(above)
I gasped vigorously, my body slumping wearily into the couch seat as I pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of my white lab coat.
"Whew ......" Taking a deep swallow, his body was much more relieved. Although he couldn't smoke in front of his patients, whenever he was alone in this lounge, he always used the blue-gray smoke to anesthetize and relax himself, especially after a surgery.
"Are you alright!" Suddenly the wooden door to the lounge was opened and Dodd, a fellow officer and close friend, came into view, looking over at me inquiringly.
"It's fine!" Putting out the cigarette butt in my hand, I could never smoke peacefully in front of other people.
"The operation was a success." He said to me as he washed his hands.
"Uh-huh!" I nodded, "But I'm afraid the patient isn't out of the woods yet, so the rest of the day is up to him."
I was roused from my sleep early in the morning by the hospital's pager, and drove to the hospital immediately afterward.
The hospital, which used to be somewhat cold, was packed at the moment.
"Another murder!" I thought to myself as I looked at the blood-stained body in front of me.
The fatal wound was a gunshot wound to the left chest, not far from the heart, and the bullet seemed to remain in the body. As for the knife in the shoulder, it wasn't enough to be fatal, but the hemorrhaging it caused was not to be underestimated.
"Get the patient into surgery!" I shouted, for the patient could not be delayed for a moment!
Everything was busy and well organized until midday.
"Sharon?" A hand waving in front of my eyes and a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.
"You're still here, huh?!" I frowned slightly and pushed away his palm that kept waving around in my field of vision.
"You! Don't get too tired at work. Called you a few times and didn't hear you." As usual he scratched my head, his concerned tone consistent.
"Nonsense!" I always scoffed at his concern.
I ignored his otherworldly sigh and turned my eyes away from the window to stop looking at him until the slamming of the door rang in my ears.
"Finally, a break!" I mumbled, drifting off into sleep.
Walking slowly towards the special care room with the record sheet in my hand.
"Tustant Blair Von Drow ......" I read the slightly lengthy name on the form, it seemed that the patient was quite a bit of an unknown.
"Huh?" As I was about to reach my destination, a slender back appeared in front of my eyes.
The white hospital gown, the thin shoulders, and the black hair slightly past his neck all revealed a neutral beauty and charm, yet the plastered ankles and the crutches that stood on either side of his body were unusually jarring.
He was watching the commotion inside through the large glass window at the front of the caretaker's room.
"Well ......" I shook my head in an attempt to discard the odd thoughts swirling around in my head, "Not only is he a man but he's also a patient!" I reminded myself.
"Cough, cough~" I made the first sound.
The other man turned back, his clean face covered in purple bruises, some even with blood, clearly 'evidence' of a beating.
"Doctor ......" He looked over at me, and it would have been really hard to hear his weak voice otherwise, if it wasn't for the shape of his mouth telling me what he was saying.
Big black eyes stared at me, the urgent and sad look was like two swords stabbing into my heart, and my chest couldn't help but throb.
"You're ......" I couldn't ignore his presence, "Mr. Blair something?" The look in his eyes spoke of something in the underworld.
"I'm he ......" He paused, cocking his head in thought as if searching for words to express his inner speech, "His ...... lover."
I wasn't surprised, it was as if everything was expected, and at the same time I didn't realize the strangeness that was felt between lovers of the same sex, even in today's day and age, where same-sex love has always been frowned upon.
"Yeah!" I nodded.
"What about him, him?" Anxiety surfaced on his features.
"There shouldn't be any problems." I stated the facts, "He's alive, the bullet was only two centimeters from his heart, but ......" I watched his expression thoughtfully.
"What?!" Worry surfaced again.
"The loss of blood has caused a lack of oxygen to the brain, so much so that it has damaged the brain tissue. Whether or not he can wake up depends on his luck." The truth is often cruel and cold.
"That's right!" He murmured darkly, his pale, bony fingers gripping the bodice of his blouse tightly, as if that was the only way to stifle the spine-tingling pain, his progressively bleaker cheeks making the purplish bruises even more striking.
He glanced once more at Tustant, lying in the hospital bed.
"When can I go in and see him?" Without looking away, he then asked.
"I guess not yet!" I turned and opened the door to the caretaker's room and stepped inside.
