Jokes to tell your girlfriend before going to bed
In fact, the girl's heart will always be like a little girl, we are ready to go to bed, you can give your girlfriend to say some fairy tales to coax her to sleep, it is a very good choice Oh! The following is my carefully organized bedtime jokes told to his girlfriend, welcome to share.
1, cousin thirty is still single, once I asked him "cousin, your unit so many beautiful, why now you do not find a girlfriend?"
Cousin coldly said: "The rabbit refuses the grass on the edge of the nest!"
I said, "At this age, you still 'do not do grass by the side of the nest' rabbits!"
Cousin said in frustration, "Beauty is the rabbit, I'm the grass!"
2, she met him in the rainy night, lost love drunken, and from then on he fell in love with him without any hesitation. She cooked for him, washed his clothes, and took care of all the matters at home, but he always just looked at her faintly from the sidelines. Finally, one day, he said to her: you do not come back, I love men. She was shocked, violently pounced on him on the bed, said: Shit! You do not say earlier, the old man pretending to be a woman is almost pretending to be a psychopath!
3, the professor in the river, often see two turtles, shrinking motionless. One day I couldn't help but be curious and ask a farmer: what are these two turtles doing? Farmer: in PK. Professor: did not move P what K? Farmer: in comparison to who lives long. Professor: But the one with the oracle bone inscriptions on the shell has long been dead ah. At this point, another fierce head out to scold: MD, dead also did not say a word
4, an honest man at night to pick up girls, to be early in the morning to go home with his wife to eat breakfast, said to his wife: I took the train last night.
The wife said: ah, is it.
Continue to eat.
A man said to his wife again: I took the train last night.
The wife said: I know.
The man couldn't help but say to his wife: I took the train last night.
Wife impatient answer: already said twice.
The husband growled to: idiot, this does not understand, I cheated!
5, a certain time and a few friends to play badminton, there is a beautiful woman and a buddy playing doubles, the atmosphere is very pleasant, with some ambiguity.
After playing the ball when the gang MM said to the buddy: give me your cell phone.
The dude was dumbfounded and said: "I have a cell phone, and I want to use it.
6, college, a few classmates secretly go to the movies, to see the middle, next to the female students suddenly grabbed the roommate's hand and said: good scary ah.
The roommate looked at her, and told her: you really chicken, don't be afraid, the movie is fake.
7, "Dear, I am now at the international airport, ready to go to participate in an academic seminar ---- has boarded the plane, oh - my lady, you pay attention to ah ---- dear, sorry, just now the stewardess accidentally splashed tea on me ----"
"Really, that stewardess was just too nice to you, she didn't even discourage you from talking on your cell phone on the plane, go to hell! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo"
8, in the school queue to play hot water, in front of a soft girl, it was not easy to turn to her, her thermos lid can not be twisted, turned back to the back of the boys softly smiled, "I can not twist the lid."
Only to hear this man bashfully sentence: that you stand on the edge! The first twisted, let me hit the first.
9, from the library to study back, in a small road, a beautiful woman walking face to face accidentally slipped, and then with a pitiful look at me thought I would help her.
I looked at her half a day and finally said: "Fuck, scared me", from which I became a 24K pure losers.
10, to introduce a buddy object, the first meeting, the meal, he put a fart, in order to let the woman have a good impression of him, I hurried to say sorry sorry, the results of that Si snorting on the laughter spray, said: "You think you put ah? I put it!!!"
Well, deserved you losers all your life you.
Bedtime jokes for girlfriends 2
1, the wedding ceremony, the emcee site "interview" stood aside the father-in-law: "Your old daughter-in-law is still satisfied?" Duke smile, nodded his head and said: "Satisfied, a hundred satisfied." The emcee then asked, "So, do you want your daughter-in-law to give you a grandson or a daughter?" The father-in-law didn't even think about it, and said, "Both are good, both are good."
2. The man had two hens at home. One lays large eggs and the other lays small eggs. The big egg sells for 1.5 yuan in the market, and the small one sells for 1 yuan. The man scolded the small hen for this. The hen retorted, "I'm not that SB, for 50 cents, put hold up so big!"
3, and his wife married for three years, has been using TT contraception, and now career stability want children, but his wife said to wait ... I secretly put all the TT are tied a small hole, the wife does not know. It did not take long to get pregnant, I deliberately pretended not to know, and asked my wife what was going on. The unexpected happened? Wife tearfully confessed to me ~ ~ ~ ~ 4, once, a very bad eunuch stopped Ji Xiaolan, asked him to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan said: "Once upon a time, once upon a time there was a man." Then after a long silence, this eunuch impatiently asked, "What about the following?" Ji Xiaolan replied, "There's nothing below!"
