Collection of scary jokes. The most scary words from the underworld.
The most scary words from the underworld.
1. I’m just playing with you. I’ll tell you what you want. , if you plant a flag in Wan Chai, I will pull it out and throw it back.
2. Work hard and subdue the dragon. Rain or shine, you will eventually gain wealth.
3. Go astray, blind. Who can you talk to about the pain in your heart?
4. Crazy pursuit of wealth. The killings in the rivers and lakes are unbearable to watch.
5. I, Chen Haonan, have been around for so long because of three things: ruthlessness, loyalty, and many brothers! Don’t you want to go out?
6. Brother Song has Song The eldest brother’s brother, Huaqiang has Huaqiang’s friends, and those friends of mine also rely on me for food
7. When money is used up, friendship is not used up. So when others save money, I save friendship. No matter how much money you save, it is nothing but a mountain of gold and silver, and when you use your friendship, it is like heaven and earth!
8. No matter how much money you save, it is nothing more than a mountain of gold and silver, but when you use it, your friendship is like heaven and earth.
9. If you don’t use the opportunity given to you, kneel down and call me Master Sheng, and I will let your brothers go.
10. People need two things to live in the world, courage and wisdom. I made it through with just two hands and a lot of courage.
11. This is a fucking world where the jungle prevails. If you are ruthless, fine, I will listen to you, but if you are not ruthless like me, then get out of here. This is the truth.
12. When others hit the south wall, they choose to turn back, but I, Liu Huaqiang, choose to tear down the wall!
13. A hero is not afraid of low birth, Guan Jian must have one Good brain.
14. Spending one penny will get the effect of ten pence, this is the person who is good at spending money.
15. Everyone has a bottom line. Once someone crosses this bottom line, anything can be done.
16. If you beg me, maybe I will let your whole family go.
17. Men become bad when they are rich, and women become rich when they become bad.
18. In my world, I am the rule.
19. The journey of the world is a bet. Once a bet is placed, it cannot be decided.
20. If you take the wrong path, you can never look back. Brothers are for life...
21. True brothers are not spoken with words, but written with sweat, tears, and words. When brothers are in trouble, you must try your best to help!
p>22. Life is miserable when you are born, with no one to take care of you. In order to find a way to survive, he set foot on the rivers and lakes.
23. When people start not to be afraid of something scary, that is the beginning of defeating it.
24. People in the world cannot help themselves. Although he is very rich, he is also very helpless.
25. What are you afraid of? I am a very easy-going person. Brothers, throw him down. Jokes about Chinese characters
Other characters
A salesperson in a store wrote the words "Now sold separately" on the blackboard.
A customer next to me said: "Comrade, the word 'zero' in retail, you wrote it with a different character."
The salesperson glared at the customer and said: "Come on, the word 'zero' is There's also a standing sword!"
They have the same pronunciation but different meanings, so let's have some fun together!
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A certain love I made a typo and always wrote "break" as "drink".
In one of his diaries, he wrote, “The squad leader ordered us to carry the manure, and everyone worked very hard, and no one dared to drink.
Later, we were really tired, so we secretly drank behind the monitor's back."
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In a busy market, a fish seller shouted: "Fresh fish!" At this time, a bubble gum seller shouted: "Paotang! (Soup) After hearing this, the fish seller said to the candy seller: "Hey, why did you say that my fish was ruined?" They became more and more noisy. At this moment, a bean sprout seller shouted again: " Bean sprouts! (Doo!)" A security guard came over and asked: "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that a fruit seller shouted: "You fruit! (There is me)" The security guard listened. Later he said: "Okay, let's take the four of you away together
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One day, a rich man wanted to buy a car, but he was hesitant because the car dealer did not have an auspicious license plate number. The owner of the car dealership came over and said with a smile: "This license plate is good 00544 (let me try it). I guarantee that no one will dare to mess with it. It's not bad!"
The rich man was moved and bought the car immediately, but there was a car accident the next day. The rich man got out of the car angrily, thinking that you dared to hit this car, but when he got out of the car, he immediately became dejected. After leaving, it turned out that the other party’s license plate was 44944 (just try it).
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Exam results
In the middle school class, the teacher of the socialist economic theory course (hereinafter referred to as social economics) was angrily announcing the test results: Everyone did very poorly in the social economics test this time. It is obvious that you did not spend your energy on In terms of social economics, actually social economics is a very simple course. If you work hard, you will get results. . . . . The results were announced below: Yang Wei, failed in social economics. . . . .
