This is the 93rd real-life story we've told
Oral | Auntie Little, a military wife
Editor | Little Bones
My name is Little Li, a Shanxi native born in 1989, and I'm a military wife.
I've been a military wife for almost seven years, and I've grown a lot in the past few years, and I'm more used to facing a lot of things on my own, repairing drains, changing light bulbs, and patching up wall seams....... As long as I can do it, I'm willing to give it a try.
7 years of marriage, for many people are about to face the "seven-year itch", but for us, only slowly began to learn to understand each other.
(Our wedding photos, I don't regret being a military wife)
Many people commented that the military wife is very great, and she has been paying for years and years, and she never cares. In my opinion, there is no such thing as a natural greatness, in the back of their own silent bear, are a little bit of adjustment of the mind, slowly to adapt.
I was born in an ordinary worker family, mom and dad are working people, I have a brother.
From a young age, I've had a lot of favorites, and I've had a lot of fun, and I've had a lot of fun, and I've had a lot of fun, and I've had a lot of fun. All the way to grow up, I almost did not suffer from aggression, more will not go to do the rough work, in the character of the dependence on the stronger, but also more stubborn.
Even when I went to college, my parents still treated me like a little princess. Every time I went to school, I needed to take the bus. Since it was a bit far from the bus stop sign, my dad could never afford to let me walk there, and always had to ride his bike to take me there.
For a while I was naive enough to think that life was just like that and everything was wonderful.
What I didn't realize was that after becoming a military wife, my life was like upside down. I went from being a soft little woman to a strong woman inside.
(In 2015, I have my own job, and live by the book every day)
In fact, when I was in high school, I had fantasized about putting on a military uniform, and felt that female soldiers were beautiful and valiant.
But this is also just a teenage girl ignorant of the military complex. In fact, I have no idea what it means to be a soldier, and I didn't realize that the acquaintance in the university was a fated marriage, which would fulfill my dream of wearing a uniform in another way.
In 2011, my brother and I met in college, and I was his junior. At that time, the relationship between the two was limited to acquaintance, and they were not familiar with each other. He went to the army in 2012, and they lost contact.
The third year, he appeared.
By that time, he was already a non-commissioned officer and could take family leave. When he came back, he asked me to come out to meet him. At that time, I was both excited and nervous inside, this is the first time I have direct contact with the military, more curious about what he will become after the army exercise?
With mixed feelings, before I walked to the agreed place, I saw from afar an upright figure standing there.
I took a closer look, and sure enough, it was him. After being refined by the army, he became stronger and more capable. Although he didn't wear a uniform, he was still permeated with the essence of a soldier.
(Jun would take me to eat my favorite hot pot when he had time)
He took me to eat my favorite hot pot. As we ate, we talked about interesting things about the army, and he spoke with a great deal of color, revealing his love for the army in his words. I listened with great interest, feeling that what he was saying was nothing like what was on TV or in novels.
I felt that that meal went by especially fast, and before I knew it, it was time to part. On the way he sent me back, he passed a flower store. At that time, I took one more look, and he immediately ran in and bought me 11 roses.
To be honest, that was the first time I received roses, and my mood bloomed like the roses in my hand.
At this meeting, although Jun didn't show anything, I was able to see through his attentiveness and warmth that he liked me. After we parted that day, our contact began to become more frequent.
He had a good temper, which just complemented my quick temper, and slowly we settled into a relationship.
When he was in the army, we mainly contacted each other through cell phones, and the army was so strict that he could only use his cell phone when he was resting. I was counting the days, waiting to contact him.
(Sometimes I couldn't reach Jun, and the force did all the work they could do on their own)
Even so, our chats were often interrupted abruptly.
There would be many inconvenient times when they would deliberately turn his cell phone off, and since I couldn't get in touch, I could only wait on the other end of the phone, hoping to receive a message from him sooner.
When we were in love, Jun and I met on an hourly basis. He came to the city to look for me at noon and had to return to the army in the afternoon. Usually only once in a month or two did he get a chance to go out, and he needed layers of approval for leave.
At that time, don't mention how much we envied the others, at least they didn't have to panic and get stuck on the spot for meals and movies.
Military love is hard. However, I don't know when I began to realize that I had become dependent on him, and gradually could not leave him.
Before that, my mind was on my work and teaching my children to draw. Since then, I prefer to pay attention to information about the troops, and everything about the troops on TV, in the news, and on the Internet makes me very excited. Because when I see that, I feel like he is in front of me.
During that time, I watched a lot of film and television programs on the military, which strengthened my idea of military love.
I felt great and thought that as long as there was love in my heart, I could overcome all difficulties. No matter the difficulties in time or space, they can't make us give up.
