I am a girl, maybe a different girl. Undergraduate students who have been together for nearly five years like to describe it this way-a beautiful and kind girl. More specifically, she is a delicate and simple girl, broad and sensitive. As long as there is love in her heart, the world will be brilliant. I can raise flowers and plants at home, do handicrafts, and go out to shoot and climb mountains; I yearn for a simple life and hope to love others in this world as much as I can; I will be sad because of the indifference of my classmates, and I will be happy for a long time because of the smile of a stranger; You can have fun talking and laughing with your roommates, and you can also talk with your intimate friends whom you haven't seen for years for hours. Sometimes I suddenly feel that my life is a bit monotonous and empty, I feel sorry for my physical weakness, and I feel depressed because of the suffering in the world, terrorist incidents and human corruption. I don't know if such a girl will be liked by anyone, but I just want to say that this is my own growth and transformation after so many years.
Perhaps the Wenchuan earthquake in 2008 inspired my sympathy. Before that, I just studied and played in my world, confident and proud. I was only worried about my study and my relationship with my classmates. At noon that day, I woke up from a nap in Shanxi, confused and felt the vibration from Bashu. In the days after the senior high school entrance examination, the teacher will read a story from the earthquake in every Chinese class. From then on, I found myself very sensitive. Before the story came out, my emotions came up and my tears could not stop. Going to the bookstore on weekends, all kinds of composition materials are stories of suffering, and walking in the toilet feels like a rollover. I have an idealistic heart since I was a child, and I like to watch the ambition and tenderness in Just Boys and Girls, but it is actually empty to me. Until this incident, it brought me the most real and profound touch and influence. Since then, I have embarked on the road of spiritual struggle and growth. I began to think about whether there is pure friendship between girls. I envy the brotherhood between boys. Later in high school, I felt deeply lonely. For more than ten years, I always thought that everyone was just like me, so simple, so believing in truth, goodness and beauty, so respecting knowledge and people. But in a donation to a cancer teacher, my deskmate was unwilling to donate but doubted the truth of the matter, which surprised me. Later, I found myself more and more different. My aesthetic appreciation of music stayed in the early 1980s and 1990s of pop music, or I can still keep the works with pure beauty, but what my classmates around me appreciate is too melodramatic for me to understand. When girls watch idol dramas and coquetry each other, I watch all kinds of adventures on the science and education channel at home and beg my male deskmate to tell me something about news and politics. In history geography class, when everyone is writing science homework, I listen carefully and I will tell my family when I get home. High school is so lonely, I feel that the world has deceived me. It taught me to do this, but it's not like this at all.
When I was lonely, I tried to cross the college entrance examination and came to the university. For four years, I finally landed in the crowd from the lonely sky. After suffering from relatives (my sister is ill) and classmates (my roommate's incomprehension and my own immaturity), I accepted my mother's faith for more than ten years, and I am willing to accept the baptism of love in my faith. I learned to let go of my pride, get out of my narrowness, love the world, love the people around me, and understand their world. At the same time, I kept my initial heart and was no longer lonely.
In all these past, I have experienced so much, but the only thing I haven't met is my love. Such a sensitive heart must be very sensitive to children's feelings. Yes, I liked some boys silently at an ignorant age, and I also mistakenly thought that I met the only thrill in college (now it seems that it is actually just external attraction, and there is no spiritual connection), but I can only secretly love them, and I often feel sad.
Anyway, I'm glad that four years in college has changed me so much. Tears and laughter have passed, and I have ushered in a brand-new graduate life. On the first day of school, I was so excited that I wrote in my circle of friends: "On the first day of school, I was very excited. 1, reading is the best time, you can not forget your original intention, don't go with the flow, you can listen widely and emancipate your mind; Being single is the best time. You can love more people, focus on your inner self, and improve your self-cultivation without being distracted and melodramatic. Emancipating the mind is very important! Consciousness is very important! Emancipating the mind and seeking truth from facts, scientific workers should have such qualities. Thought and attitude determine the height of life! " I thought love would come naturally. I just need to do my own thing quietly. However, I met him, and he seemed to be similar to me. Since then, I have ushered in the study and growth of love. Although it is only a strong secret love, the suffering brought to me makes me love and hate, and I have to admire the growth brought to me.
The first time I met him, when I was in senior three, I saw him talking to my senior sister very intimately. I looked at his side face, bright eyes and big eyelids. My first reaction was like a playboy. I thought I would never like such a person. After that, I completely ignored him until the graduate school started. We may be alone in the lab, less than five meters apart, but I really don't remember anything. I met him downstairs, and when I entered the lab, I saw that he was the only one. He took the initiative to say hello to me, and I was stunned. Am I not a kind person? However, when I met him, my prejudice came again, subjectively treating him as a bad person, although I knew nothing about him except his name.
