My mom was born in the sixties, a small mountain village in the Yimeng mountainous area, above her there have been three sisters, grandpa's family, three generations of single, mom was not born before, the whole family hoped that she was a boy, so as to continue for the family, the succession.
As soon as mom was born, her grandparents took a look at a girl and decided to throw her out that night. I think if she was really thrown out on the road outside the village, she could only freeze to death and starve to death in that cold winter. My grandfather is a filial son, do not dare to resist, but also may itself he could not decide at that time, and did not take a position, grandma just cry although it is a girl but after all, it is her body fell off the meat, but they think that they gave birth to a girl, sorry for the people do not even have the right to speak, have no face to stop do not send my mom out.
At this time, only my great-aunt, see grandma crying, she also cried, dead, and beat and cried, crying to death, a few hours passed, they finally decided not to send away, first raised it.
The next year, grandma finally gave birth to a son for his family, my mom also has a brother, the 1960s, generally poor, grandma's family has a large population, poorer, mom already has three more or less able to do a little work on the upper side of the sister, the lower side of the family are regarded as a treasure of the younger brother, she is the most unpopular in the family is not favorite, and also redundant a person.
Mom told me that when she was a child, often hungry, can eat when very few, the most sad is that once she was so hungry that she could not, secretly went to the people's vegetable field to pick an eggplant, want to eat to fill up the hunger, but a mouthful did not eat, was caught by the people to find the family, at that time, the grandpa, no questions asked, grabbed my mom is a beating, my poor mother was beaten a few days were not able to get out of bed, for several days without food, and the poor mom was beaten, and the poor mom was beaten. I can't get out of bed, no food or drink for days, almost died, every time I say this mom always tears.
Mom did not go to school a few days, can only recognize some simple common, add up to not more than three hundred words. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers, and to provide the best possible service to its customers.
As a result of malnutrition as a child, my mother was very thin, with yellow hair and never weighed more than eighty pounds, and then married to my father long did not have a few pounds of meat.
My mom, it is in those years, that environment under the conditions of growing up, but I still want to thank my grandma here she gave birth to me, I think the world's most kind, hardworking, the greatest mother.
Mom can not recognize a few words, eat enough of the pain of no culture, I still do not understand when, while burning the fire, while using a small wood stick, on the ground to draw words to teach me, she is my first language teacher.
Mom was not strong, because my father was sick all the time, she used her thin shoulders to carry the burden of the whole family, with her blood, sweat, and even life for the money, for me to go to school, and make me receive a higher education, to realize her wishes and dreams.
Mom is very kind, see people suffering on TV will shed tears, helpful in the village, the neighbors did not have a not praise, now, I have been working, mom is old, I will not let her go to suffer too much labor, I want her to live a happy old age.
This is a lack of love for the family cultivated children, my mom.
Home, is the harbor of the mind and body, is the mother's soft little hands and father's broad shoulders, is the child's paradise of pampering, is a haven of love.
When you are tired of work, you can come home to relax; when you are wronged outside, you can go home to say. Because, there are your mom and dad at home, for you to cover the wind and rain!
The warmth of the home, so that children have a sense of security, sense of acquisition, sense of happiness! The child's young mind is no longer alone, the young mind has attachment. Imagine a family without love, what will the child?
This reminds me of a scene ......
The nephew met a girl, the nephew is a barber, the girl is a beautician. The two people get along for two months, feel appropriate, the girl is pregnant, and then lightning-fast marriage. Less than a month after the wedding, the two began to quarrel, three days a big quarrel, two days a small quarrel, the child in the blood of the parents, in the mother's womb home gradually grow up. On the day of delivery, the child was in an incubator for two months because of difficult labor and lack of oxygen. This time nephew and nephew-in-law scared, that two months without a fight.
