I hope you enjoy them.
"Your Life is So Long"
This article is actually pretty good in its own right. It's Guo Jingming's text published inside Island 10, describing his own heartbreaking and unknown writing journey. There is a great sense of pathos in reading it.
"Your life is so long"
When you are young, you just begin to understand the world, you will be afraid of the darkness, afraid of separation, afraid of all the unknown journey, afraid of death, afraid of such a short life. And years go by and you realize that your life will be so long. Those things you are afraid of, they are the eternal existence of this world.
So you slowly closed your eyes and sang a long ago song in the twilight. Those notes were washed clean and fragrant in the river of time. You think of the twilight with the snow, and the heavy wheat fields in the fall.
The white clouds are slowly drifting across the sky again.
01
How do I start a poem without making it sound pretentious? I've been thinking about this for a long time.
The earliest glimpses of the world were of the dark, cloudy sky. I was asleep in my mother's arms, my forehead burning, and she was carrying me alone to the hospital in the middle of the night. She traveled through the darkness of the night in a hurry. Lightning lit up the sky in a flash.
And so the years passed.
These nights were repeated countless times in my early years.
After more years had passed, the town, which had grown old as I grew up, slowly turned gray in the ashes. Cab fares are still at the standard 5 bucks to start with, as if you can get all the way through the city center for 10 bucks. It doesn't seem to have changed much except to become gray.
Except for the appearance of two of the newest four-star hotels. There are also a couple of clubs that pop up playing remixed techno.
And the child in her arms is now in Dalian, the wettest of the three northeastern provinces. She was wrapped up in bed reading a book called "The House on Mango Street". The room was filled with the sound of five other girls sleeping soundly, in addition to her own low breathing.
She realized she didn't really like winter. Especially the end of such a wet winter.
But if it snowed, she might like it.
"The whole earth and sky glowed gently." Sentence about snow.
02
I've been reminiscing about my old self lately.
It happens very, very often.
03
When I was in elementary school, I was the best writer in my class.
I won the second prize in the National Olympic Composition Contest.
There were two composition classes on Friday afternoons every week, and they were the happiest days of the week for me. There was a schedule of classes posted on the blackboard of the elementary school teacher's office. Every time I went to the trash can next to it to throw out my garbage, I would quickly glance at the words "Composition Class".
I was 8 or 9 at the time.
04
Afterward. I was always accompanied by the piano.
I think the only reason I didn't have a childhood was because of the piano.
It took up most of my time.
It was always my dream to become a pianist.
But the loss of hearing in the left ear was the end.
For five years.
Finally, it was over.
05
Many years passed after that.
I was a junior in high school.
I got my first pair of Adidas sneakers.
I learned about Nike and Levis.
I didn't even know about G-STAR.
06
We all say that if we sprinkle breadcrumbs along the way, we can find our way back along the road before the birds peck it clean. But we have overlooked that every tiny crumb, in fact, and dust is no different, rubbed into the eyes, can also flow out of tears.
07
When I was in junior high school, I watched <17 years old not cry>, and copied a lot of sentences in my diary. There was also a time when I was so moved by the youth of the TV series that I was in pain, collapsed on the couch and shoved my hands deep into the crevices of the couch cushions, tears rolled out one by one, and then I had to rush out of the house because I was going to be late for class. With a lump in her throat and tears still on her face, she rushed into the classroom.
It was like a high school student on TV, hiding under the covers with a flashlight and writing in a diary. Even though I don't live on campus, I don't need to turn off the electricity, and there are no teachers to check on me.
But I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to be one of them, the ones who were so free with their youth.
They wanted to be more mature.
The feeling of admiration, almost looking up to them. The desire for the beautiful youth of high school students was refracted into the heart and turned into a great longing.
08
Please fold your memories into the present.
Please take the vanity and the dream.
Please disassemble the sky from the earth.
Please carry glory and loneliness on your back.
With the weight of silence.
Please follow me all the way to the uninhabited end of the world, to the cold-covered expanses of the ice.
The end of light and ink.
09
Then I realized.
It doesn't matter what kind of person you are.
What matters is what kind of person you are playing.
You have to wear fancy clothes, you have to be gentle.
You have to be comfortable in your own skin, and you have to be tolerant.
This is the first time I've ever been to a place where I've lost my armor, but at the same time, I've been able to put on a stronger wall for my heart.
