What are the characteristics of a two-way relationship?
"A fake two-way relationship is a parasite lying on the other person's back and sucking blood."
Usually, a two-way relationship has the following four characteristics:
One, not just a relationship.
False two-way to go: the goal of two-way to go is to stick together all day kissing and hugging and lifting high; true two-way to go: two people will be close to each other's position, but more will be the first to live their own lives.
In order to fall in love and delay the school perfunctory work, not two-way to go, but to send feelings on the road. In the early stages of love, we will put most of our energy into love, this is the period of passionate love, normal.
But if after three or five months of hot love period, you still have been indulging in this warm feelings, or always due to some "who loves who more a little bit" "who how to do is not on behalf of the other side of the insufficient love," and other ideas and quarrels and discussions Love philosophical problems, that relationship is not far from the end. Love has to have a realistic foundation, and this foundation is not financial, but you have to fulfill the tasks corresponding to the stage of life first.
The main task of the student stage is to study and various exams, the main task of the graduation stage is to determine the academic and career direction and job search, and the main task of the work stage is to complete the KPI and long-term planning. In the case of these socialization tasks are basically qualified, you talk about love talk about two-way run to that will not be too big a problem, after all, in the process of socialization, love is also part of it.
But if you only think about love, all the joys and sorrows are centered around love, the whole life like idol drama, in addition to sweet honey is the quarrel cold war and misunderstanding, that detached from the process of socialization, you can not have a long-term maintenance of the ability and resources needed for love.
There will be a sense of powerlessness if you are not capable, frustration if you don't have enough resources, anxiety if you are stagnant in your growth, emptiness if you are lost in your life, and a sense of freshness if you are not in a relationship that is full of quarrels, and a relationship that has become an obstacle to your normal growth, and then you can't get rid of the end of it even if you run in both directions.
So, when you are in love, you have to protect the normal advancement of the life of both sides, and even better, you can use love as a driving force to give each other's lives are accelerated, and that even if you break up, you don't feel that a few years of youth to feed the dog.
Second, the responsibility **** bear, risk **** spread, results **** enjoy.
False two-way to go: you always read the papers, write articles, busy work, did not let me feel you want to go to my side; true two-way to go: you for our future so hard, I have to work hard to reduce your burden, together with our future.
The two-way street is both a process of two people getting closer to each other and a process of two people moving towards the same goal. Choosing to be with someone is choosing to take on the responsibility of relationships and life together, to share the risks of their lives, and to enjoy the fruits of their lives.
***The same responsibility, means that we can not agree with the "boys should let, coaxing, take care of the girls" this obvious uneven division of responsibility, but where the responsibility, you need to bear the pressure and pain together. *** with the sharing of risk, means that the size of the decision needs to be communicated to both sides to reach, and together to bear the results of the decision. *** with the enjoyment of the results, means that no matter whose achievements are, the other party has a part of the credit.
The two sides of the life is difficult to distinguish from each other, entangled in the forward running, which is a two-way running; and false two-way running, is to do a lying on each other's backs to suck the blood of the parasites.
The reality of the heavy responsibility borne by the other side, full of uncertainty in the future by the other side to plan and realize, have a good result of their own to take the head share, there are bad results to blame the other side, complaining about their own lives, but also from time to time to blame each other for their own care is not enough. And they pay the most, is the nominal "never leave", in fact, never stop the value of the request.
Three, good faith interpretation.
False two-way running to: Ta make me feel bad is not two-way running to, is not enough love me; true two-way running to: although I experience the feeling of not being loved, but that must not be Ta intentionally, and may even be the problem on my side.
The two-way street doesn't mean that you'll always be happy in your relationship, but rather that you'll both be able to interpret each other's behaviors that make it hard for you from a kind perspective when faced with moments of unhappiness in your relationship.
For example, the other side of the anniversary of the negligence, interpreted as the other side of too busy rather than do not pay attention to you; the other side of the quarrel after the alienation of indifference, interpreted as mood rather than do not love you; the other side of their various requirements, interpreted as "pick goods is the buyer," rather than do not accept you do not love you real you.
Then again the good feelings and then love couples, there will be each other's needs can not be satisfied from each other, after all, the other side is not exclusively for you and the existence of. In addition, we grow up, failed to get fully satisfied those accumulated over the years of emotional needs, will also be pinned to the partner, which also leads to emotional needs in a relationship is not always satisfied.
The emotions generated by the dissatisfaction of the needs will affect your thinking, making it difficult for you to control the status quo as "Ta does not love me enough", and want to lose their temper and attack each other or withdraw from the breakup to protect themselves.
False two-way run to, is in the feeling uncomfortable, immediately "turn around", waiting for the other side through the initiative close to self-certification, and then in the other side of the pleasing, apologies and commitment to "turn around". The real two-way run to, is in their own "turn" impulse, remind themselves should first assume that the other party is not intentional, and then think about how they can adjust to make the situation better.
Fourth: Accommodate and compromise.
False two-way to go: you always do not take the initiative to contact me about me, I do not feel that you have to go to my side; true two-way to go: you need personal space, we reduce the frequency of meeting how? The two sides of a two-way street may not be close, but they must work well together. Our perception of how close we are to each other comes from the closeness of our parents in our families of origin, and the closeness of our parents and children.
There is a huge difference in the understanding of the frequency of normal interactions between couples between a person whose father works out of town and comes home only four or five days a month, and a person whose parents spend all day together in a small business. There would also be a huge difference in the understanding of the level of intimacy between a couple between someone who is all about seniority and seniority with their parents, and someone who is hobnobbing with their parents and talking about everything.
The fake two-way rush is the process by which the one who desires a closer relationship, in the name of the two-way rush, forces the other person to come closer and closer, to reach out to them, to disclose more of their thoughts and emotions. In order to weaken the other party's willingness to go to the cost, in exchange for the surface of the "two-way to go". The real two-way street is to respect and understand the other person's feelings and space needs, to retain the other person's willingness to go, and at the same time, let the other person feel loved and accommodated to produce the desire for intimacy.
The two-way street, to put it bluntly, means that both people have to be aware of the need to maintain the relationship and act in concert with each other. But if the responsibility for maintaining the relationship rests with one person, or if one person calls the shots, then it's not a two-way street.
A lot of people say they want a two-way relationship, but in fact they are always "staying put", so they are just playing the signboard of "two-way relationship", asking the other party to run faster, closer, and more obedient. Who would be motivated to get closer to such a person? Not to mention the fact that they're going to be there.
The person who is always calculating and worrying about whether it is a two-way street or not, often can't get a two-way street, and if he gets lucky, it won't last long. On the other hand, the person who thinks about the other person's feelings and takes the initiative to take the responsibility, often without realizing it, will let his partner to run to himself, **** to the future.