A family in trouble
Colleague Xiaomei, it seems that the whole person has been refreshed a lot during this time, and she is radiant every day.
Asked why, she replied: My mother-in-law went home.
Only this sentence, we will tacitly laugh at each other. But after laughing, I saw embarrassment on her face.
My mother-in-law will be back in a month.
All right.
Every family will have a war. Quarrel with children may be forgotten the next day, and quarrel with mother-in-law may last for years or even a lifetime.
I have to admit, the most difficult lesson to read is the book "The Way of Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law Getting along".
Just after being pushed out of the delivery room, my mother-in-law forced me to have a second child.
I have a friend named Qing, who is an executive of the company. She is beautiful and interesting in life. Her career is thriving. She can communicate with Party A, Party B, Party C and Party D in business at ordinary times. Such a beautiful woman was defeated in getting along with her mother-in-law.
Because I have been busy with my career, I didn't want to have children until very late. I started to get pregnant at the age of 36. At the age of 38, I looked forward to my little princess. Because she is an elderly woman, her mother-in-law came from her hometown to help take care of her before giving birth and told her that the boys and girls were all right. Qing was grateful and felt that she had met a reasonable mother-in-law. Results Before delivery, we found that the fetal position was not correct, so we had to choose cesarean section.
But the doctor didn't take the signature of the family. Only after asking did I know that my mother-in-law didn't want the doctor to have a caesarean section and shouted in the corridor: Which woman doesn't hurt when she gives birth? I feel sad, so I have to call my husband myself and communicate again.
I finally entered the operating room and heard the baby crying for the first time. The doctor told her that this was a beautiful little princess and she was very happy. After the operation, she was pushed out and waited for her first sentence, which was said by her mother-in-law: wait for a second child!
Qing recalled that at that moment, her eager heart immediately cooled, and the knife edge on her body was still hurting, so her mother-in-law came to chase her life.
And all this is just the beginning. My family has never been safe since I was born. The concept of parenting between the two generations is really far apart.
Before the child's full moon, her mother-in-law secretly urinated, tied her legs with cloth, and tried the temperature of the bottle with her mouth. No matter how good-tempered, I can't stand the depression of being unable to communicate. She gently communicated with her husband and asked her mother-in-law to change these. Bad habits? My mother-in-law slapped her and said that she had a lot of things to do: that happened when I took care of my son. Isn't it good? ! ?
After half a year, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law became increasingly tense, and no one liked it. Helpless, I can only let my husband send her mother-in-law back to her hometown and resign as a full-time mother. Although it is particularly hard, it is good to rely on yourself. I am having a swell time.
Mr. Wang is not bad, but he occasionally complains that it is too hard for him to support his family alone. Qing especially misses her days in the workplace, but at the thought of returning to the workplace, she is bound to ask her mother-in-law to come back and help look after the children again, and she begins to hesitate again. Compared with the difference between two people taking care of the baby, the hard work of one person taking care of the baby is still even harder.
My mother-in-law lost herself for this family.
Colleagues complained happily in a chat that there was a great conflict with their mother-in-law because of their children's education problems.
The reason is that my mother-in-law sent her child to an English cram school, during which she met a child of similar age. The other party took the initiative to greet her, but her happy son was a little reluctant to respond. When she came home happily, her mother-in-law began to complain that her child was too slow to communicate. Every child's personality is different, so there is no need to force him to respond to each other.
Last week, my mother-in-law took the initiative to buy a lot of summer counseling materials and test papers for her children, stipulating how many pages to do a day. Then she said, Mom, I know the potential of children themselves, and you have to admit that our children can't get out by artificially raising their height. You devote yourself to your children every day, and you have to think about whether you have other hobbies. Don't always compete with children.
My mother-in-law was furious when she heard this: I have been worried for a day. You two are very tired after the last class. Trying to help you educate your children is really nosy. !
This time, I pulled out a lot of things, such as whether to turn on the air conditioner for the children in summer, whether to drink cold water, whether to eat snacks, and so on.
I am very grateful to my mother-in-law After all, it is a great help to help us clean up the housework and pick up the children. These should not be the obligations of the elderly. After working hard all her life, her life should have been to enjoy flowers, drink tea and dance square dance.
However, the most frightening problem is this. I always don't like her because I can't live without her.
Two unrelated people, with different living habits and different parenting concepts, insist on their own opinions in a family for the so-called sake? Harmony? Relationships and futile efforts. Really tired.