10
The fairy tale says that the prince walked slowly across the fields with his sword, and at first it was a golden fall, heavy with the joy of wheat. Then came winter, and barrenness swallowed up the world in one fell swoop. The prince did not stop his steps, he just sat down and rested a little, then he raised his hand and wiped his eyes, and continued to walk ahead with his sword.
We didn't know where he was going to end up, we just saw the seasons slowly changing behind him.
The green of spring, when swallows bring dirt under the eaves of houses.
The hot summer lake was as blue as cornflowers in a deep-sea palace.
Then comes the golden fall, when the fallen leaves look like fluttering butterflies.
Then came the winter, which none of us liked.
I don't know where the prince's footprints disappeared into the snow in the nth winter. The sword was stuck at a fork in the road, still shining brightly.
He must have gone somewhere he wanted to go. We can't find him, but we know he must be living happily ever after.
11
The spring rains and autumn winds are cool, and the sun and shadows are long after the Huaihe River. The yellow hair in the courtyard jumped on the stone steps, and the stone steps turned green to yellow.
Silent cicadas are hiding, but the season is busy. The snow is all over Shuo Bei, and the bottom of the lake is cold.
Once I was a young man who knew no sorrows, and my black hair was frosted for three days.
The dreamer's smiling eyes look at the corridor, the world is short, the world is long.
I don't know if the owner has read Guo Jingming is "the most novel" on the serialized novel "small time", the following essay "projector" is his text for himself and the characters in the book, after reading it is very moved, but also on the world's view has changed.
The original text of "Projector"
In this chaotic world, there are many, many I's. Each of us has a myriad of selves that warmly project the force to continue surviving in this cold society. They are another part of me in the world, completing and fulfilling a life that I cannot.
Many dreams , they surround me, they become me.
It has been seven years since my first novel, if you count it. Seven years is a very long time, almost a third of my age. In this long process, there are many, many characters that I have created, and they all exist vividly in my memory. But the only time I've felt them all come to life was in the recent film Small Time.
Many of the previous characters were just characters in a story, and they were used to create a beautiful story for everyone to feel and lament.
And this time they were like many, many me.
I don't know if I am becoming more and more complex in this society, or if I am becoming more and more divided inside.
On that day, I suddenly had an idea that I would write to them, to these people who had come alive in my novels.
To: Gu Li
How do I define you, Miss Qianjin or a cold computer? You survive in this world with a height that no one else can reach, always looking cold and sharp.
They say you are cold, unsympathetic, hateful, gold-digging, and materialistic but not human.
There may be nothing wrong with that.
Everyone inevitably grows up. Yesterday, we walked next to each other on a warm campus, where sour and sweet relationships and anxious exams were all the sky above our heads. The future we imagined at that time was like a gorgeous rose placed in a vacuum booth, glittering with dewdrops. Today, we emerge from the subway early in the morning with a haggard, sleep-deprived face. Every day, this moment marks the moment when we add a shovelful of dirt to the tombstone of the past - the past we are burying little by little.
We become grown-ups sipping coffee and writing plans on our computers.
We became adults who stayed up all night making programs and making arrangements.
We became adults who no longer jumped around and wore colorful and cute clothes.
We are being changed by the world day by day, and at the same time we are changing the world day by day.
I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But either way, it's our destiny.
More often than not, I would like to be like you, all around my life around the people, things, things, all quantified into a number, into my computer, and then use the principle of equal exchange and system, to evaluate a trade-off program. This seems simple, straightforward and incredibly powerful.
But I don't have the power to control my own emotions. I'm still happy about the vanities of life and frustrated by the disappointments of others. Every day to the container called "heart", add a variety of colors, happy is red, sad is blue, frustrated is gray, vanity is gold 。。。。。。 Drop by drop, the paint drips in and is stirred by the heart into a thick black soup.
And Xu Ren really does have to not care at all about what others think in order to live a stronger life.
Are you like that?
I used to think that people who dare to love and hate need a great deal of courage, but then I gradually realized that people who live with a mask of indifference, who don't care at all about other people's love and hate, are the ones who need a great deal of courage.
We love people or hate others, in a sense, is actually a sign of weakness. We can't control the great desires of our hearts and the jealousy and hatred we feel for others, and we live our lives in an unbridled and emotional way, getting out of control in the face of frustration.
I want to be you.