"Doctor." The nurse lady, who was already ready, was waiting for me in the care room.
I walked over to the bed and looked over at the huge body lying there, he looked like a dead body to me.
I examined him as was customary and asked the nurse lady about the patient, however it was impossible not to pay attention to the two burning eyes outside the glass window.
He always stood there, quietly watching what was happening here.
"Wake up early!" I looked over at my patient in a stupor - dark brown hair covering a slightly pale forehead, hard features revealing a halo of wisdom.
This was the first time I had cared for a patient like this since I started medicine. The heavy workload, the agonizing cries, and the alternation between life and death that passes before my eyes like a game have made me numb to death.
The thin body still stood there, seemingly never tired of looking at the living dead lying on the hospital bed.
"I'll find a way to get you in to see him in a few days." I don't know why I said that to him as I was leaving the caretaker's room, but the sweet smile that presented itself on his face was shocking.
"Thank you!" That smile revealed a hint of a wail as slender fingers pressed against the huge glass window in front of himself.
I fled cowardly, like a terrified child.
The sound of panicked footsteps echoed in the silent corridors of the night, hollow and mournful.
(Middle)
Gossip is always pervasive, even within a hospital that saves lives.
The lurid tales about the mysterious patient are so horrifying that the hospital has to fend off daily distractions from the outside world, especially the media who flock to the hospital.
One is a British aristocrat and tycoon, Tustant Blair von der Rohe, while the other is a young, promising and well-known writer, Jude Young, and not only is their relationship ambiguous and sinister, but they are both involved in a case in which a police officer has taken a hostage and intentionally injured a man who then commits suicide. Each of these is enough to generate media hype, let alone when all the hype elements are combined.
If it weren't for Tustant's huge background, this case would never have ended up on the front pages of several major newspapers.
"What's going on?" Dodd approached me with a cup of coffee in hand, a friendly smile on his face at all times.
"Nothing!" I rubbed my furrowed brow as a way to chase away the fatigue and distraction, "How's that Jude Young?" I had wanted to come and inquire about him early on when I realized that the Chinese American was Jude Young and, very coincidentally, Dodd was his primary care physician.
"Huh? What? Our great and cold Dr. Sharon is starting to care about other doctors' patients?" There was a slight hint of sarcasm in his tone - which is why I was reluctant to question him.
"I'm just curious!" I rolled my eyes at him.
"He's okay! That cop was really mean too, he broke his ankle alive, and his body and face are all beat up in a horrible way." As he spoke, Dodd's sense of justice seemed to be awakened, his blue eyes dancing with red rage.
"That's right!" My mind flashed back to the daily walk on crutches, hobbling towards the caretaker's room, quietly observing Tustant's condition. No words, much less a response, day after day waiting for a miracle to happen.
"Sharon, are you all right?" There was that piercing look again, full of concern and a flicker of something different - something I had not once avoided.
"Ah, tell him for me, I'll arrange for him to meet Tustant tonight." I suddenly wanted to fulfill the promise I had made to Jan, to enable him to have a real look at the still sleeping Tustant.
"Good." Dodd grinned and caterwauled.
"I'll go first!" I drained my own cup of coffee in one gulp and put on my white coat and left the common room.
I made my cowardly escape once again, but the burning eyes behind me never moved as they followed my departing back until they disappeared at the end of the hallway.
***
Night fell, yet the hospital was lit up.
I was still on duty.
Walking slowly down the long corridor. It was a quiet night in the hospital, and the white lights were slightly dizzying.
It was the same familiar scene.
The white backs were like alabaster set in huge glass.
"Doctor!" The hoarse, slightly low voice was like a cello playing a pleasant chord, and the bruises on his face gradually faded, leaving only light pink red marks, but the only pair of eyes like deep pools were always hazy with a layer of shadows and couldn't really be seen.
I waved my hand at him, signaling him to follow me in.
"Come in!" I pushed open the wooden door to the special care room - the heavy door was like a galaxy blocking the meeting of the lovers - and whispered softly to him.
He was on crutches, taking one step at a time towards me.
The long arms seemed to be unable to support the strength of his whole body, and trembled slightly. Was it excitement or sadness? I waited in front of the hospital bed, looking at his lips trembling with excitement and the eyes that twinkled under the refraction of the dim interior light - eyes as bright as stars and as sparkling as water.