5, the train station encountered a very sincere and melancholy-looking girl, claiming to be a university student, wallet was pickpocketed, hungry and cold, want me to do good, and pulled out the student ID card to see me. Look at her sincere eyes, I really want to pay, but suddenly I had a flash of insight, asked her: "a quadratic derivative is how much?" She froze and mumbled. I saw that it was not right, change the difficulty of a lower: "So sin30 degrees is how much?" Surprisingly, she fell away.
6, the wedding ceremony, my wife and I stood on the stage. The emcee asked: please groom with three languages to express love to the bride. The first: I love you. The second: I Love you! The third I can not think of. I was flabbergasted for five seconds, and the brothers below were up in arms. I was anxious: Yosi, Yosi, this flower girl land, is the brother of Misi Misi work? The whole audience laughed, the emcee collapsed?
7, the boss under a male secretary and a female secretary. Almost all of the work is done by the male secretary, the female secretary has nothing to do. A long time, the male secretary of the boss complained: "Why let me do what work ah." The boss explains, "You have a different division of labor." The male secretary wondered, "What's the difference?" The boss said, "You're office supplies." The male secretary asked, "What about her?" The boss said impatiently, "Bedding."
8. Two musicians were talking. One said, "My first gig was a great success. I received enough flowers for my wife to open a flower store." The other said, "The audience especially liked me at my first performance and rewarded me with a house." "I don't believe they rewarded you with a house." "True reward, one rewarded a brick."
9, political teacher newly married, the first line: a top and bottom **** create a harmonious realm; right: an in and out to create a generation of new people. Cross-check: life is movement!
History teacher's second marriage, the first line: night attack on Pearl Harbor, the beauty of the frightened; right: two atomic bombs, Japan and Germany surrendered, crossword: World War II.
Math teacher's new marriage, the first line: open brackets to solve the square just to find the root; right: through the origin over the curve straight to the end. Crossword: 0 is greater than 1
10, someone asked the Secretary of the Bureau of Statistics: some people say that all of you in the Bureau of Statistics do not know how to count, is it true? Secretary stretched out 3 fingers and said: I gave him 5 words, "a nonsense
11, male: can we meet? Female: No! I am a good girl, not to meet with netizens is the principle! Male: I really want to see you ah, please? Female: take me as a friend to respect me. M: How about a video? Woman: Okay? But I don't have a camera ah ~ Male: I lend you, noon at the school gate you come to get it. Woman: Oh, too much trouble for you, then what time? M: 12 o'clock, do not see ~ female: good, then thank you, you are so nice!
12, there is an old man's dog died, the old man will be dead dog packing consignment ready to bring back home burial. But when the consignment of the airport people do not know is dead, down the plane when found to be dead, terrified. Thought the dog was dead. So they sent someone to the nearby dog market to buy an identical one. Then the old man opened the luggage and found the dog alive. So the old man gave scared to death.
13, today's parent-teacher conference ...... A student was y touched by the literary outburst, exclaimed: the world's most distant 'distance, not the distance between life and death, but your future mother-in-law standing in front of you, you can only shout auntie.
14, recalling the past, ancient women three from the four virtues, the so-called "three from" refers to: unmarried from the father, married from the husband, the husband died from the son, "four virtues" refers to: character, appearance, speech, the way of governance, but the modern woman has three from four, the so-called three from: never gentle, never gentle, never gentle, never gentle, never gentle. The so-called three from: never gentle, never considerate, from unreasonable; four get, say no, not to beat, scolding, not to provoke.
15, kindergarten class in rehearsal for the June 1 program, parents have to participate in, enter the shouting slogan. Small class shouted: a small one, the courage to win the first; small class shouted: a small two small two, unique; small class shouted: a small three small three, dad like!
16, night, the last bus, a white woman sitting in the last row. The driver looked in the rearview mirror, the woman did not, shocked! Sharp brake back, people sitting there. Continue to drive and look in the rearview mirror, the woman and not, brake and turn back, the woman again. Keep driving and look in the rearview mirror, the woman is gone again! The emergency brake, the woman walked slowly hair disheveled face is full of blood with a low voice said "day you immortal, I have a grudge with you ah? A tie shoelace you on the emergency brake, a tie shoelace you on the emergency brake."