(Accompanying my parents to dinner, all the way to the parents can not be separated from the support and guidance)
When my parents know that I am in love with the military, I obviously feel that my father has a lot to say, I guess I am afraid to pour cold water on me, so I just said that I will always support me. Getting the approval of parents, the latter thing is logical.
The engagement ceremony was simple and couldn't be simpler. Because that year the vacation is finished, that day he only took a day off, both parents ate a meal together, even if it is engaged! Although it was simple, I found it incredibly sweet.
Next, we started to prepare for the wedding.
Jun is in the army and can't come back, so we can only communicate with each other through cell phones, and sometimes we can't reach him. I'm going to get married soon, this important moment, he can not participate in, my heart inevitably a little lost and complain.
But I haven't been able to lose my temper, and even when I have, he doesn't know.
Again, by the time he got to me, it might have been a week! I was out on my own, looking for a wedding ceremony, trying on wedding dresses, choosing a hotel, and working all by myself. Jun complimented me for being so capable, but in fact, how could I have bothered with such things before?
(2015, we held a lively wedding)
2015, in the presence of friends and family, we held a lively wedding. The moment my dad handed me over to him, I felt like the happiest bride in the world.
At that time, Jun took 20 days of wedding vacation. These 20 days were the happiest time since I met him. During these 20 days, we acted like a normal couple and had his company every day, and my previous petty emotions were swept away.
I had thought that this was all there was to life. But who would have thought that this was just the first step in a long journey!
After the wedding vacation, Jun went back to the army.
This caught me off guard, and I didn't feel anything unusual during this time with Jun's care. But as soon as Jun left, problems arose. Cooking, going to work, and cleaning up the house made me burnt out, and my mom was heartbroken when she found out.
The hardest part was the night, I was afraid of the dark since I was a child, and I couldn't sleep well at all on my own.
At night, I would close the curtains on all the windows in the house, so I wouldn't feel insecure if I couldn't see the darkness outside. In the summer it was even more tormenting, when there was no air conditioning in the house, and I didn't dare to sleep with the bedroom door open even though it was too hot to sleep.
(Along the way, two people's hearts are closer and closer)
Shortly after the wedding, I found out I was pregnant. At that moment, the joy of being a soon to be mom was hard to describe. I was thrilled at the thought of a new life coming for us. However, this mood did not last long.
Soon, the pain replaced the joy, and I suffered from severe pregnancy reactions and various pregnancy tests.
Every time I went to the hospital, I watched other people's husbands taking care of the pregnant women. I feel like a single mom when I look at myself and I'm alone every time I go to the maternity clinic.
In the later stages of pregnancy, I often wake up hungry, and at this time, how I wish Jun could be around, even if it's just to make a bowl of noodles for me, I would be satisfied. However, reaching out and touching the empty bed, I could only get up and look for food myself. The heartache and helplessness was about to crush me.
When the baby was born, Jun took 20 days of maternity leave.
But he didn't really know how to take care of the baby, which made me irritable. Although I didn't complain about Jun during the whole pregnancy, I understood his situation in my heart, and I was in the best state of mind for the sake of the baby.
(Jun also know romance, Valentine's Day hand to put on my earrings, I was moved to cry)
But in the child was born after the third day, I can no longer bear, suppressed in the heart of the aggression, all turned into tears. I cried a lot in those two days, feeling particularly vulnerable, and then I lost sleep every day. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it in a few weeks.
It was a very weak month for me, but I was breastfeeding and couldn't take any medication, so I would get a fever every two days. Looking at my young child and looking at myself, I suddenly felt so tough.
Before I got married, I thought military wives were great, but that was just hearsay, and I didn't understand the weight of those two words until I became a military wife.
During that time, I suffered from postpartum depression because I couldn't sleep all night.
I hated myself for being so unfortunate, why other people's new marriages were accompanied, mine was lonely; other people's pregnancies were loved by others, why I was alone every time I went to the maternity checkups. I don't think I should have this child, I can't see any hope for this marriage.
During this period, my father tried time and again to guide me and comfort me, so that I could learn to think differently. Mom told me to sleep in a separate room with the child, and to regulate my sleep until I was almost out of the month, so that it was not so difficult to sleep.
And by that time, Jun's leave was over and he went back to the army before he got out of the month.
(Jun brother is not at home, I am all alone to go out to do business)
Experienced these, so that I know must learn to be strong, themselves once the collapse of the child is the most pitiful, I can not let the child to lose the companionship of the mother's love.
In order to give the child a better companion, I quit my job and became a full-time mom. My mother-in-law, because she had to take care of my great aunt's child, we went back to live in our own home after the child turned 100 days old.