With difficulty he came to the head of the bed, his eyes always centering around the body in the hospital bed without leaving it.
"Can I touch him?" The look of supplication could not be denied.
"Well, yes. Be careful of the tubes on him though." I nodded, not forgetting the warning in passing.
Slender fingers trembled as they brushed up against Tustant's cheek, delicate fingertips gently wandering - a caress more than a worship.
There was a terrible silence all around, the only sound being the 'beeping' of the instruments.
Fingers stroked his jaw along his cheek, then up to his bright forehead, across his long, thin lashes, and gently caressing the still closed eyes. His fingers lingered here, as if he wanted to feel the other man's still-beating heart through his lowered eyelids, to peer into his still-sleeping soul.
"Why don't you wake up?" Murmured the chastisement, a bitter wail of grief flooding his muzzle. Fingers slid over the high bridge of the patient's nose, brushing against his bloodless lips.
"You promised me you wouldn't leave me alone ......" A hoarse voice choked but unable to make a sound, a whimper of pain that was heartbreaking, "Tustant ......" Murmuring his name, even if he couldn't hear it, even if he couldn't see it, even if he couldn't wake up.
"I told you that if you died, I would drag you even if I went to hell ......" He still mumbled.
The thin shoulders shivered like fallen leaves in the autumn wind.
"Don't leave me ...... Alone!" Yang he cried, it was a cry without sobbing, it was a cry without shouting, he just fell tears, yet it was more mournful than all crying. The tears, drop by drop, as translucent and clear as crystal, fell on Tustant's face and on the sheets in a beautiful halo of water - it was a pale beauty.
"Clang~" the cane rang out with a crisp tap as it crashed to the ground.
Young supported the bed with both hands and slowly approached Tustant.
"I ...... Love ...... You ......" Jan leaned down and his unusually white fingers brushed Tustant's lips again, wandering back and forth as he swooned and whispered a spell-like vow, "I have never loved you more than I do now." The emotion that tore at his heart was heartbreaking.
His bright red lips landed on the corner of the other's mouth.
"Wake up soon!" He pressed against Tustant's ear, "I won't let you sleep for long."
The heart felt like it was being cut by a knife.
The sadness that filled the air was suffocating, the pain that seeped into the marrow of his bones was dizzying, and the tears that melted into the sheets were too much to grasp - as was the unknown fate.
I don't know when we left the nursing room, all I know is that I helped Jude Young back to his regular room, but those crystal clear teardrops were embedded in the depths of my heart and could not be erased, and the tender kisses, the heartfelt whispers, and the tear-filled eyes were like a steel knife carving eternal wounds in my mind.
From that day on, I let Jan visit Tustant in the nursing room every night, and sometimes even during the day I agreed to let Jan stay there. Gradually, Jan spent far more time in the nursing room than he did in his own ward.
Every moment Jan sat on the stool in front of the bed, looking quietly into Tustant's face, sometimes even talking to himself to him. Almost everyone thought Jan had reached the point of obsession, but I was the only one who understood how bittersweet it was.
(Next)
I searched for a way to get Tustant to come to his senses, almost to the point of sleep, until I found new hope in the midst of despair over and over again.
It had been almost two months, and the weather was turning cooler, and before I knew it, it was late fall.
Jude Young's fractured ankle was basically fine, except for the cast that still bound him. As for the bruises on his face, the original refined and compact face is slightly emaciated, and the original white skin reveals a kind of morbid whiteness and lifelessness, but it makes him even more charming. Although it should not be described as a man, let alone a grown man, but that kind of Asian unique slender beauty always has a neutral aura, slightly over the shoulders of the black hair makes its owner like the wind like a spirit of the light and ethereal.
Through the window of the lounge looking out of the window of the autumn world, but the eyes have never been able to leave the white silhouette - that crutches in the world of falling leaves difficult to walk.
Young seldom moved about in the open air; his life was so completely taken up with Tustant that it seemed as if he were lingering in this lonely world for Tustant's sake.
"Sharon." Dodd called my name.
"What?" I shifted my eyes and looked at Dodd as I answered briefly.