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Learn English
Xiao Ming likes to learn English and is looking for opportunities to speak English day and night.
On this day, he accidentally bumped into a foreigner while walking. He said embarrassedly: "I am sorry."
"I am sorry, too." The foreigner replied.
"I am sorry three." Xiao Ming replied immediately.
"What are you sorry for?" the foreigner asked.
"I am sorry five..." Xiao Ming said.
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Eat standing up
A foreign girl married to China. During breakfast, she was told that she couldn’t eat fried dough sticks: “You eat it with dip.
"
She stood up immediately and was told again, "You eat it with dipping!"
She was confused and said aggrievedly: "Let me eat standing up. I have already stood up. Where should I stand?" ”
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Meet the chicken And Zuo
Once upon a time, there was a landowner who loved chickens. A tenant rented his land and had to pay the rent alone. He had to give him a chicken first.
Yes A tenant named Zhang San went to pay rent to the landlord at the end of the year and share the land for the second year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag. After paying the rent, he told the landlord about the land for the second year. When the landlord saw that his hands were empty, he raised his eyes to the sky and said, "There are no three types of Zhang San in this field." Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag.
When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, give it to someone else."
Zhang San said, "Your words become so fast!"
The landlord replied: "That sentence just now was 'nonsense', but now this sentence was made based on the opportunity."
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My ears are here
The newly appointed county magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wants to cheat, he He said to the master: "Go and buy me two bamboo poles."
The master misunderstood the Shandong accent of "bamboo pole" as "pork liver", so he quickly agreed and hurried to the butcher shop. Go and say to the shopkeeper: "The new county magistrate wants to buy two pig livers. You are a sensible person and you should know what you are doing!"
The shopkeeper is a smart man. He understood it as soon as he heard it and cut it immediately. Two pig livers and a pair of pig ears as a gift.
After leaving the butcher shop, the master thought to himself: "My master asked me to buy pig livers. Of course these pig ears are mine..." So he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them into his pocket. Returning to the county office, he reported to the county magistrate: "Reporting to the magistrate, I have bought pork liver!"
The magistrate saw that what the magistrate bought back was pork liver. , said angrily: "Where are your ears!" When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied: "The ears... the ears... are here... in my... my pocket!" About hilarious jokes
Collection of hilarious jokes
1. ""I want to check out"
"Why?"
The passenger said: " Because I saw that the rain outside the window had stopped, but it was still raining inside the room."
"
2. A female colleague asked me on SKYpE: Are there any buns?
I said: Oh, no, but I have biscuits here, why don’t you take them first?
Female colleague: Forget it, I’m not used to it.
I said: How to use bread? Do you have to knead it before eating?
She said: Do you understand, the bread is a sanitary napkin?
I asked again: What about biscuits?
She said: Biscuits are just pads.
I was so dizzy at the time, I said: I wanted to take my 3+2 to eat with you, but when you said that, I lost my appetite.
3. Mrs. Laurent, who did not understand French but was very concerned about her face, was dining in a restaurant in Paris. She took the menu from the waiter, looked at it pretendingly for a while, and then ordered the last few items on the menu with dignity. An expensive dish.
Half an hour passed and the food had not been served yet. Mrs. Loren called the boss angrily. Fortunately, the boss could speak English. He smiled and asked: Madam, didn't the band play the songs you ordered just now?
Mrs. Laurent was immediately dumbfounded.
4. A duke ordered the chef to kill a white crane to entertain the guests.
After the chef roasted the white crane, he stole a leg and gave it to his friend.
When the roasted crane was brought to the banquet, the Duke asked: Why is that leg missing?
The cook replied: The white crane has only one leg.
The next day, the Duke went on an outing with a group of followers, including the cook.
When I walked to a place, I saw a group of white cranes perched by the water, all standing on one leg. The cook said to the Duke: My lord, you see, what I said yesterday was the truth, right?
The Duke did not answer him, but shouted loudly to the cranes. The cranes were frightened, and they all stretched out their legs and ran away.
The Duke said to the cook: Look! You liar, how many legs does a crane have?
......
5. According to medical journal reports, kissing is harmful to health.
You are right. The night before yesterday, I kissed the pastor's daughter, and he caught me and gave me a nasty beating. I still can't straighten up until now.
