The first move:Be a person who will ask questions.
To have a good conversation, start by asking questions.
First of all, the author warns against asking direct questions as if you were interrogating a prisoner.
What kinds of questions make people feel interrogated?
Closed questions!
What are closed questions?
It's like doing multiple choice or short answer questions like how old are you, do you have a boyfriend, where do you work, how much money do you make in a month, have you bought a house, do you have a car etc.
After a few days, I finally know why I don't like to chat with nosy aunts when I go home on New Year's Eve, because they ask such closed questions, which can easily make people feel like they are being interrogated, and people's innate rebelliousness will raise the middle finger in their hearts:None of your business!
Guys, in addition to working on the square dance, you must also improve your own chatting skills, so that you know exactly how well the neighbor's girl is doing out there, and whether she is worse or worse than your own daughter.
So, when you ask questions, be open and honest. What is open?
It means that the person being asked can answer in a variety of ways, with some depth and thought.
A popular saying now is don't ask questions that Baidu can find the answer to.
For example, what was Cao Cao's grandfather's name? This is a question that Baidu can answer. Asking such a question will only make people feel that you are testing his knowledge of history.
This kind of thing, people have had enough of nine years of forced torture, where is the mood to go to the torture chamber again.
If you ask if Cao Cao is *** or loyal, it's open-ended. You take that question to a Beijing cab driver and you're guaranteed a hundred brilliant answers.
So, asking questions is a great technique for chatting. Professor, it is best to design questions based on each other's experience. For example, the opposite side of the girl just came back from Hokkaido, you can ask what is good to see in Hokkaido, how to go and so on. With a good conversation, the other person may invite you to her house to look at photos, you know.
Finally, the author suggests that no matter what you ask, you must act eager to get the answer. Also, don't ask condescending questions like, how have you been? Then the answer can only be, OK, not bad. And don't ask questions that are too broad. For example, what do you think about China at the moment?
This kind of question takes you a long time to think of an answer. Well, when people think about it for three seconds and realize that it's not easy to answer at all, they'll immediately give up on the copy and say goodbye to you.
So start with easy questions and don't ask too hard ones. When you meet a girl and immediately ask if you'll marry me. It's too hard. The people who call the helpline don't always give answers. It's much easier if you ask, would you like to have a cup of coffee together.
What's the most annoying question? It's asking someone with an answer, like:What a great day for shrimp, don't you think?
Book club is a good account, don't you think?
Go on, you think it's good and ask me? Wouldn't you be disgraced if I didn't? If I say yes, will I turn into an acoustic worm?
Trick #2:Sincere Compliments
Old Carnegie had seen the light:We are naturally inclined to sweet talk.
The author reiterates the importance of this point. According to the author's analysis, people have a habit of repeating encouraged behavior.
I'm sure parents feel the same way. If you go home and tell your mom that the braised fish was good today. Okay, you're going to eat at least four more pieces of braised fish over the next week.
So, is it bad that we can just compliment people when we talk?
The author is not as simple as chicken soup. He offers a one-of-a-kind trick of showing enthusiasm when the other person talks about positive energy and indifference when the other person talks about negative energy.
Over time, the other person will be encouraged and often talk to you about happy things.
This is important. There aren't one or two complaining parties around. The company is too tired, society is too lazy, friends are too dark, and prices have gone up again.
Do you know how to deal with that? When he talks about it, he should get less involved. Try not to get involved in the trolling, although trolling will bring a momentary ****ing chorus, but over time, it will definitely affect your enjoyable chats.
So, compliments are important. Here's a secret. Criticize politely. Be direct with compliments. By the way, if you are beautiful today, it is better than 10,000 Tang poems. Not as good as your 10,000 Li Bai. Okay!
Of course, the author has some secret tricks, otherwise the book wouldn't have sold worldwide.
For example, when you compliment someone, you have to add their name to make it seem like you're complimenting them specifically. For example, Ding Si Tian, you're so pretty today.
And some people, especially us Chinese, are very modest and always say, "Where is where?"
What should I do? The author suggests adding a question after the compliment. See, it's back to the first trick. Asking questions is a magic bullet.
For example, Tinseltine, you look beautiful today. Where did you find this Mongolian dress?
Well, people won't say where, but it certainly feels good to tell you where the skirt came from, thinking about sublimating your pure friendship.
Some parents might say that the other person is really scum, nothing to brag about.
The witty author expected you to say that. The author says that the world is not lacking in beauty, it is lacking in eyes to find beauty. As long as you look carefully, maybe in a different way, criticism can be turned into praise.
For example, if Ding Sitian criticized Hu Bayi for acting recklessly, he might say, "You're very brave, but can you stop being so impulsive in the future?"
To look at it from a different perspective, the sea is wide and the sky is empty.
Finally, the author offers a little secret to bragging, so that you don't make a fool of yourself, but are sincere. For example, always smile, be sincere, and don't use the other person's compliments about you to compliment others.
The author also offers a great tip for bragging that the person bragging doesn't have to do it in front of the person in question.
