My mom's passion for learning English is growing, and so is my suffering. So whenever my mom asks me about my English, I take three tablets of aspirin, wrap a bandage around it, and then move up to the twelfth level of the Turtle's Back Divine Power.
This time her old man came to ask me again: "son ah, i`m very annoyance, don`t trouble me . What does it mean~?
I: "I`m very annoyance, don`t trouble me"
Mom: "Looking for a fight, talk to your mom like this" (and then was flattened)
Mom asked again; "I hear nothing, reapt.
Mom asked again; "i hear nothing,reapt. what does it mean"
I said: "I didn't hear you, say it again"
Mom said again: i hear nothing,reapt"
Mom said: "I hear nothing,reapt"
Mom said: "I hear nothing,reapt"
"I hear nothing,reapt.
"I didn't hear you, say it again"
Results were flattened
Mom asked again: "what do you say" and how to explain it
I said: "you said What do you say" (again was flat)
Mom then asked: "look up in the dictionary" is the meaning of ah
I said: "look up in the dictionary"
I said: "look up in the dictionary"
I also asked you to do what" (was flattened)
Mom asked again: you had better ask some body. how to turn it
I said: "you had better ask someone else"
I said: "You had better ask some body. How to turn it over
I said: "You had better ask someone else"
"You are my son, I asked someone else why, and look for a fight"
"Ah!
"God save me!"
"Playing with your mom, God can't save you!" (
I'll ask you again: "use your head, then think it over, and what does that mean!"
I said, "Use your head, then think it over."
"You're playing with me,
I said, "I'm the only one in the world who's good at what she does."
"I'll make you some good food and I'll ask you tomorrow.
"Well, that's pretty much it, I'll make you some good food tomorrow and ask you again tomorrow."
Mom: What does this "i don't know.
I said, "I don't know."
Mom: I sent you to college for a few years, and you don't know anything!
I said: not! It is "I do not know"?
Mom: still hard ！！！！ $@%! #$^&%#$%@$%@#$%! ^%^! ^%$^#&....... (A blast)
Mom: You're telling me about this. What does "i know." mean you should know it, tell me about it.
I said, "I know."
Mom: I know.
I said: "I know"
Mother: you? Just pack you pack light is not it?
I said: "I know"!
Mom: know you still do not say! I don't know, don't pretend to know! I'm not going to be able to get the best out of this one, but I'm going to be able to get the best out of it. %$@^%#*$^^^^##$% (and a beating)
Mom: you give me to be careful, spend so much money to send you to college, engaged in what will not be now, will be so a little something with the old lady set the scene ！！！！！！！！！！！
Lies are hard to come by
In the morning, the wife asked her husband, who was a cavalryman: "In your dreams you often recite what Jessie, who is she?"
Husband: "Oh, that's my horse."
"But," added the wife, "your horse had called you twice yesterday when you were not at home."
Poor Dog
In the morning, two neighbors met, and one said, "I heard that your wife and you had a big fight last night?"
"No, that was her getting mad at the dog."
"Oh, the poor dog! I think I heard your wife even threaten to take away its key to the door."
Botched up
At the dinner party, John's secretary got drunk and John had to drive her home. After returning to his own home, John didn't tell his wife about it for fear that she wouldn't understand. The next afternoon, John drove his wife to the movies, and suddenly, he found a woman's shoe at his wife's feet. He took advantage of his wife's eyes to look out of the car window for a moment, and picked up this shoe and threw it out of the window, which was a relief. Unexpectedly, at that moment, his wife turned her head and touched John with her foot and asked, "John, have you seen my other shoe?"
Someone's got to stay
The husband was reading the evening paper, and when he finished reading an article, "Women Live Longer Than Men," he asked his wife, "I really don't know why men have to go ahead of men?"
The wife explained, "Someone has to stay and pack the laundry!"
Man and Dog Upside Down
Jesse is well on his way to a long vacation to visit the Swiss mountains. He couldn't bear to leave his little dog, Harry, alone at home, so he wrote a letter to a Swiss hotel asking if he could let the dog stay there.
He soon received a letter back, "Dear Mr. Jesse, our hotel has been in business for over 30 years and has never kicked out any unruly dog or had any dog give us any trouble, so dogs will be warmly welcomed."
"Also, if your dog can vouch for your proper behavior, you may come with him."
Business
A couple, who owned a hotel by the station, always stayed open until 12 o'clock in the evening, and only closed up when their guests had finished their drinks and taken the last train.
