Barbara Fredrickson
The author is a distinguished professor at the University of North Carolina. She was honored by the father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, as "the supreme genius in the field of positive psychology," and by the American Psychological Association with the Templeton Prize for her outstanding contributions to the field of positive psychology.
This book is a compendium of positive psychology research that not only provides insight into the potential of positive emotions, but also suggests practical ways to increase them. The authors show us that positive emotions expand our thinking and perspectives, build resources for success, and most importantly, that we can all work to increase our own positive emotions.
In the 21st century, technology has advanced, and our lives are becoming more affluent. But joy and happiness seem to be getting farther and farther away from us. Everyone is complaining that work is too busy, life is too tiring, the pressure on the body of their own breathless, coupled with everyone is busy, friends and relatives around them have no time to take care of their own, not to mention understanding of their own. In short, just one sentence "how can not be happy". Especially when our mood is very low, the bad things will always be a vicious circle, close to us do not let go, so want to break this negative spell to read this book. The author of the book through a variety of scientific experiments to systematically introduce us to the positive emotions come from, the manifestation and role of positive emotions, but also tells us that there is actually a 3:1 ratio of positive and negative emotions, that is to say, every time we bear the heart-breaking negative emotions, you need to experience at least three times to allow you to be happy, uplifting positive emotions. This 3:1 ratio then guides us to reduce negative emotions, increase positive emotions, and build a happy and fulfilling life!
Contents:
①The terrible thing about negative emotions
We all know that negative emotions come fast and strong, they can infiltrate the words we say and the judgment we make, they can flow into your communication with your children, your loved ones, or your coworkers, and they can destroy your friendly relationship, and they can even damage your health with a flood of negative emotions. For example, when you feel very angry, your blood pressure rises, your shoulder and neck muscles stiffen, or when you are very depressed and sad, you can't eat or even feel nauseous. In addition, when you have a black face all day long, wear colored glasses all day long, and nitpick at every turn to find fault, others will stay away from you.
For example, early in the morning you rushed to the subway station, the results just arrived at the subway station, the train left. The next train just arrived, rushed to the morning people swarmed up, this time a woman's high heels stepped on the back of your feet, you pain in tears, but when you want to see who stepped on you, crowded crowd can not allow you to explore a head, after some rolling after you finally got to the company ah, just want to sit down at that moment, your superiors are standing at the door of his office is a stern face staring at you, called you over to talk alone, and then you will have to go to the office. The moment you sit down, your superior is standing in front of his office, staring at you with a stern look and calling you to talk to him alone, and you are criticized for not doing a good job yesterday. The first thing you need to do is to get through the bad morning, but what you don't expect is that the afternoon is waiting for you to do a bunch of work, and the original and the good old dinner party can only be replaced by overtime.
"So, honey, do you want to come home for dinner tonight, I'll cook for you", your husband said, carefully taking care of your mood. "Eat what to eat, I don't know what time I can get off work tonight, don't eat, not in the mood, you eat a full one yourself", just like that, you rushed your husband to lose his temper. At eleven o'clock in the evening, you came home exhausted, and sat down on the sofa, after you let out a long sigh, you said a sentence in despair: "Why do I lead such a life?".
This is the first time I've ever seen a person with a disability.
In the face of the onslaught of negativity, you don't see any way out, everything is as painful as expected, and you're like being hit by a sledgehammer in one fell swoop, and you have no resistance to it! That's why positive emotions are so important.
2 What are positive emotions?
At first glance, the term positive emotions is a bit generalized, from desire to love, from joy to happiness, it includes our open mind, relaxed body and mind, calm face and calm personality. Although we say that positive emotions encompass too many aspects, to make our understanding more focused, the author summarizes the forms of positive emotions into 10: joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, motivation, admiration and love. Each of these 10 forms of positive emotions has the potential to change your life and your future. The author also points out that it's not the good things in our daily lives that inspire positive emotions, it's the positive emotions that allow us to reap the benefits of the good things in life. In other words, it's not because we have money and time that we have positive emotions, it's because of positive emotions that we have money and time.
