Human nature is roughly the same from ancient times to the present, from east to west. So there is no region where there are no mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflicts, only the way to have fewer of them.
Foreign countries, especially Western countries, have a better grasp of "boundaries", what is their own, what is the other. The Chinese people are different, they can't wait to be in charge of their own affairs beyond a 10-kilometer radius. Not to mention their own son's business, their own daughter-in-law's business.
Because, people abroad have great respect for privacy, for other people's decisions and families, Chinese mothers-in-law always want to control their children's small families, but everyone is an adult individual now, who will listen to whom. Chinese parents always hurt the independence of their children's families under the banner of doing what's best for you. Foreign countries don't rely on parents to take care of their children, don't rely on parents to buy a house (except for the rich), don't stay at one parent's house after they're married, dine out, have their parents do laundry and cleaning. If the couple can be completely independent, there won't be any mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems.
Economic independence can solve most of the problems of urban families, (rural parents and children bundle more, more complex, so the economic independence can not be solved) to buy a house to buy a car have to give money, but also help to get a job, but also do not let a person in charge of his son's business? (Parents and children, each must be financially independent. Of course, most of the parents are financially independent, the children pit father.)
All over the world, there are problems with mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. The key is not whether there is one, but to what extent it affects the couple's life. The earliest realization of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships abroad was LISTEN TO THIS listening material, where the narrator said that they were a husband and wife with three children renting a small apartment of some sort, and that his parents were living in another part of the same city, and that now that his father was gone, he had partial title to the house and whatnot, but, however, that his wife was on very bad terms with his mother, and so he was still stuck with continuing to rent the small apartment. Memory may be faulty, but that was certainly my early understanding of in-law relationships abroad. Considering that the textbook was seemingly written by the British, I guess it was a reaction to the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship in Britain at that time. Later, I was fortunate to have stayed in Europe and the United States, and met some friends. My understanding of the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law in Europe and the United States is this: the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law exists universally, and the more the intersection of the family, the more acute the contradiction between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, the less the intersection of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, the more invisible the contradiction.
Culturally, the West is a contractual society where everyone is very independent. In the modern world, intimacy is something that has become slightly more awkward; you don't agree that anyone has absolute control over you and the right to know, and you don't want to have unlimited obligations to anyone.
The West has always been worried about kinship, it's always been in deep crisis, and you can find this problem in all sorts of literature, whether it's closer to home with One Hundred Years of Solitude, The Lord of the Rings, or farther afield with Shakespeare, The Red and the Black, what do these works do with kinship?
To switch to the most recent hits, Harry Potter and Game of Thrones, do you see Harry Potter, growing up feeling any kinship? Adopted, tricked, and only met his two best friends at school, where did he feel any kinship.
The trend of de-emphasizing affection in western films and TV dramas is also very obvious, there is always one or several characters who don't have a good relationship with their parents, and the good ones end up becoming buddies, and the tragic ones usually have one of the two sides hanging up.
Foreign countries have their own way of doing things, and they know how to respect it. Domestic some mothers-in-law is a one-way street, especially like to interfere in anything, but also feel that they do especially right. The modern woman is very much in need of family power, but with the mother-in-law, often the young couple can decide things just can not decide.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law boils down to a relationship in which the status of women has long been second to none. As a mother-in-law woman, in her family is dependent on her husband, do not get equal family equal respect and love, the only pouring affection is her son, and son married daughter-in-law, their own baby into the arms of another woman, "love child plot" can be justified.
The relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law also exists in foreign countries, because most of them don't live together, so they may get along with each other just for a few days at Christmas every year, and usually there won't be any problems. And I think it's the most important point that men abroad are generally oriented towards their wives, so if there is a mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflict, the mother-in-law may rarely get to see her son. Children basically leave home when they become adults, let alone live with their parents after they get married, separated by tens of kilometers, hundreds of kilometers, across town, across the country, do you think mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships would be a problem?