One day, it was already two o'clock in the morning of the next day, a male guest still did not leave, he fell asleep on the table, still playing sound. The boss's wife was so sleepy that she asked her husband to go wake him up. Her husband went out into the hall and came back again, and after a while he went out again and came back, and so on and so forth many times. The boss's wife became impatient, "You have gone out six times, why don't you wake him up? It's too late, just ask him to leave."
"No, don't let him go." The owner said smugly, "Look, every time I go to call him, he always thinks he's being asked to settle his bill, so he pulls out a 50 dollar ticket and gives it to me, then goes back to sleep. Now I've collected six of them, and it's still early in the morning!"
Don't ever piss off the white rabbit
It started like this:
One of my cousins, because she had to work overtime on Sunday, and her cousin's husband was going to take his driver's license test that day, dropped off her 5-year-old son, Ruckus, at my house, and asked for my help in babysitting for the day.
I was afraid that he would be disobedient, so I went to the market and bought him a cute little white rabbit.
When I asked him what he ate, I told him he ate carrots and all green vegetables. Seeing that Alarm was having fun with the rabbit, I went to read my book.
The rabbit ate all the carrots in a while, so Alarm went to the refrigerator to look for green vegetables. The only green vegetables left in my refrigerator were some morning glory peppers. So Alarm broke up the peppers and fed them to the rabbit.
The rabbit refused to eat it. The white rabbit was forced to stomp on the sand in the nest, and then stomped into the eyes of the rabbit, which was in the nest, and then stomped into the eyes of the rabbit. Haunted busy with his hands to rub, but his hands are spicy, and immediately cried out in pain.
I was in the study when I heard him crying unusually hard, so I ran out to ask him what was wrong. He covered his eyes with his hands and kept crying, "The rabbit kicked me, the rabbit kicked me."
I thought the rabbit had really kicked him in the eye, and I was scared to death, thinking that if there was a mistake, how could I explain to his parents?
The doorbell rang, and I opened the door to see that it was my brother's classmate.
My brother's classmates scrambled to call 120, then remembered a bit of first aid knowledge they had learned during military training and knelt on the floor to pick me up.
While this was happening, my brother came back, and when he saw this scene, he thought his classmate was going to molest me, so he picked up one of my mom's pointy-soled shoes and shone it at the unlucky guy's head, and blood immediately gushed out.
When my oldest brother rushed into the kitchen to get a knife, his classmate tried to explain while desperately running downstairs.
At this point, downstairs, Wang grandmother heard the screams, busy from the peephole of the security door to look out, only to see a man covered in blood running downstairs, the old man holding a knife chased after, scared immediately call 110 police.
Originally, she had a slight stroke, and in this panic, her hands and feet were even more unsteady, and she sat down on the floor, right on the kitten's tail.
The kitten leapt out with a wail, knocking over the pot of soup and sending flames flying. The fire was so hot that Wang Granny grabbed a bottle of water and poured it over, but she didn't realize that it was filled with Erguotou, which her partner had secretly hidden in the bottle. So the whole family put out the fire while calling the 119 fire alarm.
The oldest brother's classmates were running away desperately when they collided with the emergency doctor who was coming up the stairs head-on. As both were in a hurry, they rolled into a ball and fell down the stairs.
That's when Lao Di's classmate explained everything to him. But the two doctors broke their arms.
When I awoke, I was busy calling my cousin and her husband again. My cousin was drinking water and when she heard the news, she choked on a mouthful of water in her throat and immediately rolled her eyes.
Her coworkers were busy playing 120; and cousin's husband heard the news and drove his car madly to my house, breaking through three red lights.
By this time, two ambulances and two fire engines had gathered under my house. Firefighters were about to open the hydrant, the cousin's husband's car has been driven over violently, a moment on the top of the collision, and immediately the water flowed into a river, and then he hit the steering wheel, and crashed into the police car that just came.
And behind it, several traffic police on motorcycles were speeding by, and then behind it, a municipal facilities repair truck.
That day was like a Hollywood blockbuster downstairs. According to statistics, five ambulances were dispatched alone. I called one, my brother's classmate called one, two injured doctors called one, my cousin's colleague called a ......
You say there is still one missing? Don't worry, cousin's husband is not driving someone else's driving school car back? The old instructor in the car was so scared he had a heart attack, didn't he have to call for another one?