At the beginning of the new semester, many people told me that he was handsome, like Daniel Wu. I began to doubt my judgment, but what? I may pay a little attention to him, but I still live my life quietly. However, nature plays tricks on people. One day in class, the teacher called me and said that I was not familiar with the software and couldn't do it well. He asked me if I could help, and I readily agreed. I have always been helpful, but at that moment I thought to myself-I want to see what kind of person he is? So we started a real intersection.
From his WeChat, I found that he is a boy who likes music. After returning to the dormitory, I played his songs when I was in leg press. When he played songs, my roommate began to tease: "You should like literary boys, right?" My eyes wander. "If you don't talk, you like it." My eyes lit up and I said, "This kind of literary man just needs appreciation." In fact, at that moment, my brain was slow and my mouth was stupid. There was still a sentence that I didn't have time to say-"What should I do with love rat?" But I was really fascinated by his voice and had a good time that night.
After that, we began to communicate at work. We used to sit together and exchange the construction of the model. I looked at his big eyes with eyelashes and thought it was really beautiful. Then I dodged and bit my lip. He cutely took out two lollipops and gave me one, which made me feel like two children. I once called him eagerly after 10 in the evening and told him that I was depressed after a day of failure. He also called me back eagerly after I found a solution and listened to me share my gains; In the laboratory, I sat down and carefully drew a schematic diagram for him. Inadvertently looked up and saw him laughing, so I bowed my head shyly. After getting my advice, he patted me on the back and my heart tightened. Although I have always maintained the concept that men and women are not close, I understand that he is expressing his gratitude. After solving a problem, I patted his arm and said "Come on". This is the first time I have contacted a boy. I sat next to him and watched him draw seriously and think seriously. Maybe I have no time to think about other things at all, but I enjoy working hard with him. The day before the handover, there was another big problem. He stayed up all night and solved it. Big boys are cute when they work hard. He looked at me and smiled shyly. I said, "Hurry back to sleep"; The only time we went to dinner together, he told me some experiences of his undergraduate and graduate students, and told me that he had crossed the desert alone. At that time, he must have regarded me as a university tyrant who only loved learning. In fact, my world was very rich.
Once the business is over, I have no reason to communicate with him. After that, he took the initiative to chat with me, came up to me and asked me about my preparation for the exam. I will laugh off my big teeth and answer seriously. I have been hiding this feeling, and I don't know what will happen next. I often listen to his songs. Sounds good, but I always think he is a man with a story. It wasn't until one night that I couldn't help sharing this song with him that I realized that we had started a wonderful communication about artistic aesthetics, and at the same time, I began my complete infatuation and step by step degeneration. That song is called "Time is frivolous", which is similar to many of his songs, but not so sad. I asked him if he had heard of it. I don't know what to say next After a long time, he replied to me. I suddenly had a brainwave and realized that what attracted me most about this song was the opening piece of music. I asked what instrument it was. He told me in his voice, "this is the whistle of Ireland and the prelude to my eternal heart." I don't know how to describe it. You can search Irish thrush, it should be the feeling you want. "His voice was calm, and it was a relief after the sound of * * *. I was surprised and felt great. He said he had a flute and gave it to me if he liked it. I was shocked and quickly declined, hoping that he would keep it. My heart was so bright that night, just like a crisp whistle echoing in my heart. I think his heart is so clear. Later, he recommended a similar album, and I was hooked. Those songs make me feel like walking by the grass and streams. They are beautiful. I am eager to get to know him and go to Renren.com to see his past. I saw that in the four years when I didn't know him, his heart was pure. He was thinking about many problems, about art and being a man. He was very simple, and he also expressed his love view. He is a serious man. At that time, I thought I had found a treasure, shining like gold, which made my heart shine every minute.
One night, he said that he watched Titanic again and was deeply moved, and then he shared the music. Sorry to say that I haven't seen this classic. To tell the truth, I saw some foreign movies when I was an undergraduate, and I was scared by the large-scale content in them. I told my classmates that as long as there was a little bit of that kind of picture in it, it would seriously affect my viewing experience, so I rarely watched foreign films later. The next day, I couldn't wait to see the film. I am deeply shocked. I wish we were Jack and Ross. I told him that I had seen it. He said that he had been called Jack since junior high school. I said, "There aren't many Jack in the world. I believe you do." As a result, he said, "That's because I fell asleep in the first grade class and woke up with this name." I said, "Now I'm crying. I had to write down such words and share them with my circle of friends-"It's really the first time to watch Titanic. I didn't necessarily understand it before. After reading today, I believe in love. In fact, love is the duty of two soul mates. Belief in beauty and freedom allows two people to support and comfort each other without giving up on each other. What is mine? Heart? Will. Going? In fact, Jack left, but far or near, he was always there. When love transcends death, roses are no longer sad, but tears are beautiful. He has been with her, in her dreams, in her heart, in front of her door and on her children. "
I don't think he feels that way about me, but he has occupied my whole world. I really don't want to miss his singing skills in the heart of music art. I have never met such a literary boy. I will also restrain my warm feelings rationally, but every time I am calm, he will take the initiative to talk to me and share music with me. I listened carefully to what he shared and expressed my thoughts, but my real world was never open to him. Until one day, when sharing music, he asked me in surprise: "Haven't you read Miyazaki Hayao's cartoons?" I had to answer honestly: "I am too precocious. I was idolized when I was in primary school. My junior high school is basically stereotyped, and my high school relies on my classmates to instill popular things in me. " So his character likes to analyze problems. He analyzed whether I was precocious or not, and I don't know. Later, I said that I like Yu Dan's words-big woman's mind, little woman's interest. He actually said, "Is the latter difficult for you?" I always thought I had a little girl's interest, but he understood it differently, so I have to say that it may only be shown when I am in love. Then he said that it is better to be a little girl at ordinary times, and then recommended me to watch the Korean drama Romantic Room. I'm a little helpless. I said, "Let me tell you something about my world sometime." He showed great interest. We talked for a long time that night, and I thought the hazy veil between us was coming.
