Based on this metaphor that men and women come from different planets, the author expounds the great differences between men and women and the resulting contradictions between men and women. When it comes to love, this contradiction often becomes extremely complicated and a headache. Because "if two people have no feelings, it is easy to objectively split their positions in disputes and debates; But when two people have emotional relationships, especially sexual relations, it is easy to distinguish between public and private disputes. "
① Differences in natural values. In the second chapter, the author mainly discusses how the innate values of men and women are different, and tries to discuss two major mistakes we often make when we get along with the opposite sex: men mistakenly provide answers and feel worthless; Women mistakenly offer unattractive advice and guidance.
② Different ways to deal with pressure. The third chapter discusses the different ways for men and women to cope with stress. Martians tend to calmly solve and think about things that bother them; Venusians instinctively felt the need to talk about things that bothered them. You will learn the new strategies needed to resolve conflicts.
3 encourage the opposite sex. Next, the author mainly discusses how to motivate the opposite sex: men are easily motivated when they feel the need; Women are motivated only when they feel cherished. Then discuss three steps to promote gender relations and how to overcome our great challenges: men need to overcome their love; Women need to overcome the acceptance of love.
④ Language differences. In the fifth chapter, the author discusses that men and women always misunderstand each other because they use different languages. The "Venus/Mars Dictionary" can translate common misunderstood words and introduce how men and women talk and stop talking for completely different reasons. When men stop talking, women will learn what to do. Men will learn how to be better listeners to avoid disappointment. He believes that the words used in the languages of Venusians and Martians are the same, but they have different meanings. Women use the most serious grammar, metaphor and conceptual poetic language to express their feelings.
Therefore, the author points out that if men can listen and correctly explain women's feelings, they will communicate more easily. When communication reflects the willingness to accept and respect the innate differences of individuals, the relationship between the two sexes will be more prosperous. If there is any misunderstanding, please remember that we speak different languages. It will inevitably take some time to explain what your spouse really means. It certainly takes practice, but it's definitely worth it.
The metaphor of a man and a woman. The author vividly points out the difference between men and women: men are like rubber bands and women are like waves.
When the relationship between men and women shows the ability of love, men are on and off, and women are ups and downs. Therefore, smart men will put themselves in the position of helping women take off and land safely. He will let go of his own judgments and demands, learn how to give necessary support, and let himself swim in a relationship that increases love and enthusiasm for several years. When he learns to support women, he may go through some emotional storms and droughts, but in the end he will get rich rewards. The layman is still trapped in the pain of storms and droughts. If he doesn't understand her art in the well of love, the love between them will be gradually suppressed and stop growing.
The author thinks that women in the well and men in the cave have different logical concepts: men fight for freedom, women fight for communication; Men want space, women want to understand.
6. Differences in emotional needs. The author points out that men and women usually don't realize that they have different emotional needs, so they don't know how to support each other. Men usually just give them what they want, and women give them what they want. Both sides said that they thought the other side's needs were the same as their own, and as a result, both of them were dissatisfied and unhappy.
Men usually mistakenly think that as long as he meets all her basic needs for love and makes her feel happy and safe, she will believe that he loves him forever, which is actually biased. On the contrary, the first way for men to successfully meet women's basic love needs is communication. As we said before, communication is especially important in a woman's world. By learning to listen to women's feelings, men can effectively show concern, understanding, respect, loyalty, recognition and comfort. At the same time, the author believes that not only men need to learn the art of listening to meet the basic needs of women's love, but women also need to learn the art of empowerment. If a woman supports a man, she is empowered and believes in his ability. When a man is trusted, appreciated, praised, affirmed and encouraged, he will feel powerful.
(2) New ways to reduce the tension between men and women and promote love: ① Reduce conflicts. On the basis of a large number of psychological counseling practices and questionnaires, the author puts forward new methods to reduce the tension between men and women and promote love. The most important thing is to provide many practical skills to reduce frustration and disappointment and enhance happiness and intimacy.