The good times did not last long, the child was discharged from the hospital, and the two returned to normal. The little grandson grew up in the midst of his parents' quarrels. He was very short-tempered. A little bit of time, the slightest disobedience to his heart, he rolled all over the ground, crying endlessly. He couldn't find anything, dropped things, jumped up and down, and stomped his feet....... He couldn't get into the kindergarten and cried for a whole month. It's hard to send in, in the small class to beat the small partners, do not get along with the group.
The nephew said he was looking forward to him to grow up quickly and grow up to understand. I'm not sure that the child's growth is subconsciously influenced by the parents. The parents will not speak properly, as long as the talk on the loud noise, couples like this, the child is more so, how can the child have a gentle voice? The nephew and nephew-in-law, however, do not recognize the seriousness of the quarrel between the two individuals and feel that there is nothing to it. This home will always be a mess, without a bit of warmth, warmth, happiness!
The child's kindergarten class graduated, the nephew and nephew-in-law divorced, the child was awarded to the mother. The child and his mom drifted around in a rented house for a year. The child became less talkative, to where staring, cold, like a hedgehog, you can not get close to him, even if it is good for him, very heartbreaking.
The child's summer school is going to the elementary school, the mother alone to bring him, feel really can not manage, feel to collapse! The first time I saw this, I was able to see it in the back of my head. After a year apart, the two of them are happy to reorganize their family. The nephew redecorated the house, paste the wallpaper, nephew daughter-in-law to buy a beautiful chandelier, began the life of the married ......
I prayed every day, praying for their family and beautiful life, never quarrel again.
The child is in the first grade, every day to write homework, mom's patience is almost exhausted again, began to quarrel son, scolding son. The father can't stand it, and the mother began to fight for the child again. 7-year-old child began to resist, hitting the mother, hitting the father, scolding people. Watching fighting cartoons, saying that when he grows up, he will gouge his father's eyes out, and saying that he doesn't like his mom and dad, they all beat him. The child is more and more difficult to manage, not moving, tantrums, cursing, crying.
The nephew, nephew-in-law now have no way, want to send the child to a private school, once a week to pick up, so that others to give management of the child.
The child from the mother's womb home to accept the mother's emotions, emotions, until the growth of 7 years old, all the way to grow up to feel the parents of the cone of pain, emotional language. But do not feel the warmth of home, love and care, the child's young mind to withstand how the "cold" ah!
Every party nephews, nephews-in-law and I sued the little grandson, so difficult to manage, so difficult to manage, really no way out of the time, my heart hurts, are bitterly and they said: "To let the child become a better child, you two have to change themselves. Be good to yourself first, and then discipline your children in a loving mode, especially by speaking to them in a gentle voice. Let the child feel the warmth of home, feel the love of mom and dad, he is too lack of love!"
Nephews and nephew-in-law, if they change themselves, with love to warm the heart of the child, the child will be better, if they have not yet realized how important their influence on the growth of the child, such scolding down, the child to adolescence will be what? What kind of person will become in the future?
The American psychotherapist Parker pointed out: "Most mental illnesses are caused by a misunderstanding of team love or conceptual confusion. Love is both the cause of many mental illnesses and the cure for them." He goes on to say, "The experience of family life often determines a child's view of the world. Children who grow up in warm and caressing homes tend to see the world as a warm and loving place." Children who grow up in cold and hostile homes, on the other hand, "tend to see the world as a cold and hostile place."
The family is the place where the strongest, truest, and most indestructible true love can be nurtured! However, the worldwide upheaval and disintegration of the family has left a heartbreaking legacy on the number of people involved, especially the children.
Have you ever thought about the responsibility of the "family" when we start a new family?
Dear readers, what kind of children will be raised in a family that lacks love? What do you think?
What kind of children are raised in a loveless family? This situation varies from person to person, there are many differences, the child's character is formed later in life, some children study harder, fight for a change of fortune, but some children can go down the road of crime, the reason I am a single-parent family, the lack of care, in fact, there is a belief that this is not the reason. The internal cause is the basis, the external cause is the condition.
Every family should care more about their children and let them grow up healthy!
A family that lacks love nurtures children who are more indifferent in character.