But when I am interested, I still can't help sharing it with him. I asked him what is the guiding significance of A Room Full of Romance? He analyzed and emphasized that a change is in line with social phenomena and involves such things as money status. I think he is very thoughtful; Seeing the folk songs he shared in his circle of friends, I eagerly told him that I like them, too, because no one around me would like such things; One day, I remembered a melody. I don't know the name, and I can't understand it if I ask my roommate. I have to ask him like a riddle He asked me to hum until I was satisfied, and finally he guessed right. In communication again and again, I want to open my heart, tell him my deeper thoughts and show the softest place in my heart, but he always talks about Kan Kan, which makes me feel sad again and again after saying the last sentence and waiting for a reply. At that time, I was in a state of zero IQ as others said, and so were people in love. The winter vacation is coming. I am relieved and can't wait to go home and escape from this period of time.
When I come back from school, I think I will start over and face him easily. I was relieved that he took the initiative to chat with me when we met. However, my feelings are always repeated. I don't know how to treat him. Sometimes I find his shortcomings and feel that I don't like him. Sometimes I just want to simply like him and wish him well. My contradictory heart is so tired. Until one day I read a passage in a book-"giving up is a kind of inner detachment, which makes people clearly aware of what is deep inside, makes people see things around them and learn to choose." Let go of those pressures, those desires, and all kinds of disappointments in your heart, and then you will find that real happiness is around you, and how much happiness you can let go. "That night, these words solved my distress. I know what I have to do is to let go of my desire and pressure and simply like him.
I haven't looked at him positively for a long time. Yesterday, he suddenly asked me about my study. I stood up and chatted with him. I looked at him, his eyes were so bright. I think I changed my attitude and liked him because I believe he has a pure heart. I can see it in his eyes at this moment. We chatted naturally. At that time, I felt that the way I looked at him was as pure as my sister admired my big brother. For the first time, I feel that my love for him can be so pure that I can no longer be gripped by the heart I want. In my eyes, sometimes he is an indifferent and ignorant big boy, but his smile when he communicates with me comforts me. Maybe my sincere smile can infect him. Once I was in pain and wanted to cry, but I couldn't squeeze my tears out. But after he left that day, I was moved to cry. I remembered a sentence-"carefully guarding a relationship, secret and great, loving eyes, so it should be", and I imagined the way I looked at him, so it should be.
Meeting you is a beautiful accident. This made me understand what it's like to love someone. I used to think that love in songs was empty and boring, but now I feel the same way when I listen to Rene Liu's songs. "It's a pity to miss the natural intersection. If I really decide to give my heart, can someone tell him not to make me sad? " This talented musician probably feels the same as me. Listen to "In My Singing", "Without any precautions or worries, you just appeared in my world, giving me a surprise that I couldn't help it, and you did it again, but I didn't know it, and quietly disappeared from my world, leaving only memories". It turns out that love is really like this, and others have already experienced it; Once there was an online song "I don't miss you because I am lonely", which filled my ears every day. I felt shy when I thought of the name, but when I went to the low tide part, I found it was a very literary song. "Meet in the sea of people, gather outside the reunion, wake up on the windowsill, wait for the moonlight to fall, don't be too sad, believe that fate is still there, let the clock slowly shake until the flowers bloom." These lyrics have the function of healing. I think, at the age of 22, I am still very immature. You made me grow up. After all this, I learned how to love someone simply. Thank you for appearing in my life. You enriched my world, guided me to appreciate the art of beauty, saw a wider world, and let me know that I am no longer lonely. The world has been playing the music of love. There is always a song that suits me, and there is always someone who understands my feelings. Thank you! I still have a year and a half left in my postgraduate career. I wonder what kind of story will happen. I hope my pure love for you will shine forever in this young day.
Finally, give this sentence to him who is waiting for me in the future, "I would rather be a boat. If you are the sea, let her drift in your heart."
Written on April 20 16, the story is not to be continued.