The author believes that to improve the relationship between men and women, we must clearly understand the differences between men and women, so as to stimulate mutual trust and personal responsibility, promote mutual cooperation and increase love to improve self-esteem.
In chapter 10, the author lists different scoring methods for men and women. For Venusians, every love gift, big or small, gets the same score as other gifts. Men pay attention to small expressions of love, not big gifts. This chapter lists 10 1 ways for women to score. But women must learn to concentrate on giving men what they want in order to win high marks from men.
The author believes that no matter how big or small the gift of love is, women only remember one thing, and the value of each gift is equal. Men don't know that women regard small things as important as big things. In other words, for women, a rose gets the same score as paying the rent on time. If they don't understand the basic difference of this score, men and women will continue to suffer setbacks and disappointments in their relationships.
Then, the author discusses the difference between men and women in giving points: men give points differently from women. Every time a woman thanks a man for what he has done for her, he will feel loved and give her a point in return. For a man, he wants nothing but love. Women don't know that their love is so powerful, but they spend a lot of unnecessary time doing things beyond their ability to win men's love. Therefore, when men do housework, they also need women's equal participation, but if they are not appreciated, her participation is meaningless and completely unimportant to him.
Therefore, the author discusses four attitudes to avoid injury. That is, arguing, avoiding, pretending, hiding, pointing out and avoiding arguments. We must remember that what our spouses resist is not what we say, but how we say it. It takes two people to start an argument, but only one person can stop it. The best way to stop arguing is to stop the problem in time. When disagreement turns into a quarrel, you can take the responsibility of distinguishing, stop talking, have a rest, reflect on how you treat your spouse, and try to understand whether you have not given the other person what he needs. Then, talk about it later, but with love and respect. A rest can calm your mood, and you should tidy yourself up before communicating.
The author makes a profound analysis of the argument and analyzes the potential causes of the argument between men and women. Men seldom say "I'm sorry", because saying "I'm sorry" on Mars means that you did something wrong and apologized.
Finally, the author points out that love should be used to communicate and avoid quarrels. If you can understand your spouse's needs and remember to give, emotional disputes and quarrels can be avoided.
② Strengthen communication. Many people are depressed about marriage. They love their spouses, but when the atmosphere is tense, they don't know what to do to make things better. This book provides a new way to successfully build relationships, listen and support with spouses, because it understands how different men and women are. Let readers know how to improve the love you deserve.
Chapter 1 1 of this book discusses how to communicate with each other in difficult times, discusses the different ways for men and women to hide their feelings and the importance of sharing them, and recommends the skills of writing love letters to their spouses to express negative feelings as a way to discover better love and understanding.
The author thinks that writing letters is a way of communication, but he points out that whether you write letters to share your feelings or make yourself feel better, it is more important to write down your feelings honestly.
3 love password. Of course, the journey of promoting love relationship sometimes encounters thorns, and the problem is inevitable. But this problem may be the source of resentment and rejection, or it may be an opportunity to enhance love, care and trust more intimately. This book is not a "faster car repair" to eliminate all problems, but provides a new way to make the relationship between men and women successfully support the problems in your life. With this new understanding, you will have the tools to get love, and you will be able to give your spouse more love and support his or her needs.
The author believes that asking for love and support is the foundation of any relationship. If you want it, you must ask for it. It is difficult for both men and women to ask for support. However, when women are disappointed with men's demands, they will be more depressed than men.
The author points out that one of the contradictions in love relationship is that we feel love for each other, but suddenly feel emotionally alienated from our spouses.
Through analysis, the author thinks that healthy people also need assistance. There is a contradictory saying: because you feel safe with your spouse, your inner fears have a chance to appear, but once the fears appear, you are too scared to share your feelings.
Therefore, the author puts forward that if we want to love each other forever, we must understand the four seasons of love, adapt to the changes of the four seasons of love and carefully cultivate the special needs of love. He believes that love is seasonal. In spring, love is easy; In summer, love is very hard; In autumn, you feel rich and satisfied; In winter, you feel empty. Only in this way can we get a happy marriage.