Parents are the first teachers of their children, and many of the children's behaviors imitate those of their parents. If a child lacks love in the family, that is to say, the parents care less for the child, then the child will not take the initiative to care for others.
The lack of love in the family is a period of psychological conflict in which the child establishes basic trust and mistrust. Whenever a child encounters difficulty or hunger, without the help and care of the family, the child will not have a sense of trust in the family personnel, and in the future, when he goes to the society, he is suspicious of others and it is difficult to establish a sense of trust with others.
My nephew was born in my home. When my cousin was pregnant with him, it coincided with my dad's layoff and my mom's internal retirement. My aunt, that is, my nephew's grandmother, learned of my family's dilemma, my pregnant cousin, non-drive to my home to say that my mom cooks good food, wash the clothes clean.
Every month hard to plug to my mom's living expenses. The fact is, I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on a new product, but I'm sure you're going to be able to get a good deal on a new product, and I'm sure you're going to be able to get a good deal on a new product. The first thing I'd like to do is to get my hands on a new pair of shoes, and then I'd like to get my hands on a new pair of shoes.
Every morning, you have to pedal your bicycle to the Yangtze River, five kilometers away, to find a fisherman to take back a live river fish. To give you cheaper than to the fishmonger aunt even thanked, politely refused the good intentions, or thundering day day to go. Cousin counted her, she is still my way, the mouth is not convinced, ten fish in the refrigerator, where there is a live fresh.
My sister also had to go with her. My cousin's husband, the impression only appeared once. He will be in the field project manager, it is said that the needle and thread are his main focus, the work to grasp the quality and management, amateur accompanied by the owners and supervisors to eat and play cards. The day he came, my aunt and my mom made a table of good food.
He was at the table but the phone constantly lowered his eyebrows. The dishes of the Zimiao is not obscure as chewing wax. Sometimes angry eyes, sometimes to him, I do not know is when he left, the ear is still attached to the phone, almost forgot to say goodbye to my aunt and my mother. Cousin is very angry, wrathfully said he came with a mouth, not even a red envelope to my mom.
Cost of living, and then give her money, only when the baby was born, seal back. The baby was born, looks and his father a look, pointed face single eyelid, he opened his eyes for the first time on earth, saw is my aunt's tearful eyes. "Wow!" The first time he opened his eyes on earth, he saw my aunt's tearful eyes, calling out to the world. Not more than a few days after birth, my nephew suffered from gangrene.
Aunt embraced the nephew in the fading weighing, back and forth to conceal and go a few kilometers away from the hospital irradiation of blue light, with their own strength, from the index of 20, down to 6. Cousin gluttony, eat anything that is not forbidden. Mammary gland blockage, but also the aunt stole the learned techniques, pressure, screaming repeatedly over the nephew's cry heartless to her nephew's night milk, cousin upset noisy knocking on the sleep. Just squeeze out the milk before going to bed, dumped to their own mother. Aunt got up in the early hours of each morning, after warming up, gently patted the nephew awake, to feed him. The perpetual motion machine like aunt, full of horsepower, the cousin and nephew, raised white fat. The first time I saw this, I was able to get the money to pay for it, and I was able to get the money to pay for it, and I was able to get the money to pay for it.
But the cousin does not think so, she looked at her mother to pay too much, but the cousin's husband and his parents even came to sightseeing interest is lacking, not the heart of the injustice. She and her cousin's husband had a big fight on the phone.
Go back home to the parents to bring. Aunt, of course, can not afford to give up, she told her daughter and aunt repeatedly that the treasure is so small, to the countryside for fear of not adapting. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. The word has come to this point, the aunt had to hold back the reluctance.
Cousin returned to the organization to return to the original point, cousin husband also returned to the project, the days seem to be idle aunt, but can not help but hang on, she called the in-laws, asked when you can QQ video once, to see the grandchildren. In-laws do not even know what QQ, only according to the aunt's guidance, went to the county, looking for a relative's computer, connected to the video. In the video, like a new baby, nephew became dark. The little guy saw his aunt, instantly crying, a pair of small hands, desperately grasping to the screen.