I remember before my child was two years old, I felt like the most aggrieved, helpless and miserable person. Those days when I was doing chores and my child was hugging my legs and crying are days I still don't want to remember.
He didn't come back much until the child could walk, and I don't know how the child learned to walk and who he called the first time he opened his mouth.
After love is added, it's just a mess. I am at home every day with the child, every day, stay up late, repeat the same thing every day, inner very irritable, temper has become very grumpy, do anything impatient, the two people also often quarrel. I often complained to him, he always said without any understanding "not just stay up all night?"
(After love and oil and salt, the two of us are in constant conflict)
Listening to him say that, I was heartbroken.
He didn't know how I got through it when I was home alone. All the things are my own running back and forth, whenever this time, feel that the military brother is just a frivolous name, he can not give his wife and children to accompany.
From the time we met to the time we got married, the number of times we met was just a handful of times, and the time we stayed together was less than a week, and the total time we stayed together after we got married was just half a year.
Before we got married, we were leaving the best for each other, and when we met, we just thought of each other. He thinks I am strong and understanding is a qualified military wife, I think he is careful and considerate is an understanding husband.
In fact, we don't understand each other, I don't understand his difficulties in the army, he doesn't understand my helplessness, lack of communication between each other. I also finally understand why Dad always advised me to think differently.
After the child was born, the hardest part was over. I sometimes take the child to the army to visit the military brother, but also this period of time to let me more in-depth understanding of the life of the military. In the barracks, there are still millions of soldiers who are far away from their parents, wives and children, and those who are far away from home can only go home once a year.
(Jun is only a microcosm of the soldiers who can't go home for years and years)
My brother and I are quite lucky to see each other once in a month or two. This is the case with all soldiers, they can't go home for years and years, and even on holidays they can only rest in the camp, and sometimes I kind of sympathize with them.
No matter in spring, summer, fall or winter, they all get up at six o'clock for drill, and often get up in the middle of the night to stand guard. I tried to understand Jun, to appreciate his not so easy, I continue to enlighten myself, slowly let go.
I no longer always blame him, because he is also very hard.
In 2018, the army has a good policy, married non-commissioned officers can rotate off, half a month to rotate off two days. Previously, Jun could only stay at home when he was on vacation, and he could only stay at home for a few hours on weekends away. In this way, Jun came home more often, and he was able to appreciate my hardships more, which made me very content.
Every time he came home, he would stay with me and my kids, take us out to eat what we wanted to eat, clean up the house, brush the dishes, scrub the floors, and scrub the toilet without stopping. Because he knew that the more he did, the easier it would be for me when I was home.
These practical actions are more touching to me than those sweet words.
(As soon as he came home, Jun did the housework, and the standard was very high)
When he completed eight years of service, Jun said he wanted to give me a gift, and when he opened it, it was his national defense service medal. Holding the medal, I turned it over and over several times, this heavy medal, for me it carries too much, there is the military brother's sacrifice of the family for the sake of the family, but also the military wife's understanding and dedication.
This is the most meaningful gift I have ever received!
In the early days, I needed surgery for kidney stones, and my brother took a full year's vacation to come to the hospital to take care of me. He bought me meals every day, fed me my medication on time, and chatted with me in case I was bored.
The day before the surgery, Jun called for hot water to help me wash my hair.
He carefully adjusted the water temperature and rinsed my hair over and over again. Since he didn't have a hair dryer, he used a towel to help me dry my hair little by little. I didn't even enjoy this treatment during my month of pregnancy.
I was actually afraid of having the surgery, but Jun was always there to comfort me and encourage me, which gave me a lot of courage.
After the surgery, I had a urinary catheter inserted, and he helped me pour urine every day without the slightest dislike or complaint. During my hospitalization, my heart was full of emotion and happiness, and my two hearts were getting closer and closer.
(During the hospitalization, Jun helped me wash my hair)
While there is a good policy of the army, the rotation of rest is also very uncertain, encountering a major task may not rest for a long time. Just like last year, when he came home after 130 days in the army due to the epidemic, he stayed for two days before returning to the army.
The brief meeting has not yet had time to feel his warmth, we will have to separate, to say that not sad that is each other comfort each other. The first time I saw him, I was so happy to see him, and I was so happy to see him, and I was so happy to see him.
In my mind, this kind of parting scene, can only appear in the movie, whenever they personally experienced, only to understand that this scene contains too much pain in it.
Now that my son is getting older and older, he has too much attachment to his dad. Before, the kid didn't have too many memories, but now he wants to have this love to accompany his growth. But I don't know how to explain to him what his dad does so that he can understand it all.