Another point is that foreign in-laws rarely bring their grandchildren, while most Chinese in-laws have to do it, and the concept of a family is much stronger because the domestic maternity leave is not long enough, because they can't get off work on time, because there are a lot of cumbersome formalities and documents to be dealt with, because social welfare is not enough to give, and because nannies are unreliable. The result is that the daughter-in-law had to go to work, the child's affairs are inevitably elders to help, the depth of contact more conflicts are inevitable.
Said Chinese mothers-in-law do not understand the boundaries of a variety of overstepping the boundaries, but the daughter-in-law really do it? In contrast to Western mothers-in-law who don't mind their own business, please also compare the variety of daughters-in-law in the West and China.
The problem with mothers-in-law, as many have already said, is that they don't know what the boundaries are. In fact, behind this boundary-crossing behavior, the reasons for its formation are complex. For example, is the relationship between the in-laws good? In a typical Chinese family, the man is in charge of the outside and the woman is in charge of the inside, the man is regulated by society and the outside world's expectations, and is less focused on spiritual and emotional fulfillment; the woman is in charge of the inside from the time she gets married and is mainly responsible for raising the children. After the child grows up, and the family of origin is becoming more and more distant, the woman (mother-in-law) is bound to feel that there is no support in life, spiritual emptiness and so on, and will naturally want to be involved in her son's life as an adult. From this aspect, the solution is to improve the relationship between the two in-laws, or to allow the mother-in-law to participate in a variety of social activities (playing cards and mahjong dancing and traveling can be).
From the daughter-in-law's point of view, I think all the women who are daughters-in-law to remember one thing: enjoy the others to pay, it is bound to give a certain price. Let's say that the child let the mother-in-law to bring, do not say that the mother-in-law to bring bad. Let's say, their husbands are still chewing the old, live in the house is also in-laws funding, do not say in-laws too much interference in their own. Because you are actively involving them in your life, you are signaling to them that "you can tell me what to do with my life".
I have the kind of friend who leaves her kids with her mother-in-law and lives far away from her husband. Usually occasionally chat with me, said they do not want to live with the mother-in-law (in-laws two people live in a large villa, empty), because if you go to have to pick up their daughter in the morning, noon and afternoon to and from school, a **** four times, said that this way their own time is fixed dead, can not do anything. Then very fond of scolding her mother-in-law, saying that she likes to scold, has a bad temper and is difficult to get along with - then lamented that she gave her daughter to her mother-in-law to take care of because she was afraid that she would be lonely on her own (her father-in-law is still very busy with his work), and that she "just pitied my daughter" --These are her exact words. Seriously, her daughter is pitied because she has such a mom, not because of her grandmother.
Young people always have their own life, friendship and love is a big part of it, due to different concepts, some people can't stand to live with their parents, in China, we have different tendencies, family parents are most important, friends and spouses come second, of course some people don't think so.
A newlywed couple always keeps a distance from their fathers and mothers, because you make a covenant with your spouse in the presence of God, you no longer face your parents as an individual, but as a family. The wife's conflict with her parents is not her personal, it is yours.
The same jungle children with their mothers-in-law, as long as they are not under the same roof, absolutely fine, and even affectionate. Of course, the gift of many people are not strange, the festivals to give her tribute to the good gifts, is to enhance the relationship of the first weight. She likes Chinese Pu-erh tea, I must go back to China every year to scavenge for the best original non-polluting tea leaves and tea cakes for her. She likes to travel, I must go to every place and share with her tips and beautiful pictures, and she is simply like-minded, high mountains and flowing water. I'd like to share with her a variety of Chinese culture and traditions, such as health diet and a variety of "made in China" small objects, without realizing it, let her feel the vast depth of our culture, the beauty of the motherland, and even succeeded in inducing her to have a grand plan to retire to China to play, and retire to learn the Chinese language grand desire.
No matter which country's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I think both sides of the mutual understanding, take care of each other, there is nothing that can not be solved.