In the past, when I was in a relationship, I always felt that it was the other person's fault, and it took me a long time to get out of it. Nowadays, I realize that I am also at fault. If you say that love is the pavement pits, obviously see the pits on the there, but because of inertia, I still eyes fall down again and again.
The content of the five chapters of life is as follows:
1. Chapter 1
The first love of life.
Jiang, looks 174, 5 years older than me, when I was working in the Internet cafe, he often came to play games, people are quite good-looking, more traditional, to know a few months, every night to accompany me to work, in the morning to accompany me to send me home after the morning, anyway, also to the age of love, I like to be protected by him and the feeling of companionship, talk about it. After taking me to his home, his mom said, "This girl is good at everything but a little short." Because of this comment let me once on my own height is very inferior, who ever thought that now my husband just like my petite. Jiang, is the family's youngest and most favored child, sister and brother are married, parents divorced, this is my first full-time relationship, he has talked about a few, I remember when he had a friend, and occasionally we meet for dinner. Afterwards he would tell me to break up. I asked, "Why?" It didn't seem like there was any conflict between us. "Why did you break up?" He then said I was too young, with me in a relationship tired.
A 19-year-old girl may be young. But I think I am more rational, break up you always have to give a reason ah, it is hard not to be, oh, you chased me into the hands of the play tired want to break up not. This reason I can not accept.
Later, I asked again and again, only to say, his friends think I'm so good a girl, and is the first time to fall in love. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this. So he wanted to test me to see if I was sincere with him.
Shit, no wonder I don't like to see that friend of his. The way he looks at me is so complicated.
Fuck you for testing me. Every time you make me cry, you make me die. I'm sure it's all about dying. That time handwritten a lot of diary. All kinds of analysis and dissection of themselves, and him. Think Jiang parents divorced, perhaps he has little sense of security. Later, I realized that when he got angry, he said, "Break up." I put forward, the future quarrel angry not allowed to mention these two words. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it.
And so there was no trouble for a while.
Since it is to come to the earth to experience love robbery, how can it be so stable to go through. Since I was a child, I have been very ambitious, like English, like the outside world, do not want to live in this small town in Chibi, the kind of life that see the head at a glance: marriage, children and grandchildren to play mahjong dancing square dance. So, despite my father's opposition, I followed my sister to work in Guangdong. I saw the new world, all kinds of people. The diary is also still writing, very honest record of the moment thought, of course, also saw him resting on the status quo of stability, living under the umbrella of the family.
Divisions begin to arise. The game was reversed. It was his turn to retain me. Even proposed marriage, looking for Guangdong, then no phone, he bought a ticket directly to Guangdong in a cyber cafe waiting for me QQ on line, waiting for several days I was on line to contact. To take me back to my hometown to open a small store and settle down. The world is so big, so wonderful, although occasionally helpless, hooked, but I still do not want to go back for the time being. I always feel that I haven't found my own piece of heaven and earth yet. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that.
The saddest thing is not the breakup, but the breakup and after the breakup he always said, "Don't be silly, your life in addition to me can't have a man who will really be good to you, because your first time to me." The more it went on, the more unconvincing it became. I just can't believe how you're the only one in the whole world who loves me. Even if I can't find anyone else to love me in this life, I don't want my happiness to be handed over to you. My happiness is my own decision. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'll be able to.
So I came to the second chapter of my life.
2. The second time I fell in love with the party, the sweetest and most bitter are him.
I was blind to the pits on the road to love and fell in. I do not believe I will lose my footing in the same place. A sensational talk about talk about love. The love party loved to death, no self. At that time it was like, God finally gave me the most ideal person. I firmly declared to my parents and the people who were chasing me at that time that I wanted Aifang. I can't live without him. This is the first time I felt love and be loved, I love him, I believe he also love me, maybe not as much as I love him. It's just that I love too humbly, too hard, down to the dust, without myself. And he tangled with his ex-girlfriend and told me so openly. Flirting with someone who was chasing him. It's his fault too. All his fault.
Just stay in this pit for a long, long time. A lot of years. To each other to get married have not yet let go. Before the wedding also called him and asked him to bless me. Come to my wedding. I was looking forward to his coming and afraid that he would come. Of course he didn't come. When he got married, he only blocked me. But **** the same friend told me. It made me despise him so much. Married on the marriage ah, what a great, sister and not not married. I'm not sure what I mean by hiding.
See this is a pit, see it has been there, but because of inertia, eyes open, I know I am still here. But I just refuse to climb out. Drunk on it, even if the plot was bad, still refused to wake up. It's all his fault. Ruined my view of love.
Three years of divided long-distance love. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said. Saw all kinds of human nature in the work of the ugly side more than good. Then came the third chapter of life.
3. The third chapter of my life, my mr.right.
I've written a lot of articles about Mr. Right. He is too mature, many years older than me, this love is also the fruit of maturity, also will fight, also occasionally do not feel that it is their own fault, and then began to reflect, looking for their own fault, where the fault. Once I realized it was my own fault, bowed my head and admitted my fault, and immediately climbed out of the pit. Anyway, it is in the marriage this pit back and forth, back and forth.
