What to do when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have different views on bringing up children
Children are the core of every family, and the healthy growth of a child cannot be separated from the efforts of every family member to accompany them. It is very normal that the concept of educating children is different between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, because it is simply a process of peeling off layers of skin to rely on the mom alone to hold up the vast project of childcare. We can understand the plight of moms, but while we are constantly complaining and upset with our in-laws, parents, and husbands, we tend to overlook one thing that is more important than bringing up our children according to whose parenting style they are being raised in, and that is, the best education that we can give to our children is a cozy, secure home environment. We have seen too many children who are under pressure to improve the family atmosphere, to please others, to comply with others as their own way of survival, the kind of restlessness and anxiety in their hearts, most of them come from the shadows brought by the family in his childhood.
Only in a harmonious family environment can a child feel more secure and confident. And can give the child to establish such an environment is no one else, is the little guy most rely on, the most trust of the mother. We often say that a mom is the barometer of the family. If we want to have a lively and cheerful baby, the first thing we need to resolve is the parenting conflict between family members. Daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law each try to give what they believe is the best care to their children, while steadfastly believing that what they do is best. The differences in perceptions are reflected in every aspect of eating, living, learning, and living.
In some families, children are thought to be larger than life, so the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law magnify their own anxiety over the smallest things when it comes to educating their children. Any thought of changing the old man or remodeling the husband is unrealistic. There are no two people in the world who bring up children exactly the same way, and a mom's parenting style is not necessarily completely superior to that of an elderly person. The only criterion for judging parenting styles is whether or not they are suitable for your own children, and there is no absolute right or wrong. In fact, for the child, the difference between mom and grandma's parenting style is not what you and I live and die in opposition to each other contradictions, from grandma to learn from caution and safety, from mom to learn from the courage and exploration, the child is beneficial.
As a daughter-in-law, one, to correct their own mentality, to respect the mother-in-law, respect elders, after all, the mother-in-law sacrificed their own leisure old age, every day to take care of the child's living life, the old man's body is a big challenge, the mother-in-law to help bring up the child is a love affair.
Second, the discipline of the child, do not in the face of the mother-in-law, this is easy for the child to find support, is not conducive to the development of children's habits.
Third, mothers have to think clearly, whether they want to take the child's right to education or want the child to be able to receive education and healthy growth.
Fourth, the daughter-in-law should learn to accept the different views of the mother-in-law, acceptance does not require that you must recognize, but a kind of acceptance of the attitude of accommodation. The first to do acceptance, and then to take the essence, remove the dross. For a concept you do not agree with, the only way to accommodate this difference, you can really do with the different.
Remember, mind over skill.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law with children how to get along
1. frank and open
In fact, the initial live together, but also inevitably also some small conflicts, after all, living habits are very different. The girl also complained a little, such as things do not put back to the original place ah, to the ground to cut nails did not clean ah, always kiss the child ah, etc. But the girl also said she saw a lot of things, but the girl also said she did not know how to do. But my best friend said she would remind her mother-in-law when she saw it, telling her, "Mom, put things back where they belong, so you can clean up the house a little easier during the day." "Don't kiss the child on the mouth, the child is still too young, it is easy to get sick." On such and such, in fact, think it is very normal ah, after all, to live together for many years of people, always also tucked away more likely to accumulate contradictions.
2. filial piety mother-in-law
In addition to the money given to buy food every month, will give the mother-in-law 1,000 pocket money, although the couple earned not much. Every year festivals will also give the in-laws to buy some new clothes, holidays are their own to take care of the child, so that the mother-in-law rest, every year will arrange for the in-laws back to their hometowns once.
And girlfriends have always told us, don't feel that in-laws to help bring up the child is a natural thing, the child is their own, the elderly help should be grateful.
3. Find fun for your mother-in-law
In fact, at the beginning of the in-laws from the old home to come over is quite uncomfortable, all of a sudden to leave the place where they have lived for so many years, like which netizen's grandmother, uprooted from his home to leave years of old friends, the feeling of loneliness, who can understand.
But the girlfriends deftly insight into all this, to encourage the mother-in-law to follow the neighborhood dance team square dance, the beginning of the mother-in-law is also refused. But she went home every day to eat a good meal will drag her mother-in-law out with her, said to take the child for a walk, in fact, is to go together to see the square dance ha ha ha, slowly the old man on the mixing of familiar, every day happy, to the grandson on the kindergarten elementary school, the old lady time is more and more, every day at the point to go to the dance, every day, happy, life's not too fulfilling ha ha ha.
Mother-in-law with children is to help the daughter-in-law
In theory, the mother-in-law is to help the son and daughter-in-law with
The child is not a person's, is the husband and wife of the two, the family is not run by a person, but need to be husband and wife of two people **** with the maintenance. If all the household chores in the family with child care total score is 10 points, husband and wife in addition to going to work at home to do nothing, are zero points, all the mother-in-law with the child, then the mother-in-law is the family's 10 points all on their own, that is, the mother-in-law to help couples, couples have to thank the mother-in-law.