6. Judge: You still want to deny it. So many witnesses said they saw you stealing melons in the fields that night. Suspect: Sir, this is unfair! They are all nonsense. There was no moonlight that night, and the ground was pitch black. There was no way those people could see me. Judge: If that is the case, they are talking nonsense.
7. A certain unit conducted a military exercise, and everything went according to plan, but there was a problem with the artillery, and a cannonball was deflected. The army immediately sent troops to investigate. The situation was discovered in a vegetable field. I saw a person lying next to the vegetable field and said, "The police are so powerful now. I took two cabbages and blasted them with artillery fire"
8. On the wall of a chemical factory in Italy were written the words "Strictly prohibit fireworks". . Ute comes here for a walk every day. His behavior attracted the attention of factory guards.
Guard: You walk around the factory every day. Do you have any bad intentions
?
Ute: Oh! Absolutely not, I'm here to quit smoking. My wife said to me, ‘You either want the cigarette or you want me, choose one of the two’. So I had to come here every day to see and walk around until I quit smoking.
9. Once upon a time, there was a fool who loaded black beans into his cart and went to the capital to sell them.
When he got to the water's edge, the car overturned and the black beans fell into the water. The man went home and called someone to fish out the beans.
After leaving, the people at the waterside took away all the black beans. When the man came back, there were only many tadpoles swimming in the river.
He thought they were black beans and wanted to fish them out in the water. The tadpoles fled away when he saw people. The man lamented for a long time and said: "Wudou! You don't recognize me, and you run away when you see me. You probably grew a tail for a while, and you are afraid that I don't recognize you!" A college classmate is Korean, majoring in Japanese. , I can’t finish writing every exam.
Because every time she had to translate Japanese into Korean on paper, then translate Korean into Japanese and write it back on the paper.
Sister, can’t you answer directly in Japanese? !
10. The performance was going on in the theater. Mary stood up, squeezed out through the gap between the two rows, and walked into the lounge. When she came back 10 minutes later, she lowered her head and said to the first audience member sitting in this row: Hey, did I just step on your foot?
Yes, it’s okay, it doesn’t hurt anymore.
No, that's not what I meant. I just wanted to confirm that I was sitting in this row.
11. After the passion, the man tenderly stroked the cheek of the woman nestled in his arms and asked softly: Can you tell me frankly, am I your first man?
The woman caressed the man's strong chest with her hand and replied softly: Of course you are! Why do you ask? It’s just that I really don’t understand why you men all like to ask this same stupid question?
12. Two Scottish immigrants arriving in New York spent the night in a hotel. They were very annoyed by the mosquitoes all night, and one of them said: Sandy, cover your head with the quilt so the mosquitoes can't bite us.
After a while, he stretched out his head to breathe fresh air. Then he saw fireflies that he had never seen before, so she shouted: "Oh God, it's no use covering your head. Mosquitoes are looking for us with lanterns."
13. One day, Mrs. Collett went out on business. She locked the door and pinned a note to the milkman on the door: No one is home, don't leave anything!
When she came home at night, she found that the door had been opened and her home had been robbed. On the note she left, there was this additional sentence: Thank you, we didn’t leave much behind!
14. Carl worked in the largest brewery. One day, he accidentally fell into a large basin containing 50,000 liters of beer.
Someone told Ada about this unfortunate incident.
Ada said: It’s terrible. I heard it can drown people very quickly.
Soon? No! He came out and peed three times.
15. A cruise ship is sinking.
A asked B: "The boat is sinking, how can you still think about eating bread?"
B replied: "My doctor told me not to drink water on an empty stomach."
16. Jim once took a bath in the river, and all the clothes on the bank were taken away by others. He had to endure the ridicule of his acquaintances, covered his body and ran home.
The next day, Jim went to the river to bathe again. This time, he jumped in with his clothes on and swam in the water. A friend passing by on the shore asked him: Jim, you are swimming with your clothes on, what will you do when you go back? Jim replied: Hi! Wet clothes are better than no clothes at all.
17. A certain man was playing mahjong with others, and the playing style was extremely popular. He kept winning tiles, and the other three companies lost money one after another, and he was very high-spirited.
