Yes, I managed to run away from life, leaving behind a wailing infant and a man's question: where are you going?
I am a stay-at-home mom, not yet 30 years old. To be exact, I've only been a stay-at-home mom for 6 months so far. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 2, the year I was left with a little girl.
A month before she was born, I quit my job to become a stay-at-home mom. It didn't seem like a particularly honorable thing to do, for anyone or for myself. It was that I didn't work hard enough, didn't make lots and lots of money, and therefore didn't have a choice.
I was married far away, and it was nice to be able to go home for a reunion once a year. My parents are old and frail, and it's impossible for them to come from thousands of miles away to help. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do, but I'm sure I'll be able to find a way to make it work for me. It's not that I haven't thought about hiring a nanny, but finances are stretched thin.
My husband's monthly paycheck is still substantial, but he has to pay the mortgage and the car loan, as well as cover the living expenses of the family of three, so there's not much left. My monthly salary is not as much as a nanny's salary, I'm not at home with the baby, who brings?
Some people say that a lot of women want to be housewives after they get married, and I'm afraid to be a housewife. Perhaps there are too many of these tragedies in society. But compared to the labor and killing in the workplace, there are babies hugging snuggly, a husband to support the family shelter, for such a tender years, women more or less still a little bit of greed.
If I had the choice, would I have insisted on such a compromise? I got some comfort from reading this passage from Yishu's The Sigh of the Glass Beads.
It depends on how demanding the girl is, like me, I'm most afraid to come out and earn so 8,000,000 a month, every day the wind and rain to the office, flirting with male colleagues, by the boss to call and shout, so I married Liu Mou, dedicated and consistent service to him alone, but there are some girls, excellent character, and realistic, they would rather earn money to come to work with their husbands a *** burden of the small family, the next work to bring home the meal, and then the husband to take the money, and the husband to take the money. They bring home the food to cook after work, have a child a year, raise it in a daycare center, and spend their free time knitting in the public **** transportation, and they are happy, maybe happier than I am, who knows? But I'm not that lovable and great, one gains some and inevitably loses some, and frankly I don't yearn for the ones I've lost.
I think I have a good character, but also pragmatic, if I have a choice, but also earn money to come to the husband a **** burden on the small family, after work to bring the meal home to cook, three to five years to give birth to two children, raised in the daycare center, I am afraid that I will be even more unhappy, right? Not only can not properly raise children, society and the family give women the obligation to do the same has not been less.
My home life in the past six months, in addition to the baby is to clean up the house, laundry and cooking, day and night around the child, holding the baby, coaxing the baby, feeding the baby. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on a new one, but I'm sure you'll be able to get a good deal on a new one. The child will roll over, and can not be separated from people for a moment, a day down I even go to the toilet, drink a mouthful of water have to be held until the child falls asleep. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on the baby and do something with one hand, but I'm not sure if I can do it with the other.
I can't remember how many moments of despair I felt from the bottom of my heart, and I blamed a lot of people, especially my husband. But the past is also over, because at that time also work to go and husband call to say what, wait until the husband came back to go and he said, their own state of mind and then different, not to mention that he can not understand that kind of despair.
I can feel myself expanding, and one day I'm going to explode. But I don't even have a way to talk to people, my husband is always busy outside, a home a free mind, thinking on the baby, can temporarily let me relieve a little has been a great gift. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and then you'll be able to get a new one.
He does not know, more important than taking over the baby, is to listen, is to understand, but he simply do not have the time to listen to me, and will not care if I will not be suffocated, because he simply do not know a woman down to the end of the day in the end how much to say.
I thought, and said to him many times, I want to leave home. It's about running away, running away from my husband, running away from my children. It's not that I don't love my children or loathe my husband, it's just that there's a breath of air that I can't stand and I can't breathe.
Today, Sunday, I proposed early in the morning to go out for a walk as a family of three, dining, shopping, I think at least one day belongs to the two of us. As a result, my husband was dragging his feet in the afternoon with no sense of time, and I was furious as I saw the time getting later and later, and the things I wanted to do were about to get done. When people are angry, they will be associated with dispersion, and think of the many times in the past six months that I hoped to spend time together, and in the end, either greatly reduced, or simply reneged on the promise.
