Introduction:
Listening to my mother talk about the past, my grandmother could not read or write at all, and she had seven children, and due to the "male dominant, female dominant", women's main job in those days was to give birth to and raise the children, planting, housework, and supporting the elderly, which was something that they were already used to.
By my mother's time, it was said that "a woman's lack of talent was a virtue", and very few girls studied, and many of my parents' generation dropped out of elementary school to work, and very few attended junior high school. There were too many children in the family, and the family's conditions were limited, so the whole family had to work hard to pay for the boy's education, no matter how well he studied.
But luckily, my mother went to a factory after graduating from junior high school, and after she married, she had my brother and me, and now she doesn't have to be a "full-time wife" like my grandmother. In addition to working to earn money, in her free time she got a driver's license, learned square dance, but also often travel and shoot small videos, life is very exciting.
And in our time, it can be said that this is the "golden age" of the independent woman, nine years of compulsory education so that both men and women can be educated, the society is more and more advocating equality between men and women, and the status of the woman has been significantly improved. Women are no longer confined to their families, but instead are striving for the workplace to realize more of their own value.
But I didn't realize that in today's society, there would still be people living the way they did in the past.
Reader's question:
I'm about to celebrate my 31st birthday, but I feel like I'm in a rut, and I don't know how much longer I'm going to have to live like this.
I'm a mom of two, and I didn't get into college, so I had to come out and work. At the age of 22, I met what I thought was a beautiful and happy love, I didn't know anything at that time, and I wanted to marry him, and my parents saw that the other side of the family was good, and they agreed.
Husband's family conditions are considered affluent, in-laws have a house, but also have a store, by opening a store to collect rent to support our large family. However, the husband is a nibbler, he does not do anything, every day just focus on playing games at home, he said he is an only child, and when the in-laws are old, the property is his, do not have to work at all.
A year after the wedding I was pregnant, listening to my in-laws, resigned from home to wait for the birth of a baby, I did not expect, in the home to stay is a whole 8 years. This eight-year period, I take care of two daughters every day, but also to wait for the family's diet, cooking and laundry, washing dishes, sweeping the floor, busy, but I still feel empty.
I wanted to go to work, to go outside to contact society, every day at home to drive me crazy. But I never thought that I would get pregnant again, and my parents-in-law and my husband strongly urged me to have a baby, saying that the first two were daughters, and that even though they didn't value sons over daughters, they still wanted a boy.
I also want to have a child, but I'm really afraid, I have not been working for 8 years, then again, I really have to be a housewife for the rest of my life.
I always thought that the era of treating women as reproductive machines had long passed, but I never thought it still existed. Let's briefly analyze this reader's question.
Problem 1. What exactly is your identity?
In your description, we don't see you as a wife, your husband's love for you; we don't see you as a daughter-in-law, your in-laws see you as a daughter; the only identity that fits is that of a mother, who takes care of it herself every day.
It is true that your position in the family seems pivotal, less you, no one to take care of the child, the son has no life, the family's diet will be disrupted, but the family is not without you can not, and even can be said, a new person can be, your position can be replaced at any time.
It has to be said that compared to other identities, you are more like a "birth machine" + "nanny" with no salary.
2. All the "accidental pregnancies" are just a fluke
There are no accidental pregnancies in the world, except for the ones where you did use birth control but still had an accident. The fact is that if you don't use effective contraception in time, you can get pregnant.
You, on the other hand, have obviously left your body and destiny in the hands of someone else. The fact that you can't be the master of your own uterus shows that you are not the master of your own life and you are at the mercy of others.
3. What if the third child is still a daughter?
Before giving birth, no one can predict whether he or she is carrying a boy or a girl. What if, say, once you find out that your third child is still a daughter? The best state is of course to accept the reality, then you just have to continue with your present life, but what if the whole family's hopes are dashed?
Possibility one, the whole family voted for you to have another boy until you give birth to a boy, because it has become what they want to get;
Possibility two, although the birth of a child is a man's Y chromosome decision, but some people still think that it is the woman's stomach is not competitive, you in the family even more status, the day will not be good;
Possibility three
Possibility 3: You are not a must, and your in-laws have nothing to do with your property, and after the divorce they will find another woman to have a boy, and you, have nothing.
Some advice 1. The value of a woman is not to give birth to a child
Ma Yili once said an impressive quote in "Woman 30+": " The ultimate mission of the egg is not to become a fertilized egg, it can be just an egg. Through all these years we have finally realized that the value of women in a society is not to be a mother, we are there to be ourselves, to let that egg be itself, and not to give it too much of a mission."
As Ma said, the mission of an egg is not to become a fertilized egg, and a woman's mission should not be to give birth to a child. Women also have their own life to work, to love beauty, to love life, to enjoy life, not to give birth to children and be a cow.
2. Strong women don't need to look at people's faces
Whether it's a son or a daughter, a woman has no place in the family, even in the eyes of the in-laws, son, grandson, granddaughter are their family, only you, since the beginning of time is an outsider.
The only way for a woman to remain economically independent and mentally independent is to have an economic position and a voice at home. When a woman is strong enough to support herself and her children, she doesn't have to look at other people's faces to live. Otherwise, no matter how many children are born, the essence will not change.
3. If you accept the reality, then adjust your mindset
Today, your value in the family is also reflected in the birth of a child, if you still want to accept the reality and continue to give birth to this child, then, first of all, you have to be prepared to raise a third child mentally, and you need to take on the responsibility and obligation will be greater.
The heart is not willing but there is nothing you can do, the only thing you can adjust can only be the mentality, accept this child, accept your current still living state, this is your own choice, can not regret. Whether it is a boy or a girl, it is recommended not to have another child. After the child goes to school, then find a way to work.
Conclusion:
This society does have a lot of requirements for women, women do not work with children said that people have no value, work to make less money said that people have a low value, parenting experts said that the best children by the mother to bring up the mother of the society is really difficult to be a mother! The saddest thing is that even women look down on women.
Hopefully, for the rest of my life, I will be able to live for myself!