Anything can't be beaten to death, there are very happy flash marriages, love for many years of marriage, there are also daily quarrels of the chicken and dogs. About relationship problems, in addition to my want to break up with each other because of xx things, more often asked, is "how do I judge whether this person can join hands with me for life?" "How long is the right time to get married in a relationship?"
Each couple's mode of getting along is unique in the world, even if it is the same person, broke up with his ex, and then fell in love, met different people, the mode of getting along must be different, so there is no accurate number can guide us, how long to fall in love to get married is the most appropriate.
Love is the most complicated emotion in this world, and marriage is far more complicated than love. When you are in love, you are in love with me, you are in love with me, two people are happy, do not need to consider too many practical problems, but when you want to enter into a marriage with the person you love, you will find that both parents and even the seven aunts and uncles will be involved with this marriage.
1
The consultant Xiaoyun and her boyfriend Xiaofeng met in the city of Lijiang, where they also traveled alone, and the two of them went on a 15-day "pretend couple" trip together. Along the way, Xiaofeng pampered Xiaoyun, lonely men and women easily produced a love affair, but no one said anything.
When we parted ways, both of us felt reluctant to leave, so Xiaofeng returned to Beijing, quit his job, and went to Nanjing to see Xiaoyun again, hoping to renew our relationship. Xiaoyun has just graduated from university, and in the face of a man who is willing to give up his job for her and give up the city where he has lived for many years, she has no reason to refuse.
During that time, Xiaofeng and Xiaoyun were both in Nanjing, but because of Xiaofeng's unstable work, the two did not often meet, but through the network and telephone communication more, 1 month after Xiaofeng stabilized his work, he was in the 520 this special day, to Xiaoyun proposed.
When love is strong, everything can be ignored. So in the romantic environment and the crowd around the cheers, Xiaoyun agreed to his proposal, everything looks so romantic and beautiful, but the good times do not last long, half a year later, the two are divorced.
Xiaoyun told me about this relationship, from the initial excitement, to the middle of the disappointment, and then to the later despair and helplessness, I can still feel her full of confusion and overwhelmed through the screen. She said she regretted the impulse to marry a person who knew less than a few months, but also the fear of marriage, and now family and friends to introduce objects, she on the one hand, because of their own flash-marriages and flash-divorces feel inferior, on the one hand, but also afraid of walking into a failed marriage again.
2
"Love defense war" in a period of a guest has said, love is divided into four stages, the first stage is to understand each other, the second stage is to trust each other, the third stage of mutual help, the fourth stage is to trust each other. If you want to get into a marriage, you can't do without one of the four stages, or you'll be in deep trouble.
The first stage: Mutual understanding
When two strange souls come together, male handsome female beautiful, it is easy to produce love sparks, the first stage we are very easy to see each other's advantages, and because of the production of dopamine, we are many cases will consciously or unconsciously ignore the shortcomings of the other side, and even chose to avoid it.
If both people are very fast and hot, then after the next few weeks may give up the end of the self, but show the real self. Arguments can easily occur at this stage, and usually for adults, the 3-6 month dating period is the most likely to reveal all sorts of flaws and arguments.
If you really want to go on with each other, then be patient and grind it out. Two people from different families, with different generation environment, different educational background, etc., will certainly create different views on the same issue. But remember that the quarrel is not to fight out a high and low, but to see clearly the other side of the dispute when the attitude and solution.
After a period of time, you will find that the two people are much more harmonious, of course, if you find that neither of you are willing to let anyone, and then give each other a period of time, if you start to quarrel with each other, then I think you should seriously consider whether this person is suitable for you.
Some people say that marrying anyone is the same, there is no start will be suitable for two people, the second half of the sentence I agree, but the first half of the sentence, purely misleading.
Everyone has his or her own character, and we fall in love with anyone, not to change ourselves to cater to each other, nor to change anyone. The character is born, if you and the other person are very strong, who do not let anyone in the case, can only appear a mountain can not be two tigers, and ultimately the situation of the two losses.
Xiaoyun told me that they had a heated argument right after they got married, over where to rent the house and what price to pay for furniture and household items.
Married life is never about the romance of love, but about the little things that matter. The three views are not compatible.
A shopaholic who likes to buy and buy, and a Groucho who wants to save everything, are not destined to go together.
Shopping together can see each other's consumerism, watching movies together and talking about hot spots can see a person's values, talking about the present and envisioning the future, can see a person's outlook on life, these issues do not understand before, it is not called to understand each other, and can not go to the next stage smoothly.
The second stage: mutual trust
Some girls will be in love with each other qq, microblogging and bank card passwords are set to their own birthdays, to show that care is one aspect, more importantly, in order to facilitate the "checking".
Two people together, if even the most basic trust are not, that also lacks the marriage of the most solid foundation stone.
Although couples are the same boat people, but also can not do everything, are required to report. People are born as independent individuals, whether they are in love, or married, have to leave each other a little space, otherwise they will feel depressed can not breathe.
Love him, we have to trust him, if he has two hearts, never you check the phone can be solved.
Love each other, and do not over time to reduce the love for each other, rely on the mouth is not to say, not each other to see the tight, but even if you have already confirmed that they have a stable partner, still do not give up their internal and external enhancement.
Maintain their own charm, probably to seventy or eighty years old, dancing square dance when the other half are afraid of someone to look at you a few more eyes. Security is never given by the other party, but by themselves to win.
The third stage: help each other
Xiaoyun accused me of something that I personally experience more in this area.
A girl will always encounter such and such problems in her work, probably because of her gender, and will always cry when she encounters setbacks, or feel that her life is very difficult, but at this time, the new generation of women often need more than just you saying to her, "Big deal, no more, go home and I'll support you. Instead, we'll help her straighten things out and solve the essential problems.
Xiaoyun said, every time he talked to the other side of the work, will always be impatient reply, "I told you to go home to wash the clothes and cook, our local is like this, the man went out to make money, the woman's life center of gravity originally should be at home. You look at people in Japan balabala"
Some girls in love will be very eat this set, like macho, but after marriage, if the woman does not have an independent economic foundation, the follow-up is likely to appear a variety of marital problems.
Whether in the workplace, or life, when one side of the problem, we should do is to help him better growth. On the other hand, if the other party is mature enough and good enough, there will be many benefits for the collaboration of each other's lives on the road ahead.
The fourth stage: mutual trust
The last stage in love, trust in the word, including trust and dependence. Only by generating trust can there be a later sincere dependence.
Some people say, I want to find a can tolerate me, pamper me, but the marriage does not only take without giving.
Ask the other party to have advantages, they also have to have desirable features. The two people complement each other, it is excellent, otherwise the days are long, will only dislike each other.
There are all sorts of trivialities in marriage, from buying a house to buying a car, from laundry to cooking, each family has its own unique division of labor, but you can't rely on one party to do it all.
The big things are discussed and measured, who is good at small things, who do, love each other and willing to share all kinds of things in life, in order to make the marriage lasting, fresh.
As long as we are not celibate, we will eventually enter into marriage, whether it is sooner or later. Love is part of marriage, but never all. Although this society is becoming more and more open, and young people have their own ideas, but the marriage license, is not a piece of paper so simple, it means responsibility and obligation, it means that you have to hand in hand with a person for the rest of your life, and in the case of any problems do not leave each other, in this way, with you hand in hand for life of this person has become vital.
Most of the articles will say, may you marry love, but I have to say, may you marry love, but also be able to y understand the meaning of marriage, cherish the love, but also cherish the need for each other to tolerate, forbearance and care of marriage.