"You've already done enough for that patient, do you want to lose your health?" There was a slight huff in his tone. He was angry, angry that I wasn't taking care of my health.
"I'm a doctor!" I never expected Dodd to stop me from saving one patient - no, rather I could save two.
"But look at yourself!" Dodd yelled, waving his fingers around, "Look at yourself now, how can you go on like this?!"
I ignored him. He never interfered in my affairs, not to mention that I wasn't doing anything wrong.
"Don't you realize that the person you're trying to save could be a homicidal maniac!" Dodd couldn't stand my ignorance any longer.
"Shut up!" I was completely enraged by him, "Even though he's a damned man, I still can't let him die at my hands. Whether he's guilty or not, that's a matter for the judge and the police." I was somewhat unable to control my emotions, and my eyes, bloodshot from anger, must have been terrifying. I had never been so this way with Dodd before.
"I'm sorry ......" After a moment of silence, Dodd seemed to come to his senses and he apologized to me in a low voice.
"I saved him, more for the sake of the one who lived!" I shook my head helplessly and accepted his apology, but I couldn't help but tell the real reason for saving him.
"Huh?" Dodd was confused. He followed my eyes to the window and he seemed to understand something.
"He loves him too much ......" I mumbled while looking out the window.
"What about me?!" Suddenly my body was hugged tightly from behind, the tightness made my chest tighten as hot palms pressed against my chest.
"What are you doing, Dodd?!" I tugged at the iron arms that held me like chains in an attempt to break his shackles, yet it was all in vain.
Dodd gripped my shoulders in his hands and made me face him. The heated gaze was blinding and I unconsciously dodged the dazzling burn.
"I love you! I've been hopelessly in love from the moment I saw you in medical school." The sudden confession was overwhelming, "If you can see through the fondness for Tustant in Jude Young's eyes, what about mine? Can't you see my attachment to you in my eyes?" Dodd, already swayed by his emotions, simply ignored my feelings to speak to himself.
"I've been by your side for the past few years in the hope that you'd look me square in the eye, but your eyes have always been evasive. Sharon, what are you so afraid of?" The fingers that gripped my shoulders tightly were as if they were trying to embed themselves into my torso, slightly flooding me with pain, "I know that you are aware of my feelings for you, and avoiding it without completely shattering my illusions about you, I simply don't know what the hell you expect me to do!" His voice was slightly choked, his lowered head leaning on my chest, his hands still gripping my shoulders tightly, as if he was afraid that I would disappear at any moment.
Yes, from medical school to this hospital now, Dodd has always been silently by my side, all the time, like my shadow. His eyes, his words all hinted at his extraordinary feelings for me, yet I had always avoided but could not completely cut myself off from him. I was like an executioner at the moment, lynching Dodd and torturing his soul with each slice.
I am so cruel.
"I'm sorry ......" I attempted to reach out and run my fingers through his thick brown curls, but stopped in mid-air. The cowardice inside me held me back, and blinded me at the same time. I was afraid, I was terrified.
"I ...... Disrespectful!" It seemed like a long, long time before Dodd looked up, his eyes red and swollen, but still flooding me with his usual gentle smile, as if none of what had just happened in the forest had ever happened.
"I'm going to work." He turned away from me and left the common room as he always did, and it was then that I noticed that even as he walked out of the common room and closed the wooden door behind him, he had a smile on his face - the smile that belonged to me. And it was only then that I realized - he had been expecting a response from me all along, even with every disappointment.
"Boom~" The white wooden door closed, but I could see that bitter smile through the thin door panel - that smile with tears in the corner of his eyes.
(Epilogue)
It was a late fall morning.
"Really!" I muttered.
Jude Young was sitting on a stool, but his upper body was sprawled out on the side of the bed, drifting off to sleep, yet his five fingers were intertwined tightly with Tustant's.
"Hey, you too, why did you fall asleep here again!" I shook my head helplessly, some faint reprimand in my tone. I don't know when it started, but Yang fell asleep every time he accompanied me, even though his back would ache in the morning, even though he would be severely reprimanded by me in the morning, but he did what he did.
"Sharon!" Jan and I were slowly getting acquainted as time went on, "I just want to spend more time with him!"