Aunt forced tears video finished, fixed and cousin said, you go to pick up the baby back, if you do not go, I personally run a trip. After the nephew came back, he never went to the old home to live. Not long after, aunt also retired, two old people with grandchildren. The little guy grew up in the company of Grandpa and Grandma, endless favor, became the legendary "bear child".
To my home, never shouted my uncle, bossy said "Hey, you go find some toys for me to play." At that time, my mom is taking my brother's girl, the family has a lot of cloth dolls, he is very disdainful of such a little girl's toys, tearing a few times after the interest is gone. My brother's girl kissed and ran to play with my brother, and for some reason got into a small argument, he pushed the little girl to the corner of the table, and then crunchy crying shook the sky.
The nephew who was turning the drawer into a mess was grabbed by me and slapped hard to his butt. Aunt fill blame me, are working people, but also with children general understanding. Fishing over my hand to play the nephew howling, softly said the baby does not cry, Grandma give you out of anger. A hand gestures to slap my arm. I was so angry that I stomped my feet and said, "Auntie, you're just going to spoil him," he said.
From then on, this bear nephew was regarded as a thorn in my side. The nephew of the family a bully in the twinkling of an eye on the elementary school. Aunt daily pick up and drop off, we have to meet the teacher complained bitterly about the trouble, either grabbed the girl's pigtails, or fighting with the boys. Aunt shy old face, one by one to apologize.
Go back but proudly said with his aunt, grandson in school never bully,. I heard, the aunt's doting scoffed, and even a little bit of a hidden joke looking forward to see what this bear nephew will later engage in what fried chicken a moth. But my expectations, after a short period of time in the empty. The first time I saw this, I was able to see the whole thing, and I was able to see the whole thing, and I was able to see the whole thing.
The long-term separation, so that the couple's feelings, gradually become cold. Cousin's husband said, he worked hard at the construction site, never see cousin phone greetings, unlike a woman. Cousin said, the family's food and drink are her support, cousin husband only remittance of less than two thousand per month, unlike a man. The quarrel on the phone gradually escalated, the face of his parents-in-law, wrestling pots and bowls cousin husband home, in front of the self-bear children nephews, hiding in the arms of the aunt, shivering.
At the end, cousin's husband ruthless cousin said, the house and the child to me, do not want you out of the child's living expenses, tomorrow to do the formalities. This is a night nephew's ears, are grandfather's sigh and grandmother and mother's cry.
Bear nephew like instant understanding, actually unprecedented hug my brother's girl. He buried his face in the lap of his aunt, who had been sobbing uncontrollably, and hugged her tightly. His cousin's husband came over and tore him to the car, and he was dragged along, twisting his face desperately toward us, hissing for Grandma. A mournful child's voice hit my aunt with a million arrows.
She sat down on her butt on the damp and cold platform, and the strands of long, white hair on her head, fluttering in the wind, hung down helplessly. The hand stretches forward helplessly, but the only thing that can be grasped is nothingness.
From then on, my nephew said goodbye to the place where he grew up, and also to his relatives. The family is on their own. In order to take care of him, his cousin's husband jumped ship to Shenzhen, which is considered to be stable.
He doesn't know how to stir-fry, but specializes in dumplings and noodles. The nephew often video vomited with his aunt, eating a lot of pasta almost vomit. The aunt comforted her with red eyes, pasta food nourishes people, can grow up. Nephew 'borrowed' understanding nodded.
Gradually, nephew said in the video, began to less. Only won awards, will be excited and grandmother connected video, and then the paper surface close to the screen, and then read word for word to the grandmother to listen to. Only when I had a cold or a fever would I beg my grandparents to come and see me. My aunt and uncle begged my ex-cousin's husband to visit my grandchildren. After being allowed to do so, they hurriedly purchased their grandchildren's delicious souvenirs and found a sack to carry on their shoulders, carrying them to the deepest part of the country.
