I remember watching a couple fight before. Girls quarrel, the boys on the side of the gentle smile. The girl is not like the boys as soon as they hugged and laughed and said even a fight will not quarrel that how to do? After a few days I quarreled with my girlfriend. I also learn that man like in the side laugh. As a result, my girlfriend rushed up to my face is a slap, and forced face smile.
Yesterday, I went to pick up my boss out of prison, my boss was caught inside because of smuggling crimes, dead dare not disclose the last batch of goods hidden where, was heavily sentenced to 20 years, today finally out. After the release of a word, let me drive to the suburbs carefully identify the day, find the place where the goods were buried, we dug half a day to dig out a big box, the boss looked at the big box hand began to tremble, tightly grasping my hand, this batch of goods out. We will have money. So many years of suffering has not been in vain. We live a good life together, the two of us with tears of happiness to open the box, a box full of BBs.
University and girls with good feelings, every time to send her back to the dormitory fast upstairs will always embrace me, because, after all, after graduation, surely the two places apart, we did not say broken. After graduation, the first year of the class party, we are familiar with the embrace together, I said the work of a year you have not changed at all or so beautiful, he laughed and said that you have changed a lot of now embrace will not poke me. When the girl said to you that I like you, this must be a test for you, the girl is very insecure, you should express the feeling of affection, so that the other party neither feel that you are frivolous, nor do not think that you don't have a feeling for him, like a gentle neighbor big brother.
The most hilarious paragraph ah, so far are fresh in the memory of the two.
1, remember a friend of mine got married, he went to his daughter-in-law's home to meet the bride, to the mother-in-law's home to the daughter-in-law to offer flowers, his daughter-in-law said do not.
The officiant asked, what kind of flower is this?
The friend answered, roses
The emcee asked again, what,
The friend said, roses
Then the emcee kicked him to his knees and said, "I know that there is no kneeling still do not give his wife kneeling,
2, there is a buddy to go on a date, sitting in the sun on the lawn, really chatting with nothing to say, the girl in order to avoid not so awkward, asked him, you Think I and the clouds who is beautiful?
Dude thought nothing of it, and answered casually, a heavenly and an underground,,,
Since then, dude never found a girlfriend,,
'
[Boss: Why are you so late?
Employee:You may not believe me when I tell you, I crossed over this morning!
Boss:Oh?
Employee: I crossed over this morning!
Employee:I set the alarm for 8 o'clock today as usual!
Boss: Then what?
Employee:Then I got up and turned it off!
Boss: Go on!
Employee:After I turned it off, I blinked my eyes, and when I opened them, I was an hour into the future!
Boss:......
Boss:Roll!
Employee:Eh! Good drop!
Guests killed people ah, there is a wood!
The night before last, a couple of buddies made a date to go to another buddy's house for a hot pot, and they all went over earlier.
I happen to have something on my hands, so I'm going to finish my work and go there, and I'm a little late.
I just drove to the Walmart side when waiting for the traffic light, the buddy called and asked me how I have not arrived.
I said I was going to get something, and I'd be right there.
Guess what he said?
He said no need to buy anything, just come over and eat.
excuse me?
I was so embarrassed, I just wanted to go to the side of the SF to pick up a package!
So I went into Walmart and bought a big bag of fruit.
This is not a paragraph!
This is not a paragraph!
The wife is a loser, and every month she buys cosmetics online for thousands of dollars. Yesterday she looked at a blush, the price of 888, I blurted out "too expensive, 888 can buy a cell phone!", she gave me a look and said, "I'm sorry. She gave me a blank look and said, "Can a cell phone make your face red?" I said, "Yes, if you give me 888, I'll let you have blush for the rest of your life." This morning she handed me 888 and said, "I'd like to see how you're going to make me use blush for the rest of my life." I took the money and gave her two slaps on the face, saying, "Look for me every morning to draw blush, and the efficacy of blood circulation." ...... do not say, 120 came, the leg was broken by his wife, have to hurry to the hospital to receive the leg, I do not know 888 enough.
Recently, a female colleague has become a special food, a month weight gain of 20 pounds, from a beautiful girl into a fat girl, I am particularly curious "other girls are losing weight, how do you gain weight ah?" She said, "Recently the luck is not very good, so I ate more." I said, "Luck and eating. I said, "Does luck have anything to do with how much you eat?" She looked at me in surprise. She looked at me with surprise "Haven't you ever heard of food being the way to go?"
Previously, I didn't have a house or a car, so I went on blind dates and was always rejected by the girls, and then I finally bought a house and a car. Now, when I go on a blind date, I don't have a girl who thinks I'm poor, but I'm still rejected all the time, and the reason I'm rejected is because I'm too ugly! I was rejected on the grounds that I was too ugly. So I continue to bury my head in the sand, and my goal now is to "save up for plastic surgery!"