He should have had a carefree childhood accompanied by his mom and dad. The child cried at parting, telling his dad, "The days you come back are so slow, I count them and forget them."
We were all silent, not knowing how to reply so that his young mind would not be disappointed. The child eventually fought back tears and said goodbye to his dad.
(My son and I's daily routine, raising greenery together)
I didn't have any parting words to say to Jun. The moment was so complicated in my heart that I was a little afraid to open my mouth, I was afraid that my own tears would roll down unconsciously and make him go away without any peace of mind.
We looked at each other and already read each other's mind.
"Take care of the kids, take care of yourself." This was one of the most common words Jun had said over the years. In fact, I also want to say to him, "Work hard, I'm here at home."
Jun has returned to the army once again, and everything is back to the status quo ante, deleting the complexity and living in peace. The essence of life is actually very simple, happy life, I have to always maintain self-discipline, to create a very good state of life for the child and myself, because such days will be long, the child needs me to guide and take care of.
The child is now more and more understanding, usually will help me to do some housework, and even the military will comfort me when he left.
On one occasion, after he had left, the child said, "Dad's back in the office. The child said, "Don't be sad when your father comes back to the unit." I said, "What should I do?" The child told me to count the days like him and wait for his father to come back. This made me feel that all my efforts were worthwhile.
Now that my child is in kindergarten, I have more discretionary time and my family life is on track. After I got married, I didn't have a job, I didn't have friends, I didn't have things I liked to do, and I felt like I was starting to lose touch with society.
(Going to my son's school for a parent-teacher conference)
And, all of a sudden, I was free and felt especially insecure, with an indescribable sense of panic. I just wanted to find something to do, to enrich myself on the one hand, and to subsidize my family on the other.
If I go out and look for a job, I'm afraid I won't be free to take care of my kids. I've been thinking about it, and I've decided to do some self-publishing. This way, I can not only record the military wife with children, but also let the military brother in the army to see our mother and son's life, to witness the growth of our son.
Because I studied animation production in college, I am also familiar with some filming software, and I am comfortable with it. Moreover, I had this idea a long time ago, and I've shot some of them off and on, but because I didn't have the time I shelved them. The timing is just perfect right now.
In the beginning, I pushed myself to learn every day. It can be tiring, but it's very fulfilling, and I prefer a full life to doing nothing. The content of the video is mainly to record my real feelings and life moments as a military wife.
I had a lot of difficulties in the process of doing self media, and even almost couldn't do it because of some doubts. But I'm not that uneducated little princess, I rarely find what I like to do, even if it's hard and tiring, I have to do it.
Most importantly, I have the support of Jun.
(Fans wrote to me privately, wanting me to introduce military brothers)
After doing self-media, I got to know a lot of military wives, and although everyone's life is different, the majority of them are separated, and not a few of them suffer from loneliness and helplessness. Some have been divorced after 15 years of service, some have given up good jobs to join the army, and some have left the big cities for the Gobi Desert.......
These have given me a deeper understanding of the word "wife".
Many people have asked me if I'm happy being a military wife. I'm not sure I've ever regretted it.
What I want to say is that military marriage looks different from other marriages in that it requires more understanding and support. But in terms of the nature of marriage, I think all marriages are the same and are run better or worse.
As a military wife, I sometimes feel lonely, but I have never regretted marrying my military brother because of his strong sense of responsibility, and because he will always keep us, mother and child, in his heart.
(Our family photo)
I think that after marriage two people go to change each other, become closer to each other, become adapted to each other's habits, so that the home formed by two people becomes more and more stable and better.
Two days ago, Jun successfully turned on the fourth stage, if just married, I certainly do not support. However, I am now very supportive of him, I can understand how a person who has been in the army for almost 10 years is so attached to his military life.
As he messaged me later, it was because of my support that he was more motivated in his endeavors. I was especially happy and excited. At this moment, he understands me, he understands my silent efforts over the years.
Now, the country's care for military families is more and more, so that we military families are more determined. This year, I received the family honorary gold, from the second half of the retroactive payment, so I feel especially different, this is my six years as a military wife the happiest thing.
Thanks to the state, did not forget in the military brother behind the silent payment of every military wife, military wife is not only a name, but also can get the corresponding material subsidies, so that the majority of military wives more sense of gain.
(Military brother sent me a gift, as a military wife I'm proud)
As a military wife I'm proud, I believe that the national system to protect the rights and interests of military dependents will become more and more perfect, so that we are more at ease to go to support the military buddies to play for the country, to protect the family and the country. I sincerely wish our motherland mountains and rivers are unharmed, more and more powerful!
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