When the work is tired, when life meets the bottleneck, we will always produce some unrealistic expectations, for example, in the jackpot la, suddenly one day can become a millionaire la, this is very normal, after all, just think about it, think about it and will not have to lose, even if not to realize, at least let yourself some more life hope, even if this hope is actually delusion, but at least happy! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that.
However, sometimes we all know that these delusions of hope, after the excesses will only bring negative and pessimistic emotions, after all, it for the vast majority of people will never be realized ah, so that people are more and more, to produce some practical and hopeful expectations.
For example, it would be nice to retire soon. I believe that no matter what age group of people, but not retired, almost all look forward to retirement, and even the desire of young people to retire more than the middle-aged.
Retirement will not have to work again, you can get money at the end of the month, money and leisure, this is a happy thing ah, how can we not let people envy not let people look forward to it?
But is retirement really a good thing for everyone?
In the eyes of young people, it must be, but in the eyes of many retired or near-retired old people it is not.
Retirement means old age, deteriorating health, and moving from middle age to old age. After all, a retirement pension is supposed to be a living allowance for the elderly who have lost their labor force. You think such a day is very happy, in fact, what, to the retirement age of the elderly it, has lost the young and energetic vitality, for them, no disease and pain may be the best to enjoy life.
More importantly, retirement can also bring a great crisis to middle-aged and old-aged marriages, which is something that many people can't realize and imagine beforehand.
Too many marriages of too many middle-aged couples are maintained because both parties have things to do and no time for conflicts and quarrels, and really retirement is not all good for them.
People idle, always stay under one roof, this time the problem instead from under the surface of the water to emerge, the more idle is idle, the more idle the more you can see each other's shortcomings, would have been already with the time of the thin feelings instead of getting worse and worse, middle-aged and old age marriages are very easy to produce cracks.
The best way is that both sides can rediscover their own hobbies and interests, spend time, and do not interfere with each other, if one party does not change, and the other changed, but also between the two sides of the distance between the more and more distant.
Walking apart, mutual dislike of middle-aged and elderly couples, the chances of betrayal in the marriage, and even not less than young couples, this is
Idle nothing to do, the two sides of the relationship is getting worse and worse, the more idle the more they will look for things, is one side, in addition to the idle, and more feel that the other side can not tolerate the old age of the marriage is also a lot of, and in some cases, after the retirement of the two sides will be more and more far away from each other, the middle and old age The chances of cracks in the marriage, or even betrayal, are actually no less than for young people.
"Jump square dance a year, witnessed the breakup of two families," 53-year-old woman's confession, poking the pain point of marriage in the elderly
Aunt Liu is 53 years old this year, has retired, the son and daughter-in-law have not yet had children, Aunt Liu it at home nothing to do at home, in the old colleagues recommended, together with the followers to learn to dance! Square dance, both exercise, but also with different people between some of the socialization, would have been a good thing, but the square dance jumped a year later, Aunt Liu is not willing to go jump.
"I'm afraid to go dancing."
Aunt Liu gave such a puzzling reason, and then told a story that happened around her.
"This thing, I'm kind of the whole thing have seen, because what, the final result into what kind, I know, is because of this thing, my old partner is not in favor of me to dance square dance, I myself do not dare to dance.
One of our teams, a big sister, surnamed Li, people call her Li old lady, a few years older than us, almost sixty, another is also our team, surnamed Zhang, we usually call him Zhang old man. The two of them live closer to home, are a neighborhood, the age is also similar, together with the retired, it is Zhang old man looked at Li old lady at home idle, shouted Zhang old lady with square dance.
The old man's partner, after retirement, idle nothing to do, and went to find a temporary job to play, the old lady's partner, like to play chess, every afternoon on time to go out. This old man and Li old lady two people because of the square dance, and both with the old partner after retirement life are separated, so the relationship has become very close, but also formed a fixed partner, they jumped double, only with each other to jump, if there is a person does not come, the other person also does not come.
Gradually began to spread some rumors that the two often run to each other's homes, said the practice of dance, but who knows what the two actually did it, although it is a handful of years, in the end, or lonely men and women, what happened is not good to talk about, in short, flies do not bite the seamless egg, people catching the wind and shadow always have to have a wind and a shadow in order to let the people to catch it!