17, the man was injured, his girlfriend sent him to the hospital. In the car, his girlfriend used paper towels to help him stop bleeding, but the paper towels will be enough. Girlfriend drummed up the courage to take out a piece of sanitary napkin from the bag in the man's wound, the blood immediately stopped, at this time, the man began to purple lips, face green, to the hospital, the man in the stitches, the woman asked about the condition of the doctor took the sanitary napkin and said: this thing sucks blood is too powerful! If another piece, it is estimated that this brother will hang
18, A: you see the boss of the female secretary of the two days dressed up, like a leprechaun! Walked over to do all a flirty flavor! B: Do not worry! She is like that fast dawn mosquito incense! A: how to say? B: also "burn" can not be a few rounds!
19, the farmer bought a box of rats medicine, rats ate after the strutting away. The farmer found the merchant, the merchant said to catch the rat with warm water to serve. The farmer did as he was told, and the rat went on his way. The farmer finds the merchant again and the merchant asks, "How many times did you feed it?" The farmer replied, "Once." The businessman said: "You read the manual, 6 boxes of a course of treatment.
20, and his wife after a fight, I came to the room alone, with the door closed depressed eyes lying on the bed. I do not know when, on the kindergarten son stood in front of the bed, with a sympathetic tone asked: "very depressed, is it?" I opened my eyes and looked at my son and sighed. My son tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Hey, women are like that! I've been putting up with her for ages."
21, the White Lady deliberately raining to cheat Xu Xian's umbrella, Zhu Yingtai eighteen to send when pretending to be crazy to flirt with Liang brother, seven fairy blocked the way of Dong Yong, the Cowherd took advantage of the Weaving Maiden bathing to take away her clothes? These stories tell us: the beginning of great love, always have to have a first rogue. You have no love, may be you do not know how to play rogue?
22, a candidate for medical school in the examination paper to see a question and answer: please say breastfeeding four benefits. The candidate quickly wrote three answers: do not need to heat, easy to carry, more hygienic, and then held back ....... After thinking about it, he suddenly came to a realization and wrote: the container is pleasing to the eye! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty!
23, I want to rate 3,000 city management, 1,500 non-mainstream, 500 Chinese officials, General Li Gang, Zeng, spring, phoenix three protector, pro-conquest Filipino donkey bin! First send Chinese officials to penetrate into the Philippines, his country's economy. Then let Zeng use sheep sound to destroy their hearing, Phoenix appeared to let them vomit to consume their physical strength, then let 1500 non-mainstream to brighten their eyes, and then Chun appeared to make them hallucinate! Immediately after that, Li Gang leads 3000 city officials to massacre the city.
24, a funeral car from the funeral parlor, then, a child ran out, chasing the funeral car crying and yelling: "Dad, Dad! Don't go!" The people around felt sympathy for the child and were about to comfort her when suddenly the funeral car stopped? The driver poked his head out of the window: What's the noise ah, dad off work to take you to play
bedtime jokes told to his girlfriend 31, yesterday asked a friend of the speculation: the recent stock market plunge, sleep how? He said: like a baby sleep. I said: no shame is a master! This can sleep! He was silent for a long time, said: often wake up in the middle of the night and cry for a while and then sleep.
2, one day and a few brothers nagging, talking about the private money, are complaining about how to be found, then an uncle stood out and said: my private money in the bank. The crowd asked: Where is the passbook? Uncle: burned, to be used when to make up.
3, a beautiful woman passed a face reading, they stopped to count the marriage. Beauty: I have to ask when I can meet my other half. Fortune-telling: do you want to be accurate or not allowed? Beauty: Of course it's accurate. Fortune-teller: Go back and take off your makeup and come back.
4, I played the erhu at home, listening to someone knocking on the door. I think the sound may be big, open the door, is a guy, I want to apologize, but the guy said: big brother, I moved upstairs, not yet decorated, listen to your home decoration, to visit.
5, a young mother held her daughter into the hospital. The daughter naively said: Mom, what are we doing here? Mom: injection ah. Daughter: Why do you need an injection, the needle did something wrong? Injection does not hurt? Five minutes after the daughter began to growl: this is the needle hit me, this is the needle hit me!
6, a female colleague, one hundred and forty pounds, every night with the ladies dancing. Yesterday pulled me to view, finished asking me how to dance. I said: "I think you dance looks like a Little Swan ...... brand of drum washing machine."
7, the child is best not to just hit the bedtime humor small joke bedtime humor small joke. Hit the head is easy to hurt the brain, hit the ass is easy to hurt the nerves, hit the face is easy to hurt self-esteem, hit the hands and feet is easy to hurt themselves. So try not to hit if you can. If you must hit the child, and do not want to worry about these previous problems, then there is only one trick: hit other people's children!
8, almost final exams, the teacher in the classroom to help students do key tips. The teacher said, "This question is very important, draw stars in front." Xiaohong said: "Teacher, can not use a check mark ah, orangutan is so difficult to draw oh."
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