"Really, he's not going to wake up if you spend more time with him." I muttered silently, words I could never bear to say in front of Jan. Tustant was still asleep, sometimes to the point of giving up hope.
"Tustant, it's late fall. I wonder how the gardens of the villa are doing?" Jan cupped his senseless palm and pressed it gently against his cheek, "Are you still unable to open your eyes?" Those words instantly caused my heart to jerk, and chills began to spread throughout my body from the soles of my feet.
"But I can't hold it up any longer!" He stroked his other hand through the shreds of hair growing on his forehead, "You promised me you wouldn't leave me alone! You promised me ......" His voice was choked with emotion, and clear tears overflowed his eyes like a spring, running down the corners of his eyes and leaving streaks of tears on his cheeks.
"Yang ......" I called out to him.
"If you die, I'll drag you with me even if I go to hell!" Tears flowed more and more, as if he wanted to release all the pain he had suppressed inside, "If you die, I will ...... also" He didn't say the words that followed, but I was able to guess them perfectly.
Shoulders trembling helplessly, the sound of whimpering like a silver-white curved moon in the winter night sky - sad and cold.
"Beep, beep, beep~" Suddenly the beeping of the heart monitor became more and more urgent, as if a miracle was about to happen.
"Tustant ......" Jan noticed something moving, "Sharon, his, his ...... fingers are moving!" Excitement and ecstasy almost left the clouds of worry behind.
"Huh?!" I was surprised to find my otherwise senseless fingers twitching, faint but impossible to ignore.
Then everything seemed like a dream - a most wonderful and strange dream. The sound of panicked footsteps, the figures walking back and forth, the white images wavering in and out of view, all seemed like a dream until ......
"Yang ......" A weak but clear call.
Tustant Blair von Drow, who had been asleep for three whole months, finally awoke from his ecstasy.
"Sharon!" Jan flooded with smiles and waved his arms at me from a distance, then I ran towards him.
It had been a week since Tustant woke up. Tustant was doing very well, especially since he had hired the best recovery doctors and trainers from other big hospitals, so he was recovering very fast, and the most important thing was the patient's strong survival instincts and Jan's meticulous care, and by the way, I forgot to mention about Jan's condition, his leg was completely healed, and he didn't need crutches any more, but he just couldn't do any vigorous exercise or running for a while.
"How is it?" I asked Tustant, who was still in his wheelchair.
He didn't say anything, just smiled slightly, yet the only thing flickering in his cold green eyes was Jan.
"He's feeling good about it!" Yang replied in his place.
The cold autumn wind whistled, swirling the leaves on the ground **** together and fluttering in mid-air. Jan pushed Tustant through the garden, they always seemed to have endless things to say, and even in silence, a mutual smile was the most beautiful gift.
"Ah, yes. This is what Dr. Dodd asked me to give you." Jan pulled a white envelope out of her pocket and handed it to me.
"Him?" I choked for no reason as soon as I heard the name 'Dodd' and the heavy envelope was almost hot.
"It seems like it's been so long since I've seen him." I thought darkly. Ever since that incident he had always avoided me, rarely able to meet up even though they both belonged to the surgery, plus the chaotic and hectic week just after Tustant woke up had almost left me with no time to think about others, and had completely made me neglect Dodd.
"Dr. Dodd seems to be leaving town." Jan suddenly interjected as I looked at the letter.
I kneaded the letter paper in my hands, and within a few moments it had turned into a ball of paper.
"Not going to look for him?" Jan went on.
"What?" I looked at him confused.
"Stop torturing each other." Jan blurted out abruptly.
"I ......" Suddenly words ran out. What am I afraid of? Scared of growing up to be 29 and realizing I like a guy? Or am I afraid of how my family will view me?
Jan brushed past me, pushing Tustant. I looked away as they drifted away from me. The dead leaves dancing in the air, Yang's slender fingers interlocked with Tustant's palm, the harmonious and cozy picture that one can't bear to leave the sight.
I seemed to realize something.
Welcoming the fluttering leaves in the sky, I ran into the distance, my white coat fluttering in the wind. I was running, I was chasing the tail of happiness.
The words of Dodd's letter rang in my head, "I'll be leaving on the afternoon flight ......"
Wait for me!
-The full article is finished-