Occasionally, the lower body becomes deflated and the stench overflows. The loser at the same table is in a bad mood and has nowhere to vent, so he yells at whoever is responsible for the bullshit! All kinds of bad words, curses, and constant criticisms. A certain gentleman was winning money and was in a very good mood, so he had a big belly and was laughing freely. Not long after, the game turned around, and the three losers turned into winners. A certain man lost consecutively. He was very upset. He was so angry because he thought about being scolded just now. He couldn't bear it anymore, so he slapped his hands on the card table and shouted: This is what happened just now. The fart was made by me, what are you doing?
18. Today I was at the entrance of the supermarket and saw a delivery man who had just started his motorcycle.
In less than 3 seconds, there was a "bang" and the other person and the car fell to the ground.
He climbed up silently, took out the key and unlocked the front wheel of the car.
19. There are two fat people in the office, a man and a woman. They quarrel every day and both call each other fat. One day everyone wanted to go swimming, and the fat girl said to the fat boy, "Don't go there. If you jump in, the water in the swimming pool will be overflowed by you." The fat man replied calmly: You can't even jump, and you will get stuck in the swimming pool as soon as you jump. The collective laughs!
20. John: "Your father is like a miser. Look, he is a shoemaker, and you still wear such worn shoes.
”
Tom: “What about your father?” He is a famous dentist, but your little brother only has one tooth! ”
21. This is what a school girl told me. He said that his family all likes pizza. There happens to be a pizza shop in Taipei that advertises that you can order pizza by phone within thirty minutes. If it is delivered to your home within 30 minutes, you will receive a 100-yuan discount coupon. The schoolgirl’s family likes pizza very much, so the manager calls for pizza. Every time the pizza delivery arrives, the waiter at that pizza shop says: "Miss, I will be there in twelve minutes, and this is your pizza" or "Miss, I will be there in eighteen minutes, and this is your pizza" or "Miss, I will be there in fifteen minutes, and this is your pizza". "How about it, I didn't have more than thirty minutes."
Another time, a school girl ordered a pizza, and there was a knock on the door twelve minutes later, "Miss, I will be there in twelve minutes, but I forgot to bring Pizza
......
22. The peasant woman Cuihua was going to the city, and her husband said to her: People in the city are very clever! If you encounter something, kill it first for half the price. After Cuihua went into town, the waiter said: 1,000! Then 800! The waiter said: 400! He said: 200! The waiter said: Do you want me to give you the whole set? Cuihua said: Do you think I am stupid?
23. There is a guest in the house. The host was really bored without saying anything about leaving.
One day, the host deliberately led the guest to a tree outside the gate, pointed to the bird on the tree and said to the guest: "How many more days will you stay?" Well, let me sharpen my ax and chop down the tree, burn the bird and treat it to you.
The guest said hesitantly: "I'm afraid not, I'll wait until the tree is chopped down." , didn’t the bird fly away already?
The owner smiled and said: Don’t worry, I have already seen it, this is a stupid bird, it will not stay even if the tree falls.
24. "A fly flew into the pot when a woman was cooking at home. The woman quickly caught the fly, took a few bites on the fly's legs, and then felt proud. Said: "Fuck! The price of oil has increased, we must not let you waste a drop of oil!""
25. Singles' Day has just ended, and the two bachelors sat together and chatted again.
Bachelor A said: "What kind of woman will you marry in the future? "
Bachelor B said: "Of course she is the woman who loves me the most. "
Bachelor A said: "That's true."
Bachelor B said: "It's a pity that the woman who loves me most in the world has been married by my father." ”
26. The Japanese said that we advocate martial arts and are not afraid of sacrifice. I dare to put an apple on my head for you to test your marksmanship.
The Japanese then put an apple on their head. The American turned around and took 20 steps, then turned around and shot the apple. He said proudly; iamHunter (Hunter)
The Japanese put another apple. The man turned around and walked 50 steps, then shot him and the apple exploded. He said proudly; iamBoon (Bond)
The Japanese turned around and walked away 3. Take a step, then turn around and shoot, don't blow your head, he said proudly; iamsorry.
27. Two fools wanted to open a shoe store, and someone told them that the best leather shoes are from crocodiles. So the two fools went to the river to catch about 50 crocodiles. One of the fools said: "Catch another one. If it still has no shoes, forget it." The two sailors returned from the voyage and invited them to the town. Drinking. After the two of them were drunk, they came out drunk. Suddenly they saw Xiao Ming walking slowly with a donkey, so the two sailors decided to make fun of him.
Hey, kid.
One of the sailors said to Xiao Ming, why did your brother have a rope around his neck when he was walking with you?