When you are in the darkest of times, disconnect from the Internet for a while, and silently make a wish to God, please give me a good man. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. Do what you like. I no longer want to fight in this complicated world. I just want to live in peace and quiet. Then, during that period of time, I repeatedly read the last novel of Anne Baby's "Su Nian Jin Shi", "Yue Tang Jie", in which a woman's choices and attitudes in the face of marriage are delicately depicted and y affected me. I remember a line in the book that says, you want a virtuous person and such a marriage, you have to become such a person first. And then you don't need to go looking for it. He will come to you on his own.
I blanked out for a year and was actually waiting for Fang to come back to me one day. But my pride and self-esteem does not allow me to humble myself and bow down again. I used to think that Fang's world was only about his ex-girlfriend and me. I even said I would kill her if he found someone else. He fell in love again, and his young girlfriend witnessed the breakup of the two of us. It was a big blow to me when I found out. Fang occasionally chat with me on QQ with a small girlfriend in love with things, a quarrel with people want to break up. I was reminded of my first love and scolded him. I want him to treat people's little mushrooms well. Then it is too bloody, maybe not willing, maybe want to turn back, occasionally back to my hometown I also became a nasty ex-girlfriend.
During that time, I was shut in a small apartment of 16 square meters for a year, read 200 books and a hundred or so literary films and movies, and wrote some sick words and travelogues in the forum. I'm not sure if I've ever been in a position to do this before. Read too many books and movies again inspired to want to fall in love. The beginning is always too good, the process is difficult to say, and the end is always tragic. I've also had one very short and bloody relationship. I've used up all my strength in this life to fall in love. Luck is too bad. I'm too much. Both sides are too scummy. Expectations are too high, fantasies are too much. It's all going to be shattered eventually. One at a time faster than the other.
Slowly gather strength, occasionally learn to cook. No longer so intense life. Slowly. Mr. came to my side. Starting from eating together once in a while. I can only do Lao Ganma fried rice surprisingly dare to ask him to come to live in the place to eat. Because the language is not too through, I shut down in the kitchen tossing, let him in the living room to watch "thousands of miles away from the single rider", choose this Mr. later said he could not understand the movie only because there is a Japanese actor, and I like Yunnan.
Looking at my room, which was filled with books and DVDs, and whose walls were covered with photos and Post-it notes, I was impressed. Mr. I was a good friend of mine. He decided that I am a person who tries extremely hard to live seriously and have my own preferences. Mindless and simple. I was able to live a life of independence and mutual care, somewhat like in the book of Yue Tong.
Before and after the wedding, we still often play the game in the pit, he was humorous, I was serious and began to laugh with him. On the following picture, together in the dance crane travel, accidentally fell in the pit two people also laughed not work. He rushed to catch me fell into the pit figure.
So, the first few years of feeling is, you want to win, good ah, let you win a round. Let you be happy for a time, next time I counterattack don't laugh out loud oh. This is a balancing game, not always one side in a winning position. The game can only go on if you have a rival. Life is long in this pit slowly play it. However, this process of these words also took me several years to summarize. So, marriage for both of us is a water to the channel, natural thing. Nowadays, living apart and the beauty of falling in love.
I remember once a friend said, "Women who marry foreigners are not worth much." I silently do not say anything. The world's wonderful, with the nationality has nothing to do with the age has nothing to do with, and even with the gender has nothing to do with, perhaps only with the soul interesting just. I also said, "Oh, you married a foreigner as a husband, there are good and bad." I couldn't help but reply, "There are good and bad times to be married to any man." He stopped talking, I always have a kind of chatting the day to death function. Switching games lies in the fact that it's all the other person's fault and I'm not at fault. Thought it would be good to play the game with a different person.
Of course married at a young age, for various reasons were forced to get married or did not try to love each other to death is not included. It's better to experience more before getting married. It's amazing what young people are doing nowadays without talking about love. I remember attending a meeting with readers of Rainbow Shadow, some people often compare her with Xiao Hong, but the fate is so different, she said that she was lucky to have had a lot of love, know what they want to be suitable for them, and encourage young people to fall in love more often before they get married. She also encourages her daughter in the same way. But remember to teach her to protect herself.
Since I am also at fault, it is still my fault for switching. Since it's my fault, I'll just climb out of the pit myself. It's actually easier to experience love and being loved in all its forms when there's enough of it in yourself: companionship with pets, caring for plants, non-judgmental conversations with your peers... and not just claiming it only in your husband or child or parent or mentor. Love yourself unconditionally and your love will be self-sufficient. It even nourishes those around you.
4. Life Chapter 4
There are still potholes in the road, and I go around them.
The most afraid of who agreed with me in the next life, this life's love affair please in this life, the next life is best not to meet again and then entangled.
5. The fifth chapter of life
I went on another road.
At this moment, who knows where the end of this life will go? I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it.