For a laugh!
A and B went camping together, and slept in the middle of the night, A shook B and asked: "You look up, what do you think?"
B: "The sky is full of stars, the world is so vast, the sky is so vast, people are so small!" After saying this, B looked at A gazing at the sky without saying a word, so he asked A: "And what do you think?" A looked grave and said, "I think our tent has been stolen."
Mouthful of jokes, do not see the death of laughter!
1 A coworker asked me: is Clinton's wife Chirac?
2 Once I borrowed money from someone, I was going to say "when I get the money to pay you back"
said "when I have the money to take you"
Sweat
3 students called Yu Jingbo, a day to write, the hostel! The doorman at the door of the dormitory shouted: dry cold skin, dry cold skin letter!
4 Our language teacher: please turn the book to 120 dollars
The whole class is dizzy, after the teacher was nicknamed "financial fan" Oh
5 Once a friend at home to watch the DVD, the CD-ROM quality is not good. The friend said: "How so many Marx ah." It took a long time to realize that he was talking about Masek!
6 A buddy got married and gave him a red envelope. Buddy politely said no
I said: that's not good, once a year, you must take.
7 junior high school role-playing read aloud "White-haired Girl"
A boy (Yang Bailao): pulled two pounds of red head rope, to me Xi'er tied up ......
The teacher: and not wrapped mummy ...
8 偶打饭的时候，执执的指指着菜花 said: come a portion of potatoes.
The mom asked: cauliflower?
The woman asked again, "Is it potatoes or cauliflower?
It's not a potato... Uh, cauliflower?
What's more depressing is that the owner of the store actually understood ......
10 In college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a student from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope of her "Yun" word in the lower part of the "cloud" above a cross, because the writing is too scribbled, cross into a point. As a result, the student took the letter and called out in our hallway, "Liu Mang, who is called Liu Mang, there is a letter for you." All the people in the building came out to see Liu Mang. As a result, the girl called Liu Yun was helplessly called a hooligan for four years.
11 There was a time when the house was haunted by rats, and my mom bought rat medicine to maintain family peace, but a rat was not drugged down. One day early in the morning, my mom got up and looked at the door in the nook of the rat medicine, muttering to herself, "This medicine how no one ate ah? ~~~The whole family fainted.
12 English teacher to teach grammar, before the end of the class asked everyone: "I have finished, everyone still understand it?" We answered in unison: "No more!"
13 Raise your glass to invite the moon, lower your head to think of your hometown.
14 Once in the heat of the day to play mahjong, a sudden blackout, had to buy a candle to continue to fight. After half an hour, it is too hot to bear, a person said: "or open the electric fan, hot." Another person interface: "can not open, open the candle will be blown out."
15 As the saying goes: kill and set fire to a man, and pay his debts.
16 The teacher in physics class talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are dangerous, you humans must stay away from it!
17 Eat grapes on the spit grape skin
18 In the company received a phone call, is a clothing company sales, and kept saying that to a certain large company has done uniform clothing and so on. I caught the other side of the speech gap, mouth: "Our company uniform is not dressed!"
The other party said quietly for a few seconds, "I'm sorry" and hung up.
19 Our university teacher: I want to find a man and a woman three students ......
The class began to look around, looking for Li Yuchun.
20 Evening self-study back to the dormitory, the road met a sky fairy mm, so tailed
have been trying to accost, but have no guts to go forward, until the sky fairy mm is about to walk into the girls' building
Teeth clenched, stride forward, and loudly asked the mm: students, may I ask you are a woman?
Later ...... later I enjoyed the Tian Xian mm two years of blank stares
21 Deng theory class, the teacher impassioned surging: how many heroes and children, entangled in the underground ......
22 The graduation work of the same students is to use the big The student's graduation work was made of a large red cloth in the shape of a phoenix sewn onto a black robe-like garment.
The teacher at the defense asked why the phoenix should be red and not another color?
The student was so excited that he blurted out: because the phoenix burns with fire! (presumably to say the fire reborn). 3 seconds later, to see the defense of the students laughed wildly, I laughed at the stomach twisted!
23 Junior high school teacher called the memorization of Mulan resignation (the teacher is more BT), nervous
... A brother heard sister to come, sharpening the knife to father and mother (pig and sheep) .......
The whole class laughed out loud, and I also laughed at myself, but I forgot all about it, so I'm glad the teacher didn't penalize me!