3 What is the role of positive emotions?
1. First of all, positive emotions can help us to improve our subjective emotions, expand our thinking, and change bad thoughts into good ones.
The first core truth of positive emotions is that they enhance our subjective situation, open up our hearts and minds, make us more receptive to the present situation and more creative, and help us expand our thinking.
For example: once on public transportation, the bus was terminating at a train station. Sitting in the back was a couple. Because of the rush hour, the road was a bit jammed, and even though it might only be for a few minutes, every second is precious for those who are in a hurry to catch the train. The lady on the other side of the train huffed and puffed and said to her husband "It's all your fault, you didn't leave the house earlier, now if you can't make it, I'll see what you'll do! !" The lady noticed that her husband was looking at her and didn't say anything. So she said again, "I'm sick of you, it's your fault, you're so slow, if you don't make the train, no one will be able to go back! At this point, the husband said: "This is not because of the temporary delay, I do not want ah". The wife was obviously very dissatisfied with her husband's answer, and yelled, "I've never encountered such a thing, simply unlucky!" At this point, the husband finally lost his patience and said loudly, "What do you want me to do? You have been chattering, can not stop for a while ah!" And so the two of them fell into an endless cold war. Maybe you will say that it is a bad thing if you can't catch the train. But in my opinion, whether things are really bad or not depends entirely on your choice. In fact, sitting in front of a mother with a child, from the previous exchange, I learned that they are also going to the train station, traffic jams, the child asked the mother, "Will we miss the train? But the mom said gently to her child, "No, it's just a 5-minute stop. It's just a 5-minute stop. You see, it's not often that we get to enjoy the scenery on this journey. Think about it, we used to be able to just take a quick glance." The child listened and quietly continued to wait.
Same situation, different attitudes, what a stark contrast. In this scenario I strongly feel that negative emotions interfere with our ability to think rationally, make us limited to the current predicament, keep dwelling, anger, anxiety, etc., and in this narrow mental situation, the words you say and the behavior may be wrong. But the positive emotions that correspond to it, at certain specific moments, promote us to develop in financial strength, ability and other traits, and then we can easily deal with some unavoidable dilemmas. And of course the most important thing is that it allows us to discover those little things that we don't usually notice, that make us happy, that make our life full of passion, fun and joy!
So when you're in a not-so-good situation, it's entirely up to you whether you choose to fret and complain, or whether you choose to face things from a positive frame of mind and look down on the ups and downs of daily life.
2. Positive emotions can also change lives and build a better future.
Although good feelings are always fleeting, over time, positive emotions are sure to bring out the best in us. In the book "The Alternative" author Sheryl Sandberg describes her new life after her husband passed away suddenly from a heart attack. At first, her husband's departure, a huge sense of grief occupies her heart, her lungs, her whole body, fine and long lingering. Every time she held her second-grade daughter's tiny hand and looked at her sweet little face, the thought of her growing up without her father ever again broke her heart beyond measure. But even though she was in pain, she had no choice but to keep her head above water, to get through the shock, the grief, and the guilt of "I'm still alive," and to try to move forward, to be a good mother at home and a good coworker at work. At the same time, she refused all recreational activities, giving up going to the movies, going out with friends, and playing games with her children. But the truth is that she never noticed that her pain and sadness kept pervading around her, and even her children couldn't get out of their pain, and her home was no longer warm and safe. Later, with the love of her family and friends, more than a year after losing Dave, Sandberg gradually came out to start a new life. In fact, she was able to walk out and start a new life because she discovered the role of positive emotions. At first she thought that if she gained happiness, it would fill her with guilt, guilt that the person she loved was gone and the person who survived was actually happy alone. But when she allowed herself to be happy, agreeing that there was nothing wrong with seeking joy was a victory over despair. So she began to re-plan the important holidays and prepare for them cheerfully with her children. Gradually she realized that her love for Dave had not diminished, and the children were able to grow up healthy without their father. She says, "Making yourself happy is a kind of compassion for yourself, just as we should be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes. We really should be kind to ourselves and enjoy life when we can." It's a rediscovery of self and a good life after experiencing the positive emotion of happiness yet again.