At the dinner table, the two old men were like petrified, quietly watching their nephews devouring the dishes, as if they wanted to gouge him into the eye sockets. The first time I saw this, I was in the middle of the night, and I was in the middle of the night, and I was in the middle of the night, and I was in the middle of the night. His father, married to a woman from the next city, married, went to that city to buy a house, got a daughter. His mother, married to a man from a neighboring province, got married and left home without pay, and also had a daughter. The nephew was sent to a residential school, the weekend vacation back, the father is running to the city of the stepmother, a side is rare to see.
Fortunately, the academic performance has been outstanding. He was alone, weekday vacation will be quiet at home playing online games, hungry, take the father's meal card, go to the cafeteria to solve the problem of food and drink. Winter and summer vacations to go to his mother's place, eyes looking at his mother's arms sister i within i within the daze. Only the holidays to go to the aunt and uncle, only a little teenage anger.
Auntie once casually said to move the refrigerator to a different location, the intention is to let him help his aunt to take a hand. Instead, he ran noiselessly to the three-door refrigerator and made a great effort to not move. But he gritted his teeth, squatted down, and pulled the base hard to move the refrigerator. The work is done, the tiles are full of large sweat stains, hands of the tiger's mouth was pulled out of a large blood mark.
Auntie wiped him with rubbing alcohol and iodine, once again distressed and reproachful. He laughed nervously, his face gritted teeth grimace disappeared, like a sunflower warmed by the sun. Today's nephew, has not seen for a long time, he is in school to prepare for the college entrance examination, but on weekends, will by chance to his childhood accompanied by his relatives electric he timidly said to me, uncle, can you help me take care of grandma and grandpa.
I laughed and said, they daily square dance and tai chi gong, do not know how full, but also need to get my care. He still insisted, uncle, trouble you have time to go see them, I think, they need someone to accompany. I was silent, because that reticent teenager, is I would not have thought that the heart is as fine as hair.
Zheng agreed to him, this only request. The movement and the silence, the madness and the softness, just happened so strangely in a teenager's body. That child, familiar and strange. I asked him about his ideals, and he said he wanted to go to a distant university, and then asked him why, and then he stopped talking. I couldn't help but feel that children who come out of a family that lacks love may be all right and not as horrified as they think they are. But somewhere in their hearts, there is an unfathomable deep sea. May this deep sea, always be calm blue.
First, we need to know why children need to grow up in a loving environment.
The growth of a child must depend on an environment to develop, and dependence on those around them is a necessary process for a child to go through.
In this process, the love of a mother and father for the child is crucial to the child, as it helps the child to awaken the love in his or her heart, and gives the child the ability to perceive and express love.
The child's need for spiritual love is innate.
This can be seen in the classic American experiment.
The experimenter kept a baby monkey in a cage with two mothers, one with a metal body and the other with a soft flannel body, and the mother on the metal body had two rubber nipples for milk.
He then noticed that the young monkeys would always cuddle up to the body of the flannel mother and then hide their heads to the mother on the kindred body for milk. When something happened in the lab that made the young monkey feel unsafe, he would immediately hug the flannel mother.
In this experiment we can see the monkey's need for food needs and mental security, with more mental needs. That means he has more need for love.
We can see that love can play a very, very crucial role in a child's development,
So what becomes of a child when the child grows up in a love-starved environment?
On the one hand, the child lacks love from the outside world. For example, the mother and father are not good at expressing love or the father and mother, because of their relationship, are stingy to express their love for the child.
Then the child will attribute this lack of love from the parents to themselves.
I feel that I have done something wrong and that is why my father and mother do not love me.
In turn, this leads to this child, growing up with lower self-esteem and more insecurity.
Then it on the other hand will have a very extreme craving for that kind of love.