24 Help LP buy WSJ, the results to the store look half a day do not know what to buy, so just take a packet and ask the owner: "Boss, this is good to use?" The owner (a man) looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I haven't used this one either!"
25 When I was a kid, my dad watched me write. There was a very simple word written wrong, dad laughed and said to my mom, "I found your son is very stupid." I got anxious and said loudly to my dad, "Your son is the one who is stupid!" -_-b
26 The army comes to cover the earth, the water comes to block
27 My mom once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying the money, the banker said, "You don't have enough money, there's a second page here, you have to pay this one too.
My mom: what is the second page
Staff: sewage
My mom: my family never drink sewage.
28 Our high school office manager, once again raging at us for not listening properly in class, said, "If you guys ever do that again, don't blame me for turning the other cheek!"
29 Math teacher's signature move
Holding up two fingers, he said to his classmates, "Students, the key to learning math well is three words!!!' Do more practice!!!'"
30 The other day I said that my girlfriend is as stupid as a pig, she screwed me, special pain, has not let go, I was anxious, said: "I sue your mom you abuse pigs!"
31 One day, with my parents and my brother to worship the Goddess of Mercy
I didn't sleep much, one stop ahead and said:
The suffering Goddess of Mercy ah ......
Mom and Dad: - ____-|||
Brother: - ____- ||||
The suffering Goddess of Mercy is the most important thing in the world. p>
Buddha: T_____T||||||
32 Sophomore year of college in a FoxPro class, one of the instructors started to point out how many of us were in the class,
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, tick...... (suddenly stopped)
33 One day, my dear mommy told me to buy peppers.
Mommy: "Go buy a pound of peppers back."
Even: "One catty! Why did you buy so many?"
Mommy: "Nonsense~ for stir-frying!!!"
Even depressed + surprised to go out to buy, on the way out and asked a special: "sure to buy a catty ah!!!"
Answer to even drop the old lady's blank stare! Khan ......
After arriving at the food market, the more I think the more wrong, why buy a catty of peppers ah, but also too much right? Pull out the phone - again to confirm!
Get the answer is still the same: a pound of peppers!!!!
A catty of peppercorns is 28 dollars, the boss weighed and bagged me. I was about to pull out the money when the phone rang~~~Mom?
Listen to the phone roar: "Wrong! I'm not sure what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure what I'm talking about! Not a catty, not a catty, is one or two!"
Popping sweat ！！！！
34 When I first handed over my house, there were so many people coming and going that the security guard would question me every time.
I was going to say I was the owner, but it often turned out that I was the owner...
When the security guard's brain is short-circuited, I hurry to run away.
References:
Respondent: Xiao Kun - 初入江湖 二 二 4-13 00:23
A migrant worker can not solve the stool, go to the hospital to check; check the end of the doctor gave him a roll of paper towels. Migrant workers do not understand Road; I came to see the doctor, you give me this why... The doctor smiled and said, "Don't use cement bags to apply PP in the future." ............. Haha (I don't mean to slander the migrant workers, it's purely a joke. I hope you will laugh it off)..............
I hope you are satisfied!
The Gengbao family and the Rat family
Characters
The Bean Blossom family: Father: Ho-Ho/Rat - U-know Yunho
Mother: Blossom - HERO Jaejoong
Son: Little Cake - MASTER CHANGMIN
The Princess family: Father: Geng - HANG
Mother: Princess - KIM Heechul
The Princess family: Father: HAN Geng
Mother: KIM Heechul
Mother: KING Heechul
The Princess family: KING Heechul
Princess family. -Kim Heechul
Son:Baby Fan---Kim Ki Fan
1.One day Princess and Flower from Divine Rise were chatting at a bar, and Flower said to Princess, "Our Hoho is getting to be less and less understanding of me, and what about you Geng?"
Princess replied, "I don't know, Gung never mentioned you." (= =/// Wildly sweaty~)
2. One day the princess said to Baby Fan, "If you're good today, I'll take you to Little Cake's house and let Little Cake watch you eat candy."
3, The princess came to China one day traveling alone, and he asked for a cab with a lot of luggage. The driver told him it would cost him 7 dollars and the luggage was free.
The princess hurriedly said, "Then please take these bags to the hotel, I'll come by myself on foot." (waterfall sweat~)
4, one day the princess accidentally fell down on the stairs, said unlucky, and then climbed up as fast as possible. Look around, fortunately,
Geng and Fan did not see. Suddenly, the princess realized a problem, thinking just now, was it going up the stairs? Or was it going downstairs?
