the room, he jumped up and shouted: "Everyone get up! Everybody get up!"
Three teachers
There are three teachers, one of them is a math teacher, a language teacher, a physical education teacher, this day, the school issued a bonus, they each get ten dollars, three people together "ten dollars is too little, how about we get together to go looking for chickens to go." All three agreed. To the brothel, because the money is too little, since they can find one, the three discussed, a dry, and then change the other, a turn a, but, because of the limited time, count to three out. Language teacher went first, "one, two, three," the end, the language teacher felt not yet to have a feeling, but has been counted to three, no way, out. The math teacher was second, he was smarter, "1.1, 1.2, 1.3 ......" It lasted longer, but it was also a quick count to three, no choice but to come out. The physical education teacher went in, the other two teachers wait outside, with the left wait for him not to come out, the right wait for him not to come out, it feels strange, the two went in, look, the physical education teacher is still dry, mouth counting "1.2.1, 1.2.1, 1.2.1 ............"
The Nun's Way
A young girl came to the convent to practise her religion, and it wasn't long before she couldn't stand the grind and began to miss having a man. She was so distressed that she asked the old nun what she should do. The old nun took out a pistol and said to her, "When you miss a man, find a quiet place, take out your gun and fire a shot into the sky, so that you can release your inner noise." So the young nun did as she was told. Whenever she felt bored inside she came to the clearing in the back of the hill and fired a shot into the sky, and it really calmed her down a lot.
But gradually, she found that one shot can not let her heart quiet down, each time she had to put a few more shots to be able to do, and then later, when a pistol bullets are finished, she is still not irritable, so the young nun came to the old nun's residence to find her.
When she entered the old nun's house, she was astonished. Only to see the old nun with two submachine guns slung over her shoulder, a ring of grenades and a full load of bullets wrapped around her waist, and is dragging a cannon with all her might!
Conductor
Since Ming was young, he slept in a cot beside his mom and dad's bed.
One night, Mom and Dad went to bed, Xiaoming found that his mosquito net broke a hole, a mosquito even in this hole flying in and out of the game, Xiaoming think it's fun, with the mosquito's one in and one out shouting: "In! Out! In! Out! ......!" Suddenly, his father lifted the mosquito net, shouting at Xiaoming: "I do not need you to command, sleep!"
Planned Parenthood
A family planning team came to a small mountain village to promote contraceptive birth control, but the doctors found it hard to convince the women here to take the pill, so they decided to teach the men to wear condoms.
One villager, who had eight children in eight years, was told by the doctor that he really needed to take birth control, and he told the villager that if he wore a condom his wife would not have any more children in the future.
A month later, the team found that the villager's wife was pregnant again. The doctor was so angry that he called the man in and asked him why he wasn't wearing a condom.
The villager replied: "I did wear it, but after six days, I was so pissed off that I had to cut off the front part."
This is the first time that I've ever seen a condom on a woman's face. "
Feeding
A young woman has always been my own way, even in public to feed the child human milk, but also never shy.
Once, he and his husband took the child to a restaurant, the child was hungry and cried, the young woman lifted the corner of the coat and gave the child breastfeeding.
The waiter came up to her and politely asked her not to breastfeed in public.
The young woman was furious and said, "Do you think it's obscene and indecent to breastfeed?
The young woman was furious and said: "Do you think it is obscene and indecent to breastfeed people?
The waiter politely pointed to the sign on the wall and said, "But it's forbidden to eat food not supplied by the restaurant."
Mmmmmmmmmm
Ming went out one day to play... and got lost. But when he got lost, he asked for a place to stay for the night. .....
So the owner was kind enough to let him stay. ......
But there are only two rooms ....
So they put him and his daughter in the same room. ....
At night, in the middle of the night, Ming suddenly wanted to do that to the little girl, but the little girl said to him .....
Don't do that or I'll tell my dad ......
Then Xiao Ming had to give up .....
Halfway through his sleep, Ming suddenly wanted to "mmmm ah ah ah" to the little girl....
The girl, of course, refused to do it again, so he said to Ming again .....
I really have to tell my dad .....
Then Xiao Ming had to give up again......
But in the end, Xiao Ming really can't help it, so he gave it to him directly "mmmm ah ah ah"
After the end of the little girl said to Xiao Ming .... I want to do it again...
So the two of them went back to ....... After that, the little girl said to Ming again ....
I want to do it again .... So Ming had to do it again .....
After this time, the little girl said .... to Ming again. I want to do it again .......
This time Xiao Ming said to the little girl ....
You have to be like this or I'm really going to tell your dad ......
Inflatable
There was a woman who thought her breasts were too small, so she went to a breast augmentation center and asked the doctor for help. The doctor asked her what kind of breasts she wanted. But the woman didn't know which one was better, so she asked the doctor, who thought for a while and decided to do the "inflatable" one for her.
A few hours later, the operation was successfully completed. The doctor said to the woman:
"When you want to make your breasts bigger, just swing your arms outward.
The woman thanked the doctor and went home happily....
One day, the woman went to a bar to catch a guy, and soon she found a rich guy,
and after chatting, they went to a hotel!
After arriving at the hotel, the woman took off her clothes, quickly swung her arms to inflate her body, and turned around to Yanhao,
Seeing that the man's feet had been repeating the splitting motion, the woman asked him what he was doing. The woman asked him what he was doing. The man replied with an embarrassed voice:
"I'm inflating!
Woman vs Man
Woman: Honey, you have to love me after marriage!
Man: Yes, I will love you very much. After marriage will love you ....!
Woman: Really? I'm so happy,......!
Man: But ... Never let your new husband know .....
Naked
There is a woman who secretly mixes with her lover while her husband is at work. One day the two were in bed and the woman heard her husband's car coming back . She anxiously called her lover: "Hurry up and take your clothes, jump out the window."
His lover looked: "It's pouring outside and you want me to jump out?" "If my husband catches us both, we will die." The woman screamed.
Her lover had to grab his clothes and jump out the window. He jumped into a crowd of marathon runners. He had to carry his clothes with him as he joined the runners.
One of the runners asked him, "Are you used to running naked?" He replied under his breath, "Yes, this way you can feel the wind on your skin."
Another contestant asked the naked man, "Do you always hold your clothes in your hands when you run?" He replied, a little breathlessly, "Yeah, that way I can get dressed and drive home after the race."
The guy then asked, "Do you usually run with a condom?"
The naked man said, "Only when it rains."