When someone shows him a little bit of love, he will try his best to hold on to it for fear that it will be lost. That will easily lead to his emotional fragility, and then love is a bit extreme, especially easy to be hurt, but also especially easy to extreme love to hurt others.
Another kind of person lacks love because he doesn't live in a loving environment, and then he doesn't know how to express his love.
So the child will grow up to be cold and not know how to communicate with others. And they don't know how to love someone. Extreme people may hate society . Some irreparable harm.
Children are born angels. It is the parents who paint their children with different colors. We can't loathe our children and begrudge showing love to our children for some reason.
So, as parents, since the child was born, we should be responsible for the child, to create a warm and friendly environment for the child, so that the child can be healthy and thrive to become a good child who has love and can express love.
Thank you Wukong for inviting the Q&A.
This question is a bit heavy ~
What kind of family would have a child with a lack of love ...... And what happens to a child with a lack of love? It's uncomfortable to think about it alone...
I don't know why there are families with a lack of love, is it the family of origin? Or is it something else?
What happens to the children of a loveless family? Generally, they are more sensitive, easily angered, closed to themselves, and may be less good at communicating and expressing themselves with others. ...... Maybe they will find the source of love through self-healing. ......
Or maybe they will be healed when they meet someone who is in love with him or her. and can only be healed, or ......
I hope there is no lack of children
Family, there are large families, there are small families, love, in addition to the parents to give, there are also given in the family, the modern family to give the most love to the children is the grandparents and parents, there are children who learn well, performance Good, can reap the love of elders, but the best, the most is still the love of the parents in the family, the other can be ignored, the lack of the missing on the missing. A warm like spring family trained out of the child's nature lively and active, sense of superiority is relatively strong, everything in every aspect of the performance of the pampered. Lack of love family trained out of the child's character may be withdrawn, nature does not like to talk, do not like to integrate into the collective, the social circle is relatively small, are some like-minded together, some of the psychological quality is more fragile, and some are more hard, independence is stronger. Psychological quality of the fragile may encounter setbacks and difficulties on the retreat, the sense of loss is very strong, moping, not good at talking, stumble, treat life as a passable, mediocre every day. Dare not take risks, there is an opportunity to come to the side, may be hesitant, and missed it. Tough children, there is a stubborn temperament, hit the south wall are not turning back, dare to take risks, there is a little opportunity will be firmly grasped, to implement to create, they think in their minds in case of success! These two characters in the lack of love in the family there is no shortage of many, even if a single parent or rely on grandparents to raise up.
These two kinds of lack of love character of the people can be on their own next generation of training that completely with careful, attentive, patient care training. Because they are in the lack of love in the family pain, low self-esteem, feel y, so from the depths of their hearts to abandon their lack of love when the shortcomings of the love of the full heart of love in the child, to go to the full cultivation.
In short, children raised in a family without love have their own two sides, depending on how to develop, to achieve self-fulfillment, and to be a useful person to society.
A family with a bad atmosphere has a great influence on the children. Children raised in a loveless family are prone to selfishness, indifference, and narrow-mindedness.
The child needs to grow up in love, enjoy the parents' concern and warmth, if the child does not get these for a long time, life can only force him to face the society too early, too early to see all the human warmth and cold, too early to taste the hardships of life, but also let him mature too early, because no one cares about him, he can only care about himself, so, at all times, he will be the first to take into account their own. . Will not care what others think.
Because this type of child lacks love and care, and they didn't learn how to care for others from their families, he seems to be more aloof, and he's used to seeing indifference between his parents, thinking that this is the norm on earth. This kind of child is also narrow-minded, lack of care, they live in the world only his own, what he does is the first thing to consider is their own, it is difficult to stand in the perspective of others to consider the issue.
There are too many such cases around us. Children who have been blamed and scolded for a long time, and who have received too much suppressed emotion, will have some changes in their brain organization, and the most important hippocampus responsible for memory will become smaller, and their memory will be reduced. There are also some children, growing up in the lack of love, they have a lifelong low self-esteem, it is difficult to gain self-confidence.