That is to say with la positive emotion, we can see new possibilities, free ourselves from frustration and pain, connect with others, and live our best selves.
Summary;
Positive emotions can make a huge difference in our lives by increasing competent emotions and expanding our thinking, as well as changing lives and building a better future....
④ How can we enhance our positive emotions? Or how can we make ourselves happier?
You may wonder, if we want to be happier, is it enough to have a lot of positive emotions and not a single negative emotion? In fact, it is not, because the ratio of positive and negative emotions is 3:1, that is to say, for every time you suffer from a heart-breaking negative emotion, you need to experience at least three times the positive emotions that can make you happy and uplifted.
And the golden ratio of positive and negative emotions is both, the lack of negative emotions, will be frivolous, unrealistic; and the lack of positive emotions, will also be painful collapse. According to scientists, negative emotions allow us to live today, because negative emotions create a driving force for specific behaviors.
For example, if an oncoming car is out of control and rushing towards you, fear triggers the urge to escape, and in milliseconds, your cardiovascular system mobilizes oxygenated blood into your muscles, allowing you to activate your limbs at any time. This means that retaining a little bit of negativity can work in our favor. But in normal life, we will always encounter all sorts of bad things, in which case it is inevitable that there will be a lot of negativity. No matter what unintended and unexpected events happen, negative emotions can quickly get out of control and make us anxious or depressed. That's why it's important to eliminate some of the negative emotions that are detrimental to our health and keep them in a 3:1 ratio with positive emotions.
5 What should be done to reduce negative emotions?
1. Increased awareness can help reduce negative emotions. Simply put, you need to perceive negative thinking and emotions, question and refute them, and nip negative emotions in the bud, such as what makes us feel negative? What negative thoughts and beliefs are being triggered? What does my situation actually look like?
Increased awareness can help you sever the link between negative thinking and negative emotions at the root, which can be achieved through practice, such as meditation.
Suppose you find that your breakfast and lunchtime every weekday are filled with anxiety, that you are always in a hurry to eat, and that you are thinking about how to organize the day's business, then you need to redistribute your attention. You should focus on the moment of eating, think I "am eating", think about where your food comes from; think about the farmers, grocery stores, and cooks involved, and slowly through the awareness of eating, you can even lose weight, because at this time you become more sensitive to the body's subtle signals. Then throw away all those thoughts about "what's the work and what do I have to do in the afternoon". If you give your full attention to spending your meal time experiencing the goodness of eating and the satisfying sensation of chewing, then the very act of eating will bring you pleasure and gratitude, and not only dissolve your mind, but will also bring you a sense of satisfaction. The pleasure and gratitude of eating not only dissolves unnecessary negative emotions, but also releases hidden positive emotions.
2. Staying away from negative sources around us can also help us reduce negative emotions.
Negative emotions are like an outburst of floodwaters, and a chain of events occurs in time and space that are beyond your control. So in addition to curbing negative thinking from our minds, we also need to resist negative sources, especially negative emotions between people. Because in general, negative emotions are like the flu, one by one, one person's negative emotions have been strong enough to change a lot of things, if a group of people are in a state of negative emotions. This will form a very depressing working environment at work, reducing work efficiency; in interpersonal communication, will also cause certain obstacles, affecting the relationship between our people.
For example, a coworker has always been known as a marriage-phobic person. In the past, she had a few relationships, but when it came to the stage of marriage, the relationship always ended without any problems. In fact, the reason why she is so afraid of marriage, it is because she has a girlfriend, she has always been very envious of her girlfriend, smart and feminine, has always been very clear about what they want. But after she got married, her best friend often complained to her about how her husband was different from how he was before marriage, and how he was very indifferent to her. Coupled with a frosty relationship with her mother-in-law, her best friend was even depressed for a while after giving birth to her child, and often called her in the middle of the night to say something about giving up her life or even hurting her child, which made her fearful. The reason why she is afraid of marriage is all because her best friend's excessive negative and negative letters are overloaded on herself, affecting her own happiness. So the right thing to do would be to appropriately go away from the negative sources of her best friend and increase the positive energy. Only then will she be able to look at the marriage issue more comprehensively, change her perspective, and learn to analyze the reasons for unhappiness in her BFF's unfortunate marriage, and then avoid them in the future.