In order not to let it become a sailor! Xiao Ming replied immediately.
28. Benbenzhu: Rascal Rabbit, why do you wear glasses when you sleep?
Rascal Rabbit: My eyesight is not good, and I am worried that I cannot see clearly while dreaming.
29. A: I remember you once said that you can't stand her staying with other men, right? And now, that man over there is flirting with her, but why are you just watching here?
B: I am waiting for the opportunity.
A: What’s there to wait for?
B: When a man who is smaller than me is with her, you see, I will not express this bad breath properly.
30. One day, I went to the countryside and met the child (three and a half years old) of the director of a health center. I asked him: Rotten winter melon, are you in middle school this year? He said:? Column, here, choose! ? After a while, he walked up to me mysteriously. Uncle, let me tell you, last semester that '1' was standing, but this semester is strange, the '1' that the teacher taught us fell asleep again!
31. After midnight, John stumbled drunkenly out of the disco. After walking a few steps, he stopped and started banging on a lamppost. A patrolling police car stopped, and a policeman who smelled of alcohol got out and asked: "What are you doing there?"
The drunk man said: "I've been knocking on the door for half an hour. , but no one opened the door for me."
The policeman looked up and said, "Your wife must be at home, the light is still on!"
One time everyone. We were having dinner together. One of the guys was a little drunk, but he seemed sober, so everyone ignored him.
When the dinner was over, these guys suddenly rushed to the middle of the road, reached out and stopped a patrolling 110 police car, then opened the door and rushed inside.
Said loudly to the police: "I know your car costs one yuan per kilometer, (at that time the taxi pricing in Qingdao was one yuan per kilometer), but you don't need to write it in such big words for me to see. What do you think?" I am short-sighted..."
33. The head coaches of the football teams of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup championship.
God said: "South Korea needs 50 years." The Korean coach burst into tears: "I will never see you again."
God said again: "Japan needs 100 years." Japan The coach cried loudly: "I can't see it anymore."
The Chinese coach quickly asked: "Where are we?" God cried loudly: "I can't see it anymore."
34. Once upon a time, there was a landowner who had nothing to do and often made things difficult for others to show his ability. One day, wearing glasses, a long gown, and an umbrella, he went out to enjoy the mountains and rivers, and was seen by a farmer who was plowing the land. The farmer scolded the cow fiercely: "The plague cow is wandering around and not walking on the right path. You are blind!" He said it with a whip.
After hearing this, the landlord felt more and more uncomfortable; wasn’t he obviously scolding me? He stood at the edge of the field and refused to leave, wanting to scold him severely when the farmer came back from plowing.
Hi! Hi! Farmers came with their cattle. When they were approaching the end of the field, the farmer suddenly let go of the plow in his hand, then he tightened the cow rope with one hand, grabbed a ball of mud with the other, and stuffed it into the cow's buttocks. The landlord was about to get angry with his eyes widened, but he couldn't help but laugh when he saw the farmer's unexpected behavior. He asked the farmer: Hey, what are you doing? The farmer replied: I figured it would fart later, so I had to smother it first!
......
35. A thief squatted on the roadside to steal a car and pick the lock. When he was very busy, my brother appeared and asked: Is it easy to drive?
Thief: No, the key is broken inside.
Me: Do you want help?
Thief: Thank you, no need.
After continuing to watch for a long time, the broken key came out and it still didn’t open after a long time of tinkering. So I went up to him and handed him a key to try this.
After inserting and twisting it, the thief kept thanking me and was pushing the car away. He didn’t even realize that I was the owner of the car.
Small waist, full of unique skills
Small body, no end,
Ass, more to come. "
37. In a class, Yuan Fang fell asleep on the table. The teacher woke up Yuan Fang and asked, "You are my right-hand man, why are you sleeping in my class too?" Yuan Fang replied. : Sir, Yuanfang is a grassroots man and needs to rest.
38. Mother’s Day night. Mom was worrying about a large bowl in the kitchen.
Mary walked in and said: "Mom, today is Mother's Day. Stop washing the dishes and take a rest..." After hearing this, her mother was very moved.
But Mary then said: "Save it until tomorrow and wash it."
39. "Two weeks ago, I fried chicken and asked my husband to buy tomatoes from the store as a side dish. . A woman cried to the police officer on duty, “But now he hasn’t come back, what should I do? "
"What do you think we should do? "The policeman said, "We have to use potatoes as side dishes! ””