I only jumped a year anyway, these are people told me, but I did see this old man and Li old lady two people, is indeed a different relationship, do not know will think that the two of them are each other's partner, is to know that in fact, each of them have a home it.
After a short while, something happened, this old man and Li old lady suddenly a period of time do not come to dance square dance, and then I heard people talk to know, said Zhang old man and Li old lady's partner are aware of the things between them, in the family divorce.
The old man's wife also made a scene at the old lady's home, said the old lady Li regardless of the old face of her Gu, robbing people of the old man, the old lady Li explained that it is for the practice of dance is also useless, the old man's wife could not accept this rhetoric, made the neighbors know, the old lady's husband only to be divorced as well.
Then I don't know if I divorced or not, but anyway, both of them stopped coming.
I listened to the really quite sad, but other people are listening to the commonplace, told me that this kind of thing in the middle-aged marriage is too common, jumping square dance ah, jumping and jumping to the two families are chicken and dog jumping, and is not an unusual thing.
More than half of them are retired, are at home idle, before it is to make do, work is not a long time to stay at home is not bad, not work, all day long together the problem appeared, each playing each one of them, the risk is also big, after all, now have the money and leisure, encountered the temptation, it is very difficult to resist.
Since this matter, I do not intend to continue to dance, feel some like a place of right and wrong ah, or away from the good.
Want to continue to dance, but this kind of messy relationship I can not accept, my old partner heard also can not accept."
Aunt Liu, after witnessing the two families go to pieces, became scared, and she didn't dare to continue dancing, treating it as a "weapon" that destroys families.
In fact, Auntie Liu's description of the incident from her own perspective is one-sided and superficial. As she is getting older, she is not able to describe the whole objective reality in a comprehensive way. In her opinion, the matter of old man Zhang and old lady Li is a warning, the old man and old lady have their own families, retired and formed a dance partner, the two people always stay together to practice dance, and sometimes often alone, the feelings seem to be even better than with each other's partners, get along with each other even better, not only physical contact, get along with the mode of love, which does make people have to blindly think, can't help caring!
What is this?
Who also does not know Zhang old man and Li old lady two people in the end there is no some beyond the boundaries of things, but it is clear that the feelings of these two people is indeed beyond the feelings of the spouse, even if it is not in the time spent together are already more than a spouse, in the eyes of the surrounding people, it seems to have been put the two relationships to "sublimation! The fact is that the two of them have already "elevated" their relationship in the eyes of the people around them, and they are "sitting on the fence".
The fact that in this case has not been so important, the important thing is that this relationship has had the effect of destroying the harmony of the two families, both spouses can not accept and tolerate this cross in the ambiguous relationship between the two families, has been identified as a betrayal, are clamoring for a divorce.
Old man Zhang and old lady Li, did not want to give up their hobbies and change their lives because of their spouses, and tragedy struck.
The pain point of middle-aged and elderly marriages, lies in this, seemingly together through thick and thin, the marriage should be a million strong, however, this building, has long been in disrepair, in fact, has long been crumbling, can not withstand the wind and rain.
Not retired before, can barely maintain, after all, two people are busy without the energy to dwell on some of the nuances, but after the retirement, there is no need to be busy with things, more free time, instead of having time to fight, to each other to wear each other's feelings.
I once watched a Japanese drama in which a wife, before her husband was about to retire, entertained the idea of getting a divorce, and here's why.
"He always snores when he sleeps, and the clothes he wears always stink, and when I had a job at least I didn't have to face him every day, but when I think about having to face this awful old man every day after I retire, I feel like there's just no way I can live through the days."
How many middle-aged and elderly couples have had the same idea as this housewife? I don't think so, distance produces beauty, no distance, only close to magnify each other's shortcomings, can't see each other's strengths, young couples are still so, middle-aged and elderly couples are even more so.
Perhaps many people will feel that people to the middle-aged elderly, marriage does not need to be maintained, but perhaps, it is precisely the old and middle-aged marriages, it is more need to be managed by heart. Getting along for a long time, only more need to communicate, more need to understand, don't let the marriage of this marathon, fell in the finish line before.