6 How to increase positive emotions?
Positive emotions have a more important role than negative emotions. Joy stimulates the urge to explore and be creative; and serenity stimulates the urge to savor the present and be in the world around us.
1. The first thing you need to do to increase positive emotions is to be sincere. That is to say, to really feel the positive emotions from the inside, to slow down, to let the heart open to feel the good, this slowing down to unlock the positive emotions from the heart.
For example, when the mother of the baby just opened a private public number, she worked during the day and rushed to write at night, so she always thought that if the baby went to sleep quickly, she would have time to write a manuscript, and every time she put the baby to sleep, the more anxious she was, the more she thought, "There's another manuscript, so I'll go to it right away if the child goes to sleep," but the child tends to be more difficult to sleep. However, the more difficult it was for the baby to fall asleep, the longer it would take, and in the end, she was slightly exasperated and her blood tank was completely empty. Gradually, when she slowed down and tried to understand her child's needs, she realized that for her child, sleep was the one thing she couldn't let go of, and it was the longest period of time they spent away from their parents every day. So when she slowed down, responded calmly to her child's whining, and faced her child's struggles honestly, she realized that her child wasn't as defiant and tormented. Instead of changing your child, you're changing your mindset.
2. Savor the good, look for the good in the good, and make the positive even more positive, and to a certain extent it can also be used to increase the positive mood to enhance the positive rate.
For example, a student tried to add savoring the good to his life. He originally talked to his girlfriend on the phone, always while surfing the web or in public ****ing situations. Inspired by scientific work on good taste, he decided to make some changes by turning off his computer and finding a private room with a comfortable chair whenever he talked to his girlfriend. In this way he was able to pay more attention to what his girlfriend said and how she felt, and he became more adept at freely sharing his experiences with her. Gradually, his positive emotions increased, especially his experience of hope and love, and he learned how to value them.
Another example: when playing badminton, every time you put your heart and soul into the fight with your opponent, thinking about where the next ball will land, and considering your opponent's possible points of attack, in round after round, time flies, and when you stop and feel soaked, you're soaked to the bone.
3. You can open your mind and enjoy the beauty of nature, which is equally effective in increasing positive emotions.
When you briefly leave the environment where you have been living and working for a long time, and go to a new place to travel, you will feel a completely different scenery; the air seems to be fresher, the people around you seem to be more friendly, and everything becomes amazing and beautiful. At this time, you will abandon the unpleasantness in your mind, the worries in your heart, and embrace the beautiful nature, and the mood is also incredibly happy. If traveling is not so convenient, then put down their hands tangled work, come to the park near the home, the square, to carefully observe the life of others, those walking baby moms, those who play cards uncle, those cheerful square dancing mothers, and some playful dogs, the beautiful atmosphere of the natural world came to the surface.
Summary:
Life will inevitably make you depressed about things, there are times when you will find that once you are unlucky, everything is unlucky. In fact, this is the emotion is swaying your thinking. When you gradually understand this mood by the mood, you know the role of positive emotions, she can expand thinking to change the relationship thus helping us to get a better life and future. At the same time, we can also adjust to reduce negative emotions and increase positive emotions, to maintain optimism and positive state of life.
The Book:
1. The more heartfelt positive emotions you open up and share with others, the stronger your connection with them.
2. Simply visualizing a happy memory or receiving a small kindness can bring about positive emotions.
3. With positive emotions, people feel closer to important people in their lives and more in tune with strangers.
4. Your habitual thinking is the riverbed and your emotions are the river. Negative thinking is bound to arise, yet this is when negative emotions tend to come out, seemingly out of your control.
5. Negativity prevents you from acting fairly; it doesn't allow you to think clearly or see the big picture.