I chalked it up to this being a slacking off, a lack of attention to my needs, and getting angrier and angrier, I gambled on not going. My husband came to persuade me at first, but that persuasion meant I'm right, don't be capricious. The result of course is that I am even more determined not to go, he also angry, not to go, just do not go. He went to hold the baby and tease the baby, like nothing.
I felt that the air in the house is seriously lack of oxygen, I do not want to stay for a second, but also stayed for two hours. I refused to eat dinner, but I was starving. I put on my backpack and took my wallet and ran away from home, surprisingly because I was hungry.
Because I was hungry, there was no question of not knowing where to go and finding a place with food.
I ate a bowl of gutter oil small noodles, really no fun, small towns are like this, 9 o'clock on the door closed, want to eat what have not eaten.
And people gambling not eat hungry, in the punishment of others is also in the punishment of their own. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
I ran away from home, no one behind me, no one out to find me, no phone, microblogging, everything is calm as usual.
I felt a huge loss. For the first time, I experienced the difference between after marriage and before marriage. It is not the same as before, things are different. The first time I saw this was when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley.
The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what to say, but I'd like to say that I don't know what to say, and I'd like to say that I don't know what to say. The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what to do, but I'd like to know what I'm doing. The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it.
9:45, I even sat on the roadside stone steps while watching the square dance while eating ice. The distance out was just within a kilometer.
Sitting on the edge of the square, I couldn't help but think, what do I really have?
If I walk away like this now, my husband is not mine, my children are not mine, I have no job, no income, I only have myself, other than that, all can be lost in an instant. Emotional breakdown, once divorced, all of the above would be true. If so will I be happy?
Just thinking about it, my heart already feels empty, coupled with the disappointment of my husband and the worry about my current situation, I dare not think about it anymore.
The first thing I want to do is to get rid of all the stuff that I've been doing, and then I'm going to go back and do it all over again. I'm not sure what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure what I'm talking about, and I'm not sure what I'm talking about.
After thinking for a long time, I have an answer, is not to lose myself.
But what is my ego?
The ego is inherently empty. There is nothing in it. Or whatever you want to put in it.
If the ego is supposed to be empty, with no ego, then what is the point of my living?
Maybe living is the meaning. The first thing you need to do is to get a good understanding of the meaning of the word "life".
Just now, I wanted to walk to the park further away, but the road was less crowded and I felt a man walking behind me, so I couldn't help but be scared, and a lot of bad images came to my mind. I still have less than 6 months of children to feed, I still have family, can not be because of a moment of gambling tragedy.
So I just had to turn to the nearby square where there are a lot of big women dancing. I sat across from them and watched them dance, feeling safe and grateful that they were all so beautiful today.
10 o'clock, the child should be fed, I got up and walked back to the intersection of the red light, I stopped, looked up and saw my husband is standing on the opposite side of the road, waiting for me.
My heart was suddenly touched, he even learned to give others a little private space. Did not immediately chase out, did not block, did not call WeChat has been bombing, did not always follow the ass behind, these are before he loved to do ah, in fact, that I am quite annoyed. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said.
I don't know if he grew up, or I have never grown up.
It turns out that as soon as I left, he gave the child to his mother-in-law and then came out to look for me, waiting for me on the road I must take to get home.
When the green light came on, I crossed the street and walked straight home, with my husband following behind.
I suddenly realized one thing, don't build your ego on a love that the other person can't afford to pay. And, your ego, can only be built by yourself.
No one can truly understand anyone, even you have a hard time truly understanding yourself. That's why it's important to know what you want, everything else is just clouds.
When my baby was 6 months old, I went back to work. I left the baby with my mother-in-law and a nanny.
I appreciate the attitude of the heroine of the movie "Green Book". The woman's life, it seems to deal with a lot of roles, a lot of responsibility, but the complexity of the problem, but the need for simple thinking. And simple thinking is, only your own state is good, everything can be better.
End.