Alcoholism is often described as "a disease of loneliness".
When we first start drinking, it's mainly for social reasons, and getting alcohol into our bodies helps us to instantly appear cheerful and helpful.
Once the effects of alcohol wear off, however, what remains is a greater sense of alienation, a feeling of not fitting in, and a feeling of depression. At the same time, if we feel guilty and ashamed of our drunken or drunken behavior, this complex of emotions can easily lead to a feeling of abandonment and exile - a never-ending darkness, an unspeakable pain in the heart. So we quickly picked up our glasses again.
We also engage with people from time to time when we drink. Yet most of the conversations we considered important were almost always kept deep within ourselves, never easily exported. We were quite certain that we were never understood, and we tended not to care much whether we were understood by anyone else.
Years of living with alcoholism have made us suspicious, distrustful, and self-centered. We habitually act parochial, stubborn, and aloof, as if we have always been withdrawn and difficult to get along with.
When we begin to have the opportunity to develop normal interpersonal relationships with others, and even to accept their friendships, the burden of years of fear is often lifted. The burden of years of fear often holds us back, and so we begin to feel lonely and depressed. Stale thinking from the past can easily encourage us to take that first drink again.
How dangerous it is to face the challenge of a drinking problem alone, even if we have great determination and desire, there is hardly any example of how we can overcome alcohol by our own personal strength alone. Thoughts of wanting to drink tend to sneak up and sneak into the mind when we are alone. When we feel lonely and empty, the urge to drink always seems to beat us faster and stronger.
But now that we can set sail with other like-minded friends, our journey to recovery will be safer, more meaningful and more secure. So we are no longer shy about asking for help, it is not a sign of weakness to accept help in recovery, and it is extremely rewarding to work with others **** and together because we all need to help each other.
Of course we all need some time alone to organize our thoughts, to reflect on ourselves, or to take care of some personal matters, to release the stresses of everyday life. But it's dangerous to overindulge in a state of isolation. Especially if we are becoming withdrawn, depressed, or feeling sorry for ourselves, it is better to have friends than to be alone.
For these reasons, our advice to new drinkers is to "avoid getting too lonely".
If you can pause for a moment to talk to someone or go online as soon as the thought of drinking crosses your mind, you can at least begin to move away from the danger of isolation.
Remembering the last drunken experience
As the word suggests, we mean "drunk" rather than "drinking".
For most people, a "glass of wine" has long meant a good time with friends. Depending on the age of each of us and the circumstances surrounding our first drink, we've all had memories and expectations (and sometimes anxieties)
that have led us to think of a cool beer, a cocktail, gin and tonic, whisky and beer, a sip of wine, or something like that, and so on.
Week after week, in most people's early drinking, the expectation of alcohol always matches the amount that actually needs to be drunk.
If it happens to be right every time, we naturally consider "having a drink" to be a pleasant experience that not only satisfies our own needs, but also doesn't overstep the norms of religious practice. At the same time, it satisfies cravings, meets the etiquette of the social scene, and helps us to relax, refresh ourselves, and achieve the various goals we are pursuing. For example, when a 55-year-old Finn is approached for a drink, he is immediately reminded of the warmth he felt when he was young and drank a glass or two of brandy or vodka on a cold day.
If it's a young woman, her mind may immediately conjure up images of gorgeous crystal glasses filled with champagne, side-by-side glamor, side-eye contact, a romantic atmosphere, or a rock concert where young men with beards, long hair, and cowboy outfits are dressed up to take a bottle out of a bag full of bottles of wine, with flashbulbs flashing, smoke all around, and everyone shouting and screaming, making for a very exciting spectacle. The sight of everyone screaming and shouting was exhilarating. One A.A. member said, "One drink" is almost synonymous with pizza and beer.
Another 78-year-old widow said she was often reminded of her nursing home habit of enjoying a glass of sherry at bedtime. While this image of drinking in our minds is extremely natural, it is nevertheless misleading as far as we are concerned, and this is how some of us started drinking.
If this is all there is to our drinking, then it is unlikely that we will later deteriorate into a problem with alcoholism. Yet if we look fearlessly at the process of drinking, we can see that no matter how hard we try in our last few years or months of alcoholism, no such perfect, magical time ever occurs again.