One day I went to the restaurant with a buddy to eat, the neighboring table is two beautiful women, so my buddy and I immediately came to the spirit of what Mercedes-Benz BMW Porsche, stock funds and real estate chat, the neighboring table beautiful women constantly cast envious eyes. As a result, not a moment, the hotel owner came over "brother, I really can not stand, trouble you do not blow, open Porsche real estate is not just a bowl of hot and spicy hot pot to point!
The Spring Festival to go to his father-in-law's home to visit relatives, brother-in-law to hand me cigarettes, I said I do not smoke, he said, "You a graduate student, how even the cigarettes will not smoke! I'm not sure if you're a graduate student. Then into the kitchen to help mother-in-law dumplings, the results of half a day did not wrap a good, mother-in-law said, "You a graduate student, how even dumplings will not be wrapped!" During dinner, my father-in-law poured me some wine, I said I didn't know how to drink, and my father-in-law said, "You're a graduate student, why don't you even know how to drink!" Alas! I now regret to go to graduate school.
1, the college entrance examination joke series: the examiner's exclamation
A long time ago, the imperial examination, the examiner saw a scholar to answer the question as fast as the pen. He said: "This student is like a bow and arrow, which can't be withdrawn once it's fired! He also saw a scholar, pen forgotten words, erased and write, looking at others to answer the flavor and scratch, also said in passing: this life answer, such as oil frying, in and out and difficult! At this time, the side of the inspection made up a sentence: the book is diligent, scratching the cheeks of the inert, this is a frog looking at the swan and salivating!
2, the college entrance examination joke series: the candidate's parents' wishes
Two parents outside the school to accompany their children to the college entrance examination, boredom. They are close to a tavern to drink up, drink and drink, drink up, they rowed up the fist. A: Tsinghua ah, Peking University ah, after the examination certainly take ah! B: Cambridge ah, Oxford ah, brother and sister together down boring ah! The tavern child boss listened to the unhappy, his son last year only went a two, they also came to the two of them: two which, three which, to be able to get on the count of your ruthless which!
3, the college entrance examination joke series: admitted
Shanshan college entrance examination results excellent, was admitted. The first time to call and tell grandpa: Grandpa, I got into Oxford University! Grandpa: what? Oxford? The cow's tendon is good wow, chewy to eat. Shanshan laughed: I'm going to say I got into Cambridge University, you have to say scabbard, scabbard, no sword to scabbard for what? Grandpa: Yes, there is a sheath without a sword for nothing!
4, the college entrance examination joke series: a lot of encouragement cards
The college entrance examination, parents also catch up with the fashion. By offering flowers, gifts, please band, to the popularity of lifting the encouragement sign to cheer, the wording is really blossoming. There are: the test over the rich and handsome, better than the second generation of officials! Today is the book, tomorrow is the money! More than one point pressure ten thousand people! There are also: Li Ran students Peking University beckons to you! Good luck to Prince Han! Zhang Shan, you must be a pillar of the country! And so on. There are even raised a reward big check. Numerous encouragement sign only one let people look at relaxation: Wu Dan students you succeeded, because you safe and successful completion of the college entrance examination!
Friends, I am "6 small jokes", welcome to my space to see small jokes! The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good time and that you have a good time with your friends!
1,
Almost New Year's Eve, a young couple on the bus were arguing about who to go to for New Year's Eve, and each had their own reasons for doing so. A man on the bus was really tired of listening to them, and when they came to a stop, he said, "Girl, you're here!" The couple heard this and hurriedly got off the bus. After the car drove away, the two people stared at each other wide-eyed, we are getting off here?
2,
This year's 28-year-old old woman, met a divorced man, there is a 6-year-old daughter. I've been with him for a while, and the man is quite good, but his daughter is too strong, and what she says is what she does, and the man spoils her. I also thought in my heart, if it is my own daughter, dare to do so, I will abuse her to find the north. However, it seems that the man's ex-wife was driven away by the man because of her daughter's education. The heart is so apprehensive, such a family, should I intervene?
3,
Boredom, walking on the street, see the curb there is a weighing height, each 50 cents. Want to see their bodies have not changed, they went over to the scale is about to stand, look at the scale of the sister panicked and called a halt, "you weigh, either 50 cents, or 260 dollars!" Nani? I was shocked, weighing the body weight of 260 dollars, why not go to rob ah! The older sister looked at me again, "Crush my scale, have to pay!"
4,
Brother was punished by the teacher at school, came home and was severely beaten by his father, mom came home and scolded and beaten until his brother begged for forgiveness and never dared. It turned out to do the test, the younger brother did not review, got the cheat sheet, but put where it is not safe, the cheat sheet quietly posted on the back of the teacher, so that everyone in the class can resource **** enjoy.
5,
Finally winter vacation, my wife wants to go to travel, I see that there are 12 days to the New Year, said, or not go, look at the circle of friends, the whole country can be seen all over. "Well, listen to your husband!" "Well, good boy!" A look at the time, are noon 1 o'clock, no wonder the stomach is so hungry, I said either we cook and eat, or order food to eat. Then, my cell phone received several pictures, kung pao chicken, spicy shredded pork, stir-fried cabbage, three fresh soup.