What is the essence of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Li, a psychological counselor, once said that bonfire parties in many families began when the first child was born. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law argue endlessly about the upbringing and education of their children. If the husband still stands on the mother's side in this invisible war, it will undoubtedly add fuel to the fire.
I'm impressed.
But what is the essence of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
In fact, it is the way men do things in this triangular relationship, and how to change and mediate in the roles of son and husband.
Since ancient times, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been competing with each other and admiring each other, and no one obeys anyone. When Peacock flew southeast, we had a daughter-in-law and a strong mother-in-law because of Ma Baonan. Hanging in the southeast branch? Yes
Although the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law experienced by our modern society is no longer the result of such fierce contradictions and pains, where can there be white-hot intrigue in daily life? Whose mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have different skin colors, but each has its own characteristics? Wonderful? ?
We are faced with two relationships: the parent-child relationship between a man and his mother, based on blood, is absolutely reluctant; On the first level, the husband-wife relationship with his wife is linked by sex/love, and the mother as a woman can't complete it.
If we ask now, what is the most difficult puzzle for working mothers to solve?
Not hard, but in the management of family relations, especially when facing your mother-in-law.
If the man in the middle doesn't have a correct outlook on life, a sense of boundary with his mother and the determination to protect his lover objectively, it will be the most horrible stealth bomb to destroy a family.
Letter from future mother-in-law to her son
Zhihu netizen @ Master Blade Miao said:
The failed families I have seen are often like a pendulum, with the husband leaning towards his mother and daughter-in-law for a while. He has no independent thoughts of his own and has become a toy for two women in the family. In the successful families I have seen, the husband is often the object of worship by the mother and wife. Even if there are contradictions, the husband can come forward to resolve them in time.
So, how important is it to cultivate a son with high emotional intelligence ~
A mother wrote this letter to her six-year-old son:
Son, I am writing this letter to you today to tell you that one day, you will grow up and meet a girl you like. You will fall in love, get married and have your own independent life.
As a mother, although I am particularly reluctant to part with you, I will be very pleased that you will grow up and be truly independent in the future, because you will have a caring lover to accompany you from now on, and I will try my best to cultivate you into a responsible man before you become an adult, because your small family needs you and your wife to support you.
Please move out after you get married. Although you are still a family, you should have an independent little world to enjoy life and enjoy the romance and sweetness that you two should have. You will have your own life arrangement, and we are willing to accept each other's incompatibility.
If you have children of your own, please remember that as your mother and grandmother, I will always love you, but that doesn't mean I have to look after your children. We will also have our own old age.
But if you need it, I will try my best to help you, because although your life and work are full of infinite possibilities and opportunities, you are also under great pressure. We were young once and knew that life was not easy.
If I take care of the children for you, we will live together, so please don't worry with your daughter-in-law, because I have already thought about what I will do.
First of all, regarding generation separation, I will respect your young couple's independent space and privacy. We were young once, and I won't interfere in your private life just because I am your mother.
Secondly, there will be a new scientific concept of parenting in every era. I also had a red face with your grandmother and quarreled many times, all for how to raise and educate you more scientifically. But if I become a grandmother, please rest assured that my daughter-in-law will fully respect her intuition and learning ability as a mother. Of course, if I need help, I will try my best to do it well. At the same time, I will try my best to keep up with the pace of the times, learn the concept of bringing a baby that is more in line with the trend of the times, and become a scientific grandmother.
Thirdly, about myself, it is not my duty to take care of your children. Therefore, if you have time to take care of your children during the holiday, please allow me to take a few days off to enjoy my life. Although I am old, I am still eager to go out and enrich my old age. As the parents of children, don't leave them to me directly, but spend more time with them. After all, no one can take the place of mom and dad.
I hope that by then, we can respect each other, trust each other, give each other space, live in peace, equality and mutual benefit.
Son, you are still young, and I will always be by your side. When you have your own lover and children, I am willing to be behind you until you no longer need me.
I'll be free then ~
Love your mother.
Every mother-in-law has experienced it as a daughter-in-law. The ups and downs of getting along with my mother-in-law can only be understood by myself.
A child is an independent person, not the private property of his parents, and he will eventually find his own world and happiness. Just because a son chose his wife to live with him doesn't mean he abandoned his mother.
A mother is always her own mother, but the hostess of a family can only be her own wife.
If a family, the mother can gracefully withdraw from her son's life and respect the young couple's independent living space; The son has his own opinions, respects his mother and protects his daughter-in-law; Daughter-in-law treats her mother-in-law with respect and is tolerant in principle.
I think this is probably the best state of a happy marriage.