Instead, we repeatedly find ourselves drinking far more than we actually do, which always leads to some degree of trouble. Perhaps we feel only a little bit of guilt about our excessive drinking in private alone.
But sometimes it turns into a violent argument, interferes with our work, or even leads to serious illness, accident, or legal and financial problems. So when a "have a drink" suggestion comes along, now we try to think back from the start of the drinking process to the last pathetic drunkenness and hangover.
The average friend's invitation to propose a drink to us generally refers purely to a social occasion, a glass or two of wine.
But if we think carefully about the full details of the last time we got drunk, we won't be fooled by the image of "one drink" that has long dominated our minds.
Now we can honestly admit that, in terms of our true physiological response, we are fairly certain that a cup of yellow soup means that sooner or later we will get drunk again, with all the attendant problems that entails.
Drinking no longer means music and joy to us, but sickness and the memory of regret. An A.A. member once put it this way: "I know that if I go to a bar for a drink, it will never be the same as it used to be, just a little bit of time and a little bit of money.
That one drink would drain my bank account, my family, my house, my car, my job, my sanity, even my life. It's just too big a price too high a risk."
He remembers the last time he was drunk, not his first drinking experience.
Taking action
The more we try to stay away from alcohol, the more the thought of drinking lingers. So simply staying away from alcohol (or not thinking about it) is not enough.
Once you've stopped drinking, what do you do with all that free time? Most of us have regular jobs to do, but there is still a lot of free time that must be spent. So we have to take up new hobbies and organize varied activities to fill that time, as well as find a proper outlet for the energy that was once spent indulging in alcohol.
There are many things we can do that are appropriate and meaningful to us.
1. In the early stages of sobriety, take a walk or go for a brisk walk. Especially to new places you've never been. Go for a leisurely stroll through a park or country lane, but not an exhausting brisk walk.
2. Read. Although some of us can't settle down to read, we really should read books to broaden our horizons, add to our life experience, and focus our attention.
3. Go to a museum or gallery, and some of us choose photography as well.
4. Swimming, running, biking, yoga, or any other exercise recommended by your doctor.
5. Take care of long-neglected household chores. Organize the closet, the dresser, sort and file papers, or take care of things we've been putting off for a long time. But when we do these things, don't overdo it, do what you can. Instead of cleaning out the entire kitchen or organizing all the papers at once, clean out one drawer or folder at a time and do the rest another day.
6. Try a new hobby. Choose activities that are not too expensive or demanding, that are purely recreational, and that are refreshing and invigorating without the pressure of competition. For example, singing, writing, tropical fish, carpentry, basketball, cooking, bird watching, amateur shows, wood carving, gardening, guitar, movies, dancing, stone carving, potting, collecting, etc.. Many people find that the activities they really enjoy now are surprisingly hobbies they never considered trying in the past.
7. Recapture the joys of the past. A watercolor you haven't touched up in years, pool or chess, reading journals, etc., continue these hobbies. But if it no longer suits you, just give it up.
8. Take a class. Studying Japanese or English? Love history or math? Want to learn about archaeology or anthropology? Or cooking or computer operation, then go to a correspondence course, TV university or adult education (just for interest, not necessarily a certificate of credit). There are also many places where you can take classes as little as one day a week, so why not give it a try? Taking classes not only broadens your horizons, but also broadens your life. In case you get bored with the content of the class, don't hesitate to quit. By learning to give up on activities that are not beneficial to us or that do not have a positive, positive, or healthy meaning, we will be able to find the courage to face it again, and we will have the opportunity to see new dimensions of our lives outside of drinking.
9. Volunteer for useful services. Many hospitals, children's services, and social welfare organizations are in great need of volunteers. There are many choices available to us, and when we can contribute to others, even if it is only a small service, we will feel very useful, and even when we talk about the process of participating in these activities and its related information, we will feel very interested and engaged.
10. Dress up. Most of us know many ways in which a new haircut, new clothes, new glasses, or even new teeth can have unexpected and pleasing results.
11. Relax and play! Not everything we do in our daily lives necessarily has to be aggressive and new. We also need to do some activities purely for interest only, such as your favorite kite, the zoo, comedy movies, soul music, detective novels, etc.; do not like it, find some other fun and non-drinking activities, purely for the sake of treating yourself.