It's like planting a seed in you, a seed that is a fragment of my soul, and hoping that many years from now, this fragment will break through the ground and grow into a huge forest. In the hurricane that swept in from the sea, they still stood upright, rocking and shouting in the wind. While the lightning brightened the earth, this forest was as clear as the tumbling sea.
I want to be as strong as you.
Strong as the sea.
To: Lin Xiao
Cowardly and delicate, sensitive and kind, dependent on others, weak and contented,
In many people's eyes, your personality is overshadowed by the light of the other protagonists, not as strong as Gu Li's, or as literary as Nan Xiang's, and even more so than the deviant Tang Wanru. It seems that everyone treats you as a dispensable existence.
This may be your attitude towards life, right? I always thought so.
Ni validates the warmth of the past campus sunset, you also hold on to your friends and lovers around you, like a piece of soft silk, wrapping all kinds of sweetness and sadness in your life, lining them up as glittering jewels.
You have no more quest for the world, though you also work silently, mixed with tears of failure and scoldings with humiliation. They come from a world you have not been exposed to, and you take a step into this light and sharp world with your eyes wide open.
You are like me in the past, rushing recklessly into this society for the first time. Bruised and battered, gritted teeth and tears.
The world was suddenly flipped 180 degrees, revealing a side of you that you don't recognize at all.
The material impacts on human emotions, and only those who are really surrounded by these huge waves are qualified to talk about the so-called ideals and vulgarity. Just as a soldier who has not really come from the battlefield is not qualified to talk about the greatness or cruelty of war.
I am as frustrated with life as you are, and no matter how much effort you put into it, you will not be able to find a way out of it. No matter how much effort you put into it, no one else will see it, they will only ever hold on to the moments when you fall, always expecting you to fall, expecting your life to suddenly turn into a mess, to suddenly become broken and ragged.
You hold on in this world, and so you hold on to Guly's hand.
I was younger than you when I first left school.
At that time, I didn't know what brand names were, and I didn't know how the exquisite life of Shanghai's high society looked like. When it suddenly became glamorous, I was completely dazzled by the blinding flash.
I have experienced the same humiliation as you - when I walked into a high-class hotel wearing cheap sneakers, the waiter looked at me with that kind of gaze; when attending some high-class show, I was unceremoniously asked by the person in charge of publicity and planning for the clothes that had been carefully prepared on my body: "Let me take you to the dressing room, you change out of your casual clothes, this is a formal occasion, where is the dress you brought? "
I experienced my first visit to a brand-name store when the clerk didn't look away from me. I plucked up the courage to ask about one of the dresses and asked if I could take it down and try it on, and the clerk still didn't turn her head, she said coldly, "You don't fit into that dress," into the air somewhere."
Really, when I looked at the labels on those dresses, I always thought they were priced at a zero.
There are many, many more such things that happen in this cold Shanghai. I hate this city, but I love it too. Because it's like a balance, when you have enough weight, you can make the other side of the huge weights that seem to be on top of each other rise up high.
I can understand how you feel when you lie under the covers and cry at night, really, I have felt it when I was very young. Including once on the Internet, saw someone else post: "He Zhao film on the pair of shoes, is in front of the school store to buy ah, as if only 50 bucks it. I'm not sure if he's a writer or not, but he's really poor."
Hundun's light, the space filled with noise, the light and shadow transformed into sadness and joy, heavy and depressing in the chest
We continue to give up on ourselves, to lose our armor, and then we finally see our once-familiar selves in other people, and then at that moment, hot tears can't help but gush out of the eye sockets
The power of the mask lies in the fact that you don't have to play yourself
Continuing screening is the most important part of this small world, and it's not just the world of the world, but also of the people in it. This little earth
To: Gong Lun
Finally still inevitably write about you.
But how do I define you. I have no expression of face, in fact, is not to the earth a kind of great disappointment and abandonment?