5. The princess had to go out in the morning, but made several trips back home. The reason:
"Gung, my hat"
"Gung, my purse"
"Gung, my cell phone"
"Geng ......"
"What did you leave behind again?"
"Geng, it's Sunday, right?"
"Yeah"
"Then I don't have to go out today"
... ...
"Bam ......" gung ho
6. 6-year-old Baby Fan says to Princess Lady, "Give me some pocket money? Tomorrow, the teacher is taking us to the zoo to see the python."
The princess said angrily, "Why spend that money? Why don't you just take my magnifying glass and go to the river and look at the earthworms?"
7. After the announcement, the princess cried and cried because Geng didn't come to pick him up.
"Don't cry, Chul!" MC Hu Dong's brother said, "I'll call Geng now, do you have a phone at home?"
Princess whimpered, "Yes, but I left it at home and didn't bring it!" (= = ++ Black Line Sweat~)
8. One day Princess took Van and Flower took Pie to the zoo. Everyone was standing by a large pool.
"Baby Van, look, it's a whale." Princess said,
"Hey, Breaking Chew, that's a crocodile." Hana, standing next to them, corrected.
"No! It's a whale!" The princess insisted.
Then the animal struggled to reach the shore.
"Here, see what else you say?" Blossom shouted triumphantly, "But whales never come ashore!"
"Nonsense, you saw for yourself that they sometimes come ashore!" The princess said
... ...
(Around: Fan, Flower, and Cake swooning wildly)
9. Baby Fan says to Princess Mother, "Cheeky is licking his hand."
The Princess corrected Van: "Baby ah, cheeky hands are called paws, human paws are called hands."
10: Gung Che led Van back from the circus to the theater.
Geng asked the princess, "When you are watching the circus, what are you going to do if suddenly two tigers run out of the cage?"
The princess said, "I'll just quickly get into the tiger's cage and lock the cage door."
11. The princess was foaming at the mouth, counting her husband Geng's faults to the god-raised flower, just as her lovely son Fan came back from his trip.
The princess thought that Fan was most inclined towards herself, so she asked Fan: If your father Geng and I had a fight, which side would you be on?
Van thought for a moment and said, "Take the side."
12, one day, the princess took her 6-year-old son Fan to play at the home of God up Flora, not long after only heard the 5-year-old cake cried out, only to see Fan hand crawling a wriggling caterpillar, quite God in scaring the cake. Flora's whole body trembled at the sight of the caterpillar, not to mention that the caterpillar was scaring Little Cake to tears, Flora said to the lovely Fan: "Fan ah,, quickly get it outside, the mother of the worms must be looking for it"
Fan turned around and walked out. Hana thought she had achieved her goal, but then Van came back in a moment later with two caterpillars crawling on his hands, and then Van said with a straight face, "I've picked up mommy bug."
(Down. Oh, looks like another noisy day .....)
13, Geng came home from his announcement and realized that the fan was a bit off, so he said to the princess, "Wife ah, it's you who broke the fan, right!"
Princess said: "not bad, after I modified its functions increased, the original fan will only shake the head, and now will also nod it!"
14. Two boys from sj and Shenqi were talking:
--I heard that our ancestors didn't have electricity, radio mocks or TVs, I don't understand how they lived. (Pie says)
--So they're all dead. (Van Baby said)
15. "Van, you got 18 points in arithmetic, now your princess mother is going to give you a good beating, right?" Little Cake said happily.
"Pack me up? On the contrary, I'm going to go back and teach him a lesson! It's all the Princess Mother's doing." Van said.
16, One night in one of SJ's rooms.
"Is it true that the earth always revolves around the sun?" The princess asked Gung.
"Of course it's true, how else can we see the sun every day?" Gung said
"That I understand, what I don't understand is where the earth stops at night." Princess said .
17.One day the princess was walking alone in a small park, and a young couple with a small dog was also walking in the park. A moment this young couple saw the princess is very happy to the princess came, the princess thought they recognized themselves, full of joy. She thought to herself, "It's the fans again, ha, I'm really expanding," she said.
What surprised the princess was that after the couple handed the camera to the princess, the man stood in the center, the woman stood on the right, and the dog was on the left.
It turned out that they just wanted to come and let Princess take a picture of them and the puppy.