If the mother-in-law to do 6 points, the wife on the shift, go home and do 4 points, that is to say, the wife has put their own half of the share done, the mother-in-law is mainly to help is the husband to help his wife just a little bit, the son should be thanked for the mother-in-law to help their own 5 points, the wife only need to thank the mother-in-law to help themselves to do 1 point. But in reality, the mother-in-law to do 6 points, the wife to do 4 points, we tend to comment: daughter-in-law should thank the mother-in-law, the mother-in-law to help her daughter-in-law to take most of the labor. This is how big a misunderstanding ah, clearly owes the mother-in-law a huge favor is the husband, and should not be arbitrarily counted in the wife's head, not to mention the crown, is to help the daughter-in-law with the child.
The mother-in-law to help with the child, most likely not educated son owed the debt and make up for the absence of their son in the family parenting
If their son is good enough, have a sense of responsibility for the family, can let their wives in the home without worrying about the care of the child, can be a qualified full-time father, the child care in every possible way, the weekend vacation can also let his wife take some time off, have their own time and pastime. The wife can also take some time off during weekend vacations to have her own time and pastimes. Or have enough economic strength, you can hire a nanny please sister-in-law, where there is still a need for the mother-in-law with children, such a mother-in-law can be said to have fulfilled their responsibilities, the late years can enjoy the joy of heaven.
And the reason why the need for mothers-in-law to help with the baby, does not mean that the son did not have the ability to let his wife at home at ease to do a full-time mother, daughter-in-law also need to earn money to support the family. And their own son raised into a five grain, four body not hard work "waste", at home like a grandfather, not only can not take care of the baby, but also need someone to take care of him, in the parenting seriously absent. Many times the mother-in-law with children, just distressed her son, do not want to let the son so hard, and a few are really distressed daughter-in-law, but also want to do their own strength to help their son through the difficult times.
But the daughter-in-law is indeed the beneficiary, helped and favored by her mother-in-law. But that's mostly because the mother-in-law is still not educating her son's debts and making up for her son's absence in the family's childcare, so why should she let her daughter-in-law take the blame for all of it?
So there is no obligation for the mother-in-law to help bring up children with children, depends entirely on the mother-in-law to raise the son how. So remind now have a son later to become a mother-in-law's mothers, if the late years do not want to produce family conflicts because of the baby, do not want to let the grandchildren occupy too much of their own late life, affecting the quality of their own life in the late years, attentively cultivate the son is the king's way.
Mother-in-law in the end should not help her daughter-in-law with children
From a macro point of view: parents have the obligation to raise and educate their children; there is an obligation to support the elderly. Sons and daughters-in-law for the family efforts, the elderly should help. From a micro point of view: everyone has their own emotions, people are good, you help me when I'm in trouble, you have things when I do my best, the family together, the family happy, children and grandchildren around the knee.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that has existed in China since ancient times is not ideal, and in modern times it is even more obvious. Now, part of the reason lies in whether or not the intergenerational help.
Mrs. Liu, an old woman, a family of spoiled children grew up in the eyes of a wife and children. However, the family's contradictions are increasing. The reason ah actually very simple, son, daughter-in-law are working in the unit, looking at the maternity leave is going to be finished, but Mrs. Liu no matter what is not willing to go to help with the grandchildren. Every time the son and her talk, she said that the age of the children and grandchildren, children and grandchildren will be blessed. In the end, the young couple hired a nanny from the Home Economics Center.
The year is coming to an end, and the body of Mrs. Liu is not as good as it used to be. Can't cook for themselves, the family put the old man at home on their own uneasy. Daughter-in-law took her back, every day carefully cared for. Liu old lady looked at has been busy taking care of their daughter-in-law, shed tears.
In fact, she knows that the child is small these years daughter-in-law had a very hard time, there have been a lot of complaints, but also know that since that incident, the relationship between the two are increasingly distant.
If the son and daughter-in-law do not support the elderly, will be scolded by others; and legal sanctions. Because that is the son's obligation and responsibility. And whether the mother-in-law is willing to help with the children, the law does not specify: the grandmother must take the grandchildren, people will sympathize with and understand the mother-in-law.
If it were me, I'd be more than willing to help my daughter-in-law with the kids; because we've been there before, and we're more experienced than my daughter-in-law in this area of child-rearing. I'm sure they'll be more patient, but if they don't want me to take care of them, I won't force them to do it; I'll just find a place to square dance and enjoy myself!
Now, looking at everything in front of us, the choice will certainly be different. The first ten years of the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, the first ten years of the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, the next ten years of the daughter-in-law, daughter-in-law.