6,
To celebrate the New Year, back home, so many juniors do not recognize. Only, when they called me grandpa, I realized that the original 28-year-old me in the village of the generation so high. My wife looked at me and said, "Actually, my seniority is even higher, much higher!" Me: "How so?" "You have accumulated eight lifetimes of virtue before I met such a beautiful flower kind and virtuous woman, I was down eight lifetimes of bad luck before I met you so mute and stagnant outside the sultry man! A **** high you 16 generations! Not convinced? Come and fight."
Gab a satirical joke story
Class recreation member called Yu Jing, not only her father in the village of the big official, her mother is still the principal of the former same table.
Every time the school song and dance competition, she can get the first place, once on the stage accidentally broke his foot, holding the crutches to walk a few steps, but also took the first place in the dance group.
Not long ago, the city organized the Red Zone Patriotic Dance Competition, the school fought to participate in the competition.
Yu Jing in her mother's overnight research, was the principal specific for the lead dance.
On the day of the competition, the female teachers and the students of the competition crowded into the through buses to the competition venue,
Yu Jing's father came to see off her father looked at the somewhat crowded buses, put on an official attitude to call his daughter down from the car, waving his hand to indicate that the bus went first, while his daughter said: "Squeeze with them, fall in stature, you're a star now, is to participate in the competition of the stars, have to be like the TV, have a special car and bodyguards, like that, you have a special car and a bodyguard.
The female teacher leading the team to the arena, but for a long time not see Yu Jing arrived, the phone is not answered, look at the game will be on the field, think of the principal of the task entrusted to her, this competition is related to her title assessment, and even rice bowl. The anxious scratching head stomping feet she finally received a phone call from the bodyguard of the Yu Jing, said the traffic jam, decided to cancel the show,
The female teacher while screaming: finished ...... finished ...... everything is finished; while panicked to the organizing committee office to run.
She summoned the courage to push open the door of the office, see the office is sitting in a group of men and women are talking and laughing, the organizing committee leader nodded towards them to walk the beard pat horse, the female teacher bravely walked to the leader of the leadership behind the leader's appearance has not had the time to open their mouths, the leader but turned his head to see her.
The face of the walking whiskers patting horses became official Wei serious training: you come in for what, do not see the leadership is meeting ah;
The female teacher was the leader of the serious face scared the bottom of the head did not dare to speak. Office quiet down, a pair of eyes are looking at the bottom of the head in front of the nervous trembling female teachers. A sitting in the center of the big leader asked: you have something to say, don't be afraid;
The official authority of the serious leadership of the brakes and changed the face of the fork in the road: the leadership let you speak, you speak it, sitting in the city's businessmen and celebrities parents and officials, the competition invited the guest judges.
The female teacher heard in the sitting are big shots, the mood not only did not relax but more nervous, stammered a few sentences, even her own to not know what to say. The female teacher heart a cross loud and urgent: our Yu Jing are not here now, acting . The performance can not be la ......,
The office of the moment solidified, and was gusts of rapid breath interspersed with the snickers that could not be covered up broke through.
Sitting in the middle of the big leader held his breath, glared at the side of the lowered head to cover the mouth snickering secret book, turned his eyes to the female teacher forgiveness: what you row. What program?
The female teacher bowed her head timidly should: four ...... four ferries Chishui;.
The big leader stared convex eyeballs forgave: look at your knowledge of the history of the revolution, Chishui is a trickling brook know, that has to be how much to reflect the magnificent revolutionary history of the picture, you think it is a bottle of iced tea ah, simply . Simply ridiculous ......;
Say a joke heard it, so many years told to others to listen to can not laugh at their own. (This is a taste of the cold joke, bear to read on, typing is very tired), the following into the main topic.
That said, there is so a couple, very much like to explore. One day, this couple explored to a primitive forest, the forest lived cannibalism, they do not know.
Into the forest shortly after the cannibals to catch, to the couple scared a lot, while crying while begging for mercy, said: "Please let us go, we put the money and food to give you, OK?". . The cannibal leader told them, "I don't want your money and things, I can give you two ways to choose, one is to be eaten by us, the other way is that each of you pulls a pile of poop for the other to eat up, eat it and then let you go, you choose.
In order to live, the couple looked at each other nodded and said, "We do not want to die, we choose the second, we eat."
The cannibal leader told his men to let go of the couple, so that the couple pulled to each other to eat, the couple had no choice. In order to survive the strong nausea to eat all the other side of the poop. The leader of the cannibalism is quite trustworthy, and really let the couple go.
The couple panicked and ran out of the forest, and the boy was relieved and happy that they survived. However the girl keeps crying and crying. The boy asked her, "We finally escaped without being eaten, why are you still crying?" , The girl cried, "You don't love me at all!" , and the boy says, "Why talk about such things at a time like this? How come I don't love you?" . The girl said, "
You love me how will you pull so much for me!?"