For example, you can brag about another coworker, B, with coworker A. When A tells B about it, you can imagine how quickly B's relationship with you will rise.
Praise this megaphone, must be thoroughly understood, it can play an unexpected effect.
The third trick:Learn to listen.
Listening is the other half of chatting, but many people forget. Talking actually starts with listening.
And to be able to listen, it is more important not to listen to what she said, but to listen to why the other person said so. That is to say, listen to the meaning of the words.
For example, Sun Quan once advised Cao Cao to become emperor. If Cao Cao had insisted on claiming that he wasn't the emperor, he might have been confused, but after all, Cao Zong was a veteran general. He didn't dwell on what Sun Quan said, but rather wondered why Sun Quan said it.
I think I get it, Sun Quan and he are enemies, rivals. If he wanted Cao Cao to be crowned emperor, it must have been Cao Cao's trick.
So Cao Cao doesn't give a damn about Sun Quan.
Of course, this is a dark history, and the author suggests that listening with concern for the other person's psychological feelings is more important than giving advice.
For example, if your girlfriend says she has a cold today, and you reply:Drink some boiled water.
Then you're screwed.
What to do? The standard answer is to go right back to her.
But sometimes I just can't do it. When you go on a business trip, those who fly right back to see their girlfriends are older women who make it up to fool the young people. Okay.
The author is a serious writer. He tells people that the way to show great concern without going back is to keep asking each other how they are feeling. Like if it's hot or dizzy. Lead the other person to express their feelings.
Do this and you won't get full marks, at least you passed. Because when people complain, they're usually not looking for an antidote. A child knows he has a cold and drinks plain water, but you need it. What people need is to say how they feel.
Tip #4, how do you chat out of thin air?
Parents have the feeling that they often have nothing to say.
Well, it's been said that old friends don't feel awkward when they don't talk.
Well, whoever said that must be a geek or a geeky writer with no friends in their life.
No, chatting, staring into each other's eyes, taking care of one day, can you take care of a lifetime?
So, chatting is still important, but sometimes, what if there's really nothing to chat about?
The author tells you:Find topics from details.
The other person is a specific person. What he wears and how he talks often contains many details. Starting from these details, you will soon find many topics to talk about.
Tip #5:Show yourself off and let others find things to talk about.
What if you really can't find anything to talk about? Tell me about yourself, expose some of my information, hobbies, address, views on certain things and so on. Being more specific would be even better. Because that's how we communicate.
But the author warns you not to brag, because no one wants to talk to a pretender!
Like smugness, it's an exhibitionist part of the pickup process. If you don't show it, how will I be embarrassed to compliment you on your beautiful feathers?
The sixth trick, how to flirt with a strange girl or a strange guy on the subway?
For the record, it's not this kind of flirting.
It's called harassment! You can go to jail for that!
It's picking up girls.
Also someone said:Handsome is called picking up girls, ugly is called harassment.
Actually it's not. It's what you want to do.
Well, what did you say about Liao and Mei in the author's book?
Answer:Start with a smile.
Smiling means you have a good feeling.
Secondly, don't start with a whiny topic.
This was a blood lesson for me. I was on a company trip one day and was talking to a coworker I didn't know (the company was a bit big). I said, what's fun there?
She gave me a blank stare:Then don't go.
Afterwards, I found out that she organized the event.
I had to read this book earlier. Maybe my kids are reading the five-year high school exams and three-year simulations now.
So, smile for a moment and then talk about what's going on around you on the positive side. It's just so easy to pick up girls!
Knowing this trick, mom no longer needs to worry about raising socialist successors.
Well, you just don't want to leave after you connect. You must want to know more. What do I do?
The author has prepared a tutorial:How to start dating.
The seventh trick:How to date a girl?
The author's advice is, don't start dating at once, start small and invite each other to a high-end western restaurant. How about inviting each other to eat six dollars of spicy hot. Because going to a Western restaurant is so stressful, people will think about whether they want to put on makeup and what to wear, whereas a roadside stall of spicy hot is much easier.
Secondly, don't put too much thought into the date, and don't think that going out to dinner and a movie is just a way to sublimate into the fitting room. It has to be a date. Talk about a date.
How about watching a movie together? This recent movie was good. How about watching a movie together? I think we can be good friends in the future. It would be much better.
Of course, sending a date may be rejected. The writer tells you not to be discouraged. Not this time, but next time. Because the other person's rejection may just allow you to initiate another invitation.
Tip #8:What to do if you are criticized?
The author believes there is only one way:Don't make excuses. Because when the other person criticizes you, it is not your excuse.
The boss reprimands you. What happened? Here's the thing. And then he doesn't even want to ask you what's wrong.
And excuses only lead to more criticism, so if the criticism is right, then take it honestly.
But how do you accept it sincerely? Apologize and say I was wrong, okay?
You can't, because that will just make it look like you're trying to muddle through. The proper response is to ask for the specifics of the accusation.
Don't just feel aggrieved, make sure you ask for details of the other person's criticism.
This will actually help the other person's emotions to be released. Because the other person's criticism doesn't mean getting anything, it's just a release of resentment.