After the photo was taken, Princess was not happy, and her mouth was agape. The couple recognized the princess and said happily, "Oh, it's the beauty of SJ, we didn't recognize her, I'm sorry, can you sign this photo for us?" After saying that, the couple gave the princess the photo they just took.
The princess wrote with a big brush: write the words 'dog man and woman'. (- -#)
18, boredom, the princess gave her friend Hua Hua made a phone call, just when the connection, the princess momentarily realized that he forgot which friend to call. Only, open mouth to ask:Who are you oh?"
Flower said angrily: "Then who are you looking for? (Thinking where is the psycho?!)"
Princess: "Yeah...not sure ......"
The next day in the lounge between Shen Qi and SJ. Hana asked Princess, "Broken Chul, did you call my house yesterday?"
Princess:"? ...... did you? , oh, so it was your house!"
Flower Halo: "Besides you, who else in the world made a phone call themselves and asked who the other person was!"
---------------
Here are other types
I was born in a very poor family, I remember when I was a child, my father's life is very boring, all day can only count the money, my mother is also, all day sweeping the money; my family lives in the deep mountains, every time I want to go out to buy things, it is quite a hassle, it takes 5 hours to drive a Porsche, and 4 hours to drive a Mercedes Benz. It takes 5 hours to drive a Porsche and 4 hours to drive a Mercedes-Benz; although there is a helicopter at home, it's hard to find a parking space there, which is quite inconvenient; I go out shopping once in a while, but my parents are afraid that I'll be kidnapped, and I'm protected by more than 20 bodyguards, and everyone runs away when they see me, so I've been rejected since I was a kid. ......
Because my family lives in the mountains, it's very cold in the winter. winter is very cold, and Dad also said that it is very troublesome to go out to buy things, so there is no heater in winter ...... no quilt ...... every day can only accompany Mom and Dad to burn money to keep warm ...... and when sleeping , also can only cover the money to sleep (I think the pound is warmer).
I remember when I was a child, once, because the room was too big, not yet in a hurry to run out of the room, on the peeing pants, so my father put a small sheep locomotive in my room, so that I can be within 10 minutes, rushed out of the 1000 ping of the room, through the corridor of 5 kilometers, to reach 800 ping of toilets (I often get lost in the corridor); my father also called for the addition of 20 600 ping inside a broken down toilet with a 250 ping. He also asked someone to build 20 additional 600-ping rooms with 250-ping toilets, saying, "If you wet yourself, you can change rooms directly, and if there are not enough rooms or if they are too small, you can tell Dad, and he will ask someone to build a few more, so you have to bear with it!
Now that I think about it, Dad was such a kind man!
I also remember one time, the family was burglarized, because he used explosives to blow up my dad's safe, making the gold coins inside keep rolling out, and as a result, it actually crushed that burglar to death ...... I feel so sorry for that burglar ...... gold coins crushing people to death! It was very painful! He wasn't as lucky as the thief who was smothered by the banknotes before. Mom also often told me that our family life is very difficult ...... want me to learn to suffer ...... so I grew up with a hard-working spirit, my future volunteer, is to find 200 will only eat money monsters, so that the family's money are eaten up, for those poor thieves
@How hard it is to raise a family
Small Wei and Xiao Zhang were drinking and chatting in a pub...
Small Wei: "The economy is in the doldrums, it's really hard to raise a family...
Small Zhang: "How many kids are you?"
Small Wei: "How many kids are you?"
Small Zhang: "How many children are you?
Small Wei: "Five.
Small Zhang: "Wow, five is not easy to raise!
Small Wei: "The kids are fine, but the kids' five moms are really hard to raise."
Small Zhang: "......"
@My Lend You
One day in class, the teacher bluffed again there .....
Teacher: "In my dictionary, there is no such word as "failure"..."
Teacher: "In my dictionary, there is no such word as "failure"... "
Suddenly, a shy voice came from the bottom .....
Student: "Teacher, I'll lend you mine..."
Suddenly, there was a shy voice from the bottom of the room. "
The teacher: ".... "
@Plus Penalty
One day Ming and Hua were speeding on their motorcycles and were stopped by the police.
The police said, "Riding that fast, I'm not afraid to die."
Ming said, "No, I won't... because God is with me!
The cop says, "Then I'm going to write you a ticket."
Ming says, "Why?"
The cop says, "Three people, overloaded!