When we were in elementary school, we would be asked by the teacher what you want to do in the future and what your ideal is
At that time, the answer that would be praised by the teacher would be "I want to be an elementary school teacher", "I want to be a scientist", "I want to be a military man", "I want to be a hard-working farmer"
At the time when we started to fill in the college entrance examination, these ideals that had been praised would be "I want to be an elementary school teacher", "I want to be a scientist", "I want to be a soldier", "I want to be a hard-working farmer"
To high school, we started to fill in the college entrance examination volunteering. These once praised ideals will surely be met with puzzled looks from parents, classmates, and teachers
What they want to hear is--
I want to choose the finance department and become a good banker
I want to choose the architecture department and become a good architect
I want to choose the law department and become a good lawyer
I want to choose the law department and become a good lawyer
I want to choose the law department and become a good lawyer. I want to be a good lawyer
I want to be a good dentist
I want to be a good certified public accountant
"We're going to make a lot of money in the future, we're going to go to a big city like Shanghai or Beijing when we graduate, we're going to have good jobs, we're going to have a good salary, we're going to have enough savings to get married and have kids, we're going to have a house, we're going to be able to drive to work, we're going to be able to make a lot of money, we're going to be able to drive to work. We need to be able to drive to work, we need to be able to make a lot of money, we need to be able to bring our mom and dad to the big city, we need to be able to save money to take care of our parents when they get old and sick, and we need to have more money so that we can buy nice clothes and high performance computers for our little ones, so that they don't have to go to internet cafes
Teachers and parents, classmates and friends alike, all applauded this vision
No one ever pointed out that what we need is money. is money
callagna sometimes I wonder what kind of existence our life is frankly many times I feel that this is a farce at any time will be blood and flesh, we are disappointed, leaping, excited, grief, touching, hatred, upset about it, what is it all about?
After hundreds of years, they're just a shadowy corner of the memory, dusted with soft dust
I know your life well enough, and there are even parts of it I can relate to
You're the top predators of society, you who squander the paychecks of other people's hard-working months on a glass, you whose feet are almost free of the dust of the world, you who have been brought from the black high class, you who have been brought from the black high class, you who have been brought from the black high class, you who have been brought from the black high class, and you who have been brought from the black high class, and you who have been brought from the black high class. You get out of your black limousine and walk into the red-carpeted lobby of your office building, you go to fancy restaurants, you hardly ever eat at home, but your home has the finest kitchenware, and you have wine and champagne lined up in a special wine cooler that is permanently heated from 6° to 18°. You change your cell phone and your watch as fast as you change your socks, and you have a bag that sometimes equals the value of the living room of someone else's house. All people know about you is the glitz and the glamour, the sharpness that cuts off everyone in the world from you, but no one ever sees you in the dark, no one ever sees you for who you really are, and when you go home and close the door, you shut the world behind you.
One time I was having lunch with my company in Times Square, and I was about to go downstairs to the lower level, and I turned around and walked into the Gucci store on the ground floor. I turned around and walked into the Gucci store on the ground floor
I saw a pair of white shoes, tried them on and thought they looked good, so I asked the lady to wrap them up, and while she was picking them up, I asked her out of curiosity, "What do you do with these shoes if they get dirty? Do you take them to a professional dry cleaner?"
The salesgirl stopped moving when she heard what I said and said to me, with a very complicated look and a slightly haughty look, "Sir, there are instructions in the box of these shoes that they are not to be washed."
I was stunned and said, "Well, what about just dry cleaning instead of washing them in water?"
"I said not washable"
"What about just toweling?"
"No."
"Then there has to be a way to clean them, right A pair of shoes can't just be worn for two or three days, right?" I was getting a little impatient
But surprisingly, the lady at the store was even more impatient than I was, and she took a deep breath, and then with a cold face she said, "Sir, the people who buy our shoes don't walk much, they take the car, or they're in a very clean environment, and if you don't have a good environment, or if you have to commute to and from work on the subway, and you have a lot of walking to do, I'd say these shoes aren't for you. I can only say that these shoes are not suitable for you and I don't recommend them."
The light in the store was white and bright, and it shone on my face and on hers, and we had no expression on each other's faces.
The world isn't a fair place, and you'll have to learn to get used to it.
There are people in the world who dig with one stroke of a hoe, and they dig up diamonds.
There are also people who work so hard to dig up mines that, at the end of the day, with one big bang, they collapse and their last grave becomes their last.