@What a good answer
The second grade class of Elementary School was having a nature class, and the teacher asked, "Does anyone know why a person's body would be cold when they die?".
No one in the class answered...
The teacher said, "Doesn't anyone know?"
At that moment, someone at the back of the classroom said, "A quiet heart is naturally cool..."
@Scary Books
Snow asked her dad, "Dad, are there any scary books?
"Yes, of course there is." Dad said: "There is a book that your father I read for more than 20 years and still find it scary."
"Huh? No way?" Yuki asked, "What book would be scary even after 20 years of reading it?"
Dad said, "A marriage certificate."
1. The Second Farmer Plays the Pig
2. Kill the Birdman and I'll be an Angel!
3. Handsome is useless! You'll be eaten by a pawn in the end!
4. Live well, because we're going to be dead for a long time!!!!
5. We should keep quiet when listening to the sermon in the church, it's not polite to disturb people's sleep.
6. My girlfriend asked me what I would do if she died, and I said firmly: I will not live alone (and find another one to live).
7. People are not smart, but also learn people bald.
8. You are electricity, Li Siguang, you are the only myth!
9. I'm always hovering between Bull A and Bull C. I'm not sure if I'm the right person for the job, but I think I'm the right person for the job.
10. I despise me so much, you count how old are you!
11. The day of the harvest, the bow shoots a great eagle.
12. Hair goes without vertical, scalp is more outstanding.
13. Don't look for me without something, and don't look for me when something happens.
14. It is better to fight with a person who knows what he is talking about than to talk to an SB.
15. Big women can't live without power, small women can't live without money.
16. The spring garden can not be closed, I entice the red apricot out of the wall.
17.Life is not a matter of life and death, and which one does not use paper to take a shit!
18. The greatness of life, death under the flowers.
19. Women are the tools that make humans, and men are the humans that use the tools.
20. And then Chopin's Chopin, can't play the old man's sadness!
21.Zhu Geliang out of the mountain before also did not lead a soldier ah, you 凴 why want me to have work experience?
22. Nonsense is the first sentence of interpersonal relations
23. As long as the hoe dance well, which has a corner digging not down!
24. You can't study well, but you can't not review well.
25. The reason for the constipation is that the earth's gravity is too small.
26. I don't know if I went to college or college went to me.
27. The more you spend, the closer you get to bed.
28. It is better to be a bachelor if you want to be in the world.
29. It is the plug that is inserted into other people's holes, and it is the socket that is inserted into other people's holes.
30. To choose a lady, the skirt is good to pull.
31. The rich will always be in love.
32. I am the son of Jesus, coconut!
33. College is about learning.
34. I have a left dragon, a right tiger, and a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my shoulder.
35. BMW is don't touch me, MSN is touch you to death.
36. Other people's money is outside my body.
37. I am the most honest person, never tell lies, except this one.
38. Ice cream again.
39. Big brother, I heard that the second brother's meat is more expensive than the master's.
40.
40.I hope one day I can double-click on my wallet with my mouse, and then select a 100-circle, hold down ctrl-c and then keep ctrl-v
41.The professor was lecturing about organic chemistry polymers on the podium, he drew a "peptide bond" on the blackboard, and said, "This is a 'eunuch', we're going to give him another 'methyl bar'"... Pour!!!
42. Bald ass, dare with poor Taoist snatch teacher!
43. What men call inner beauty is inside the bra, not inside.
44. It is gold, will always spend all the...
45. Who can not shoot for 90 minutes? The Chinese national soccer team!!!
46. A man's good looks are of no use. Can you use your face to swipe your credit card at the bank?
47. It is said that men with money are bad, I have been a good man for more than 20 years.
48. A woman said to a man: "Come to my house, I'll give you the following to eat.
49. It's not that you don't smile, the powder falls off when you smile.
50. High is high, is a straw bag, short is short, can be stepped on, skinny is skinny, have muscles.
51. Only women and English is difficult, only work and wife is difficult to find.
52. There's nothing wrong with driving, it's the newcomers.
53. I've heard that women are clothes and brothers are like hands and feet. In retrospect, I have been running around naked for more than 20 years.
54The can puller loves the can, but the can is filled with Coke.
55. I'd rather believe in ghosts than a man's mouth.
56. Today a group of Japanese people came to visit our school, and to be honest. This is the first time I've seen Japanese people in clothes.
57After more than ten years of study, I still think kindergarten is better.
That's all I could find!