The other day when I was on the internet, I saw a thread discussing my work and my life. There were a lot of people, about a hundred or so followers, and it seemed very lively
The discussion was divided into two parts
The first part was: I used to love his work, he wrote Summer Solstice, he wrote The Edge of Love and Pain and his Junior was so innocent, so simple, so schoolyard, so innocent. How innocent, simple school dreams, simple student life, he and his friends drink watermelon ice for a dollar in front of the school, look at him now, full of materialism, he is no longer the same as before, Xiao Si, don't change
I have a lot of books at home, European, American, Mainland China, Chinese, Taiwan, traditional Chinese, Japanese, all kinds of books, no matter whether I can read or not, I will pick up and flip through them to look at the other people's designs, other people's ideas, other people's book publishing, other people's ideas, other people's books. Other people's ideas and other people's book publishing concepts, and Chinese novels all afternoon
But I rarely read my own books
I realized that I would never go back to the years before me, the summers that smelled like disinfectant in swimming pools, the days of senior year purgatory, the seasons when the balsam camphor trees were like a rich ocean, when I shouted, "I don't want to grow up. "I don't want to grow up, I want to be a kid forever" I envied Peter Pan I envied Peter. I must go to Neverland
But later I gradually gave up
Because after entering this society, I have been ridiculed by countless people because of my simplicity. People don't sympathize with tears, people don't pity the weak. When you complain about your pain on the Internet, in an instant, your words are reposted in every direction, and countless people use these words of pretense and complaint as a weapon of attack against you.
I'd like to lie in the sun on the grass forever, I'd like to drink watermelon ice for a dollar and not lose my mind, I'd like to wear simple clothes, listen to simple CDs, and live a simple seventeen year old life, but that's not going to happen, because there will never be another seventeen year old in my life, and there will never be another seventeen year old in my life.
I've also tried to take a taxi to some event in Shanghai, and the people who greeted me looked at me with such derision and disdain as I got out of the cab, and they kindly took your hand, and smiled warmly at you, and then backstage, they shared their joy with someone else, and said, "I'll tell you what, he's so poor he can't afford a car?"
I've been there, too, the first time I went to a fashion shoot, carrying a bag full of my favorite clothes to the studio, only to have the magazine's stylist roll his eyes and rummage through my paper bag, unable to find a single piece of clothing that caught his eye. The photographer, impatiently rushing around, the stylist, even more impatient, said, "What's with the rushing, do you think he's going to be able to do the shoot with that look on his face?"
Society is like a knife, and when it comes at you, if you don't have armor, you're going to get cut in half
The second part of their discussion was: "We didn't give him the money we bought him for his books, so he's not going to be a big deal." If we hadn't bought him the books, he would have starved, and he would have been able to wear the designer labels, which is a real disappointment to him
When I was a kid, my mother, who worked at a bank, was fined for giving $100 to a customer. When I was a kid, my mom at the bank was fined $100 for giving a customer $100 in compensation and had an extra $100 deducted from her paycheck, at a time when my mom only made $120 a month, and she spent two nights in tears
When I was about seven, my dad bought his first branded shirt, and it cost a fortune, but my dad laughed so much, and he stood in front of the mirror, and he twirled and turned, and he looked at himself in the mirror and saw himself in the mirror.
It's all about money, the happiness and the sadness it brings
But when we pay to see a movie and enjoy an hour and a half, when we pay to sell a CD and enjoy an afternoon full of music, when we pay for a good dinner in a restaurant, when we buy a beautiful dress in a store and feel happy, don't we go back and say to the movie theater, the video store, the restaurant, the shop, the shop, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater, the movie theater. Do we not go back to the movie theater, the video store, the restaurant, the store and say, "Who are you to make money? If we did not give you money, you would have starved to death."
My mother and I were on the phone and my mother was very angry : "You ignore them, you make money openly and honestly, you don't steal, you don't rob, why is it that people in other professions make money is the right thing to do, but you work hard to write a book for them to read, make up magazines for them to read, and still have to be insulted by them?!"
I told my mom on the phone that it was fine
After I hung up the phone, I took a shower and went back to work on the end of Small Times
It was the forty-ninth hour in a row that I hadn't slept, and with the publisher's deadline looming over me, I drank a cup of coffee, looked at the time at the bottom right hand corner of my computer at 02:10, and went back to work
If you look out over the lawn downstairs, you can see the book, and you can see it in the background, and you can see it in the background. If you look up from the lawn downstairs, you can see the lone light in my room, shining in the darkness of the building, but they don't see it, they're enjoying sweet sleep and dreams at this time of the day
All they see is the back of your back as you walk downstairs early in the morning, carrying your LV, and the driver pulls open the door and you get in, and their jealousy pokes you in the backside and makes you a bloodied mess
"He'd be starving to death if it weren't for the money we gave him. "If we hadn't given him the money, he'd have starved to death. What gives him the right to wear designer labels?!"
I understand your huge disappointment in the world, because so do I
This is a little long, but it's all heartbreaking or heartwarming words that are easy to read.
I hope you enjoy it.